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Child Item

Do you judge single people?

Potential-Monke

Was having a conversation with a mate of mine the other night. I'm 33, 34 in a month, he's just turned 36. He keeps asking (usually during inebriated states) if he'll ever find the one and settle down and have a family. I never want kids, so he's asking the wrong person. He thinks that he is constantly judged for being single, worrying that people think there's something wrong with him, etc, etc. Me, couldn't care less. While i miss the companionship of having a missus, i never want kids so my options are limited, and i'm ok with that. And i usually give no fcuks what people think of me. I know who i am, what i like, etc.

I brought up the fact that I have no issue with going to the cinema by myself (Limitless, so i go quite often). He said he could never do it, that people would be staring at him as the single loser at the cinema by themselves. I told him i went to see The Secret Life of Pets by myself, the last day it was in the cinema. I was the only person by myself and there were 5 others families there with their kids. My mate said he'd have to walk out for fear of someone judging him. Made me wonder if people actually do judge singletons.

So, AH, do ye judge us lucky folk?

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KyussBeeshop

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Kz7YUdy-Cg

:pac:

I think it's kind of a sad reflection on someones personality, when they look down on people for being single, when in a relationship - it just reeks of insecurity - as if they're the kind of person who has to seek out petty 'faults' in other people, in order to feel good about themselves.

Avatar MIA

Judge no, But that old saying, "confirmed bachelor" comes to mind. :pac:

Sound Bite

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Also, once you're past mid 30s, a higher proportion of people who are still single are like that because they have some health or psychological issues which mean they have difficulty forming a relationship. Unkind people may call them crazy or suchlike. So by association some will wonder if any single person they meet falls into this category, or is just recently-dumped (and thus damaged goods).

I only judge people who make comments like this! Seriously wtf?

Bambi985

I think people judge. In varying amounts according to age and gender. I.E a 30-something single woman will probably be subjected to more scrutiny than a 20-something male. We've got a real hard-on for the married and mortgaged by 30 with kids a year later lifestyle in Ireland. Especially the older generation and especially in non urban parts. Someone who hasn't subscribed to that same lifestyle makes lots of people suspicious and they can often suffer socially too.

I'm coupled up now, and I swear one of the nicest things is to not have to deal with the "why are you still single?" And "you'll meet him when you least expect it" comments of my single 20s.

kerrylad1

Always wondered why a very good mate of mine was single.Early forties,Good job,own house,good looking chap,etc.Woke up this morning at 6am,turned on my phone,text he sent me at 4:30 am came through.(I love you mam).Text him back(I love you too son).Haven't heard back from him yet.Mammies boy.

fatknacker

I don't feel judged at all. Some people are curious as to why I'm single. I wouldn't call that judging. Then when I reply, they understand why.

My usual response is "ugly, stupid and lazy people get married and spawn too"

jamesbere

Bambi985 wrote: »

I think people judge. In varying amounts according to age and gender. I.E a 30-something single woman will probably be subjected to more scrutiny than a 20-something male. We've got a real hard-on for the married and mortgaged by 30 with kids a year later lifestyle in Ireland. Especially the older generation and especially in non urban parts. Someone who hasn't subscribed to that same lifestyle makes lots of people suspicious and they can often suffer socially too.

I'm coupled up now, and I swear one of the nicest things is to not have to deal with the "why are you still single?" And "you'll meet him when you least expect it" comments of my single 20s.

Their we're a group of girls I did leaving cert with, and you could tell they were going to be married with kids before they were 30.

Lovely women, down to earth but you could tell their type.

Beric Dondarrion

No. Would never judge anyone who is single. Male or female. I have friends who are coupled up and I have friends who are single. Some by choice, some because of circumstances. All good people in their own rights. Who they are/aren't with never comes in to it when I'm spending time in their company. It's their deeds and actions, as well as my own, that is more important.

Cee-Jay-Cee

I was single till I was 35. Married 8 years now and 2 children and while I wouldn't change it for the world I do envy some single unattached friends of mine from time to time but they also envy what I have at times too.

I have never and would never judge anyone for being single whether it's by choice or circumstance, I don't think many others would either.

OP maybe your friend is still single because he is so insecure and slightly paranoid. He needs to understand people have their own lives and problems to care about and very very few people could give a flying fcuk whether he's single or not. Maybe if he were a bit more secure in himself he'd meet someone and find what's he's been looking for. Insecurity is not attractive.

Widdershins

I wouldn't even notice. The only people I judge at the cinema are people who disrupt the movie, which rarely happens. Does he spend his life wondering about everyone's personal life?

[Deleted User]

I wouldn't judge anyone negatively for being single, that's crazy, some of the most decent people are single and some horrible people are not. People like to gossip about people being single though, think they feel it helps to validate themselves or their families. I do believe that most people (certainly not all) are better off in relationships though, and it's important to keep looking if things don't work out for you early on in life.

