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Waiting to TTC

xDisneyDivax

So as the title suggests, we are waiting for some things to fall into place before we begin trying to conceive especially jobs- we have been married 2 years and still hadn't got our honeymoon yet!:P
It's one of those things I feel like I can't really talk about with friends and family. So I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread for those waiting to TTC to chat but mods, you can delete this if you don't think it is appropriate

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Neyite

See if you can make an appointment with the practice nurse instead if your GP has one on staff. It's cheaper than the full GP appointment. My practice charges €30 for the nurse to draw blood, but a GP slot is €60.

xDisneyDivax

Oh that is good to know, thanks!

xDisneyDivax

We kinda decided we would start in April or so because I don't want a winter baby! I have been tracking my cycle on an app so we know when to avoid unprotected sex but we were risky last night and I only realised then that it is 3 days before ovulation!

Is there a chance it gonna happen sooner than we expect?? Was thinking about going for morning after pill but it may affect my fertility in short term if we're gonna start few months time??

catrionanic

Not wanting to have your baby in the winter months seems like a pretty ridiculous reason to take the morning after pill to me. I'm sat here nursing a very happy and content little January baby as we speak.

spottybananas

Tbh not wanting a baby in a particular season is a pretty poor reason to delay ttc, what difference does it make? If you had uunprotected sex around your fertile time yes you could be pregnant, equally you could start trying in April, wind up trying until next year and then have a winter baby anyway. The morning after pill seems a bit silly for a couple that want to conceive in a matter of weeks from now.

Anne_cordelia

Agree with other posters. Honestly when you start TTC and you want it so badly and if doesn't happen straight away, you will cringe at that statement. If you get pregnant in April it will be a January baby anyways which is winter.

xDisneyDivax

It is just because we have 5 November birthdays in our family already and I'm too much of a Christmas freak to have a December birthday. Have few birthdays in January too. It is just a personal preference

I didn't mean to annoy anyone.

dolly16

I assume you're joking??!! You really don't get a choice in the month - week - season that your baby will arrive. None of us have that control over it! Believe me when you are trying for long enough you'll understand how silly your comment is. I'm all for planning but would seem ridiculous to be taking the morning after pill for the sake of a few weeks! I don't think it's as easy as deciding I would like my baby in a particular month or season, unless of course you are one of the lucky ones and it happens straight away. Nobody knows.

RubyXI

We are going to start trying in a few months.
I am really not ready but at nearly 33 it's now or never.
I'll never feel ready. I can't imagine it happening to me. I mean maybe it never will. In a lot of ways i don't want to do it but if I don't I think I might spend the rest of my life regretting it. My lifestyle at the moment doesn't allow for a baby. It would be a complete lifestyle change. Which in a way might be a good thing but at the same time it's the scariest thing I've ever done.

Neyite

I had a summer baby. Between hormones making me far warmer than usual and the heatwave that occurred in the third trimester /post partum it was very uncomfortable.

So, there is never really a perfect time of the year to time your birth. And even if you successfully time your pregnancy, babies often have their own timetable!

I'd avoid taking the morning after pill as it's a massive dose of hormone which will likely throw off your cycles for several months. Unless you are happy with that. Besides, the odds on you falling pregnant the very first unprotected cycle are fairly low - not saying it wont happen, but for many it doesn't work like that.

xDisneyDivax

phi3 wrote: »

We are going to start trying in a few months.
I am really not ready but at nearly 33 it's now or never.
I'll never feel ready. I can't imagine it happening to me. I mean maybe it never will. In a lot of ways i don't want to do it but if I don't I think I might spend the rest of my life regretting it. My lifestyle at the moment doesn't allow for a baby. It would be a complete lifestyle change. Which in a way might be a good thing but at the same time it's the scariest thing I've ever done.

It is an exciting time but also scary! I would be in the same boat as it feels weird thinking that we could have a baby etc but we love kids and that is just because it always has been just 2 of us for over 13 years. Make sure you start taking folic!

RubyXI

xDisneyDivax wrote: »

It is an exciting time but also scary! I would be in the same boat as it feels weird thinking that we could have a baby etc but we love kids and that is just because it always has been just 2 of us for over 13 years. Make sure you start taking folic!

I think I would make a terrible mother. I have never been around kids. They don't tend to like me. I know my bf would make a great dad though. I suppose I'd have to learn as I go along.

xDisneyDivax

Neyite wrote: »

I had a summer baby. Between hormones making me far warmer than usual and the heatwave that occurred in the third trimester /post partum it was very uncomfortable.

