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When was the last time you lost your temper?

DEFTLEFTHAND

Had an incident today.

Was lifting wood into the boot of my car with my brother.

He didn't want to help me at all, he was being real pissy about it.

The incident occurred when he dropped a log up against my motor and scratched my paintwork. A careless sloppy action.

I saw red and cursed him out of it. I used terrible phrases like "you stupid fcking cnut" and "useless bastard".

I've calmed down now and feel bad about the incident. He left after I got thick and now won't answer my calls.

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stampydmonkey

s4uv3 wrote: »

I don't lose it, I just go quiet. Scary quiet

Exact same in personal life. Go through the internal equivalent of an atom bomb but super quiet on the outside. Get rid of it via exercise.

Work on the other hand...I'm a seething raging cnut when things aren't done right...Fcukin sales reps!

Stigura

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

I have oven tray scars on both arms.

It actually is a third degree burn. All layers of the epidermis are harmed beyond repair.

Was this you, DeftLeft ....?

Peregrine

I get noticeably annoyed with people but I never really lose my temper.

Jack the Stripper

Practically every day at the moment, having all the luck but none of the good type.

ChikiChiki

Punched a hole in the wall of the family home. My mother who is an alcoholic and a shameless one at that, was saying some pretty awful things to me at the time. I fixed it up the next day.

I now no longer speak with her and have cut her out of my life until she admits her alcoholism and seeks help.

Graces7

By "losing your temper"Defined by a total loss of control over yourself, red mist time ... ? or just also being totally bad tempered?

I have only really lost it, ie been out of control once.

As a young teacher, one class last period Friday was playing up and I lost it. No physical violence, just screaming at them to try to get control of them..

Which they knew and played on.

I learned that day that losing it affects and hurts only yourself and learned the art of simulating anger without losing control.

Never again did a class of teenagers defeat me . And not even a class of apprentices on a day release to a college I taught at who said they went "Paki bashing" at weekends for fun, and probably did.

If you lose control, there is no way forward.

Righteous indignation at injustice is a different thing altogether, as is reaction to sudden pain.

My illness means I have low energy and low tolerance so I am careful to set limits now. Sure I swear when I fall etc. Or stub my toes etc etc.

But raging openly at folk? No.

In years past I used to divert the huge energy anger brings into physical work, Mowing the lawn was excellent( push mower not electric etc) and on occasion the lawn at that house got scalped.

Wanderer78

I'm not sure I've ever lost my temper, I'm not even sure what that feels like

Graces7

Wanderer78 wrote: »

I'm not sure I've ever lost my temper, I'm not even sure what that feels like

It is quite horrible. Makes you helpless.

Froshtbit

Yesterday, I lost my temper with a 'friend'. Long story short, she told a lot of people a lot of things they had no business knowing.

Gunslinger92

I'm nearly 25 and I really don't think I've ever properly lost my temper, despite being a redhead :P

FTA69

I remember the only time losing the rag when I was doing doors and to be honest I still don't regret it. The UCC soccer team came in after a match one night in their stupid blazers and were doing the absolute fool. One youngfella bate all though, he went into the jacks - dropped trousers and p*ssed all over everything, the walls the floors the sinks everything. He'd even stop mid-flow and then shuffle to a different part to p*ss on it. Absolute vandalism. The manager in the control room saw this on the cameras and ordered him to be put out.

Downstairs his coach and friends were rowing with the lads about him being thrown out when quick as a flash, the cretin picked up a pot plant that was out the front and threw it in the front door hitting a middle aged woman in the back before sprinting off laughing. I was doing front of house so tore after him (other bouncers were a bunch of useless giant rugger buggers) and I literally chased him for about a mile. We settled into a pace with me 30 feet behind him periodically roaring I was going to kill him.

Eventually I managed to catch him andpull him on to the ground when of course he burst into tears. Rather than assault him I took his wallet off him, threw it over a high wall, tore his driving license into pieces and dropped his house and car keys down the drain.

