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Child Item

Last time you made a tit of yourself?

Robsweezie

went out and bought two ink cartridges without checking the make and model of my printer first, consequently coming home with the wrong ones.

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Samuel T. Cogley

But then you started this thread, which kinda... now my head hurts.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

Outlaw Pete

Brought out reminder notice to pay the Toll Bridge toll (on the due by date) which I had received as I had forgotten to pay the damn thing online in time... but I only remembered when half way through watching a film at the flicks that I was supposed to pay it and so now I have to pay almost €50!! For using a damn toll bridge. Sufferin succotash!

Robsweezie

5rtytry56

Leaving my logitech gamepad in the wrong place. I know where it is I'm here in Dublin - it's in cold storage a bungalow in County Sligo

5rtytry56

Robsweezie wrote: »

.

FYP

Mint Sauce

Well there was this one time, at band camp...

One_Of_Shanks

Last Crimbo. Still not over it, might never be.

Got left alone with herself's Dad. Nice man. But we had been drinking all day and he brought out a bottle of whiskey after I was already worse for wear.

Last thing I remember is mentioning the phrase MILF. And he asked what it meant.

And I can't remember what I said back but I recall a horrified look on his face and I haven't seen him since that night.

Pretty sure he's avoiding me. And I wouldn't blame him.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I'm constantly embarrassing myself. Driving an hour to Harvey normals to buy kitchen appliances and getting there only to realise a) there's no way it'll fit in my car and b) who knew you were supposed to measure the space at home to make sure it would fit

Going to buy car tyres. Garage man asks "what size?" I told him just the regular size please. The stare he threw made me realise regular size wasn't the correct answer.

Ringing up for insurance. Was asked what size the engine was. Replied I had no idea as I never saw it.

And most recently, and not to do with size, I was walking to the shop mentally preparing the list of sweets I wanted to buy. It was the start of the really sunny weather. This aul lad was sitting outside sunning himself and ibwas away in my own little world. He said to me "you're lovely lookin" but distracted I thought he was in about the weather and replied "absolutely gorgeous!" It was only when I had the reply said did it actually dawn on me what he had said.

LushiousLips

A man comes into the shop I work in. He has his baby daughter in his arms. I know this customer as he comes in regular enough. I said oh the baby is after getting so big, how old is she now. He replies saying she's 9 months old. I said wow those 9 months flew, it's seems only yesterday your wife was in here pregnant with the child.
He replied.......no she couldn't have because the baby is adopted.
I nearly died.

nullzero

LushiousLips wrote: »

A man comes into the shop I work in. He has his baby daughter in his arms. I know this customer as he comes in regular enough. I said oh the baby is after getting so big, how old is she now. He replies saying she's 9 months old. I said wow those 9 months flew, it's seems only yesterday your wife was in here pregnant with the child.
He replied.......no she couldn't have because the baby is adopted.
I nearly died.

Ye big spoofer

wakka12

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I'm constantly embarrassing myself. Driving an hour to Harvey normals to buy kitchen appliances and getting there only to realise a) there's no way it'll fit in my car and b) who knew you were supposed to measure the space at home to make sure it would fit

Going to buy car tyres. Garage man asks "what size?" I told him just the regular size please. The stare he threw made me realise regular size wasn't the correct answer.

Ringing up for insurance. Was asked what size the engine was. Replied I had no idea as I never saw it.

And most recently, and not to do with size, I was walking to the shop mentally preparing the list of sweets I wanted to buy. It was the start of the really sunny weather. This aul lad was sitting outside sunning himself and ibwas away in my own little world. He said to me "you're lovely lookin" but distracted I thought he was in about the weather and replied "absolutely gorgeous!" It was only when I had the reply said did it actually dawn on me what he had said.

The last one made me burst out laughing

Widdershins

I can't say. Too recent and distinctive. Second last time: 'Shins having her pre-Mirena coil exam with a male gynaecologist. Totally tuned out 'cause it really doesn't bother me. Also pretty tired and mildly stressful week so brain on the blink, nothing new there. I happened to notice some really intricate pargeting, which is like fancy plasterwork, in the corner of the ceiling of the examination room which is in an old Georgian building. Being a massive nerd about things like that, what did I, looking up at the ceiling with my legs in the air, say? ''Oh! that's nice!''

*Two nurses rush into the room and the gynae doctor lurches backwards in horror, face stricken*

DivingDuck

Earlier today I was having a chat with someone online while the TV was on, and ended up splicing what I was hearing into the conversation.

I called somebody a very nice pie.

Chap, I meant to say, He's a very nice chap. I wasn't even trying to say guy?

Widdershins

DivingDuck wrote: »

Earlier today I was having a chat with someone online while the TV was on, and ended up splicing what I was hearing into the conversation.

I called somebody a very nice pie.

Chap, I meant to say, He's a very nice chap. I wasn't even trying to say guy?

Spoonerism!

DivingDuck

Widdershins wrote: »

Spoonerism!

I thought that was transposing bits of words, not the wrong word?

I'm embarrassingly susceptible to it, whatever it's called. Puts me in mind of being back in school biology where if you had to read out anything that had the word "organism" in it, all your baxstard mates would sit chanting "orgasm, orgasm, orgasm" under their breath to try and destroy you.