Samaris

Don't see much point judging someone for either being in a relationship or being single. Not everyone's cut out for a long-term relationship spanning the rest of their lives and why should they be?

Others just haven't met someone they want to get into a relationship with yet.

Peoples pairing up (or otherwise) isn't anyone else's business to judge, tbh.

scopper

As a confirmed bachelor (not a player) I've never even thought about this. What would he be judged for? I can imagine being saying oh they must be lonely or oh they must have a great life, but not sure I'd call that judging.

Widdershins

scopper wrote: »

As a confirmed bachelor (not a player) I've never even thought about this. What would he be judged for? I can imagine being saying oh they must be lonely or oh they must have a great life, but not sure I'd call that judging.

I gather it's ''what's wrong with the person that nobody will go out with them''. Ridiculous, I know.

Beyondgone

If by "judge" you mean "quietly envy" then yes. Yes I do. I judge them hard.

cantdecide

I'm 35 and have always struggled to find companionship of any sort (except attached women adore me - go figure). At this point, I'm working for peanuts and taking a part time degree. When I get those better jobs, my plan is buy a house with an enviable garage full of old motorbikes and bits and pieces. I want to learn how to restore and build guitars and I'll start a jam group again with my mates for the fun. I'm going to buy a small camper. I'm going to see the world. The world is full of amazing women and if a nice someone comes along for me, it would be wonderful to share everything but if she keeps on walking, life will still be wonderful, just differently so.

Beyondgone

cantdecide wrote: »

I'm 35 and have always struggled to find companionship of any sort (except attached women adore me - go figure). At this point, I'm working for peanuts and taking a part time degree. When I get those better jobs, my plan is buy a house with an enviable garage full of old motorbikes and bits and pieces. I want to learn how to restore and build guitars and I'll start a jam group again with my mates for the fun. I'm going to buy a small camper. I'm going to see the world. The world is full of amazing women and if a nice someone comes along for me, it would be wonderful to share everything but if she keeps on walking, life will still be wonderful, just differently so.

I cantdecide what this has to do with the thread. But that's an impressive wishlist. But you know what they say about wishes. Beggars, horses and all that.

Purple Mountain

kerrylad1 wrote: »

Always wondered why a very good mate of mine was single.Early forties,Good job,own house,good looking chap,etc.Woke up this morning at 6am,turned on my phone,text he sent me at 4:30 am came through.(I love you mam).Text him back(I love you too son).Haven't heard back from him yet.Mammies boy.

He sounds like a keeper.. Can I get his number?

Sam Kade

Beyondgone wrote: »

If by "judge" you mean "quietly envy" then yes. Yes I do. I judge them hard.

I judge my half twin who is single and wish it was me, **** married life

since I got married I'm living a life of misery.

Purple Mountain

sassyj wrote: »

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

I think that people do. Maybe not exactly judge. But once you reach the age when most people are coupled, the social life does dry up: couples would far rather socialise with other couples, and at some level the same-gender-as-you-partner does worry about you trying to steal his/her partner.

Also, once you're past mid 30s, a higher proportion of people who are still single are like that because they have some health or psychological issues which mean they have difficulty forming a relationship. Unkind people may call them crazy or suchlike. So by association some will wonder if any single person they meet falls into this category, or is just recently-dumped (and thus damaged goods).

I'm saying this from the perspective of someone who was single until 40 (apart from a couple of brief 3-month datings along the way). In my 20s I was more conscious of it. But by my 30s, if no friends wanted to so someplace I wanted to go, then I very happily went alone (and sometimes I didn't even bother checking with the friends, I just went anyways).

This is utter bullsh*t. Any meaningful backup to your pronouncement beside anecdotal evidence???

Quite a few over-35 single people on this thread, by your reckoning most of us are mentally damaged in some way. And age wise, how does it work, 34 and single, AOK. 35, ok now you've mentally deficient in some way and are unable to form relationships.

There are countless reasons people end up single, that you would presume the above speaks volumes about you.

A really uninformed, ignorant thing to say about people.

They're are tricky people of all ages on the dating scene as there are in life.

I'm really surprised by this astonishing pronouncement from Mrs O B. Usually her posts are very wisdom filled but this is very insulting especially as she has not offered any factual basis to this 'fact'. Was there a field study done or some test on 'single' lab rats to prove the correlation between the single 35+ yr old and the liklihood to be physically or psychologically unwell?
I missed that one.

Beyondgone

Purple Mountain wrote: »

I'm really surprised by this astonishing pronouncement from Mrs O B. Usually her posts are very wisdom filled but this is very insulting especially as she has not offered any factual basis to this 'fact'. Was there a field study done or some test on 'single' lab rats to prove the correlation between the single 35+ yr old and the liklihood to be physically or psychologically unwell?
I missed that one.

