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Devisive flat mate issues

thelad95

There is currently a thread over in Accommodation and Property forum regarding someone who is at their wits end because their flat mate takes a shower every morning at 6am.

Having lived in four house shares, I know how explosive even the smallest of things can seem to others. But what have you experienced that either irritates you or clearly takes the pi$$? For me it's the following:

I had a flat mate who I barely ever saw as they were always working ridiculous hours. They would leave delightful little passive aggressive notes around the house detailing all their gripes. Usually things like "this is my cereal" or "x's turn to put out the bins I had to do it twice last week". My favourite was that we had a bowl of sugar that we just kind of all filled up whenever it got empty as we were all big tea/coffee drinkers, one day she left out a printed page from some stupid website detailing the supposed dangers of how communal sugar bowls can spread numerous illness and we should buy our own. At first, I just laughed them off but eventually I got so irritated that I just began scrunching them up and leaving that there for her to see. Strangely the notes dried up pretty quickly.

People leaving dirty stuff on the sink when there's a dishwasher sitting there ready to fill!!

People blasting their crappy music around the house especially when they go for a shower. Selfish idiots.

People who use your milk without asking. I mean if your caught once then fair enough but some people think it's okay to do regularly.

Coming home late from work, turning on every light, turning on music/TV at a ridiculous volume, banging around the kitchen, when they KNOW everyone else is asleep.

I'm also living with two girls, who go for a shower and just kind of leave their skid stained granny knickers in the bathroom for everyone to see for weeks at a time.

Those who leave food to rot in a fridge for weeks at a time.

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Greendaisy

A long, long time ago I shared a house with an Irish girl, Ann and a German guy, Dieter. Myself and Ann decided that the kitchen needed a thorough clean....it was shining.. Dieter arrived back and goes demented! I can still remember his contorted face........Ann had cleaned out the bread bin. She said there had been a 'mouldly' sliced pan in it, a few months out of date, complete with blue bits on the plastic. It turned out that Dieter had been buying fresh bread and placing it in this mouldy wrapper....so we wouldn't eat it!! He didn't speak to us for months.

fg1406

House shares are hell. I endured it for my years of living in Dublin due to the cost of living. Highlights included:

Flatshare in Phibsboro with an Asian English language student (who was really working but attending "college" maybe 1 day a week), who spent his days masturbating in his bedroom while watching porn.loudly.

Houseshare in Beaumont with a kleptomaniac couple. They were students in DCU, I think and they were the only 2 that never went home at weekends. Random small things used to go missing over the weekends while we were away. Like a belt, cheap bracelet, USB stick etc They stayed in bed all evening every evening after college, emerging periodically to shower and eat. They used to come home at lunchtime for a ride too.

Houseshare on NCR where housemates were fine but landlord was a right weirdo who used to walk into our house whenever he felt like it.

Houseshare with foreign NCHDs in Blanchardstown. Most were ok but one was a total oddball who put this giant satellite dish on the balcony without permission so he could watch tv from his own country. It meant we no access to the balcony anymore. Also With his hours he would be liable to come home at 2am and would proceed to cook dinner in the kitchen while Skype calling home on his iPad without any regard for anyone else. He also robbed 10 dvds from my bedroom when I wasn't there. Prick.

Houseshare in Blanchardstown with a dole bum who never worked and didn't want to work. It was demoralising to come home after a hard days slog to see him still lying on the couch wrapped in a blanket watching tv while chain smoking. Despite Social welfares best efforts to make him work, he just refused. He would always have money for fags and cans but never for the Internet or utility bills.

flatshare in drumcondrawith OCD clean freak. She was the owner of the flat and it put me off ever renting a room from a homeowner. Passive aggressive notes left all over the house re cleaning etc. She moved her boyfriend into the house after just 3 weeks together (her place so she could do what she wanted) which meant the sitting room became out of bounds as they snuggled up on the couch together every night which was awkward for me, like a spare wheel. Between the constant cleaning and hoovering at all hours of the day and night I eventually cracked up and moved out.

josip

Relieved to have gotten this far and not read recognised myself in any of the posts.
At least I think I haven't been mentioned.

languagenerd

Had a flatmate who'd cook himself a big batch of pasta and mince on a Sunday and leave it in the pot on the hob for the rest of the week, taking a plateful each day. I don't know how he didn't permamently have food poisoning. It was a warm galley kitchen and the hob was on top of the oven, so his food was probably warmed up about 5 times a day. Yuck. Never mind that anyone else might want to use the pot/hob.

