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Rio Ferdinand:from love cheat to "hero"?

Bambi985

Seeing clips everywhere from his "Being Mum and Dad" documentary about life after the death of his wife that will be airing on BBC tonight.

While it looks like a very worthwhile programme that I'm sure will help lots of grieving young widowers everywhere, seeing so many people gush about how "inspiring" and "brave" he is on social media seems a bit much, given that he cheated on his wife with more than 10 women and absolutely humiliated her when she was alive.

Now not that he in any way deserved the horrible fate that awaited him, not for a second. And perhaps he's an absolutely fantastic father now and it is his biggest regret in life. But still. Something doesn't sit well with me about how he's now being glorified.

Thoughts?

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Bambi985

OSI wrote: »

"Really sorry about your wife dying Rio, must be hard on the kids. Shame about you riding all those other women though eh?"

Yeah, sounds exactly like the kind of conversation that won't get you deservedly knocked the **** out.

And that's the only possible way you can think of such a question being framed? Any good journalist would find a way to address it in the documentary, and to weave it into one of the interviews with Ferdinand without sounding like some sort of socially inept moron.

I'd guess his PR team will have locked down any attempts at that sort of searing honesty how and ever.

arayess

Bambi985 wrote: »

He's a good father, he was a crap husband, at least for a period at the height of his fame. I'd say that's a fair statement.

I amn't sure that is fair, based on his status and wealth they lived in a bubble that offers a lifestyle that 99.99% will never know or comprehend.
There is a book called the secret footballer that explains this lifestyle in depth.

I'm not saying its right or wrong just very different and between the 2 of them.

they reconciled ,he clearly is upset at her death and loves his kids .
I think that's enough without nitpicking through past mistakes in a puerile attempt to undermine him...which is the aim of the thread.

JackTaylorFan

Bambi985 wrote: »

He's a good father, he was a crap husband, at least for a period at the height of his fame. I'd say that's a fair statement.

He's a good father in the fact he was lucky enough his talent for kicking an inflated bag of animal flesh was a lucruative enough source of income. The same income that probably kept his marriage together. Honestly, his story is more akin ro a Jeremy Kyle show than a hero story. It bstrikes me as some PR managed stunt.

Sorry, but there are much befter examples of lone fathers out there - who struggle not just with emotional grief but financially too and who don't cheat.

The whole "woe is me" celebrity craze is sickening too.

Galwayguy35

It's a bit baffling to see how he found any woman to cheat with, he doesn't seem to be a fella who was blessed with good looks compared to say someone like David Beckham.

Icemancometh

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

It's a bit baffling to see how he found any woman to cheat with, he doesn't seem to be a fella who was blessed with good looks compared to say someone like David Beckham.

You think a very successful professional athlete would have difficulty finding someone to sleep with?

Winterlong

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

It's a bit baffling to see how he found any woman to cheat with, he doesn't seem to be a fella who was blessed with good looks compared to say someone like David Beckham.

I am sure the money helps. Access to 'the celeb' lifestyle.
Yerman Dean Gaffney was riding all around him in his hey day. And he was a lot less wealthy than Rio.

Galwayguy35

Icemancometh wrote: »

You think a very successful professional athlete would have difficulty finding someone to sleep with?

Winterlong wrote: »

I am sure the money helps. Access to 'the celeb' lifestyle.
Yerman Dean Gaffney was riding all around him in his hey day. And he was a lot less wealthy than Rio.

Well yeah I guess that's true but shagging someone if you've no attraction to them at all other than the fact that their famous just seems a bit strange.

76544567

I have a mate who was/is a very famous professional athlete.
You couldnt go out for a pint without heaps of women trying to shag him.
He even shagged a few there and then in the toilets. Even ones who were out with boyfriends.
They give him whatever weird signal women do to guys like that then off they go to the jacks.
Then hes back telling us all about it, and the girl is back over with her boyfriend (sometimes husband, ive seen it) who has no idea what went on in the last 10 minutes in the toilets or even the car park.

