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Men of boards, what innocent behaviors have you changed out of fear?

MilesMorales1

(Before anyone says a word, yes I absolutely took this topic off reddit, read it here. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6fzzt1/men_of_reddit_what_innocent_behaviors_have_you/ )

Men of boards, what innocent behaviors have you changed out of fear you might be accused of wrong doing?

For me, I'm a big guy myself, at least 6ft 5, stocky. I've been told that if people didn't know me (I'm really a gentle bloke) I can come across as physically intimdating, specially around women. So I get ultra paranoid walking behind women on the street, in case they think I'm up to no good. And a man approaching children of any kind is seen as something to be worried about, not that I ever mix with children or people below my own age group much.

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Are Am Eye

You cant help out some poor unfortunate kid who has no sweets, anymore, even though you might have a big bag of sweets in the passenger seat of the van. You just have to be careful of misunderstandings

zig

jcd5971 wrote: »

Right whilst the poster has his own view on the subject, as long as he isn't insulting demeaning, or acting any different towards them than he would act towards "normal" people, you sent that all we can ask really.

I mean I hate cyclists as a group but I'm not going to run. Them over or attack them, and that's all the expected of me to do.

A tad simplistic but what do you think?

No , the poster is clearly making claims about something he knows nothing about.

He is putting depression , anxiety and other disorders like schizophrenia in with gayness , transgenderism.

He clearly knows nothing about both subjects. It would be different if he had a point. Then I'd say yea maybe it's worth discussing but if you're going to make claims like that then back them up if you're worried about offending people.

zig

me_right_one wrote: »

Gayness in general.

At the mere mention of it, you got offended. Therefore, I curtail my discussion of it, to help people like you.

There you go. You have accused me of being offensive already. This is because, YOU, are offended. Therefore, to alleviate your sensitivities, I cannot discuss a topical issue in any sort of detail.

Maybe stop flippantly throwing out BS claims without giving them research and understanding and people might be happy to discuss them with you.

You don't go to a psychological to cure gayness.

Loon E. Tick

If men are engaging in any type of avoidance behaviour then they've reached a point where they're actively contributing to perpetrating the myths and stereotypes about themselves. For sure there are creeps and weirdos out there but there's no need to mould yourself into one unnecessarily which is what will happen if you start changing the dynamics of ordinary everyday social interactions by overthinking everything.

silverharp

bnt wrote: »

Similar to the OP. If I find myself walking behind a woman who's by herself, I'll cross the road just in case she thinks I'm following her. If I'm by myself I won't walk near kids' playgrounds.

your second one seems very odd?

Jim Bob Scratcher

Valmont wrote: »

I always hold doors open for women but I wonder whether I'm being offensive now, I really can't tell half the time. It's just a habit at this stage. I currently work in a children's mental health service and before I got the job I had an interview that had the sole purpose of trying to tell if I was a pedo. It was weird as hell, one of them was acting on the assumption I had made my fiancee up. Granted an actual predator could easily fake their way through. It's a crazy world we live in.

FFS :mad:

Had I been in your position I would have felt like tossing the ****wit out the window.

Just wondering was it a woman who was interviewing you ?

Mongfinder General

jcd5971 wrote: »

Right whilst the poster has his own view on the subject, as long as he isn't insulting demeaning, or acting any different towards them than he would act towards "normal" people, you sent that all we can ask really.

I mean I hate cyclists as a group but I'm not going to run. Them over or attack them, and that's all the expected of me to do.

A tad simplistic but what do you think?

Yeah but do you hate gay or transgender cyclists more than straight cyclists?

me_right_one

zig wrote: »

but if you're gonna start telling people they have a condition , disorder , illness when they don't then you're just offending them. Gayness isn't the same as depression.

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Neither are the same as dyslexia. Both they are all forms of mental illness / disorder / condition. Not saying thats a bad thing whatsoever. But as this thread had demonstrated, the mere questioning of such things brings out accusations of ignorance / narrowmindedness / nonsense / homophobia etc. I have been namecalled these things in the previous posts - yes go back and look - yet I have not insulted anybody once. But somehow, I'm still the bad guy.

Either way, these views are merely my OPINION. You have your OPINION, which happens to be different. Neither of us are psychologists, so why should your OPINION be any more valid than mine? My opinion could be changed if the right arguments were presented to me in a freely debatable way. But as long as you keep shouting my opinions down and throwing insults, you will continue to stifle debate, and therefore, undermine your own point of view.

ToddyDoody

I like the countryside and find, oddly enough, that Trabolgan is a great scenic location to walk some country grounds. I've stopped making the odd trip however as it was seen as a bit suspicious to be a grown man wandering alone around the grounds of a children's play resort.

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eviltwin

me_right_one wrote: »

Neither are the same as dyslexia. Both they are all forms of mental illness / disorder / condition. Not saying thats a bad thing whatsoever. But as this thread had demonstrated, the mere questioning of such things brings out accusations of ignorance / narrowmindedness / nonsense / homophobia etc. I have been namecalled these things in the previous posts - yes go back and look - yet I have not insulted anybody once. But somehow, I'm still the bad guy.

Either way, these views are merely my OPINION. You have your OPINION, which happens to be different. Neither of us are psychologists, so why should your OPINION be any more valid than mine? My opinion could be changed if the right arguments were presented to me in a freely debatable way. But as long as you keep shouting my opinions down and throwing insults, you will continue to stifle debate, and therefore, undermine your own point of view.

What's bisexuality then ?

jcd5971

Mongfinder General wrote:

Yeah but do you hate gay or transgender cyclists more than straight cyclists?

Of course not, I don't agree with the op at all for what its worth.