So, there is never really a perfect time of the year to time your birth. And even if you successfully time your pregnancy, babies often have their own timetable!

I'd avoid taking the morning after pill as it's a massive dose of hormone which will likely throw off your cycles for several months. Unless you are happy with that. Besides, the odds on you falling pregnant the very first unprotected cycle are fairly low - not saying it wont happen, but for many it doesn't work like that.

Yeah I heard that about being pregnant over the summer. To be honest hubby have been trying to convince me that it don't matter when but he knows what I'm like about the idea of winter baby which, I suppose, seems very silly now in hindsight after reading posts so I didn't mean to annoy anyone.
As for the morning after pill, it was just a bit of panic reaction as we were careful to avoid getting risky around my fertile time. So I'd hardly go for it in case it affects my fertility short term like you said.

Neyite

phi3 wrote: »

I think I would make a terrible mother. I have never been around kids. They don't tend to like me. I know my bf would make a great dad though. I suppose I'd have to learn as I go along.

My partner has never been around kids either. The one time he babysat his niece, the mum asked that I went too so one of us would know what we are doing. But you don't need to have previous experience to be a good parent. You go by instinct and by researching stuff about kids as you go along.

It is terrifying. I tried for a couple of years then went on Assisted cycles. I had 29 unsuccessful cycles before my positive test. Even then I had that "oh sh!t, I actually am pregnant" wobble for a few minutes. That was about 5 years ago and I still look at my child and think "they let me be a mum??"

It will be ok...

xDisneyDivax

phi3 wrote: »

xDisneyDivax wrote: »

It is an exciting time but also scary! I would be in the same boat as it feels weird thinking that we could have a baby etc but we love kids and that is just because it always has been just 2 of us for over 13 years. Make sure you start taking folic!

I think I would make a terrible mother. I have never been around kids. They don't tend to like me. I know my bf would make a great dad though. I suppose I'd have to learn as I go along.

Kids tend to pick up on your vibes so if you don't feel confident or sure what to do around them they will be unsure of you and shy away. So I won't worry about that

It is a big learning curve and change even for people who are around kids all time.

RubyXI

I can't get my head around it at all. It's stupid like! Even writing in forums like this feels wrong. I was actually looking to buy folic acid that didn't mention pregnancy on it! Don't know what's wrong with me! I get really panicked about it sometimes.

xDisneyDivax

phi3 wrote: »

I can't get my head around it at all. It's stupid like! Even writing in forums like this feels wrong. I was actually looking to buy folic acid that didn't mention pregnancy on it! Don't know what's wrong with me! I get really panicked about it sometimes.

Did you talk to your man about this and what does he think?

RubyXI

xDisneyDivax wrote: »

Did you talk to your man about this and what does he think?

Yeah he knows I'm scared. He will help any way he can but I don't think anyone can help me get my head around it. He put it to me last week. I agreed to try it. Then all of a sudden he was talking about maternity leave and folic acid. As if it was really going to happen. Which I know it is but talking about it in theory is a lot easier than talking about it in reality. I suppose I need a bit of time. And it's going to be a few months before we start trying and I know it could take time after that before anything happens. So maybe it will get easier to come to terms with

Neyite

For now, just take folic acid. Forget about doing it for pregnancy reasons just do it for amazing hair and nails. Consider it a beauty supplement

The rest? Maternity and all that - shelve the conversations until you have gotten your head around the whole idea. Take a few months maybe until the summer to process it.

eviltwin

phi3 wrote: »

I can't get my head around it at all. It's stupid like! Even writing in forums like this feels wrong. I was actually looking to buy folic acid that didn't mention pregnancy on it! Don't know what's wrong with me! I get really panicked about it sometimes.

Do you actually want a baby now or are you just feeling pressure of age?

RubyXI

eviltwin wrote: »

Do you actually want a baby now or are you just feeling pressure of age?

Probably an age thing. Like I know even if I start now it could take a year for anything to happen and another 9 months for the baby to be born. At that stage age will be becoming a problem. And that's if I only have one child. But I will never be ready. Next year I won't feel more ready so there's no point in waiting if it's going to happen anyway

brokensoul

xDisneyDivax wrote: »

Yeah I heard that about being pregnant over the summer. To be honest hubby have been trying to convince me that it don't matter when but he knows what I'm like about the idea of winter baby which, I suppose, seems very silly now in hindsight after reading posts so I didn't mean to annoy anyone.
As for the morning after pill, it was just a bit of panic reaction as we were careful to avoid getting risky around my fertile time. So I'd hardly go for it in case it affects my fertility short term like you said.

