Shamefulfeelings wrote: » Hi, I'm female in my 30s. I'll try to keep this straightforward. I'll ask please you don't judge too harshly as i'm really struggling with this and my self esteem is at rock bottom. I recently have kissed a guy I know and gone a bit further on a couple of drunken occasions. Thing is he has a gf. They are having problems. When it first happened I was recently out of the worst breakup of my life and wasn't at my best. The guilt and shame is eating me up as I have never carried on with someone elses bf like this. I have known this guy most of my life. His family knows my family etc. I think my mum suspects. I went out and got seriously drunk a week ago and ended up going home with a guy(we didn't sleep together) and we all went to the pub the next day and I really hit it off with him. He then tells me he has a gf. He has messaged me a few times since saying I hope he doesn't think he's a d*****d. Thanks for being so lovely and so kind. He said he'd like to even meet as friends. I should not even have responded to him I know. That same weekend I ended up sleeping with an ex, and feel physically sick at the thoughts. I just went on a path of self destructive behaviour that weekend, I had a huge fight with my mum who said terrible things to me, like i'm a horrible person and that she was going to tear my head off. My relationship with her is troubled to say the least, she's has narcissistic tendencies and severe addiction issues. She is very abusive towards me and makes horrible remarks all the time. My ex knows the back story and thinks I only go on these drinking binges when she's upset me. I think I went back to his rather than go home. I barely knew my own name, so had to ask him if we slept together. I have always tried to be a good person and look out for other people all the time. I just feel like absolute rock bottom and cannot believe my behaviour. I'd be ashamed of my life of people knowing and have a younger sibling who I want to be a role model for. I don't know how to deal with these feelings of guilt and shame. I feel like my reputation has been tarnished.
Emme wrote: » OP your promiscuous behaviour could be away of acting out over your troubled family background (drinking binges etc). You are currently attracting emotionally abusive men which is common when you have been emotionally abused by your family. Try to get some counselling and if possible move away from home. If necessary contact Alcoholics Anonymous. Stay away from men for a few months until you get yourself into a better place emotionally.
Bambi985 wrote: » Relax woman. If getting drunk and having sex with an ex or kissing a fella who subsequently turned out to be an arsehole is the worst thing you do in life, then you're doing well! What stuck out for me here is the toxic relationship with your mother and the nasty break-up that both seemed to have massively hit your self-esteem. If you're honest with yourself I don't think you would have found yourself in either of these situations if your self-confidence was in tact. So the question now is what can you do to prevent this kind of self-destructive behaviour from happening again? I'd suggest starting with a good counsellor who you can talk to about these issues and begin to see through the haze. Would you be willing to talk to someone about it? I think that would be a great start for you as obviously there's a lot to deal with. Second step would be blocking Mr I Have a Girlfriend and cutting all contact with your ex. No need to engage with them about any of this - it's clear they don't have anything but trouble and more pain to offer you. Is there a friend or family member you can confide in too? I've found that especially with break-ups, you can stop thinking straight and start internalising things to the detriment of your own self-esteem, and sometimes hearing a good friend spelling things out for you and telling you that you're great can make a world of difference. Stop beating yourself up though. You haven't committed any crime or killed anyone!
C3PO wrote: » To be honest OP .. if I were you I'd be more concerned about your drinking than your promiscuous behaviour!
charlietheminxx wrote: » OP am I correct in thinking you live with your mother? You need to leave, living with her if she's abusive is going to be detrimental to you. It sounds like a lot of what you're doing is escapism.
Emme wrote: » OP by the sounds of things you need to spend as little time as possible around your family. Try to cut them out completely if you can. They are not helping.
Shamefulfeelings wrote: » That's what my counsellor said, which is breaking my heart. But I think it's either that or end up having a nervous breakdown.
Shamefulfeelings wrote: » Hi, My mother has called me a slapper and my brother called me a hoor, because I was seeing a guy and because I have male friends.
December2012 wrote: » Work on building up your own emotional reserve. Your family won't give you support. Do they give you friendship? Do they give you anything positive?
Austria! wrote: » Male friends! You hussy.
osarusan wrote: » I don't think there is much there that would be recognised as promiscuity these days, but you are still unhappy with how you are behaving while drunk, so I'd say you should make sure you don't get so drunk you do stuff you regret. If drinking is how you deal with problems in your life, then find something else that could take your mind off your problems/help you unwind. You mention your reputation being tarnished, but I'd say that's only in your own mind - you feel you have let yourself down, but I don't think the behaviour you've described would make others think much about it.
