remembering wrote: » Not at all. My sister said something 1 day which was her fault and he got over it. Then at Xmas my other sis brought it up so now he hates her the most. He was even calling the kids all names like how spoilt they all are - it was just horrible to listen to
bigpink wrote: » Was the abuse of the family from day one?And what does he say
bigpink wrote: » It isnt ok but it happens in the real world seen it with my father growing up.Good guy but at times would be in bad form
neonsofa wrote: » Generally people propose when they want to begin building a life with someone and the person says yes as they want to build this life too. Getting a mortgage would be a realistic enough step after a proposal I would've thought. Many have the mortgage together long before proposals or marriage so I don't think that in itself is anything out of the ordinary. Having said that I obviously wouldn't enter into anything like that given the circumstances.
remembering wrote: » He's normal all the time - these arguments are all new. i can't believe I'm on here discussing this
notjustsweet wrote: » Lashing out at your partner because your stressed or worried isn't OK. Men who appreciate the woman they are going to marry don't threaten to destroy things and act like it didn't happen.
GingerLily wrote: » He's just proposed and wants a mortgage already - watch your money. Keep it somewhere safe and don't let him any access to it.
remembering wrote: » bigpink wrote: » Could just be a bad temper over stress or worry if it was the first time.Men tendvto bottle up things That's true but slating my family all the time. I'm very close to my family. I can't handle the way he talks about them and they are very good people
bigpink wrote: » Could just be a bad temper over stress or worry if it was the first time.Men tendvto bottle up things
remembering wrote: » remembering wrote: » The thing is after the row the other night he comes out of the room like nothing's happened. He is such a kind person so it's utterly confusing but the temper thing has done it for me. I can't get that out of my head and I can only imagine how my life could end if we did get married. I will Keep you posted x He's normal all the time - these arguments are all new. i can't believe I'm on here discussing this
remembering wrote: » The thing is after the row the other night he comes out of the room like nothing's happened. He is such a kind person so it's utterly confusing but the temper thing has done it for me. I can't get that out of my head and I can only imagine how my life could end if we did get married. I will Keep you posted x
Mr. Incognito wrote: » Get out and get out now. People dont become abusive immediately into the relationship. It's an erosion over time that wears down your self confidence until you feel like you deserve this. It's mental torture. The fact that he is slating your family speaks volumes as he is trying to alienate and isolate you from them. Just get out asap.
remembering wrote: » Yes you are so right again. Well he's on today about seeing a bank to get a mortgage so I said maybe next week. I know he's Goin to bring that up later so I don't know what to say then. I'll be fine if have to move. How your life can change overnight
notjustsweet wrote: » Try not to think too far ahead, do remember he could sense your change andmight be a completely different person this evening very loving and all about you to confuse you. Don't say anything and try to be normal. Id really suggest calling woman's aid who can talk you through what to do and how to deal with this properly. You're very brave and strong.
Estrellita wrote: » What are your living arrangements, are changing the locks possible? Is moving in with family an option? Listen to what you've said, you are afraid to tell him it's over. Don't let that point go over your head. Ending it with someone should be perhaps a sad thing but a relief if it's not right. Not scary. You may need your family's help being honest. He is less likely to get angry if you have back up. If he tries to have a word in private, don't. He trying to separate you from the herd. Don't let it get to the point where your family make several attempts to help you get away from him, only to keep going back to him. Eventually they will stop bothering. It happened to me, but I eventually did it myself. Getting married is a wonderful time, but don't let the thought of it carry you away. My divorce was long, hard and painful. Commit to someone who loves you and doesn't belittle you like him. Mr Right will come along. I met mine and I'm expecting a baby for him. We are moving into our new home soon, and the difference between him and my ex are like night and day. He's so kind and loving, and would never hurt me like ex did. No need to thank me for my posts, I'm only too glad to pass on my experience to someone looking for help. Just please take action, and confide in family so they can be there for you.
remembering wrote: » You are so right and thanks for the long post. it just doesn't feel right and I can't get his angry face out of my mind, the way he went right up to my face and said I hate you. He never did that before. They say being with a controlling person creeps up on you and it's so true. I don't know how to go about Calmy ending this though because I fear he could be dangerous and involve my family
Ursus Horribilis wrote: » Ring Women's Aid first and have a chat with them. It's also important that you don't breathe a word to him about any doubts you're having about this. It could lead to an escalation in his behaviour. Please don't try to do too much or plan too far ahead for the moment.
Estrellita wrote: » Remembering - you are here for a reason. If something doesn't feel or sound right, then it probably isn't. His comments and actions don't instill me with confidence that he will make a great husband or father. If he's a controlling person then you leaving him isn't an option for him. When controlling people feel like they are losing you, they will promise you the world and tell you they love you. Temper tantrums and abuse are blamed on something else. Drink, drugs, problems at work etc. These are cover stories for the real person behind them. From time to time life can throw us some curve balls causing you to be a bit snappy and act a little out of character, being short with others. What you describe is not a bit of pressure, it's abuse. This does not include statements such as 'I hate you' and 'you are stupid', then slagging off your family. This is someone who is trying to break you down and smash your support network. So think carefully what you do next. If you were to ask me, knowing what I know about these types I'd tell you to run like hell. You will regret marrying him. I thought marrying my ex would change him for the better (don't ask me why). He just turned into a bigger more dangerous b.astard than he was before. I do have children with him, which makes the situation more difficult. You have no ties with this guy yet, so trust me when I say don't dig a bigger hole for yourself. These men don't change, they get worse. I'd finish it with him before the character assassination is complete, and your self esteem is gone down the s.hitter. I didn't listen to my family, don't make my mistakes.