There are up and downsides to any time of year to be honest. I had twins last summer and though the heat was difficult at times, at least I could just slip into a maxi dress and sandals. I am not sure I would have been able to to lace up boots or struggle with jumpers and coats!!

xDisneyDivax

phi3 wrote: »

eviltwin wrote: »

Do you actually want a baby now or are you just feeling pressure of age?

Probably an age thing. Like I know even if I start now it could take a year for anything to happen and another 9 months for the baby to be born. At that stage age will be becoming a problem. And that's if I only have one child. But I will never be ready. Next year I won't feel more ready so there's no point in waiting if it's going to happen anyway

I don't think anyone will ever feel 100% ready. Like we talked about it and decided we're ready one day but then we decided we're not ready next day so I guess it is best to just go with the flow- I know I can't exactly talk when we said we will wait few months!

Broody_Allen

Jesus I didn't realise people actually thought like that, morning after pill because a Christmas baby might cramp their style too much. Pretty insensitive on a TTC forum, sake

shesty

phi3 wrote: »

We are going to start trying in a few months.
I am really not ready but at nearly 33 it's now or never.
I'll never feel ready. I can't imagine it happening to me. I mean maybe it never will. In a lot of ways i don't want to do it but if I don't I think I might spend the rest of my life regretting it. My lifestyle at the moment doesn't allow for a baby. It would be a complete lifestyle change. Which in a way might be a good thing but at the same time it's the scariest thing I've ever done.

There's no non-child-adult lifestyle that allows for a baby. It utterly turns your world upside down.
But wow. There's nothing like it. (for the record - I don't particularly love other people's kids, but I adore my own (mostly!) )

I had our first at 31 (almost 32), and the Rotunda didn't say anything about age, but I was classed as geriatric pregnancy. My mum told me they do that though, they've been doing it since her day, 30 years ago. It's literally nature. Scientifically, it's considered an older pregnancy.That's all.

xDisneyDivax

Broody_Allen wrote: »

Jesus I didn't realise people actually thought like that, morning after pill because a Christmas baby might cramp their style too much. Pretty insensitive on a TTC forum, sake

I said it was a jerk panic reaction in the moment and I apologized & didn't mean to annoy anyone

RubyXI

shesty wrote: »

There's no non-child-adult lifestyle that allows for a baby. It utterly turns your world upside down.
But wow. There's nothing like it. (for the record - I don't particularly love other people's kids, but I adore my own (mostly!) )

I had our first at 31 (almost 32), and the Rotunda didn't say anything about age, but I was classed as geriatric pregnancy. My mum told me they do that though, they've been doing it since her day, 30 years ago. It's literally nature. Scientifically, it's considered an older pregnancy.That's all.

Going to have to try to get used to the idea anyway. Maybe there will be some good part to it. Just can't think of any right now.

Neyite

wrote:

phi3;102638462]Going to have to try to get used to the idea anyway. Maybe there will be some good part to it. Just can't think of any right now.

You don't sound like you want a child, now or possibly ever. And you know, that's ok. It's ok to not want your life to change. Feeling like you should have one because of age, feeling upset because your life will change is showing you that. Most people who want a baby, even putting it on the long finger acknowledge that their lives will change at that point and are willing for that to happen. But I'm not getting that from your posts at all. They just sound sad and really scared. That's not a good mindset for TTC, for your own mental wellbeing.

This isn't just a 9 month pregnancy or a year ttc. If you get pregnant, this is the rest of your life - and at least the next couple of decades - that will likely bear little or no resemblance to the life you have now. You have to want and welcome that with a kid. I have never been more tired or more disorganised in my life. My house is driving me cracked at the moment with the clutter and the toys and we are finally having a holiday this year after several years of high creche fees taking priority, even though we both work full time (that's another juggle!). There are not enough moments in the day. I have barely went to the loo unaccompanied for years - I just about manage to sneak off to empty my mooncup. My FB feed is full of my single friends going on ski trips or on the lash and my partner and I haven't had a date in months and months. But if you offered me my pre-kids life back, I wouldn't even need to consider it, I'd turn it down flat. Because for me, I've never been happier. It's what I've always wanted and I'm happy that my life is the way it is.