I honestly hope he learned a valuable lesson not to be a dick when out in town.

EazyD

Rare that I would lose my temper, if I have an issue with someone I'll make it well known calmly but directly before tempers flare. What really gets me is passive aggressiveness in any situation, far uglier trait in my opinion.

[Deleted User]

Once upon a time I experienced blind rages. They were filled with pain and helplessness, the person at the receiving end was not the cause but the vessel for my anger. I've done an awful lot of work on myself to get to the root of that anger. Nowadays I'm fairly balanced. It's lost it's power over me.

Anger is a normal emotion, it's how we handle it and where it comes from that matters. I have a friend who is full of suppressed feelings. She doesn't show her anger but I can see it in her, the tight mouth, the overly defensive comments. That's not healthy. Let it out and stop hiding under the guise of it being immature or whatever.

The other side of that is when you have someone who explodes over the smallest of things. That's not healthy either. If you accidentally break a glass and then smash all of the others in a fit of rage you need to look at yourself.

So it depends on a few things really. Are you suppressing a lot of stuff and is it coming out in loss of temper or a rigid "I never get angry" stance.

[Deleted User]

Deleted User wrote: »

Once upon a time I experienced blind rages. They were filled with pain and helplessness, the person at the receiving end was not the cause but the vessel for my anger. I've done an awful lot of work on myself to get to the root of that anger. Nowadays I'm fairly balanced. It's lost it's power over me.

Anger is a normal emotion, it's how we handle it and where it comes from that matters. I have a friend who is full of suppressed feelings. She doesn't show her anger but I can see it in her, the tight mouth, the overly defensive comments. That's not healthy. Let it out and stop hiding under the guise of it being immature or whatever.

The other side of that is when you have someone who explodes over the smallest of things. That's not healthy either. If you accidentally break a glass and then smash all of the others in a fit of rage you need to look at yourself.

So it depends on a few things really. Are you suppressing a lot of stuff and is it coming out in loss of temper or a rigid "I never get angry" stance.

Strange that you just people who don't lose their temper - a different thing from never being angry - as hiding or taking a rigid stance.

Some people are quicker to anger or have more to be angry about that others. It doesn't mean someone who doesn't lose control of themselves is hiding some repressed rage. Unless it's some other point you're making.

Sgt Hartman

I stopped playing online video games ages ago because I would go into extremely scary rages. The worst incident was when I headbutted the door repeatedly until blood started pouring down my forehead after a particularly bad session playing Dark Souls 2 online. After that incident I never played competitive online games ever again.
The only thing now that would get me into a rage is when I'm inundated at work and somebody comes over to complain to me about something that hasn't been done, especially when that particular person has been swanning around for most of the day doing as little as possible. I would never outwardly vent my anger though. I would go off into the side room and end up kicking or punching the crap out of something. I've been sent to a stress management course twice because of this.

The Pheasant2

Sgt Hartman wrote: »

I stopped playing online video games ages ago because I would go into extremely scary rages. The worst incident was when I headbutted the door repeatedly until blood started pouring down my forehead after a particularly bad session playing Dark Souls 2 online. After that incident I never played competitive online games ever again.
The only thing now that would get me into a rage is when I'm inundated at work and somebody comes over to complain to me about something that hasn't been done, especially when that particular person has been swanning around for most of the day doing as little as possible. I would never outwardly vent my anger though. I would go off into the side room and end up kicking or punching the crap out of something. I've been sent to a stress management course twice because of this.

Dark souls'll do that to ya :P

[Deleted User]

Candie wrote: »

Strange that you just people who don't lose their temper - a different thing from never being angry - as hiding or taking a rigid stance.

Some people are quicker to anger or have more to be angry about that others. It doesn't mean someone who doesn't lose control of themselves is hiding some repressed rage. Unless it's some other point you're making.

I'm not sure what other point I could be making.

I'm talking about balance. There is nothing wrong with losing your temper and there is nothing wrong with not losing your temper.

