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Wedding Guests

Eire1980

I have a dilemma. I've been in a relationship with my fiance for over 10 years. He has a child born 3 months after we started going out, conceived 6 months previous after a one night stand, he was NEVER in a relationship with his child's mother. From the first time I met my partners family they were constantly bringing up the child's mothers name and speaking about how great she was in front of me. This miffed me somewhat because they had met her a handful of times..... And then it followed Facebook friendships with her and her whole family (who they've met about 5 times in 10 years), her being invited to exchange Christmas presents one year (his mother bought her a gift and said it was from my partner & bought me the same gift from Herself, its laughable) and even my partners sister deliberating over inviting the one night stand to her foreign wedding!!!
What pi***d me off the most was this girl was texting my partner inappropriate text messages, he didnt reply to her and I text her to stop but it continued! ( I had also told his sister that the child's mother was texting my partner.... Her reply was ah she's abit harmless)
This bulls**t went on for about 2 years until I had enough.I asked my partner to speak with his mother and ask that the child's mother was not spoken about around me anymore. Subsequently the said sister I had already told about the messages didnt take too kindly in being told not to speak about who she wanted so her behaviour towards me became frosty. I ignored her snide remarks and killed her with kindness!! It didn't work..... it all kicked off one evening and she ended up verbally abusing me down the phone!! My partners family all took her side, she admitted the next day she was wrong to my partner and his family but never even sent me a message to apologise till about a year later when her message started with.... "This has gone on long enough and there's no need for it"..... Now my memory is perfectly intact and I dont forget when somebody verbally abuses me!!! Not much of an apology. I've completely ignored her since and so has my partner. I actually dont like the girl so I dont see the point in making amends at this stage, I dont want to clear the air with her, too many things to mention have been said and done.
So now you know the background....
My dilemma is should I have to invite His sister to our upcoming Wedding? My fiance says he doesn't care if she isn't invited, he has no relationship with her, but does to her children (who i would like to invite, but obv cant without her). I'd like some feedback from the public what they would do
Thanks

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SusieBlue

No, you should absolutely not invite her. This woman has been a source of friction between yourself, your partner and his family and has no place there.
As well, the day should be all about you and your partner, and judging past behavior of your MIL etc it sounds like his family would pay more attention to her than you on the day!
It'll be easier to not invite her than spend the next couple of months planning in a state of anxiety in case it all kicks off on the day. It sounds like this girl loves drama.

Eire1980

Sorry I re read the above rant ðŸ˜… I was looking for advice on whether I should invite my fiance's sister

Nervous Wreck

Wouldn't invite tbh. Too much potential for drama.

SusieBlue

Eire1980 wrote: »

Sorry I re read the above rant ðŸ˜… I was looking for advice on whether I should invite my fiance's sister

If its his sister then yes I would invite her, it will cause more drama with his family if you don't.

witchgirl26

I'm a little confused - is it the sister or the previous partner that you are wondering about inviting to the wedding?

If it's the previous partner - no need to at all.

If it's the sister, well that's different. If he still has a relationship with her kids, it would depend on their ages. If they'd be old enough to attend by themselves as adults, maybe just go down that route. Otherwise it would be odd to invite underage children without parents. Also I would wonder would it draw more attention to the fact that she isn't their on your day.

From reading the background it sounds like the verbal abuse etc was about 8 years ago - would it not be a good time to bury the hatchet and both try to move on? Yes what she did was wrong and she may never fully acknowledge that to the extent you'd like but could relations even just go back to being cordial? I've seen family feuds go on for years and it's never pretty and generally hurts the people on the edge of the feud more than the ones directly involved.

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ash23

Truthfully OP I think you were in the wrong initially. I am in a relationship with someone who has a child. The mother of his child has often overstepped boundaries imo and yes, it gets on my nerves and sometimes I do feel his family are too involved with her.........but she is the mother of his child. And the mother of their grandchild/niece. She is always going to be around so the best thing for everyone is if we can all be civil.

The only person I can "lay down the law" to is my partner about boundaries with his ex and what I find acceptable and he can choose what to do with that.
I can't say what kind of relationship his family are allowed to have with another person nor what they can or can't talk about in front of me. She's the mother of their grandchild so they are perfectly entitled to maintain a relationship with her.

So far, so good. Yes I've had to bite my tongue a number of times but overall, everyone is better off than if I had kicked off and caused a fuss initially.
As the years have passed the natural order of things has been that the child is older so the mother is less involved when she's in her fathers care. She has moved on so is less involved with her exs family and as I've gotten closer to his family, I am more involved.

