Hammer89 wrote: » "Last night,nheh heh heh." Save it. This is a serious discussion, for serious people, and any masturbation puns will be rubbed out and deleted by a moderator, so stick to the matter at hand. I've pulled off a masterstroke or two in my day, but the most impressive of which was when I was told to clean up a massive collection of mini nails - like, seriously tiny - off the floor in Philadelphia one time. I was staying with this man in his 60s for free, and occasionally he'd ask me to do sh*t around the house. One day, a large jar of nails had toppled from the shelf and landed all over the floor, about 400 of them scattered everywhere. "I know it's a lot but do it at your own pace," he said. "Okay thanks Alex. See you next week." The hardest part was getting under them to pick them up. Looking back I could've just slid a bit of paper under them maybe, which I didn't think of at the time, but I had a better idea anyway. I went into your man's kitchen and took the largest fridge magnet I could find back in with me. From there, I simply hovered the magnet over the nails, attracting about 20 at a time, held it over the jar and gently slid them back to where they belong. I was done in about three minutes - not unlike my other strokes, master or otherwse - and go into the living room. "All done?" he jokes. "Believe it or not Alex but I am." He's shocked. "Ah, they told me the Irish were good workers." When was your last great idea?
Aint Eazy Being Cheezy wrote: » Late contender for the weirdest thread of 2017.
Aint Eazy Being Cheezy wrote: » Late contender for the weirdest thread of 2017. You lived rent free with an oul lad in return for bending over and picking up nails off his floor?
Deleted User wrote: » I missed a French oral exam in college after a night on the heavy p1ss The lecturer was pretty furious with me and made me sweat about whether I'd get to retake it or not. She avoided my calls for the next few days and made it clear she wasn't best pleased. To top off a bad day or two, I developed a toothache that evening. But it gave me an out. Ended up getting fillings that week- so I got a cert from dentist backdated to the French oral. Lecturer was pure sympathetic when I landed up to her puffy cheeked, certified and all doe-eyed apologies. Best part tho- I studied every obscure bit of dentistry/tooth related french I could find in the interim and when the rescheduled exam came up it was a cinch to steer the talk about why I'd missed the first one and use highly technical phrases and well polished full sentences taken straight from french dentistry leaflets or whatever. Didn't stop blathering on like I was a Paris dentist for the full exam. Aced the exam. Don't have the tooth anymore tho
Snotty wrote: » Using a magnet to pick up metal, that's your masterstroke? Let me guess, your teachers would always put rubbers on the top of your pencils to stop you stabbing your eyes out?
jonon9 wrote: » Got my wife to make me a ham sandwich before she went to bed, living the dream right now.
Hammer89 wrote: » It's called wolfing, but he didn't have a lot of stuff for me to wolf at that time so he just gave me little jobs around the house when he had them. This was one
Purple Mountain wrote: » Is that the Philadelphian term for fellatio these days?
Hammer89 wrote: » Some mornings I'd wake up with some sort of glue on my stomach and my PJs pulled halfway down.
StupidLikeAFox wrote: » One time I was late for school. Normally the principal would stand outside and catch all the late comers but this time he was nowhere to be seen. So I said **** it, I'll hide in the jacks for the first class, the bell rings and I leave the jacks but get a tap on the shoulder as I'm leaving. Principal has seen me going in and waited for me til he class changed to collar me. Reads me the ****ing riot act in the hall. Tells me he is going to ring home. I get home dreading the conversation with the folks. When I get in the door everything is grand, the dinner is ready, parents are sound. Halfway through dinner it clicks with me, I get up, go down to the bedroom phine and check the good old eircom messaging service. Swiftly deleted the very irate message that was left and neither me nor the parents heard any more about it. Not sure if it counts because it involves a good bit of luck but I felt fairly chuffed with myself when it all panned out.
StupidLikeAFox wrote: » One time I was late for school. Normally the principal would stand outside and catch all the late comers but this time he was nowhere to be seen. So I said **** it, I'll hide in the jacks for the first class, the bell rings and I leave the jacks but get a tap on the shoulder as I'm leaving. Principal has seen me going in and waited for me til he class changed to collar me.
Purple Mountain wrote: » You could have said you had the squits?
Hammer89 wrote: » "I was told to clean up a massive collection of mini nails - like, seriously tiny - off the floor in Philadelphia one time. I was staying with this man in his 60s for free, and occasionally he'd ask me to do sh*t around the house.
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