If however you are someone who smashes up your house because you lost your wallet or if you are filled with all sorts of emotions including rage and they never gets a voice or you say "that's fine" when really it's not. That's when you might need to take a look at what's going on.

Galwayguy35

I might get annoyed sometimes but it's years since I really lost my temper, in fact people I work with all say I'm a very easy going person.

In fact I've got a terrible temper but it takes a lot to make me really lose it.

Tristrams Shandied

Deleted User wrote: »

Once upon a time I experienced blind rages. They were filled with pain and helplessness, the person at the receiving end was not the cause but the vessel for my anger. I've done an awful lot of work on myself to get to the root of that anger.

To offer the opposite perspective, I have been that person on the receiving end. My very existence seems to set off so much anger, hate and rage from that person in my direction out of all proportion where I know the origins have nothing to do with me. When someone is flinging hatred and muck around the place all you can do is stand back as they will be the one to have to clean it off themselves.

Having said that, I still don't lose my sense of humanity because there would be no point in two people investing the same amount of energy in the same thing although I know that showing any sense of kindness towards them seems to have no effect. If they were in a position to offer a genuine apology out of real guilt rather than half-hearted attempts at remorse out of self-pity, I might be in a position to hear what they have to say. By their own admission they don't seem to be at that place yet.

It's good to see that you have been able to overcome it and even though this person has done horrible, unimaginable things to me, part of me still wants them to do well and wishes good things for them in their life. People are complex and are not all good or all bad.

Lady is a tramp

I was told before by a psychologist I have a tendency to "beachball" ... the analogy being that I suppress my emotions a lot of the time, and it's like trying to hold a big massive beachball just under the surface of the water - every now and then, it's splash up and soak everyone!!

Last time it happened was a few months back, I was in rehab at the time and getting really claustrophobic and "peopled out" and so sick of sharing small bedrooms with too many girls. And that day, people were pissing me off by constantly asking me how I was, and if I was okay. (Because I guess it was obvious I wasn't!) Eventually after lots of "I'm fine" and smiling through gritted teeth, one person too many asked me how I was again, and I basically erupted, "I'd be fine IF EVERYONE WOULD STOP ASKING ME HOW THE F*CK I AM!!!" and threw the bottle of cleaning spray I was holding onto the ground, where it proceeded to explode everywhere, and I stormed off and spent 45 minutes alone and felt a lot better.

I'm not usually quite that crazy.

Those places can do weird things to your head!

Winterlong

Just been reminded that I do fly off the handle every few years or so. Red mist. See no reason. No talking to me until I have calmed down.
So yeah, perhaps not as placid as I would like to think of myself.

Graces7

Tristrams Shandied wrote: »

To offer the opposite perspective, I have been that person on the receiving end. My very existence seems to set off so much anger, hate and rage from that person in my direction out of all proportion where I know the origins have nothing to do with me. When someone is flinging hatred and muck around the place all you can do is stand back as they will be the one to have to clean it off themselves.

Having said that, I still don't lose my sense of humanity because there would be no point in two people investing the same amount of energy in the same thing although I know that showing any sense of kindness towards them seems to have no effect. If they were in a position to offer a genuine apology out of real guilt rather than half-hearted attempts at remorse out of self-pity, I might be in a position to hear what they have to say. By their own admission they don't seem to be at that place yet.

It's good to see that you have been able to overcome it and even though this person has done horrible, unimaginable things to me, part of me still wants them to do well and wishes good things for them in their life. People are complex and are not all good or all bad.

This borders on my worst fault; thinking everyone is like me and has the same values.. and that is next door to being a doormat... I know. Sad. I do as you do all the time.

As for me; losing it would take far more energy than I will ever have again in this life. So now I just....

Tristrams Shandied

Graces7 wrote: »

This borders on my worst fault; thinking everyone is like me and has the same values.. and that is next door to being a doormat... I know. Sad. I do as you do all the time.

As for me; losing it would take far more energy than I will ever have again in this life. So now I just....