I think it might be a good idea to try and sort all this out OP and a good olive branch would be the wedding.

kunst nugget

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By not inviting the sister I think the OP would be effectively ending any hope of hope of ever having cordial relations with any of the partner's family and creating an awful lot more unnecessary drama in their lives.

Be the bigger person and invite the sister - it's not like you'll be stuck beside her all day. Not inviting her just gives her more ammo to attack you with.

team_actimel

It's your wedding, your big day. You shouldn't have to invite anyone you don't feel comfortable with being there.

If her being there on the day would have the potential to hamper your happiness then it's not worth it.

How long has it being since you last spoke to her?

kunst nugget

team_actimel wrote: »

It's your wedding, your big day. You shouldn't have to invite anyone you don't feel comfortable with being there.

If her being there on the day would have the potential to hamper your happiness then it's not worth it.

While that sounds wonderful in theory, it being your 'big day' doesn't give you a free pass from the inevitable repercussions of not inviting his sibling.

irishgirl19

Hi OP. This is your day! If your fiancÃ© doesn't want her there I see no reason to ask her.
I don't get on with my sister in laws(to be) at all! Tried their best to break me and my OH up.
They will be coming to our upcoming nuptials because my fiance has made up with them. I don't have a relationship with them.
But it will be up to them to come up and say congrats to us. I won't be acknowledging them being there. It's a long story...
If you do invite her, don't worry about it being awkward. It will be up to her to come up and congratulate you...

Delphinium

Much easier to invite her. Be polite and welcome her and her children same as anyone else. Why would you escalate a row over one day, even your wedding day. Not inviting her will just give her ammunition to continue to treat you badly. You could really confuse her by asking one of her children to be page boy or flower girl if it would be age appropriate.

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GingerLily

I won't be inviting my brother or SIL to my wedding for irreconcilable differences. I have tried in the past but at the moment there is no hope of fixing this as I cannot trust them.

You don't seem to want to fix this OP, and I think that's a shame, it does really sound like you will regret not inviting her.

I think you would be best trying to build a cordial relationship, maybe have a coffee and reestablish a relationship and then invite her if it goes well.

rawn

OP i think you are being unfair. The way you refer to your stepsons mother is quite appalling. Like it or not she needs to be part of your life and by the sounds of it his family have done a great job in including her. Think of how you're stepson must feel knowing that his mother is a taboo subject that no one is allowed to bring up in your presence!

Your fiances sister has every right to be mad at you for dictating who she is and isn't allowed to talk about, if you don't like hearing about your stepsons mother well that's just tough,she is part of the family ,albeit in a distant way.

The sister is looking to bury the hatchet, i recommend you do just that and get married with an air of positivity on the grooms side. Not inviting one of them will put a bad spin on your day.

Best of luck.

kunst nugget

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You can't see the problems this would cause in terms of relationships with the in-laws after the wedding? She'd be forever cast as the shít-stirrer in that family. She has the chance to rise above that by inviting the sister. Not inviting the sister would be directly responsible for making any animosity in the family exponentially worse imo.

I'm sure I'm very lucky in that I get on well with my siblings, their partners and my in-laws and my partner is the same but the drama the OP details sounds kind of exhausting and to want to actively make it worse seems counter-productive to me.

Neyite

The sister was right to call you out on your demand to never mention Vordemort her nephew's mother in your presence. If you want to continue the feud it's up to you, but you will be the one who is seen to be unable to let go of a grudge and harboring jealousy towards his ex. And it's quite clever of your OH to leave the uninviting of his own sister to you, knowing that you'll get the flack and the spite for it. If he doesn't want his own sister at his wedding, he can put his balls back on and tell her that himself, and deal with the resultant inevitable family fallout, cant he?

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retro:electro

Oh dear. I cannot imagine swanning into my boyfriend's life and dictating who is family can and cannot mention in my presence- never mind the fact that this woman is the mother of their nephew/grandchild. I actually think its commendable that they've included her so much and think so highly of her, considering she was never even in a relationship with your partner.
To me, you are the one who comes across looking the worst here. You look bitter, jealous and petty. Sorry but that's just how it looks to me.
God forbid your partner have a life before you and god forbid his family like her and speak highly of her.
I think you should invite his sister as an olive branch and an effort to make amends, she sounds decent so she will probably go. But don't be surprised if she tells you to shove it.

Teyla Emmagan

Of course you should invite his sister OP.

You should also get over yourself and stop being so precious.

Electric Sheep

If you insist on calling the mother of your partner's child The One Night Stand, I can see how his family would take offense. Does your partner actively parent his own child? It sounds like at least his family has a relationship with the child.

Toots

Mod note

Thread closed as the OP has closed their account.