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Parents paying/contributing to daughters wedding??

Masala

I had a discussion with my brother-in-law who is worried ****tless about having to 'pay' for his daughters wedding!!! I questioned him on same (hes' 58yrs old and daughter is 25 yrs) and he says that 'it is traditional' to pay for the daughters wedding... a kind of dowery!!!

I nearly fell off the chair! I didn't even get so far as to ask him 'how much' !!!

I have both a Son and a Daughter and have no intention of paying out for a wedding. A help of a few grand for a house deposit maybe... but not a wedding.

What is the norm out there now for parents and kids weddings?

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Sam Kade

Masala wrote: »

What is the norm out there now for parents and kids weddings?

The parents? Surely they are married already?

LirW

We already said if we marry one day, we fund that and make it laid back, because we're not down for the big hotel insanity, also my family is like 10 people and his outnumbers mine 1:8.
But we especially want to have to interference with planning. My MIL one the one had just told me "Oh look into the Ballybeg house if you want to marry (lol 19k for peak season weekend)" but when I state I'm not interested in anything like this she goes immediately "well, X's daughters married only in the courthouse with very immediate family". No thanks, this already reassures me.

Sam Kade

dev100 wrote: »

It's the country folk tradition the bride's parents usually chip in or pay for it all . I've relatives who are mostly female and they're parents have contributed to each of their weddings etc . It's generally the poor farmers who do it.

Not the case, I got married in 1990 and paid myself feck all from the brides parents.

freshpopcorn

I know weddings aren't about presents. Somebody told me before they let their parents invite a good few people(Not fully sure who paid) some were friends/relatives they didn't really know. They couple were amazed at the amount these people gave as gifts compared to their friends. Part of them wondered were their parents doing it just to get the cash for them (the couple)!

byhookorbycrook

We married in 1999 and paid for everything ourselves. My mother was widowed many years before that and put 3 of us through college, so no way would we have considered her paying anything. My husband's family gave us a cash gift but not to pay for any aspect of the wedding.

pauliebdub

It's old fashioned. I'm sure some parents contribute towards the cost but an expectation to pay isn't done anymore. Most couples pay for their own wedding. Though you could argue that paying 15k towards one days celebration is money well spent.

Cee-Jay-Cee

OP was your brother in law worried because he can't afford it and his daughter expects him to pay? If so he needs to tell her where to go. It's not the done thing anymore andhe needs to let his daughter know that. If she wants to get married then she should pay for it, if she can't afford it then don't get married. Simple.

Gael23

Years ago the brides parents paid for the reception but not always anymore. Contribute by all means if you are in a position to.I do believe it is still common for the brides mother to buy the wedding dress.

MadamRazz

I got married in 2011 and my parents gave us enough to cover the wedding. It wasnt expected and caused one or two rows. But I'm his only daughter and my dad was determined to be traditional in that way. Apparently he had been saving for it for a while. Neither of my parents tried to have their say in the organisation but I did add some things they would like that I wouldnt have otherwise. In the end everyone had a great day and my parents were glad to be rid of me.

c_man

I'm engaged, herself's parents have 6k put aside for the day. I initially didn't want it but they insisted and it seemed important to them, so why not. They didn't put the figure forward when I asked for their blessing, so there was no haggling involved

[Deleted User]

If they want to and can easily afford it then **** it. I know my parents won't be handing anything over though. :pac:

_Brian

Have two friends with daughters getting married, one this year and one next.
Both are paying for the hotel, ?15-20k.

For my own weddingany years ago we footed the bill 100% ourselves.

I have two daughters and have made provisions for college funds for them, if I'm about I'd like to throw something towards a wedding but I'd rather support their education so they are independent enough to pay for their own wedding should they wish to marry.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

My friend's daughter got married last year and they paid for the wedding. But I think the norm nowadays is for the parents to help out with some aspect - maybe pay for the wine with the meal, or for the bride and bridesmaids' dresses or something like that, as opposed to paying for the whole thing..

Nowadays most couples are in their 30s getting married, and a lot of them have received a better education and are probably earning more money than their parents ever did. It was different a generation or so ago, when most brides were in their early 20s and young couples getting married were just scraping by financially.

Also, given the scale of weddings nowadays, I think a lot of parents would baulk at footing the entire bill.