And he was happily married at the time and still is.

I asked him one time what did his wife think of it.
Ill paraphrase what he told me.
"I love xxxx to bits. Shes my soul mate. But if any man had these amazing looking women throwing themselves at him he would do exactly the same. Ive just got used to it. I tried stopping, but I cant. Its been happening since i was in my teens. She knows it and we dont talk about it, but we are still very much in love."

He has settled down in the last few years but his still has his end away quite often.
And yes, they are still very much in love.

Anyway the point im trying to make is that its a whole weird world they live in. The likes of us normal folk, just cant understand it.
They just see that kind of stuff as normal, because it happens so easily.

Arghus

I haven't been keeping bang up to date with all of this - where's the proof?

Galwayguy35

76544567 wrote: »

I have a mate who was/is a very famous professional athlete.
You couldnt go out for a pint without heaps of women trying to shag him.
He even shagged a few there and then in the toilets. Even ones who were out with boyfriends.
They give him whatever weird signal women do to guys like that then off they go to the jacks.
Then hes back telling us all about it, and the girl is back over with her boyfriend (sometimes husband, ive seen it) who has no idea what went on in the last 10 minutes in the toilets or even the car park.

And he was happily married at the time and still is.

I asked him one time what did his wife think of it.
Ill paraphrase what he told me.
"I love xxxx to bits. Shes my soul mate. But if any man had these amazing looking women throwing themselves at him he would do exactly the same. Ive just got used to it. I tried stopping, but I cant. Its been happening since i was in my teens. She knows it and we dont talk about it, but we are still very much in love."

He has settled down in the last few years but his still has his end away quite often.
And yes, they are still very much in love.

Anyway the point im trying to make is that its a whole weird world they live in. The likes of us normal folk, just cant understand it.
They just see that kind of stuff as normal, because it happens so easily.

Well taking you at your word that this story is true he could stop if he really wanted to in fairness.

She might not be "very much in love" with him if he gives her a dose of the clap.

PhuckHugh

Bambi985 wrote: »

Seeing clips everywhere from his "Being Mum and Dad" documentary about life after the death of his wife that will be airing on BBC tonight.

While it looks like a very worthwhile programme that I'm sure will help lots of grieving young widowers everywhere, seeing so many people gush about how "inspiring" and "brave" he is on social media seems a bit much, given that he cheated on his wife with more than 10 women and absolutely humiliated her when she was alive.

Now not that he in any way deserved the horrible fate that awaited him, not for a second. And perhaps he's an absolutely fantastic father now and it is his biggest regret in life. But still. Something doesn't sit well with me about how he's now being glorified.

Thoughts?

I'm sure he is full of regret and a bit of him probably feels the duress he put her under when he humiliated her led to her getting cancer.. having to live with those demons and raise young kids in those circumstances can't be easy.

76544567

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Well taking you at your word that this story is true he could stop if he really wanted to in fairness.

She might not be "very much in love" with him if he gives her a dose of the clap.

But he doesnt really want to stop.
He feels guilty sometimes, but its normal life for them.
She knew it when she married him. Sure she was was of many who was with him at the same time before they got married and she knew it.
He fell in love with her, but in their weird world that means, i want to spend the rest of my life with you, but stray away often and always come back to you.
As I said, weird.

Ive been out with the couple and other famous married sportsmen have been there and cop off with someone when their wives arent present, and not an eyelid batted by the other wives present at all.

EagererBeaver

arayess wrote: »

I think that's enough without nitpicking through past mistakes in a puerile attempt to undermine him...which is the aim of the thread.

Yeah, heaven forbid anybody tried to have a discussion about sensitive issues, the real ambition was to "undermine" Rio.

professore

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Well yeah I guess that's true but shagging someone if you've no attraction to them at all other than the fact that their famous just seems a bit strange.