I ended up keeping my kitchenware from my old flat in my bedroom, because as well as commandeering the pots, he only washed his dishes once a week. I counted 12 plates & bowls come out of his room one Saturday for the ceremonial wash. If he got your bowl/mug/whatever, you wouldn't see it again for days on end. I couldn't have the soup I'd bought for lunch once as he had all the bowls locked in his room.

The other girl went mental one night because she came home to find the half pint of milk she'd bought the day before was gone. Yer man replied saying "The milk in the flat is communal and always has been". We had never had that discussion.

_Roz_

I've mostly had the usual and aforementioned complaints - people leaving pots of food on the stove (I might need that pot, I might need that hob), leaving dishes in the sink (I might want to actually wash my dishes - or need that dirty bowl). Slamming doors, shouting loudly round the house, house parties, leaving clothes in the washer/dryer/

In the last place I lived, 4 guys and me (girl), two were typical Irish student lads (drinking was their primary hobby) and they frequently had a friend or two stay on a Monday morning. No idea why, but more than once while they were all unconscious I'd be getting up for work and (as you had to go through the living room to get to the kitchen) I would walk into a room with a topless guy sleeping on the couch. That made me uncomfortable.

In the house before that, a housemate carved a pumpkin for halloween, then left it on a dresser (don't ask) out the back of the house. Where it sloooooooooooooooowly decomposed into a pile of yellow and green leaky mush, which streaked all down the front of the dresser. It never occured to her to JUST DISPOSE OF IT.

[Deleted User]

languagenerd wrote: »

Had a flatmate who'd cook himself a big batch of pasta and mince on a Sunday and leave it in the pot on the hob for the rest of the week, taking a plateful each day. I don't know how he didn't permamently have food poisoning. It was a warm galley kitchen and the hob was on top of the oven, so his food was probably warmed up about 5 times a day.

I had a housemate who did the same though it was usually something veg based like soup so not quite as bad. A big pot would be cooked on whatever day and it would last at least 3 or 4 days in the pot on the hob with the entire pot full being heated repeatedly each evening.

It didn't really bother me as we had plenty of pots and I wasn't eating it myself aside from the fact the person would allow to to boil over every time it was reheated and often not clean up so the hob would be caked in food and then heated again the next day burning the previous days spillage solid.

hoodini89

4 of us girls moved into a house together in 2nd year of college.

Things went well until one girl, let's call her Mary, started having her boyfriend Tom over 3/4 nights a week rent-free and he'd be always taking over the kitchen in the evenings.

We politely asked him to contribute something towards the bills but that stunned them and they stopped speaking to us apart from the odd hello.

End of term, Mary moved out a few days before us and had cleared out her room.
We went in to make sure room was clean and found a 2 litre bottle of Coke hidden beside the bed, which to our horror was half-filled with johnnies and gunge.

[Deleted User]

leggo wrote: »

a girl we got off Daft

How much are they, roughly?

leggo

JupiterKid wrote: »

House shares when they work out well can be great but in my experience when you have a few people of different personalities, values and upbringings and attitudes to sharing spaces and cleanliness it's a recipe for trouble.

It just takes one incident for house relations to sour hugely and often irreversibly. People do what they do and this can clash badly in a houseshare environment. But it's a rite of passage for most of us.

See I think there's a personal accountability there too, we're all responsible for our own happiness and all that. I'm in a happy situation now because I've dealt with it well. Rent isn't bad and location is great because I was on Daft non-stop, found this place when it was literally online minutes, was in town every free moment I had taking viewings and organised to see them before viewings were even opened because I had the neck to chance it and ask, took it immediately when I saw it ticked all boxes. In terms of housemates I know what I like and dislike and vet people heavily for that, even as far as researching interview techniques to get people to reveal themselves (open-ended questions are your friend here). I communicate openly with people and let them know the few, basic things that wind me up, I let them know in a nice way that I'm not a person you'd like to wind up, then I'm helpful and really approachable with stuff too. If something goes wrong I've likely experienced it and know five different ways to handle it if need be, then do so in an effort to get it dealt with but keep a good atmosphere. Even my landlords are on notice, as I established early on "look I'll rarely if ever bother you, but if I do take it seriously or else I'll make sure you do one way or another. Keep me happy and I'll keep you happy."

So my circumstances aren't an accident, I put time and energy into securing myself a peaceful life, and if people are flexible and empathetic enough to do the same it's really doable. And once your home life is settled, that's a foundation for building the rest of your life on.

