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Can/Have you ever stayed friends with an ex after breaking up?

wakka12

I know people always say oh we'll stay in touch after breaking up but clearly it doesn't work that way for most and both just go their separate ways. I don't know why i started thinking about this today but it just got me a bit down, thinking about how much Id hate if my current partner wasnt in my life anymore even if we went through a bad breakup. So id like to remain friends with them after if it was possible because I care a lot about them no matter what we would ever go through in future.
Has that ever happened for any of you?

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catbear

Now this is just perception but from experience women seem to want to push the friends thing more than men.

Are men more inclined to want a clean break?

Edit I'm talking about breakups where's kids aren't involved.

woodchuck

catbear wrote: »

Now this is just perception but from experience women seem to want to push the friends thing more than men.

Are men more inclined to want a clean break?

Edit I'm talking about breakups where's kids aren't involved.

Personally I don't think it has anything to do with gender. I think it's more likely that the one doing the breaking up (i.e. the one who is less hurt) is more likely to want to stay friends.

tonycascarino

If an ex cheated then there is zero chance one should stay friends unless you are a complete idiot. If it was an amicable breakup then I guess it is ok but personally I would leave the past in the past.

MadYaker

Dunno if friends is the word I use but we still go for the odd ride every now again.

foxatron

boardsuser1

It's bad enough that my ex is sending me messages regularly on viber about anything but the child we have together.

On the plus side it is a phone I use exclusively for her as I do not want her ever having my main number again.

Went through several number when she had it,but nothing in 7 years thank god.

I tend to leave that phone lying around the place so my partner is able to have a look at messages in both directions whenever she wants.

Grayson

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think if you loved them it's impossible to stay friends

Surely it depends on how you love them? The ancient greeks believed in four types of love, agápe, éros, philía, and storgē.

Now I don't agree that there's just 4 types. I think there's many types. You can have romantic relationships with multiple people over the years and love each differently. Some may involve greater friendship, some may involve more possessiveness. Each relationship is defined by the two people involved.

beks101

Personally no, I've always just moved on. Cut them out as necessary.

I'm not someone who needs many friends anyway, I have my immediate circle and it's never been a priority to see if an ex could become one too when I'm busy trying to get over him. Seems counterproductive.

One_Of_Shanks

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think if you loved them it's impossible to stay friends

Yep. That's it.

Nonsense pussy-footing around the subject. You're correct.

If you can break up and then sit down for a cup of joe a week later then it wasn't love to begin with.

You can't stay friends. You can't listen to certain songs and it burns when you recall certain memories.

That's love. And it makes you a better person for the scars.

_Kaiser_

No, and really unless there were kids involved, I don't see why you'd want to. I can't imagine hearing about their new relationship or whatever else being particularly worth it.

If however there are kids then you should at least make the effort to be civil anyway. Kids should always come first

Grayson

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

No, and really unless there were kids involved, I don't see why you'd want to. I can't imagine hearing about their new relationship or whatever else being particularly worth it.

If however there are kids then you should at least make the effort to be civil anyway. Kids should always come first

For me friendship is the most important part of a relationship. All too often a relationship begins in this cloudy, intense, romantic haze. I've had too many relationships over the years where it's eventually fizzled out and I end up looking at the person and thinking "I don't actually like or respect you".

As I've gotten older I've learned to value friendship and mutual respect more and see that more as a basis of a relationship. Sure those haven't worked out either but at least I'm still friends with them.

catbear

KC161 wrote: »

It's bad enough that my ex is sending me messages regularly on viber about anything but the child we have together.

On the plus side it is a phone I use exclusively for her as I do not want her ever having my main number again.

Went through several number when she had it,but nothing in 7 years thank god.

I tend to leave that phone lying around the place so my partner is able to have a look at messages in both directions whenever she wants.

I don't envy you but I can guess why you broke up.

gossamer

No. I never felt the inclination to either. If someone broke up with you, or you broke up with them, there's usually a good reason for it. No point in dwelling on the past, same goes for keeping tabs on exes, why bother? LTR breakups are great in a way, they teach you that regardless of what you think, no one is integral to your life.

Burial.

Yeah, just so I could bang her friends as a final f*ck you.

https://media.giphy.com/media/2nwTda1ewYssE/giphy.gif

I'm very classy like that

seenitall

Grayson wrote: »

possessiveness.

Heck, does that word really have 6 s's in it ?? Wow

Oh yes, I have been doing better than ever lately, at staying friends with exs. It can be a lot of fun, as long as there are no "feelz" involved any more. They are just people, and if they treated you well and were good friends in the first place, then why not? I find that the older I get, I just take things and people as they come, no more heightened emotions, no more big drama. Life is short.

Stealthfins

I usually try to be civil and respectful twoards my exe as I don't see any point in ignition of child like contact or engagement of an intriguing nature just to get a ride or attention because I'm lonely or needy.

That's for mentally unstable insecure people,or emotionally messed up brat's.

I'd say hello or chat generally if we're queing up for coffee somewhere, actually that happened recently and we sat down and we had a good chat about our kids etc.

Her kids are way older than my lad.

Staying as an intense friend of an exe is borderline creepy and doesn't give her or him a chance of moving on meeting someone better than me or you for him or her.