In fact, an increasing norm seems to be the requesting of cash gifts to cover the cost of the wedding.

Masala

I was at at wedding last year in a different county and the father 'ran a Free Bar' for draught pints, bottled beer, soft drinks and glasses of Wine. No Spirits, Shots included.

Very generous he was... closed around 11pm. I dont think anyone dogged it and actually see people paying after the 2nd drink or so.

Couldn't tell u how much it cost....small wedding of about 90 people. I suppose €2,000 - €3,000?

please helpThank YOU

Marriage ? you would want to be mad to get married especial a Man you will be taken to the cleaners.

LordSutch

Kind of traditional to contribute to your daughters wedding, if yo can afford too . . . .

Boom_Bap

I thought that these days it's more traditional for the parents to pay for the meal rather than the whole thing.

SEPT 23 1989

I think parents are more inclined to help with a deposit on a house than a wedding

Irish-Lass

My dad paid for my sisters wedding and when I was getting married some 21 years later he did the same for me. I wasn't expecting him to do it as he had retired at that stage but he handed me cash to cover it.

Think it depends on family circumstances and I think weddings have gotten so expensive over the years. I have a daughter and not sure I would pay for the wedding but certainly would give them money to cover some of it or honeymoon

When we were buying our house (prior to the wedding) my dad had given me a deposit and also bought everything for the kitchen so definitely was not expecting money for the wedding as well (we had the house 5-6 years before we got married)

noaddedsugar

We got married a few years ago and my parents didn't pay/contribute. It would have been a bit awkward if they did seen as we got married abroad and didn't invite them. We didn't invite anyone btw not just them.

I can't see us paying for our daughters wedding in the future, if we did pay for hers then we would pay for our sons too because it would be weird to pay for ones wedding and not the others. Like I said it's not very likely we will anyway.

Sam Kade

The problem these days is a daughter having more than one wedding.

c6ysaphjvqw41k

This post has been deleted.

SusanC10

My older sister got married abroad just the 2 of them (No family or friends). My Parents didn't contribute and were hurt that none of us knew about the wedding ahead of time.
My Husband & I also got married abroad. Both sets of Parents contributed - Husband's Parents gave a generous gift but my Parents (Well my Dad) wanted to pay for specific things so he paid for my Dress, BM Dresses, Flights & Hotel for all my immediate family and BMs, Rehearsal Dinner, Hair for the Bridal Party etc.
But that was 13 years ago.
Neither of my 2 younger sisters are married.
My father-in-law paid for my sister-in-law's 1st wedding in it's entirety but refused to contribute to her 2nd.
Both sets of Parents put my Husband & I through College. They did not contribute to the Purchase of our Home.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

As others have said, that tradition has mostly died out. I have a lot of friends who have got married, some have been open about the costs and who paid, and it ranged from getting no help from parents all the way up to parents paying for the whole thing

BattleCorp

Most people pay for their own wedding these days. Myself and herself certainly paid for our own wedding and we wouldn't have had it any other way.

Grueller

My father in law paid for our meal all bar a €1000 deposit that was already paid.
We did not expect this or know about it beforehand. Everything else was paid by ourselves but much of it was low key. No cars, no favours on tables, meal wine used for the toast, wine brought from France by a lorry driver mate and a bargain drove with the hotel to drop the corkage.
The guest list was 40% in laws, 30% my folks and 30% ours. That was set before we knew the in laws were paying and I have no problem with that. I have seen the hurt in families caused by parents not being allowed invite friends and family. It is one day, a special one, but still only one day and family in my case are too important to me to go upsetting them because Mrs Smith was at my wedding, down the back, and I only spoke to her once as she left the ceremony. We spent the day with the people who matter anyhow and basically just acknowledged the rest.

jonon9

Iv a daughter myself and if and when she wants to marry I aint paying a cent towards it. She will get a money gift though of a few hundred but thats about it.

My GF has a friend who got married two years ago and had over 400 guest and the parents paid for it. Il never forget the tantrum she did the day before the wedding when the father suggested something I mean this was a €30K wedding and she was acting the brat.

jonon9

Sam Kade wrote: »

The problem these days is a daughter having more than one wedding.

The problem is daughters expecting their parents to pay for everything. Not all daughters of course.