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People who have partners that behave like scumbags...

Biggest lickspittle on boardz

...why are you still with them?

I'm always puzzled when I see people who continue to go out with scumbag partners, even after multiple incidents that should set alarm bells ringing. Some of these would include:

Mistreating animals
Regularly upsetting others when drunk or on drugs
Being sneaky and two faced
Deliberately causing damage to someones property
Treating waiting staff like animals
Constantly littering
Ripping people off
A history of violence
Abusing people on a day to day basis
Acting like a scumbag overall

The reason I ask is because I witnessed something at the weekend in a phone shop. This well dressed couple were at the counter having an argument about a SIM card. The general summary was that the worker needed proof of address to sell the SIM card to the female customer, but the female customer didn't have it.

So the female customer became very irate, and began to abuse the worker verbally. And I'm not just talking about expressing frustration, this was personal abuse calling him a 'thick fcuker', asking him was he 'too stupid to get a job in McDonalds' etc. This went on for a good 3 minutes, and everyone in the shop was watching, including children.

Meanwhile, her jock type boyfriend was just standing there allowing all this crap to go on without intervening. I would know him vaguely, and he wouldn't be a scummer type. Quite 'respectable' actually, which surprised me even more.

All the time I was thinking to myself, if my girlfriend behaved like that to another human being I would dump her on the spot. I don't care how attractive someone is, if they have a knacker personality then they're gone out of my life forever.

So people of AH, what is the reasoning behind tolerating a scumbag?

Is it that love is blind?
Are they afraid of being alone?
Settling for whatever they can get?
Staying together for the kids?
Or just plain old birds of a feather flock together?

Note: I'm not talking about 'obvious' scumbags like junkies etc, I'm more concerned about those who appear to be decent at first glance.
Middle and upper class scumbags, if you will.

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fxotoole

*grabs popcorn*

Rubberchikken

Ok. Mistreating animals and then treating people like animals.
Make up your bloody mind.

In my books treat animals and people properly. Both deserve to be treated kindly. What does it cost?

And no I don't understand anyone who would be with someone like that. Yet they are.
How many decent people are out there unable to find a partner and these pathetic types have ones even seemingly decent ones. Perplexing. Or maybe they are so desperate they'll settle for anything.

valoren

Meanwhile, her jock type boyfriend was just standing there allowing all this crap to go on without intervening. I would know him vaguely, and he wouldn't be a scummer type. Quite 'respectable' actually, which surprised me even more.

Consider. If she is capable of acting like that in public, in full view of people, then what would she be like behind closed doors with him in private. I would say he tolerates it because he suffers from 'stockholm syndrome'. It is clearly an abusive relationship. If she isn't acting like a c*nt with other people (in this case cowardly towards a shop assistant who she just knows will be landed in trouble if they told her to FCUK OFF), then she will towards him.

“In abusive and controlling relationships, the victim has the sense they are always “walking on eggshells” — fearful of saying or doing anything that might prompt a violent/intimidating outburst. For their survival, they begin to see the world through the abuser’s perspective. They begin to fix things that might prompt an outburst, act in ways they know makes the abuser happy, or avoid aspects of their own life that may prompt a problem. For example, if we only have a dollar in our pocket, then most of our decisions become financial decisions. If our partner is an abuser or controller, then the majority of our decisions are based on our perception of the abuser’s potential reaction. We become preoccupied with the needs, desires, and habits of the abuser/controller

In unhealthy relationships and definitely in Stockholm Syndrome there is a daily preoccupation with “trouble”. Trouble is any individual, group, situation, comment, casual glance, or cold meal that may produce a temper tantrum or verbal abuse from the controller or abuser. To survive, “trouble” is to be avoided at all costs. The victim must control situations that produce trouble. That may include avoiding family, friends, co-workers, and anyone who may create “trouble” in the abusive relationship. The victim does not hate family and friends; they are only avoiding “trouble”

https://counsellingresource.com/therapy/self-help/stockholm/2/

It's easy to say we could just walk away but with some people there is no end. He might be stalked, he might be accused of any litany of things such as assault, even rape you name it. He might have his name smeared, his reputation attacked etc. He might feel helpless to leave as there's no knowing what is going on behind closed doors. There's also no knowing the limits some nut cases will go to to save face.

[Deleted User]

I'm guessing the boyfriend in this case doesn't have much of a track record for getting laid, and just takes what he gets for the moment.

Personally I'd insist my partner, were I ever to make a poor judgement call and date such a person, either go back and apologise or else get lost.
Come to think of it I'm more miffed that the sales assistant or his duty manager didn't tell her, politely, to take her business elsewhere immediately when she started swearing at someone for having the temerity to do his job correctly than I am with the boyfriend who was basically just a bystander anyway.

razorblunt

Stockholm Syndrome.

No, I don't know really, some misplaced sense that they can change them?
I really don't care anymore, as long as there's no abuse, it's really none of my business.

PistolsAtDawn

Maybe shes an unreal jockey for that "jock"

Steve_o

PistolsAtDawn wrote: »

Maybe shes an unreal jockey for that "jock"

Bingo!

PARlance

How hot was she?

Boom_Bap

So you can summarise a relationship after a 3 minute observation?

You can't, you've seen how people that work in customer service are treated every day as opposed to someone having a relationship with a 'scumbag'.

s4uv3

Not all "junkies" are scumbags OP.

mirwillbeback

Note: I'm not talking about 'obvious' scumbags like junkies etc, I'm more concerned about those who appear to be decent at first glance.
Middle and upper class scumbags, if you will.

Well done. At least you have narrowed it down to everyone who isn't addicted to drugs through emotional issues / damage.

[Deleted User]

My ricecake is a little dry and I wish I had something to go on it. Anyone have any recommendations?

Boom_Bap

Deleted User wrote: »

My ricecake is a little dry and I wish I had something to go on it. Anyone have any recommendations?

Sprinkle a bit of upper middle class scumbag sauce on it.

Donald Trump

The mad wans can be the duuuuurtiest in the sack

D3V!L

Maybe she was on the rag

Trent Houseboat

Boom_Bap wrote:

Sprinkle a bit of upper middle class scumbag sauce on it.

Am I back in the Ballymaloe thread?

Biggest lickspittle on boardz

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Sprinkle a bit of upper middle class scumbag sauce on it.

That rice cake just got a lot drier after that joke.

I love Sean nos

Biggest lickspittle on boardz wrote: »

her jock type boyfriend

What's his nationality got to do with it?

Burial.

The qualifications for being a scumbag have dropped immensely it seems.

RocketRaccoon

I've always wondered similar.

Case in point for me, a girl in my town who used to be friends with my wife. She was brought up by 2 absolutely amazing human beings, just lovely people who would do anything for anyone. She grew up as a bit of a scumbag but nothing major but she has recently got involved with the ultimate scumbag. He belongs on Google images under "scumbag", has done serious prison time for stabbing someone and even when inside got in trouble for attacking inmates and officers.

Not even an hour ago i saw him in the local shopping centre screaming abuse at her 2 children from a previous relationship.

I've always wondered what the possible attraction could be to someone like that. I'm sure her parents are ashamed everytime they see them together.

Kerryman79

Steve_o wrote: »

Bingo!

A hole and a heartbeat maybe hes not fussy lol