Attraction doesn't work the same for everyone. Some women in my experience - never seen it with men - are attracted to money and power, just as some men are attracted to a sexy body to ****. Professional footballer is the perfect storm. Also Rio is tall. Men and women are generally attracted to different things. That's why you will see women going on about some gorgeous woman or man and you'll be like wtf? Like that bloke that is a prick and talks sh1t about women 24/7 and cheats every chance he gets tends to be a hit with the ladies. Equally women who are good looking get away with lots of stuff that less attractive ones wouldn't.

Also the chance that a footballers wife marries him because she actually loves him are vanishingly small. It's like a business contract. She gets money and a lifestyle and I he gets children. That's the thing i admire about Ronaldo, he actually did the decent thing (assuming he's straight).

Look at Ryan Giggs shagging his brother's wife - no one can tell me with a straight face that that was "love"

One eyed Jack

Bambi985 wrote: »

Thoughts?

Celebrities are often held to different standards than people who aren't in the public eye. That's a double-edged sword which can just as easily fall one way or the other depending upon who you talk to.

I don't know a whole pile about the guy so I wouldn't hold him up as in any way representative of anyone, whether it be that they cheated on their partner, whether they're a widower, or whether they're a lone parent. There are a completely different set of standards applied, because above any of those things, they're a celebrity. Most people who cheat on their partners or are lone parents, aren't celebrities so are often spared the same scrutiny of the public eye too.

AnneFrank

lots of harsh comments here, women have affairs too you know.
I would imagine he regrets the pain he put his wife through every day of the week.
But he can't go back, and i for one, wouldn't wish the pain he must go through now on anyone

[Deleted User]

I wouldn't judge him as a person for cheating.

But maybe someone who had no such accusations made about him, and was struggling to make ends meet, would simply have made for a more interesting and honest documentary. Rather than "here's a famous person, let's skirt around the issue many of ye are thinking about when his name is mentioned"

arayess

EagererBeaver wrote: »

Yeah, heaven forbid anybody tried to have a discussion about sensitive issues, the real ambition was to "undermine" Rio.

he did a show on dealing with his wife's death and raising the kids alone.
dragging up his sexual past as a stick to undermine his legitimacy is a bit mean spirited.
It was brought up not to "have a discussion about sensitive issues" but to knock him off his pedestal .

Dravokivich

GLaDOS wrote: »

From the clips I've seen it does look at how it's impacted him personally, as well as leaving him a single father. I think it's fair to mention his infidelity.

Why? Why does infidelity matter at all?

EagererBeaver

arayess wrote: »

he did a show on dealing with his wife's death and raising the kids alone.
dragging up his sexual past as a stick to undermine his legitimacy is a bit mean spirited.
It was brought up not to "have a discussion about sensitive issues" but to knock him off his pedestal .

Thank you for clarifying your ability to read the mind of the original poster.

Wheeliebin30

I wonder if it came out he raised a hand to her during their marriage would people be so sympathetic to him.

Emotional abuse through affairs is just as hurtful as physical abuse if not worst at times.

[Deleted User]

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

Agreed but I'd be much more interested in your story than the likes of Rio Ferdinand struggling with his millions.

Bambi985

arayess wrote: »

he did a show on dealing with his wife's death and raising the kids alone.
dragging up his sexual past as a stick to undermine his legitimacy is a bit mean spirited.
It was brought up not to "have a discussion about sensitive issues" but to knock him off his pedestal .

Huh? Wonderful insight into my inner motives there, anonymous poster on the internet that I've never met or heard of before.

A famous footballer is hailed and revered for a sensitive documentary about his life raising a young family after the death of his wife, the same one he was publicly slated for cheating on repeatedly while she was alive. Felt a bit odd to me that no-one wanted to remember that.

Anyway. Watched the doc last night, thought it was beautifully produced and very tastefully done. The man is obviously broken and struggling to deal with his grief. I've no doubt he regrets his actions and would change them all if he could go back.