Whereas if someone here was to say they've been in 20 different situations and every one ended in a mess...well maybe they're the common denominator and not good at seeing/accepting that. Like if you find yourself living with constantly messy people who don't look after themselves time after time, you need to get better at addressing that and not being a pushover, and so on.

Anyway sorry to drag this into a slightly serious discussion. People are ****, continue all. My apologies!

Bambi985

leggo wrote: »

Whereas if someone here was to say they've been in 20 different situations and every one ended in a mess...well maybe they're the common denominator and not good at seeing/accepting that. Like if you find yourself living with constantly messy people who don't look after themselves time after time, you need to get better at addressing that and not being a pushover, and so on.

Or if they live in London/New York where they have to view 165 places, half of which look like crack dens that you wouldn't home a dog in and "interview" for a room among hundreds of other renters who are willing to pay stupid money to have a roof over their head and anything else is a bonus.

Looks like Dublin isn't far off that either

Robsweezie

this thread could go on and on. its a kind of fascinating study into human nature when you look at it.

Robsweezie

leggo wrote: »

See I think there's a personal accountability there too, we're all responsible for our own happiness and all that. I'm in a happy situation now because I've dealt with it well. Rent isn't bad and location is great because I was on Daft non-stop, found this place when it was literally online minutes, was in town every free moment I had taking viewings and organised to see them before viewings were even opened because I had the neck to chance it and ask, took it immediately when I saw it ticked all boxes. In terms of housemates I know what I like and dislike and vet people heavily for that, even as far as researching interview techniques to get people to reveal themselves (open-ended questions are your friend here). I communicate openly with people and let them know the few, basic things that wind me up, I let them know in a nice way that I'm not a person you'd like to wind up, then I'm helpful and really approachable with stuff too. If something goes wrong I've likely experienced it and know five different ways to handle it if need be, then do so in an effort to get it dealt with but keep a good atmosphere. Even my landlords are on notice, as I established early on "look I'll rarely if ever bother you, but if I do take it seriously or else I'll make sure you do one way or another. Keep me happy and I'll keep you happy."

love the subtle threats there. but yes, i agree with you on all points.

team_actimel

It would be interesting to see any poster who admitted to being a bad housemate.

Very easy to point out other housemates' bad habits but would people be aware of their own?

_Roz_

team_actimel wrote: »

It would be interesting to see any poster who admitted to being a bad housemate.

Very easy to point out other housemates' bad habits but would people be aware of their own?

I'm a bad housemate in the sense that I'm one of those who spends all her time in her room, if that counts. Used to see that when I was trawling Daft, places looking for someone 'social' who'll 'sit down for dinner' or 'a chat after work'. I just had to deal with people all day at work, when I come home I want to eat and relax in peace.

I used also be the nagging one. But hey, if people didn't leave stuff on the hobs/in the sink and washer/dryer, then I wouldn't have to nag, would I! If you just mowed the lawn like you said you would SIX WEEKS AGO I wouldn't be passive aggressively doing it FOR you, would I?!

So yeah, I was never pleasant to live with on those levels.

[Deleted User]

team_actimel wrote: »

It would be interesting to see any poster who admitted to being a bad housemate.

Very easy to point out other housemates' bad habits but would people be aware of their own?

It's like driving. Anyone going slower than me is an idiot who shouldn't be on the road. Anyone going faster is a maniac.

Bambi985

team_actimel wrote: »

It would be interesting to see any poster who admitted to being a bad housemate.

Very easy to point out other housemates' bad habits but would people be aware of their own?

You can kind of tell from this thread who would be a nightmare to live with.

I'd bunch myself in with that crowd tbh. Not a nightmare perhaps, but enough characteristics to not be in the runnings for Housemate of the Year all the same. Obsessively clean, moody and unfriendly in the evenings because I was never arsed with the unnecessary "how was your day" bullsh1t chit-chat, in my room most of the time, early starts and late to bed, slow to change things like kitchen bulbs or broken TV sets because it wasn't my house and I could not be arsed etc etc.

Hated house-sharing generally and hope to never have to do it ever again.

Gunslinger92

team_actimel wrote: »

It would be interesting to see any poster who admitted to being a bad housemate.

Very easy to point out other housemates' bad habits but would people be aware of their own?

