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Age, relationships and other stuff...

route9

Hey guys,

A quick one just to get some feedback / insights. I met a girl online recently and we have had a few dates - last night was our third date and it was good fun. The other two dates were really great too, and she is attractive, funny and smart. I get the impression she likes me too

I am not jumping ahead or anything, and it's not like I feel I am having lots of feelings (yet?!), but I think I do like her and I'm looking forward to seeing where the next 1-2 dates might go, etc.

The only thing is that she is maybe a couple of years older than the ideal for me, in terms of dating. Ideally for me as someone who would like to get married and start a family in the next couple of years (I'm 36), the ideal for me is a girl who is around 33-34 tops. Now you might think I'm going to say she's 39 or 40 or something, but she too is 36. Being the fairly analytical person that I am, I have thought about how - if this did go somewhere serious - that a girl who is 36 now would be maybe at least 38 before anything in the way of marriage and kids would happen, and how that feels a bit late.

Now of course plenty of women have kids in their late 30s and into their 40s in fact...but it's still something that slightly deters me. Ideally I feel like a girl will be 2-3 years younger than me. I don't feel it's a reason NOT to date someone, and I know loads of guys wouldn't give this much of a passing thought, but still...

Thoughts?

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route9

Yeah I have no doubt whatsoever she is too! That is my thinking alright, go and see where it takes me. No harm in that.
I wouldn't say ageist really, maybe it is but doesn't make it any less valid for me.

njs030

This is your third thread about dating in a very short time, perhaps you need to consider why you need strangers to validate your dating decisions?

I mean this with kindness but I do think counselling would be a good idea, asking people on the internet for help on the same subject over and over isn't healthy.

route9

Em, thank you very much for your concern and your judgement, but no need to make vast, sweeping assumptions about someone you don't know :)

I have no need whatsoever for anyone's validation in any area of my life. Just asking a simple question and looking for opinions. Just like the millions of other threads and posts on Boards.

blacklilly

Rereg wrote: »

Trollish.

How delightful, lead the woman on you mean? Use her until someone of a more suitable age comes along?

OP I don't think there's anything wrong with the way in which you're thinking. I'm a 30 yr old women and currently dating a 37 year old man, his age poses some concerns for me tbh.

Figure out what you want, no harm going on a few more dates etc but if you continue to think she's too old for you, then let her go. Don't keep her on side until someone else comes along.

silverharp

it sounds like you need to be more specific in your profile in future to avoid something like this happening again. its up to you, you either have certain criteria or you dont. but yeah kind of over thinking it now , you cant have the whole life cycle of a relationship in your head when you have just met a few times. Address it when it needs to be addressed.

route9

blacklilly wrote: »

Rereg wrote: »

Trollish.

How delightful, lead the woman on you mean? Use her until someone of a more suitable age comes along?

OP I don't think there's anything wrong with the way in which you're thinking. I'm a 30 yr old women and currently dating a 37 year old man, his age poses some concerns for me tbh.

Figure out what you want, no harm going on a few more dates etc but if you continue to think she's too old for you, then let her go. Don't keep her on side until someone else comes along.

Thanks, why is that - because he would be 40+ by the time you'd be wanting to settle down kinda thing?

route9

Rereg wrote: »

route9 wrote: »

Em, thank you very much for your concern and your judgement, but no need to make vast, sweeping assumptions about someone you don't know :)

I have no need whatsoever for anyone's validation in any area of my life. Just asking a simple question and looking for opinions. Just like the millions of other threads and posts on Boards.

Trollish

You mean make it casual where she understands it's casual too? Or lead her on where she is thinking it's going somewhere when I know it's not?

The first one maybe (but not for me), but the second would be a low thing to do.

route9

silverharp wrote: »

it sounds like you need to be more specific in your profile in future to avoid something like this happening again. its up to you, you either have certain criteria or you dont. but yeah kind of over thinking it now , you cant have the whole life cycle of a relationship in your head when you have just met a few times. Address it when it needs to be addressed.

Yeah I do lately in terms of age, but guess I made an exception as I liked the look of her a lot (she's really pretty and sound too it turns out), and so I decided to meet up. Seeing as the vast majority of first dates go nowhere afterwards since there's no spark or whatever, I said why not.

But either way no need to overthink it as such an early stage especially. Plus when you are older things could move faster anyway! So I'll just relax and see what unfolds

milli milli

OP give the girl a chance. Speaking as an older woman I know men are viewing me in terms of baby-making ability and writing me off because of my age.

For all you know you could go out with a 32 year old and when it comes to the time of having babies, she may (or even yourself) be infertile.

People break off relationships with people because of this reason and go find younger models, as if the original person is replaceable and we as people are somewhat disposable.
I find it heartbreaking to be honest.
My grandmother and mother had children in their 40s. There is always adoption too for when it might be too late biologically (although it seems it is overseas as Irish adoption has an upper age limit).

I know the urge to have children is primal but do consider that generation of women who are being lost.
Sorry didn't mean to get so heavy!

Having said all that, it is early days yet, so take it as it comes. But if you really feel strongly about this, then it's best to let the girl go as her time is precious.

Johngoose

I'd say if you have any doubts at the start leave it off,before you are in too deep.

Merkin

Starting multiple threads on the same topic (in your case dating advice) is forbidden in this forum. Consequently I'm closing this thread and ask that you refrain from starting any more threads about dating/your love life/meeting someone. Good luck.