It's also insightful to hear from another poster about the reality of being this kind of a high-profile athlete and the sheer amount of women you have access to and the different set of rules you abide by and everyone turns a blind eye. It's not like Rio was an anomaly in being a cheating footballer, look at Wayne Rooney, Ryan Giggs, Peter Crouch who in another life would struggle to get a look-in with any woman. It's a sad reality and even if their wives are compensated with a better lifestyle than they could ever have dreamt of, if it's at the cost of sharing your fella with any hot woman who crosses his path just because that's the way it is, it's hardly a happy life with their self-esteem fully intact that they'll be living.

[Deleted User]

Bambi985 wrote: »

It's not like Rio was an anomaly in being a cheating footballer, look at Wayne Rooney, Ryan Giggs, Peter Crouch who in another life would struggle to get a look-in with any woman...

I married a great looking woman too. Though, I as a minor I was captain of the club and school teams...so maybe there is something to your theory after all...

[Deleted User]

Not much that can be done about his infidelity now.

Life is more complicated than either 'love-rat' or 'hero'. Sadly our tabloids and social media insist that he is one or the other.

__Alex__

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

Actually, I've always noted that singles fathers get far more praise societally than single mothers.

__Alex__

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Well, Rio is treated as a sleaze while Diana, as Permabear has noted is still remembered fondly. A bit of a double standard, no?

You two must be living in a parallel universe to me, Princess Diana has had a huge amount of criticism levelled at her, before AND since her death. Lots of praise, sure, but lots of concomitant criticism also.

Romantic Rose

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

The same needs to be the said for single mothers though. Everyone thinks you're a chav who wants to live off benefits if you parent alone, especially single mothers. I know plenty of children who were raised in single parent families who are fantastic human beings. A lot of people have a stigma about it though, about both genders is the point I'm making.

[Deleted User]

Dravokivich wrote: »

Why? Why does infidelity matter at all?

Because kids learn about how to be adults by watching the important people in their lives. Boys learn how to be a man with every single action of their fathers - including how it's acceptable to treat others, whether they emulate it or reject it, it matters.

They learn similarly from their mothers, but their father is the go-to role model for how to be a husband. Girls learn how to be women in much the same way. To say his infidelity has no impact on his kids is to ignore the fact that his kids will grow to see him as a complete person, probably someone to be admired, and will look at how he treated the mother they love and miss so much. How it affects them is up to them, and him, but you can't re-write history.

Exactly the same applies with all genders reversed etc., etc., etc.

There are single parents, mothers and fathers, going through exactly what he is while trying to juggle full-time jobs and who have none of the advantages that fame, money, and acclaim affords. They're probably more relatable examples of everyday heroism.

That said, I'm sure the guy feels his loss and does his best to parent his kids as best he can and is probably filled with regret, and I'd wish him nothing but the best for himself and his kids. It's a tough hand to get dealt, regardless of circumstances. However tough it is for him, it's much worse for those young kids and I hope they adjust well and grow up knowing that their dad did his very best for them, as I'm sure he's doing.

__Alex__

Romantic Rose wrote: »

The same needs to be the said for single mothers though. Everyone thinks you're a chav who wants to live off benefits if you parent alone, especially single mothers. I know plenty of children who were raised in single parent families who are fantastic human beings. A lot of people have a stigma about it though, about both genders is the point I'm making.

Absolutely, though I think single mothers are judged far more than single fathers, even on a subconscious level.

Candie wrote: »

Because kids learn about how to be adults by watching the important people in their lives. Boys learn how to be a man with every single action of their fathers - including how it's acceptable to treat others, whether they emulate it or reject it, it matters.

They learn similarly from their mothers, but their father is the go-to role model for how to be a husband. Girls learn how to be women in much the same way. To say his infidelity has no impact on his kids is to ignore the fact that his kids will grow to see him as a complete person, probably someone to be admired, and will look at how he treated the mother they love and miss so much. How it affects them is up to them, and him, but you can't re-write history.

Agreed, children pick up on a lot more than some people seem to think. His eldest was nine when she died and that is old enough to detect problems between parents. And absolutely how parents treat each other can be passed on to children.