Guys are the worst for being creepy freaks muching around their execs like possessive psycho's.

They'll say we're good friends but it's bllsht, it's he's a creep and doesn't want her having a life...

Ten of Swords

Burial. wrote: »

Yeah, just so I could bang her friends as a final f*ck you.

That level of bitterness is pretty corrosive tbh

boardsuser1

catbear wrote: »

I don't envy you but I can guess why you broke up.

Tried controlling me basically, now she can't let go even all these years later.

bodice ripper

I am very good friends with my ex boyfriend. He lives in the UK, and we travel to see each other. It is entirely doable.

Burial.

Ten of Swords wrote: »

That level of bitterness is pretty corrosive tbh

I get sti checked twice a year no corrosion down south thank you very much

Dr Crayfish

bodice ripper wrote: »

I am very good friends with my ex boyfriend. He lives in the UK, and we travel to see each other. It is entirely doable.

Do you both have partners now? I don't think many people would be happy with their partners effing off abroad to visit an ex!

_Whimsical_

Train Dragon wrote: »

There's one ex I cant be friends with as I loved her too much, even though I was the one who finished it.

It's almost a compliment to an ex if you cant be just friends with them in my humble opinion.

I think this is occasionally true but relatively rare. A lot of exes are out of your life for a very good reason. I definitely have at least one I would not accept as a friend, who I'd never want in my life again on the basis of him being, in my view, not a very nice person.
I'd definitely think it's more a compliment to want to be friends or at least friendly, particularly after a decent amount of time has passed. In the beginning it's always awkward but after the initial wound has healed I think you're more likely to be ok with having a decent person somewhere in your life.

catbear

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I'd definitely think it's more a compliment to want to be friends or at least friendly, particularly after a decent amount of time has passed. In the beginning it's always awkward but after the initial wound has healed I think you're more likely to be ok with having a decent person somewhere in your life.

See this I don't agree with.

When a relationship ends there really isn't anything to salvage unless there's already a common social or professional group to be considered.

This compliment thing is just needy vanity ploy.

The flying mouse

What about if the relationship drifts apart, as in you don't live in the same countries, You both call it a day, but then one says we can still be friends, We are mature adults ? Would you keep in contact & drop in to say hello when home if one asked ?

_Whimsical_

catbear wrote: »

See this I don't agree with.

When a relationship ends there really isn't anything to salvage unless there's already a common social or professional group to be considered.

This compliment thing is just needy vanity ploy.

To be honest , I wouldn't think of these things in terms of compliment at all myself, I was just replying to that post and it got me thinking. The people I still think fondly of and happy to greet in the street or if they ring are the people who may have hurt me but I consider genuine, decent people. I'm glad they're doing well, I care if they're not. The people I'd think "oh no" if I saw or wouldn't answer to are the ones I was left with little respect for and would think "this person will be a headf*** now".
Of course that's after the passage of time, it takes a lot of it to get over some people and you can only clearly see them, and your own reaction to them , objecively once all wounds are healed.

catbear

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

To be honest , I wouldn't think of these things in terms of compliment at all myself, I was just replying to that post and it got me thinking. The people I still think fondly of and happy to greet in the street or if they ring are the people who may have hurt me but I consider genuine, decent people. I'm glad they're doing well, I care if they're not. The people I'd think "oh no" if I saw or wouldn't answer to are the ones I was left with little respect for and would think "this person will be a headf*** now".
Of course that's after the passage of time, it takes a lot of it to get over some people and you can only clearly see them, and your own reaction to them , objecively once all wounds are healed.

Well I was coming from the point of view that when a relationship has finished on neutral terms, there's no point in trying to create something artificial, like a faux friendship.

Move on. I wouldn't spend any more energy in complimentary friendships. Great if it happens naturally but I see no reason pursue it, unless you live in a small town in the outback where you're stuck with the same people for years.

_Whimsical_

catbear wrote: »

Well I was coming from the point of view that when a relationship has finished on neutral terms, there's no point in trying to create something artificial, like a faux friendship.

Move on. I wouldn't spend any more energy in complimentary friendships. Great if it happens naturally but I see no reason pursue it, unless you live in a small town in the outback where you're stuck with the same people for years.

Absolutely, who needs artifice. I can imagine nothing worse than a "complimentary friendship".
I think we had crossed wires.

catbear

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I think we had crossed wires.

Hopefully that's all! I am suspicious we may have crossed paths.

_Whimsical_

catbear wrote: »

Hopefully that's all! I am suspicious we may have crossed paths.

Oh, curious! *raises eyebrow*

Well if you're judging that on these two or three messages know I am imagining you must have an ex who is friendly to all their other exes but is rolling their eyes and giving you their "hmmmph" face everytime they see you coming!

I think you're female though so it's not me, I have no female exes .

catbear

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

Oh, curious! *raises eyebrow*

Well if you're judging that on these two or three messages know I am imagining you must have an ex who is friendly to all their other exes but is rolling their eyes and giving you their "hmmmph" face everytime they see you coming!

I think you're female though so it's not me, I have no female exes .

I'm not female but I've had exes who've wanted to make friend projects afterwards. I'll withdraw now while it's safe to do so.