Are people who have affairs/cheat bad people?

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[Deleted User]

The way I see it is that people will do all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons. Christmas parties are an opportunity for a bit of madness to appear and steam to be released. You get to see your colleague in a different light and this can be useful in building a stronger connection. They are no longer just a position in the company but a living breathing human who you suddenly might find yourself attracted to.

It's possible to maintain two positions, love for your partner and sexual attraction for someone entirely different.

sashafierce wrote: »

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I wish I had skipped mine - must have took me 3 full days to recover. I'm too old for that shít now and try as I might, I just can't seem to get a grip on that moderation thing that seems to be all the rage these days:mad:

Goya

Oodoov wrote: »

It's pretty much rampant as far as i can see in my work place anyway. Xmas party last year was an eye opener, loving wives eh i think not folks.

Was it only women whom you noticed being unfaithful?

A vocal minority here seem keen to frame certain behaviours that either sex are capable of, as exclusive to women - or worse if by women.

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Oodoov

Flimpson wrote: »

Was it only women whom you noticed being unfaithful?

A vocal minority here seem keen to frame certain behaviours that either sex are capable of, as exclusive to women - or worse if by women.

No. Married men and married women. It's not a woman or man thing it's a human thing. Men seem to cheat more of that i've no doubt but anyone roaming around thinking married women don't are living in la la land. I didnt bother with the work xmas party this year but unfortunately had a stag event i couldnt avoid in Kilkenny in October and it's open season down there. They don't even bother removing the wedding bands it seems :pac:

Like i said i went to last years Xmas party didnt bother this year and it has happening i don't think these people where disappearing up to the hotel rooms to watch some TV tbh.

MeatTwoVeg

sashafierce wrote: »

I've been to many xmas parties and never seen any of this cheating carry on...

Mostly because it's an urban legend propagated by internet fanticists.

Goya

I don't think anyone here thinks women are far less capable of being unfaithful than men.

Potatoeman wrote: »

I know someone that used to do the same thing. He eventually started asking the brides and the response was that it was one last fling and what their husband to be didn't know wouldn't hurt him. It kind of messed with his head and he had trust issues after it.

He was the one bedding married women - therefore enabling their infidelity - yet their infidelity messed with his head and he had trust issues? Awesome!

MeatTwoVeg wrote: »

Mostly because it's an urban legend propagated by internet fanticists.

Infidelity? Or just workplace infidelity?

Either way, you're mistaken!

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sashafierce wrote: »

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I know lots to be honest - probably most would be that kind of unplanned drunken "mistake" kind of scenario. But I know a couple who have had long term affairs- I find it fascinating in a peculiar kind of way, like being a spy or an undercover cop.
It always fascinates me that you never really know what anyone is like, everyone puts on a persona, some personas are fairly close to their real self - but some are absolute inventions. People are fúcking weird!

Potatoeman

Flimpson wrote: »

I don't think anyone here thinks women are far less capable of being unfaithful than men.

He was the one bedding married women - therefore enabling their infidelity - yet their infidelity messed with his head and he had trust issues? Awesome!

He tried to convince himself they must have had a one last fling agreement with their other half but yeah he could have not done it. The guy went from one extreme to another, he was a virgin when he left college.

The_Captain

Widdershins wrote: »

Office parties sound like depressing occasions that bring out the worst in people.

90% of the time there's no fights or people getting off with other. It's people who are forced to see each other every day stuck in a room together and forced to make small talk before they go home at 11pm or go somewhere else with their friends.

professore

Oodoov wrote: »

No. Married men and married women. It's not a woman or man thing it's a human thing. Men seem to cheat more of that i've no doubt but anyone roaming around thinking married women don't are living in la la land. I didnt bother with the work xmas party this year but unfortunately had a stag event i couldnt avoid in Kilkenny in October and it's open season down there. They don't even bother removing the wedding bands it seems :pac:

Like i said i went to last years Xmas party didnt bother this year and it has happening i don't think these people where disappearing up to the hotel rooms to watch some TV tbh.

How do men cheat more? Do they cheat with other men? If you think about this for a second, if more men are cheating than women, then the women who are cheating must be at it a lot to make up for the women who don't cheat. And don't say it's women who didn't know he was married. Bullcrap. It happens the other way round too, women who pretend to be single.

The_Captain wrote: »

90% of the time there's no fights or people getting off with other. It's people who are forced to see each other every day stuck in a room together and forced to make small talk before they go home at 11pm or go somewhere else with their friends.

Sorry Captain - you may just be your companies Dave from accounts. Someone has to be.:)

zcorpian88

tomwaterford wrote: »

That's someone who had no interest in cheating....only looking for attention

What would have happened if your wan was kicking off and his lack came back???

Noone anywhere that drunk has that much lack of foresight/common sense

You really think so? God I wouldn't do that no matter how drunk I was, I'd imagine I'd never get away with it either if I did, I'd imagine myself chastised on the spot for it and rightly so. Women are more protective of the personal space so it's expected, you gotta respect their space. The victim is a friend of all of ours for about 5 years, so I was surprised he did that, and would check out other women, he'd even comment on other women, but touching another woman I thought he'd refrain from.

