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Weight gain in relationships

team_actimel

A friend of mine recently remarked that if her boyfriend mentioned anything about her weight/weight gain she would consider breaking up with him.
Anyone else think this is a bit extreme?

This seems to be the elephant in the room (pun unintended

) in a lot of relationships where one partner avoids that topic like the plague even if it is affecting the relationship/person's health.

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gobo99

If you can't lift her don't shift her.

_Brian

It's not a relationship if you can't talk about something. Everything needs to be open for discussion.

Parchment

If i thought it was affecting my partners health - sure I would mention it. But I don't think I would be with someone who wouldn't realise when they were overweight, seems a bit silly.

I personally don't like any comments about my weight from anyone.

RobertKK

Maybe he should cheat on her because she would rather be told lies.

osarusan

team_actimel wrote: »

A friend of mine recently remarked that if her boyfriend mentioned anything about her weight/weight gain she would consider breaking up with him.
Anyone else think this is a bit extreme?

You can go down the line of 'it's my body and that's that' (not just about weight gain, could be tattoos, cosmetic surgery, etc) but a partner can also go down the line of 'I don't want to go out with somebody with a body like that.'

pumpkin4life

If you're in a relationship, it's your job to be as physically attractive as possible for her and vice versa.

Sounds like she's completely up her own backside imo.

PoorAuldDivil

The notion of weight talk being off-limits in relationships is ludicrous. Weight gain/loss (though mostly gain) have massive effects on confidence, interest in sex (from both parties), ability to do activities, lifestyle compatibility etc, etc.......all important parts of a relationship. A former partner of mine once let it out bluntly to me that my weight-gain (at the time) had lessened their interest in me. That kind of honesty is whats needed in relationships.

silverharp

she sounds a bit sensitive but its her choice however I think its perfectly reasonable for a guy to dump a girl who has put on noticeable weight since they started dating.

Mr. Incognito

team_actimel wrote: »

A friend of mine recently remarked that if her boyfriend mentioned anything about her weight/weight gain she would consider breaking up with him.
Anyone else think this is a bit extreme?

This seems to be the elephant in the room (pun unintended ) in a lot of relationships where one partner avoids that topic like the plague even if it is affecting the relationship/person's health.

Fat and Single.

Always a great combination.

Parchment

silverharp wrote: »

she sounds a bit sensitive but its her choice however I think its perfectly reasonable for a guy to dump a girl who has put on noticeable weight since they started dating.

That's strange - so what if they gained weight due to stress/medication/bereavement . What if they lost a lot of weight due to cancer/anorexia (i had anorexia for many years and my boyfriend didn't dump me) ?

Dump?

GingerLily

It all depends on the context, I've seen a guy slagging off his pregnant wife in public over her pregnancy weight gain and it wasn't pretty, everyone in the room tried to laugh it off but it was very unpleasant.
(the women in question would be about 8 stone usually and I'd hazard a guess doesn't have a good relationship with food and weight as it is).

brevity

If it's bone laziness then it's an issue imo. However if it's a medical issue then a different approach might be required.

Faith+1

Well they say Wedding Cake is the fattest food.

silverharp

Parchment wrote: »

That's strange - so what if they gained weight due to stress/medication/bereavement . What if they lost a lot of weight due to cancer/anorexia (i had anorexia for many years and my boyfriend didn't dump me) ?

Dump?

that is exactly what I meant :rolleyes: , just the vanilla I have you now so I am not going to look after myself. I'd see it a sign of laziness or entitlement

ChikiChiki

I don't like a partner who doesn't look after themselves. By that I mean eat right, exercise and respect their body. My GF was putting on a few pounds and I mentioned it to her. Likewise she mentioned it to me. It's not a big deal and I'd rather be told than let myself get uncontrollably out of shape.

Being attracted to each other is important in relationships.

Parchment

ChikiChiki wrote: »

I don't like a partner who doesn't look after themselves. By that I mean eat right, exercise and respect their body. My GF was putting on a few pounds and I mentioned it to her. Likewise she mentioned it to me. It's not a big deal and I'd rather be told than let myself get uncontrollably out of shape.

Being attracted to each other is important in relationships.

but how can you not realise you are putting weight on? i find that strange.

The Rape of Lucretia

Its one of those things that is best to have clear and sorted right from tge beginning, and surprising that so many prenups still do not include it. It clarifies expectations, and the getouts and their details are fully understood from the off. Which in itself, does a lot to help that the clauses are never triggered, and helps a long and happy marriage.

