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Child Item

Am I wrong to feel this way?

LegacyUser

Looking for advice on the following situation...hopefully a good mix of male and female views.

As I'm not a big Facebook user I only made 'friends' with my boyfriend on Facebook over the weekend as there were pictures up from a family event.

After the friend request was accepted I had a whizz through his profile pics for a look and was sort of sad to see that the majority of his profile pictures were of his and an ex girlfriend.

Knowing everyone has a past I messaged him and asked if he didn't mind could he go in and just set it that he was the only one who could view them, that he could keep them up and not delete but just that they were set to his own view only. And that I was sad to see that there were no photographs of me and him. (I am currently 4 months pregnant with his child so I just didnt want to see all his profiles are of another girl)

It's his response to the whole situation that has me worried...he said he would delete them but that I was 'picking on things that were there before I met you' and he shouldn't be getting beef from me for photos that have been up since 2009 and said to get off his Facebook if I can't deal with the fact he had the photos up from a time before he even knew me , that it was 'ridiculous' and 'immature' of me and that I'm bullying him and trying to pick a fight and that I want attention and drama.

This isn't the case at all. I was ok with him keeping the photo's for only him to view...I just didn't want to see them or having people we know see that they are still part of his profile when I'm not up there at all.

I feel he has turned the whole situation back on top of me and that I'm the problem and that I am over sensitive? I thought it was normal mindful behaviour to hide or make private ex pics...but maybe this is just me?

Am I being over sensitive? As to his bullying comment and liking drama...this is not who I am..which makes me seriously question our future now..

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LegacyUser

Over two years.

Yeah, he can be defensive mostly or goes the opposite and laughs at my raising of issues. So it's hard to have a face to face conversation at the best of times.

Airyfairy12

Id personally find that request unreasonable. You wearnt even friends with him on facebook and youre not an active user so it makes sense that he wouldnt post pictures with you. If a partner requested I change my privacy settings on photos of ex's id feel it as an attempt by my partner to control me out of jealousy. Why dont you add some photos of you both together and tag him in them.
If youre questioning the future of your relationship over some 8 year old facebook photos you have bigger problems imo.

groovyg

How long are you guys together?

LegacyUser

Pelvis wrote: »

Surely if these pictures are going back to 2009 people would need to actually make an effort to and find them. Which no one is going to do, except you it seems.

Tbh, I don't see the big deal.

The fact there's no pictures of your up there world trouble me more. But that could just be because you were never on Facebook before.

Hi. Thanks for your feedback. The pictures are in his Profile Pictures so I didn't have to search, I just clicked in to his main picture and then came across them maybe like the third picture in and then the rest were straight after. I didn't have to go into the account or trawl through it.

I have been on Facebook for years...I just don't really use it except for news links and Waterfordwhispers !

Yeah...I'm not a raging narcissist that needs photos of me and him...but when he chooses to post other girls eg friends instead of me in addition to these goldem oldies of the ex it saddened and worried me...

Yellow pack crisps

Forget about Facebook! Find out what's really the underlying problem in your relationship. Next time don't text, wait till they get home and discuss it.

[Deleted User]

skallywag wrote: »

If I am right these pictures don't stand out to you as soon as you wander into his page, right? i.e. you would need to actively go searching through his old pictures to find them?

You're right. I have over 100 "profile pictures", it would be a pain in the arse to go in and edit the privacy on all of them.

To me his response sounds over the top, but so does your request. You didn't care enough about FB to friend him before now and five minutes in and you're telling him to change stuff, he might be just drawing a line in the sand.

woodchuck

I think you're being completely unreasonable (female here). Everybody has pictures of their exs on Facebook, purely because everybody has a past. It's a non-issue.

His response sounds a bit dramatic, but it could be that he picked up your tone wrong through text. He probably should have gone easier on you especially given that you're pregnant with his child atm, but honestly, I'd view your request as controlling behaviour.

If you want photos of the two of you on Facebook, upload some yourself and tag him.

skallywag

So when you look through his previous profile pictures which he has used in the past, some of them have an ex-girlfriend in the picture from the time that he would have used that as his profile picture, i.e. when they were together in the past.

If that's the case I think that you are being very unreasonable in asking him to make these pictures private. If I am right these pictures don't stand out to you as soon as you wander into his page, right? i.e. you would need to actively go searching through his old pictures to find them?

I really don't see the issue here.

Pelvis

Surely if these pictures are going back to 2009 people would need to actually make an effort to and find them. Which no one is going to do, except you it seems.

Tbh, I don't see the big deal.

The fact there's no pictures of your up there world trouble me more. But that could just be because you were never on Facebook before.

LushiousLips

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, nor immature. You and him need to talk about this face to face and let him see things from your point of view. If anything, he was the one that went ott about it.
I would be sad too to see not one photo of you and him together.

Katgurl

Well i don't think its an unreasonable request and sounds to me like quite a dramatic reaction from him. That said however, questioning your future sounds ott too when you are expecting a child together.

I don't know what exactly you wrote, he clearly misinterpreted the tone.

In terms of advice - next time have the conversation in person instead of via text.

How long are you guys together? Is he usually defensive?