I'm just saying isn't he entitled to his opinion even a wrong one, as long as he is not doing anything actually discriminating ?

jcd5971

Mongfinder General wrote:

Yeah but do you hate gay or transgender cyclists more than straight cyclists?

Of course not, I don't agree with the op at all for what its worth.

I'm just saying isn't he entitled to his opinion even a wrong one, as long as he is not doing anything actually discriminating ?

Avatar MIA

Innocent?

Right, let's go with that.

Avatar MIA

My work overlooks the schoolyard my kids go to school. At lunchtime you could look out and see them play from a stairwell window.

Other staff and the public could walk past. I felt really awkward, and felt like I should mention my kids were down there.

I didn't look out as often as I'd have liked.

strandroad

jcd5971 wrote: »

Of course not, I don't agree with the op at all for what its worth.

I'm just saying isn't he entitled to his opinion even a wrong one, as long as he is not doing anything actually discriminating ?

He is entitled to his (ignorant) opinion of course but if the society makes him keep it to himself surely it's a good thing?
Otherwise he'll be out there telling people that they are mentally ill just because he doesn't understand anything not straight.

TerrorFirmer

In fairness, me_right_one has a completely valid point and it's a pointed I've raised previously.

People should be allowed to express an opinion without fear of being shouted and screamed down. I hate the way boards has gone with regards these types of topics - you can't say this, can't say that, it's stifling and it's not right.

By all means listen to what he has to say and then point out why he's wrong. He's as entitled to his opinion as you are to tell him he's wrong. It seems these days that holding non-politically correct opinion is instantly equated with hatefulness, biogtry, homophobia, etc.

There was another guy recently expressed his belief that transgender people were mentally ill and he was instantly banned. I think that's wrong. He should be entitled to hold his opinion once it's clear that it's a genuinely held opinion and not mindless trolling (I see nothing to suggest that me_right_one is engaging in same.)

For what it's worth while I see where me_right_one is coming from, I don't personally share his beliefs - but I do believed he's entitled to his beliefs and should be allowed air them as part of reasonable, logical debate.

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LLMMLL

me_right_one wrote: »

yet I have not insulted anybody once.

You don't think it's insulting to a person to be called mentally ill?

Say you go to a party and have a great time then the next day hear that everyone at the party thought you were "mentally ill". You would be fine with that? Mentally ill is a neutral term to you? Come on.

bnt

silverharp wrote: »

your second one seems very odd?

Then you're fortunate to be ignorant of how men are viewed these days.

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pickarooney

mhge wrote: »

He is entitled to his (ignorant) opinion of course but if the society makes him keep it to himself surely it's a good thing?
Otherwise he'll be out there telling people that they are mentally ill just because he doesn't understand anything not straight.

Nowaday Western society dictates that being attracted to the opposite sex is standard, being attracted to the same sex is fine, being attracted to fat people is a fetish and being attracted to children is a mental illness. At certain points in time these lines get redrawn. This only happens when opinions are expressed and discussed.

Pac1Man

bnt wrote: »

Then you're fortunate to be ignorant of how men are viewed these days.

Avoiding walking near a playground is ridiculous though. Stopping and staring is a different matter.

bee06

Interesting topic. As a woman, it would never occur to me that a man walking behind me was following me unless it was late at night and there weren't many other people around either. Seems a bit egotistical to assume every man in an everyday situation has some kind of nefarious intention when we are walking the same way.

On the door holding thing, also doesn't bother me. I hold doors open for people too because I consider it rude to close a door in someone's face. I'd never assume a man holding a door for me was making some kind of sexist statement. And to be honest sometimes I need someone stronger to hold bloody doors open for me because I'm so weak!

MilesMorales1

silverharp wrote: »

your second one seems very odd?

I don't think so. People find it very odd to find a man alone by a children's playground. Even if the reasoning is perfectly innocent.

TerrorFirmer

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Opinions are not always 100% logical but unless they come from a place of actual malice or hate, I think people should be entitled to them as long as they are open to people challenging those views.

I think it's a grave mistake to equate non-politically correct opinion, however misinformed you may feel it is, with groundless hate speech, trolling, et al.

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Mrs Shuttleworth

me_right_one wrote: »

I'm not homophobic. I dont hate gay people or treat them any differently. And I know plenty, who I get on with as well as anybody else.

But it is my opinion that homosexuality is a mental illness. Well, its either a mental illness, or a physical one. Having three arms would be seem as a physical illness. Not necessarily a bad one, but definitely not normal. Having a penis when your mind tells you you should have a vagina therefore, is also a physical illness.

Now, up until lately, there was no problem discussing and debating this. But about 5 years ago, anyone who "wasn't a bit gay themselves" suddenly became hitler. Now you cannot say anything, without first considering if it will hurt someone else's feelings on the matter, ESPECIALLY if you are an alpha male, stereotypical straight man.

So my changed behaviour is that I suss someone out first to see if they will be offended by everything re gayness, or if they're ok. If they're the offended type, I just don't discuss any controversial topics with them.

Its a sad reflection on society when people cant just "talk".

This poster I think has phrased his question incorrectly. What I think he's trying to say is why is gay culture suddenly being actively promoted in society as opposed to casual, latent tolerance.

silverharp

bnt wrote: »

Then you're fortunate to be ignorant of how men are viewed these days.

Im not but I make a distinction between exercising my right to walk every street in the land and interacting with kids in this case. So sure even though Im a dad myself I would blank other kids (none of my business) but I wouldnt do anything that would inconvenience me. Even the crossing the road thing I wouldnt do, not my problem,the other person is free to cross the road if they are uncomfortable

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