Stonedpilot

Never mention your missus weight, if you have a big problem with it well you know where the door is. Always trouble when it's brought up and in fairness many men put on weight too in relationships, know I do!.

Cee-Jay-Cee

team_actimel wrote: »

A friend of mine recently remarked that if her boyfriend mentioned anything about her weight/weight gain she would consider breaking up with him.
Anyone else think this is a bit extreme?

She should consider herself lucky that he hasn't dumped her fat ass!

She might say she'd consider it but I'll bet wouldn't go through with it as she could find it difficult to find someone else to replace him, especially if her weight gain has become a problem. He's still with her despite her weight gain, she shouldn't be so confident that she'd be the one doing the dumping. If he were to ever bring it up then it'd be because he's having difficulty with it and so she's the one that could find herself dumped.

biko

The amount of fit chicks I see with pasty red-faced blobs for men is quite disgusting.

IamtheWalrus

It's a tough one and should be dealt with sensitively. On the one hand folk might say 'oh, the person will already know they've put on weight and don't need reminding'. But some will notice and not think it's an issue.

I think it's reasonable to be annoyed by weight gain because when you agreed to commit to the relationship, your other half has since changed. Maybe you wouldn't have entered into that deal if you'd known what was in the post.

I think if you're unhappy with weight gain of the OH, you'd only judge the OH by your own standards - you wouldn't do it to them. So if they did, do you really know that person / were you ever compatible?

Olishi4

I suppose it depends on the situation but I see no harm as long as it's said tactfully so as not to hurt the other person.

I saw this 70s song on a music channel a while ago. Maybe don't approach the situation as straight up as Joe Tex does though

Knex*

team_actimel wrote: »

A friend of mine recently remarked that if her boyfriend mentioned anything about her weight/weight gain she would consider breaking up with him.
Anyone else think this is a bit extreme?
.

I'd argue that she deserves to be single if that's her attitude.

GingerLily

I've witnessed a good bit of bullying in relationships relating to food and weight gain, I can see how someone would refuse to allow their partners do this, especially in public.

This is of course different to having an honest conversation about putting on an unreasonable amount of weight.

ChikiChiki

Parchment wrote: »

but how can you not realise you are putting weight on? i find that strange.

I do but dont mind being told. For me the sign im putting on weight is when I'm running down the stairs and I feel the skin around my nipples begin to jiggle. Basically the onset of moobs. It's back to the gym time then.

benjamin d

A previous relationship of mine ended in a small way down to weight gain.
She put on a reasonable amount of weight, which in and of itself wasn't the issue. What was problematic was that because of the weight gain her confidence plummeted, she wouldn't relax around me, wouldn't be undressed around me, moaned about needing to eat right and exercise more ALL the time without actually doing it. She was just a different person completely from the one I first met.
I tried the softly softly approaches of suggesting we cook something healthy or start walking or exercising together or cutting back the nights out but it didn't work.
It's a serious strain on a relationship.

Gunslinger92

I ended a very long relationship and I ain't gonna lie, he had put on a ****ton of weight and it played a significant enough role in my decision. It wasn't the main reason for my ending it, but it played a part because I had brought it up and nothing was done to address it.

Chips Lovell

These threads always go the same way.

Good natured banter, interspersed with wise and sensitive analysis.

All finishing with cheerful consensus.

Walter H Price

Yor'e better saying something than trying to ignore it. attraction is a big part of a relationship , if someone gains or looses allot of weight it cant really affect how attracted to them you are , but it can also be more then that.

My OH put on a good bit of weight after we first moved in together , through bad diet and stuff, she was a bit homesick , neither of us could cook so we we both mostly eating **** but i was playing rugby and doing a good bit of ercise so i didn't. What i found more difficult to deal with thaen how she looked after she gained the weight was her whole personality changed she just became very self conscious and that really killed the mood.

Ultimately i said it to her that we had to do something, she went and lost some weight and got a bit of her self confidence and that back , i did a nutrition course learned to cook properly. were getting married next November both going to slimming world now i want to loose a stone and maintain it she we like to be another dress size or two smaller so it's great were doing it together, she kinda recognises now is the best time to do it as we want kids shortly after the wedding and its well known being overweight can cause fertility issues so the wedding is a great target to aim for and then just Maintain it beyond.

But little things become big things (no pun intended) if ignored in relationships

_Jamie_

This thread is bittersweet for me to read because I totally agree that you should work to look good for your OH but since I've got with mine, I've been diagnosed with advanced bloody cancer. That has had a big effect on my appearance, in various ways. My OH is wonderful and loves me, but I'm sure he has at some stage had taboo thoughts that he drew the short straw. He's only human!