I have my OH over to stay a good bit so I'd be hated by some people for that, but I only live with one other person and I ran it by them and they didn't mind, they've an OH too, it's all good. We all chat away together it's nice actually

1874

_Roz_ wrote: »

I'm a bad housemate in the sense that I'm one of those who spends all her time in her room, if that counts. Used to see that when I was trawling Daft, places looking for someone 'social' who'll 'sit down for dinner' or 'a chat after work'. I just had to deal with people all day at work, when I come home I want to eat and relax in peace.

I used also be the nagging one. But hey, if people didn't leave stuff on the hobs/in the sink and washer/dryer, then I wouldn't have to nag, would I! If you just mowed the lawn like you said you would SIX WEEKS AGO I wouldn't be passive aggressively doing it FOR you, would I?!

So yeah, I was never pleasant to live with on those levels.

Different people have different standards, some people think housemates spending all their time in their room is a bad housemate, others are delighted they have more of the shared spaces for themselves. Personally I think a house share should be just for sharing the costs and not primarily for being social. I think people that look for someone being social as a starting point are needlessly intruding on peoples time and lives. I used to house share and would be much happier for people to come and go and do their own thing than be untidy, but then again I was the owner occupier.
I know people were unhappy if I asked them to clean as they go, pans/plates of food left spoiling and sink full of dishes is not on, I think either people clean up or they pay a share for a cleaner. As for stealing peoples food, cant think of any excuses for it really, all I saw was people being tight, milk/meat etc costs money.

_Roz_

1874 wrote: »

Personally I think a house share should be just for sharing the costs and not primarily for being social. I think people that look for someone being social as a starting point are needlessly intruding on peoples time and lives.

That's a great way of putting it, actually. A counter view I suppose would be, 'well, we might be doing this to share cost, but we're here, so we may as well be friendly', but I do think there should be more tolerance for people who want to keep to themselves. I was never anything but friendly to housemates, and happy to chat for a few minutes the odd time, but mostly I stayed in my room and didn't want to be seen as ant-social for that. I'm an introvert who works with people all day - I need downtime.

Aye Bosun

House share back in the 90's, 5 of us living there, 1 lad moved out who had the biggest room, usually the next person there the longest would take the biggest room and everyone else would upgrade to the next biggest room leaving the box room empty for a new housemate. But this time no one wanted to move rooms so the biggest room was put up for rent. Now the guy moving out didn't know that his room was going up for rent and assume the person moving in was the next longest living there who he didn't get on with and he decided to leave a little surprise for him in the wardrobe. Anyway I'm the one showing a prospective housemate around the room when she goes to open the wardrobe the smell was rank..largest pile of sh*te i've ever seen in a nice neat little pile on the floor of wardrobe with a little sign next to it saying 'EAT SH*T A*SHOLE' Needless to say she didn't take the room!

[Deleted User]

_Roz_ wrote: »

I'm a bad housemate in the sense that I'm one of those who spends all her time in her room, if that counts.

No this is the best possible type of housemate. The only reason I stuck out housesharing for an extra year or two was the last house I was in always ended up with housemates who were never there or spent all their time in their room.

I could go two weeks without seeing one of my housemates at one stage and maybe only see the other 2 or 3 times a week in passing. Always had the living room totally to myself and 9 times out of 10 the kitchen was totally free at the times I'd be cooking. Was as good a situation you could ask for if housesharing.

I hated sitting around with house mates in the living room in previous houseshares, the awkward "would you like to watch anything in particular" while really wanting to watch something yourself, I would just spend most of my time in the bedroom in this situation. Thankfully I never lived with anyone who wanted to share cooking etc as I know some people who always end up sharing cooking and having shared meals, I'd just say no as I'd hate that but for some reason I can't understand some people really want to do it.

_Roz_

Rogelio Crashing Revolution wrote: »

No this is the best possible type of housemate.
I hated sitting around with house mates in the living room in previous houseshares, the awkward "would you like to watch anything in particular" while really wanting to watch something yourself, I would just spend most of my time in the bedroom in this situation. Thankfully I never lived with anyone who wanted to share cooking etc as I know some people who always end up sharing cooking and having shared meals, I'd just say no as I'd hate that but for some reason I can't understand some people really want to do it.

Luckily I never did the first bit. Didn't have tvs in most houses (everyone used their own laptops) but never would have done that. I don't understand cooking together either - some people are just very social I guess. I was quite lucky in my second-to-last houseshare, fairly reserved housemates, but they did leave the place in an awful state, so I was always grumpy with them.

[Deleted User]

_Roz_ wrote: »

Luckily I never did the first bit. Didn't have tvs in most houses (everyone used their own laptops) but never would have done that. I don't understand cooking together either - some people are just very social I guess. I was quite lucky in my second-to-last houseshare, fairly reserved housemates, but they did leave the place in an awful state, so I was always grumpy with them.