I'm not saying this to put you off. If a person wants children, what I've said there wont put them off, they'll be thinking "bring it on, I'm ready for it". I'm saying this because you seem far from ready to ttc, dreading a potential pregnancy and baby almost and seem to have agreed to it because its what your partner wants or because of your age without really considering how YOU feel. Not about age or what 'should' happen - but about what YOU really want.

I would suggest that you ask your partner for some time to think on that - 6 months at least or the best part of a year. Not thinking about what he would like, or that your mother/grannie would love you to have a baby. You need to be selfish and consider what you want. Keep posting here if you feel it helps sort out your feelings which ever way they are leaning. Read the other forums - Pregnancy, Newborns & Todds and get a feel for the idea of becoming and being a mother. You still have time at 33 or 34 to take time to fully think this out for yourself and decide if it's really for you and the few months it took to be certain will do no harm only good. And if motherhood isn't for you, then that's absolutely fine too. A child changes everything, but you run the risk of resenting them for those changes as they grow up and they really don't deserve that.

I just get from your posts that you need breathing space right now.

RubyXI

Neyite wrote: »

You don't sound like you want a child, now or possibly ever. And you know, that's ok. It's ok to not want your life to change. Feeling like you should have one because of age, feeling upset because your life will change is showing you that. Most people who want a baby, even putting it on the long finger acknowledge that their lives will change at that point and are willing for that to happen. But I'm not getting that from your posts at all. They just sound sad and really scared. That's not a good mindset for TTC, for your own mental wellbeing.

This isn't just a 9 month pregnancy or a year ttc. If you get pregnant, this is the rest of your life - and at least the next couple of decades - that will likely bear little or no resemblance to the life you have now. You have to want and welcome that with a kid. I have never been more tired or more disorganised in my life. My house is driving me cracked at the moment with the clutter and the toys and we are finally having a holiday this year after several years of high creche fees taking priority, even though we both work full time (that's another juggle!). There are not enough moments in the day. I have barely went to the loo unaccompanied for years - I just about manage to sneak off to empty my mooncup. My FB feed is full of my single friends going on ski trips or on the lash and my partner and I haven't had a date in months and months. But if you offered me my pre-kids life back, I wouldn't even need to consider it, I'd turn it down flat. Because for me, I've never been happier. It's what I've always wanted and I'm happy that my life is the way it is.

I'm not saying this to put you off. If a person wants children, what I've said there wont put them off, they'll be thinking "bring it on, I'm ready for it". I'm saying this because you seem far from ready to ttc, dreading a potential pregnancy and baby almost and seem to have agreed to it because its what your partner wants or because of your age without really considering how YOU feel. Not about age or what 'should' happen - but about what YOU really want.

I would suggest that you ask your partner for some time to think on that - 6 months at least or the best part of a year. Not thinking about what he would like, or that your mother/grannie would love you to have a baby. You need to be selfish and consider what you want. Keep posting here if you feel it helps sort out your feelings which ever way they are leaning. Read the other forums - Pregnancy, Newborns & Todds and get a feel for the idea of becoming and being a mother. You still have time at 33 or 34 to take time to fully think this out for yourself and decide if it's really for you and the few months it took to be certain will do no harm only good. And if motherhood isn't for you, then that's absolutely fine too. A child changes everything, but you run the risk of resenting them for those changes as they grow up and they really don't deserve that.

I just get from your posts that you need breathing space right now.

Thank for your input. I understand what you're saying. I am absolutely terrified of every part of having children. Including the next 20 plus years they would be dependent on me. I'm scared of the pregnancy, the giving birth (obviously), the break from work, The ability to keep a helpless baby alive, the getting back to work - finding childcare- only seeing them at weekends due to work. The sleepless nights.
However despite all that there is some part of me that wants to do it. I don't know why. I don't know whether it's the ticking clock or whether its for purely selfish reasons of having some family when I get older. Or the pressure on me to keep my family line going as there are no other grandchildren. Occasionally my brain says lets do this but then it remembers all the scary parts of it and it says nope I can't do this.
I suppose it's the most difficult thing anyone ever does and maybe no one is ever really ready until they're doing it.

fits

Phi3 you can look at what part of your reluctance is fear and what is genuine resistance.

I felt similar enough and wasn't really trying very hard to get pregnant after we got married until I was told I probably couldn't have children. And then I cried for two days. I then got pregnant with twins two months later. As i expected its had a negative impact on my career. But otherwise I loved being pregnant and am loving being a mum. And wonder why I waited so long. In my case it was fear that held me back but everything was fine and I don't think ive ever been happier.