Mr O'B isn't the best.

Nuff said..

Poor Uncle Tom

cantdecide wrote: »

I'm 35 and have always struggled to find companionship of any sort (except attached women adore me - go figure). At this point, I'm working for peanuts and taking a part time degree. When I get those better jobs, my plan is buy a house with an enviable garage full of old motorbikes and bits and pieces. I want to learn how to restore and build guitars and I'll start a jam group again with my mates for the fun. I'm going to buy a small camper. I'm going to see the world. The world is full of amazing women and if a nice someone comes along for me, it would be wonderful to share everything but if she keeps on walking, life will still be wonderful, just differently so.

You would love my garage so, currently got 4 bikes, two running and two nearly there, and the bones of 4 guitars, the latest a gold V 6 and an iroko body looking for a final shape....

BTW, I've been married 22 years and I'm not even sure I'm done yet...

Keep on living, you only get one chance...

whoopsadoodles

cantdecide wrote: »

I'm 35 and have always struggled to find companionship of any sort (except attached women adore me - go figure). At this point, I'm working for peanuts and taking a part time degree. When I get those better jobs, my plan is buy a house with an enviable garage full of old motorbikes and bits and pieces. I want to learn how to restore and build guitars and I'll start a jam group again with my mates for the fun. I'm going to buy a small camper. I'm going to see the world. The world is full of amazing women and if a nice someone comes along for me, it would be wonderful to share everything but if she keeps on walking, life will still be wonderful, just differently so.

If you let me have a piece of that garage for old cars then we might have a deal

Fcukin love old cars ('80s-'90s)!

Beyondgone

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

If you let me have a piece of that garage for old cars then we might have a deal

Fcukin love old cars ('80s-'90s)!

Mines rammed with the ones people drool over. I like to call it "the pension".

PistolsAtDawn

Approaching the 1 year mark of being single. After being in a 9 year relationship.
For what it's worth, in my opinion single life is sooooo much better. I do what I want, when I want, freeeeeedddddddddoooooooooommmmmmm

Mr.Plough

29, single for the last 2 years, which have been valuable. Year of solo travel ahead and then looking forward to dating in my thirties, relationships are great.

People who go to the cinema on their own, hats off to them for not giving a bollox. Too many people (myself included) give away far too many bolloxes.

cantdecide

Poor Uncle Tom wrote: »

You would love my garage so, currently got 4 bikes, two running and two nearly there, and the bones of 4 guitars, the latest a gold V 6 and an iroko body looking for a final shape....

BTW, I've been married 22 years and I'm not even sure I'm done yet...

Keep on living, you only get one chance...

Outstanding! Your name should be Rich Uncle Tom, by the sounds of it!

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

If you let me have a piece of that garage for old cars then we might have a deal

Fcukin love old cars ('80s-'90s)!

Another ambition is to learn to weld and fully restore a car at least once. The 80s and 90s are very misunderstood years in classic cars but there are gems. A RWD Starlet would be a cool one to restore, I think.

Beyondgone wrote: »

Mines rammed with the ones people drool over. I like to call it "the pension".

Currently, my pension appears to be a washing machine and tumble dryer with noisy bearings!!

PistolsAtDawn wrote: »

Approaching the 1 year mark of being single. After being in a 9 year relationship.
For what it's worth, in my opinion single life is sooooo much better. I do what I want, when I want, freeeeeedddddddddoooooooooommmmmmm

The ideal is having all of the above and also having someone to rub your belly while you watch TV...

LordSutch

Lot's of benefits to being single, many downsides too . . . .

I miss the complete & utter freedom of being single & being able to make decisions, without having to consult " she who must be obeyed" on the other hand its nice not being on " the chase" all the time :-)

Colser

Beyondgone wrote: »

Mines rammed with the ones people drool over. I like to call it "the pension".

Tell us more..what's in it ?Are you single?ðŸ˜

Wanderer2010

There is an unseen kind of expectation from Irish society that at 30 you should have the job, own house and a partner to settle down with. This is particularly strong in rural areas, probably because there are limited outlets for socializing and those that exist revolve around family activities, kids plays, coffee mornings etc so there is pressure to "conform".

I'm single in my 30s and I love it, you have freedom to do what you want when you want and some of the comments you get like "Ah when are you going to grow up and give us a day out" I just laugh and say "Never, if you want a day out sort it out yourself". You have to be as bad as them or they wont back down. Its jealousy coming out in sly remarks. I would never judge anyone for their relationship status, I judge people by their actions full stop. I still find it hard to believe that anyone would CARE enough to judge, people are all about their own lives...