Unless there was a match or something we were all watching I usually leave the sitting room and go to my room soon after other house mates came in and sat down. Sometimes if you were first there others won't come in so I'd go in and hope that would be the case initially but if others came in I'd give it a few mins and head off to my room.

It was as much to do with wanting to watch what I wanted to watch rather than no liking being around people and I always had a tv in my room too so no need to watch other people's crap.

1874

_Roz_ wrote: »

That's a great way of putting it, actually. A counter view I suppose would be, 'well, we might be doing this to share cost, but we're here, so we may as well be friendly', but I do think there should be more tolerance for people who want to keep to themselves. I was never anything but friendly to housemates, and happy to chat for a few minutes the odd time, but mostly I stayed in my room and didn't want to be seen as ant-social for that. I'm an introvert who works with people all day - I need downtime.

Thats the thing, people are busy and tired without having to put up with contrived situations of fake small talk. Though I did get on well with most of my housemates and did go out for drinks with a few of them and we were social and friendly to each other. I put up with most of those that didnt have the same opinions as me as I didnt want to pedanticly lay the rules out, but a few I had to set straight. One guy was generally not clean, left the bathroom a mess, after he left an upturned broken glass on the floor and walked away I pulled him up on stuff, another was blaring loud music in the early hours, that was awkward as he was a friend but others were living in the house and I was doing him a favour.

Im not sure if I could do it again as some people think nothing of living in a pigstye and if you pull them up on it, you are the bad person. Id basically try encompass the rules in a few lines so as not to be accused of being strict, but clean your own stuff as you go/or do it that same day, and leave things tidy after themself, no noise after x time to consider those that have to get up for work.

Aye Bosun wrote: »

House share back in the 90's, 5 of us living there, 1 lad moved out who had the biggest room, usually the next person there the longest would take the biggest room and everyone else would upgrade to the next biggest room leaving the box room empty for a new housemate. But this time no one wanted to move rooms so the biggest room was put up for rent. Now the guy moving out didn't know that his room was going up for rent and assume the person moving in was the next longest living there who he didn't get on with and he decided to leave a little surprise for him in the wardrobe. Anyway I'm the one showing a prospective housemate around the room when she goes to open the wardrobe the smell was rank..largest pile of sh*te i've ever seen in a nice neat little pile on the floor of wardrobe with a little sign next to it saying 'EAT SH*T A*SHOLE' Needless to say she didn't take the room!

Seriously, if thats real, the guy is an animal, but how is no-one supposed to have noticed beforehand. Its two fingers to everyone else as it looks like you all would have to waste your time to find someone and make up the difference in the money until someone was found, so who cleaned it up? Id be bringing the guy back to do it, but Id have witheld his deposit.

leggo

Robsweezie wrote: »

love the subtle threats there. but yes, i agree with you on all points.

:pac: It's not a threat it's just a reality, everyone should have the same attitude. If you're making someone else's life harder unnecessarily, they're going to react. Whereas if you look out for me, I'll look out for you and everyone is happy. Be a dick and I'll be a bigger one right back.

...__...

;)

tara73

...__... wrote: »

;)

I'm just crackin' up here, thanks for this, made my evening..

tara73

did you live with this guy????:eek:

micar

...__... wrote: »

;)

Sounds like a character from a Sminky Short

darkdubh

Teddington Cuddlesworth wrote: »

Moved into a house with 3 childhood friends a number of years back. After 3 years one of them went his own way.
We interviewed 4 guys our own age and picked one to move in.
He seemed a sound lad....

The weekend after he moved in we had a party.

He got smashed drunk and pulled an American style fridge freezer over.
An accident and forgivable, we all make drunken mistakes. He coughed up the money to replace it.

It was a week later we discovered he was a raging alco. I came home one day and he was passed out on the step at the front door, this was 2pm on a Tuesday.

That was only the start of things.
[B]He'd bring birds home, and in his inebriated state, would start banging them all over the house. On the stairs, in the bar, against the barbecue, on the sofa[/B].
It didn't seem to effect him if we were in the same room.

He even made a move on one of the lads mother's when she came over one night for a party.

He was a lovely guy when he was sober but after a can or two he'd pull out a bottle of hard spirits and down it in as short a time as possible.

For a second I thought you meant he was getting plastered, somehow managing to catch and bring home members of the feathered species and battering them to death against the wall!