Widdershins

DivingDuck wrote: »

I thought that was transposing bits of words, not the wrong word?

I'm embarrassingly susceptible to it, whatever it's called. Puts me in mind of being back in school biology where if you had to read out anything that had the word "organism" in it, all your baxstard mates would sit chanting "orgasm, orgasm, orgasm" under their breath to try and destroy you.

Hm, you're right, come to think of it

endacl

Widdershins wrote: »

Spoonerism!

Not a spoonerism.

"He's a very pice nie" would spoo a beenerism!

begbysback

I was in the petrol station a while back and asked for a car wash, the girl behind the counter handed me the ticket and said would you like sparkling water or still? I said, what to wash my car, the girl burst into colvulsions of laughter, for longer than I was comfortable with - then pointed to the sign which stated you get a free bottle of water with each car wash!!

Winterlong

As far as today goes - so far so good.

pragmatic1

Any time I consume alcohol. Cannot moderate my drinking once I get started.

notsoyoungwan

Last week I filled up with diesel. I always try and get the amount to end exactly on the euro, but in 12 years of driving I've NEVER managed this, usually go 1 or 2 cents over. When that happens I try bring it to the nearest 5 or 10 cents, which takes me a few attempts usually. Anyway, last week for the first time ever, on the first go I ended at €69.00 exactly. I was ridiculously disproportionately excited about this. I went into the shop and said to the cashier "I've fuel at number 3", he replied "€69?", to which I replied "yep, that's me, my 69 is perfect".

Seriously.

Mena Mitty

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I'm constantly embarrassing myself. Driving an hour to Harvey normals to buy kitchen appliances and getting there only to realise a) there's no way it'll fit in my car and b) who knew you were supposed to measure the space at home to make sure it would fit

Going to buy car tyres. Garage man asks "what size?" I told him just the regular size please. The stare he threw made me realise regular size wasn't the correct answer.

Ringing up for insurance. Was asked what size the engine was. Replied I had no idea as I never saw it.

And most recently, and not to do with size, I was walking to the shop mentally preparing the list of sweets I wanted to buy. It was the start of the really sunny weather. This aul lad was sitting outside sunning himself and ibwas away in my own little world. He said to me "you're lovely lookin" but distracted I thought he was in about the weather and replied "absolutely gorgeous!" It was only when I had the reply said did it actually dawn on me what he had said.

Have you blond hair ?

Flibble

I got stuck with a boring customer talking about her cousin or something, but was earwigging on an funny/interesting conversation happening beside me between my colleague & one of our fave customers, so I tuned out of what the boring customer was waffling about.

I snapped back to the moment when I heard her say the words 'imagine that!! Imagine finding him just hanging there! I tell ya, we'll never get over it.'

I realised then that I had been on autopilot, smiling/nodding, giving a little chuckle after her voice became animated etc, responding to the other, funny conversation I was actually listening to.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Mena Mitty wrote: »

Have you blond hair ?

Nope I'm a malteaser. Brown on the outside blonde on the inside

FTA69

Last week checking in a bag with the airline. "Thank you sir, enjoy your holiday." "You too." Cringe. I always do it, "Happy birthday" - "thanks you too!"

davo10

At a friend's wedding a few years ago, I hadn't seen childhood friends for decades so we all hit the bar hard the night before. I wasn't at my sharpest the following morning when sitting in the church. I recognised the names of those reading the prayers of the faithful on the mass booklet, except the last one, unfortunately before my brain engaged I asked, just loud enough for lots of people to hear, who Ave Maria was. It was a long day of piss taking after that.

Lorelli!

FTA69 wrote: »

Last week checking in a bag with the airline. "Thank you sir, enjoy your holiday." "You too." Cringe. I always do it, "Happy birthday" - "thanks you too!"

I was in the butcher's the other week and I was looking around and the butcher said to me "it's lovely weather we're having" and I smiled and said "oh ye, it's gorgeous out today".

Then I went ahead and got what I wanted and when I was paying him at the till, he looked up at me and said "it's lovely weather we're having isn't it?"! His face was like "**** i already said that to her". We had a bit of an awkward silent moment and then I just said "eh ye it's gorgeous"

donegaLroad

I was driving a work van which was plastered in mud with a large metal template strapped to the roof rack, and I came upon a long line of traffic on a clear stretch of road. There was nothing coming and I could see well into the distance, so I said to myself, if no one is going to pass then I will overtake as much of this traffic as I can (Im a safe driver)..

I was coming to the end of the line of traffic when I saw a cars coming towards me, so I had to pull in behind the last car which I hadn't realised was a hearse. It was a funeral procession... I had to sit behind the hearse at 30mph for a couple of minutes before I could overtake it... I was cringing with embarrassment as I was now sitting between the chief mourners and the hearse... 'wash me' etc written into the dirt on my van.

happypants

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

Brought out reminder notice to pay the Toll Bridge toll (on the due by date) which I had received as I had forgotten to pay the damn thing online in time... but I only remembered when half way through watching a film at the flicks that I was supposed to pay it and so now I have to pay almost €50!! For using a damn toll bridge. Sufferin succotash!

No no no, do not pay that. Give them a call say you can't afford it and it was a silly mistake etc they'll usually cancel the debt or reduce it by 70%. Just be pleasant on the phone.