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Devastated

Grandeeod

I'm not even bothering to go unreg'd for this. Theres no point eventhough I'd be well known in certain forums and threads. I'm typing because I have no one to talk to about how I'm feeling. I'm struggling to keep it together for everyone around me. I will ramble and I'm sorry.

On Thursday last, my wife had an acute stroke. She is currently in hospital with serious damage to the left side of her body. She's only 49 years old. She battled cancer over the last few years and won. We thought we could beat the world. This is a fooking kick in the head. We have a 9 year old daughter who thinks mammy is in hospital for tests. Thats all she has known over the last few years. We tried so hard to keep her protected from the reality of serious illness. Cancer is a fooking bitch, but its gradual and we were lucky to be able to plan and make up reasons why mammy was in hospital. A stroke is so sudden and immediate, I'm all over the place. Mammy is talking funny. Mammy can't move her left arm. Daddy cannot and will not let his daughter visit. All this I can deal with as I've been through so much over the last few years, you learn to be able to tell fibs to protect a child. The difference this time is me and the suddeness of impact. Life has turned upside down and I'm barely coping. In front of my wife I joke and support and encourage. She laughed today and it made me feel like I'd won the lotto. But I know I'm not even close to taking it all in. The rollercoaster since Thursday is continuing. Im trying not to cry.

I feel selfish because I want to ball my eyes out. I feel selfish because I want someone, anyone to ask me how I feel. Since this has happened I'm in a whirlwind of cooking for people, cleaning the house and organising stuff. I have some small support from my parents, but all they care about is my daughter. I got back from the hospital tonight and got narky. I've hardly slept or eaten since Thursday. My daughter is getting spoilt rotten as compensation and a distraction. I've no problem with that. But I'm falling apart. Not even my parents have asked how I'm feeling. I've tried telling them, but I'm told to cop on and think of my daughter. Fair enough I suppose. But last Thursday night my wife could have died. I had to sign a consent form for emergency treatment. It was do or die and Im not exaggerating. The only people that have shown any concern for me are hospital staff. I have so much anger and emotion inside me looking at my wife in hospital. I need to share how Im feeling with someone. But I have nobody to talk to. The difference this time is that when my wife had cancer we could talk to each other about it and our feelings and it was encouraged. But after a stroke, the last thing she needs are my problems. More new ground and fair play to her, she's still fighting. after all the **** life has thrown at her. I love her so much. I feel like a prick for feeling weak. Gotta stop now.want to cry. sorry.

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December2012

What a lovely update.

Just wondering, have you done some other practical enquiries, like checked if your life cover now pays off your mortgage, or income protection kicks in?

I'm just thinking it might help you to not have to worry about mortgage or money while you both recover.

tickingclock

Grandeeod wrote: »

Well folks, my wife is home 5 days now and settling in nicely. We are both getting used to what we have to do together. I'm off work, more or less, for the next two weeks so I just want to spend time with herself and our daughter. Its been a very stressful few weeks for us all. Slowly but surely her arm is coming back to life, while her less damaged leg is getting stronger too. But we know its a long road ahead.

From a personal point of view, I'm still hurting and angry, but I'm in control of my feelings now. I've cried a lot lately and it was a good thing. I've at last had the chance to talk to my wife about what we went through and how we felt. My best counsellor in the end was both myself and my darling wife. Our talks have been so enlightening that they have made us feel better about our different experiences over the last few weeks. This week is the start of a new type of life and defo the first time since August 3rd that we have all felt somewhat normal. Thanks again to all here for listening and offering advice. It is truly appreciated.

Glad to hear your wife is home. Look after yourself as well as the two females in your life that you are doing an excellent job taking care of.

Xaracatz

Well, you're doing all the right things for your wife, and for talking for you. Talk, talk, talk here if you want to. as you're likely focusing all the rest of your time on somebody who isn't you. This can be your bit of a break to let some stuff out.

Saying that, there are also places you can call if you wanted a chat over the phone. I know that there are more specific places, but the Samaritans are there if you just need to let some things out. It is a release, and helps put things in perspective as you say things out loud instead of going around in your own head.

I spoke with them a good while after losing somebody when I just couldn't speak to anybody else. I cried during and after, and then slept properly and woke up with a new determination. Samaritans is full of good people.

You sound like a great and loving family - on each other's team.

Redser87

What a wonderful family you have. I'm sure your wife and daughter really appreciate your love and support. Vent here if ever you need to.

Grandeeod

Cheers folks. Tonight is finally a night we are all content in some way. Nice food, Soaps:rolleyes:, chat and an early night for Mammy. She had a bad night's sleep last night and paid the price today. But this is all part of the process and has been explained to us.

I've got back to some sense of normality and started posting in a few threads on boards again as it makes me feel somewhat back to reality in a way. Our daughter is due back at school this week. Thankfully we had all the stuff bought in early July so she's all set to go. She really has been so great throughout all of this, but I'm keeping a close eye on her. I went against all my principles today and paid 30 quid for a game to download to her PS4. She's had a crappy Summer holiday herself due to her own medical, but minor issues. (Faecal compaction) We must sound like a bunch of complete weirdos! Sorry, but it was just one thing after another. Our daughter is grand now. I'm getting there too.

chuckles30

Sounds like things are finally getting sorted and you're getting into a routine again. As others have said, you can always come back on here again if you need to

Grandeeod

Hi everyone.