At the same time, if I was to react with the same level of intensity it would bring me down to their level which would go against my very nature and I'm not going to do that. The closer you live your life in accordance with your own values you will have a greater sense of inner peace and be able to distance yourself from someone else's toxic behaviour. And of course to paraphrase Oscar Wilde always forgive your enemies as nothing p*sses them off as much.

[Deleted User]

Tristrams Shandied wrote: »

At the same time, if I was to react with the same level of intensity it would bring me down to their level which would go against my very nature and I'm not going to do that. The closer you live your life in accordance with your own values you will have a greater sense of inner peace and be able to distance yourself from someone else's toxic behaviour. And of course to paraphrase Oscar Wilde always forgive your enemies as nothing p*sses them off as much.

You shouldn't put up with being treated like that if you can possibly help it - I know not everyone can walk away. People who behave like that usually choose to do it with someone who they know won't react the same way, who'll take it stoically. People they think are safe bets.

They don't do it with their bosses or people they think will lose their temper back. That tells me that there is control there; they simply choose with whom to exercise it and with whom they think they'll get away with it, and if they're regularly losing it with you it's because they don't care enough about your feelings to retain control, only their feelings matter.

Graces7

wakka12 wrote: »

She had done an all nighter and was very stressed out, but still, I would never treat somebody like that for no reason no matter how cranky I was

I know I know. but we are not all like you! Often the famous last straw ... she also trusted you with that explosion.

Graces7

Tristrams Shandied wrote: »

At the same time, if I was to react with the same level of intensity it would bring me down to their level which would go against my very nature and I'm not going to do that. The closer you live your life in accordance with your own values you will have a greater sense of inner peace and be able to distance yourself from someone else's toxic behaviour. And of course to paraphrase Oscar Wilde always forgive your enemies as nothing p*sses them off as much.

Agree totally.. and the saying is that forgiving your enemies " heaps coals of fire on their heads.." Jesus..

Walking away from a row makes it one sided and is the right thing to do. But you in some ways contradicted yourself in excusing bad behaviour?

Seeing it for what t is and walking away ? Perfect. But still caring re the person? Also great. But not condoning.

Graces7

Candie wrote: »

You shouldn't put up with being treated like that if you can possibly help it - I know not everyone can walk away. People who behave like that usually choose to do it with someone who they know won't react the same way, who'll take it stoically. People they think are safe bets.

They don't do it with their bosses or people they think will lose their temper back. That tells me that there is control there; they simply choose with whom to exercise it and with whom they think they'll get away with it, and if they're regularly losing it with you it's because they don't care enough about your feelings to retain control, only their feelings matter.

Oh so true in so many ways. It starts well in that they trust you. But then escalates and you become a punchbag.

I do not think it is totally as simple as choosing; they feel safe with you and know you cannot eg sack them

There is one word that works then.. NO!

And yes we all need a safe place, a safe person to explode with. Called a friend.

Tristrams Shandied

Graces7 wrote: »

Agree totally.. and the saying is that forgiving your enemies " heaps coals of fire on their heads.." Jesus..

Walking away from a row makes it one sided and is the right thing to do. But you in some ways contradicted yourself in excusing bad behaviour?

Seeing it for what t is and walking away ? Perfect. But still caring re the person? Also great. But not condoning.

Thanks, Grace but you misunderstand me. My point was more out of not allowing myself to lose my own humanity as that would change me fundamentally and I would never give someone the power to do that.

Graces7

Tristrams Shandied wrote: »

Thanks, Grace but you misunderstand me. My point was more out of not allowing myself to lose my own humanity as that would change me fundamentally and I would never give someone the power to do that.

I get it. Just I was thinking more re the relationship angle,

And as long as you are thinking re the needs of others your humanity is safe.The line between that and a self centred one is very narrow and hard to walk.

And sometimes we do have to adapt and change the boundaries. As I know eg every mother does after giving birth.

osarusan

Every Friday or Saturday night for 33 weeks between March and October.