I didn't want to disappear from this thread and I apologise to those who didn't follow it. I just feel the need to update those who took the time to read, understand and offer advice. Since my last update, life has gone on as you really have no choice. The best bit is the fact that my wife has improved way beyond what we expected. A lot of that is down to her being lucky enough to get a place in the National Rehabilitation Hospital. She was discharged last Thursday for the Christmas holidays after a few weeks assessment. She is due back for a further 6 weeks in January. The improvement has been remarkable.

The experience has been very much life changing for us, but when you start to see a little light at the end of the tunnel, its easier to be more positive in your outlook. I often think back to the time when I started this thread and back then I could see no hope as I was so down. But this Christmas, I have my wife with me and getting better day by day. She still suffers from fatigue, but the couple of hours out shopping yesterday was something neither of us could envision a few months ago. I want this to be the best Christmas ever for us. It will be a poorer one than previous years due to med bills (no insurance) and all the other red tape crap we've been going through. But you know what? I reckon its our richest Christmas ever.

Thanks everyone and Happy Christmas.

sunflower3

Wow.....what a wonderful update. Wishing you a very very happy Christmas. Sounds like you already got the best gift ever. Great news....enjoy every minute together!

Another day

How wonderful! So pleased for you and your family, especially your strong obviously determined wife. Wishing her good wishes and well done you on being completely committed to her and her recovery.

cbyrd

That's some Christmas present. After being to hell and back with one of my kids,I know exactly how you feel. It's tough lessons like these that teach us exactly what is important in life, I'm so happy for you and your family. Happy Christmas Grandeeod.

Lisha

Every best wish to you and your family... (I look forward to your yummy food updates do much, always makes me smile)

I love hope and happiness, especially at Christmas .

august12

I had followed this thread since you started it, am so happy to hear your wife is improving and home for Christmas, wishing you health and happiness for the new year, hope things will get better and better for you. It's easy to say health is wealth, but an illness can place an awful financial strain on a family, hope this burden will also ease somewhat for you.

happywithlife

Op
Just read whole thread there. Continued best wishes to you all.
My aunt had a stroke at a similar age and it devasted her in the short term but like your wife a stay at the NRC made the world of difference. I won't lie there were some pretty crap days for the 1st 2 yrs - just learning to do all the basics, learning to write left handed, trying to manage with one hand, couldn't control bladder initially etc. BUT time is a healer as they say. She achieved her goal of getting back driving albeit with an adapted car. She went back to work for a couple of years and jumped at the chance when early retirement came up - life is for living! She's still more emotional perhaps than she used to be & will cry at the drop of a hat but overall she has come through it.
I remember her talking about her husband's struggle once. For a religious man he stopped going to mass for the bones of a year as he was so angry at God. He's a pure softie when it comes to her but at the same has learned to stand up to her family - esp her sister who causes a lot of family grief through her behaviour. He absolutely refuses to let anyone cause upset to my aunt now. It's cute to see.
I wish you all a very merry Christmas & continued recovery as a whole family for the new year

bertsmom

Grandeeod I hope you and your family have the best Christmas ever and the New year brings more improvements for your wife's medical issues. I hope 2018 is a more peaceful year that brings ye no worries just health and happiness.

splinter65

Isn’t life amazing ?! I hope you both have a wonderful Christmas together and you can put 2017 behind you and look forward to a better 2018!

Mam of 4

Grandeeod , the best Christmas present - the three of you together ,enjoy

The New Year will bring continued progress for your wife , thank you for updating us , all good wishes for you and your family .

tickingclock

Delighted all is well. It's lovely to read an update and a positive one. Happy Christmas to you and your family

Redser87

Glad to hear this lovely update. Happy Christmas to all of you.

Grandeeod

Thanks so much all of you. Not out of the woods by any means but in a far better place than the start of August. So looking forward to Christmas now!

clappyhappy

Grandeeod wrote: »

Thanks so much all of you. Not out of the woods by any means but in a far better place than the start of August. So looking forward to Christmas now!

Wishing you and your family a very happy Christmas and may 2018 bring you all you wish for, best wishes to your wife for continued health improvement.

KKkitty

Grandeeod wrote: »

Thanks so much all of you. Not out of the woods by any means but in a far better place than the start of August. So looking forward to Christmas now!

A very happy Christmas to you and yours, hopefully 2018 is better to your family than this year. Give your wife a big hug from all of us boardsies.

loup

Brilliant update, may your wife continue to improve and wishing you both a very happy Christmas x

LynnGrace

Delighted to read your update. Wishing continued strength and health to your wife, your good self and your family.

Cork Lass

Fabulous news, hope you have a great Christmas and many more to follow.

Don Kiddick

Just read this thread from start to finish..sir you are a hero!
you've kept it together for both your darling wife and daughter...and you've come through...not unscathed, but you're still whole (for want of a better word)
a very merry Christmas to you all and may your wife improve with every day..

So happy to hear of such progress. Happy Christmas to you and your family

December2012

I’m so relieved to see this update. For a scary few minutes I thought it would be bad news. Delighted for you both OP

Pretzill

Brilliant news Grandeeod - wishing you, your wife, your family a very happy Christmas - I know how it feels to see recovery and the joy it brings. Continued health and happiness for 2018 and beyond x

Rubberchikken

Great update.
Glad things are improving all the time.
Have a wonderful Christmas and a healthy and happy 2018.

xzanti

Great to hear

wishing you and your family a very merry Christmas