I was told about it by the victim of it while I was gone on holiday, she just text me randomly and told me the story, after that he was like saying "Oh you're still with yer man??" and "You're dressed up real well tonight"....like a lame attempt at flirting. She was very unhappy about what happened but didn't make a scene because she rarely goes out here and didn't want to spoil the night, the guy nearly got the head clubbed off him by the victims tank of a cousin who saw the whole thing but he was stopped very quickly before anything happened. The victims boyfriend is fair pissed off over it too, he wasn't there at the time but found out later.

It bugs me because I had this vision in my head where if you're taken, you keep your hands to yourself end of story, otherwise you're labelled some arsehole misogynist player that should be avoided. I'm annoyed for the victim of it, as well as this guys girlfriend who is oblivious that it happened.

Also I guess I should highlight I was into the perpetrators girlfriend a few years ago but she pretty much blew me off by friend zoning me after a drunken shift. Tried to woo her for about 6 or 7 weeks afterward and she wasn't really going for it, so I gave up, she funnily enough then took an interest in me and said she had feelings for me then when I moved on and found some happiness with someone else, which was fairly annoying to say the least. I stayed put because the new person wasn't kicking tyres and wasting time, and knew what she wanted from the onset.

She later went off with this guy, this "friend" of mine after just 3 days, when she came out to hang out with me on new years night a few years ago and now he's slapping some other girls posterior when his girlfriends back is turned.

Classy.

Oodoov

MeatTwoVeg wrote: »

Mostly because it's an urban legend propagated by internet fanticists.

Of course it's all an illusion.

liketochat

I think its always best to finish one relationship before starting another.Cheaters are weak and have little or no respect for there partner...i think there is always something broken in a relationship when one person cheats,,,however it causes unbelievable damage and pain to the person you once loved,,,,,so i wuld always advise one has some have respect and end current relationship beforestarting another.......
so to summarise are they "Bad people".....not bad necessarly but "Disrespectful,weak and self centered."....

XsApollo

That's a serious generalisation there.
Anybody who cheats or has an affair is Disrespectful , weak and self centred.
And is horsesh*t to be honest.

Widdershins

XsApollo wrote: »

That's a serious generalisation there.
Anybody who cheats or has an affair is Disrespectful , weak and self centred.
And is horsesh*t to be honest.

The act is not respectful, it's not a show of strength or determination to honour a relationship, and they're clearly not thinking of anyone else when they cheat, so it's a fair description.

tomwaterford

sashafierce wrote: »

I'm finding it all very difficult to believe. I've knowing a few people to cheat but they were all drunken nightclub cheating. I've known one married women to have an affair. Obviously I can't say this 100% but I don't know anyone in a relationship who I think would cheat on their partner.

You either know very few people,or they don't tell you about their cheating (it's not something that's spoke about too openly)

Or the majority of people I know are just an anomaly with perceived internet wisdom

MadDog76 wrote: »

Uhm ......... you have to cheat in order to contract an STD from outside of the relationship ......... you're now saying that one of the partners already has an STD when entering the relationship which is not at all what you earlier implied ......... thank God its not rocket science because, if it was, you'd fail miserably!

Someone implied that cheating can cause the spread of STDs.
I pointed out that you do not have to cheat to spread or contract an STD. You can do so simply by sleeping around as a single person.

Then the original post came back and re-qualified his statement.

Do I have to spell it out for you?

XsApollo

Widdershins wrote: »

The act is not respectful, it's not a show of strength or determination to honour a relationship, and they're clearly not thinking of anyone else when they cheat, so it's a fair description.

Do you or the black and white brigade hold that logic to all things in life or just cheating.

Circumstances dictate how a persons character should be judged.

For example Is a person who cheats on there lying ,abusive ,destructive partner
Held in the same regard as say someone who cheats on there loving partner who say might have be ill or has other issues that are effecting them?
I think not, I'd say one could be justified in their actions and one not.

Widdershins

XsApollo wrote: »

Do you or the black and white brigade hold that logic to all things in life or just cheating.

Circumstances dictate how a persons character should be judged.

For example Is a person who cheats on there lying ,abusive ,destructive partner
Held in the same regard as say someone who cheats on there loving partner who say might have be ill or has other issues that are effecting them?
I think not, I'd say one could be justified in their actions and one not.

All I am saying is you can't expect people to think you're not any of the things the poster listed ere as follows: ''Anybody who cheats or has an affair is Disrespectful , weak and self centred''

It's hardly something done out of respect, or strength, or consideration for others, is it? There's no two ways about that, even if the cheater is not a bad person and has tried their best in a relationship and is being treated badly. Even if they're lonely and frustrated.

There are numerous reasons why some cheating is worse than others but it still doesn't change that they're not doing it out of respect, strength or thoughtfulness. Sometimes it's the complete opposite-and sometimes it's desperation and a need for human contact. But never the above qualities.

Widdershins wrote: »

Me too.

I love my partner and I don't even 'see' other men in a sexual or romantic way.

Logically I could say ''why go out for a burger when you have a steak at home'' but it's been like this since the second I met him. Nobody else really exists in the same way he does, for me.

But what if you craved fish :pac:

sashafierce wrote: »

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????

Do you or don't you know people who have cheated? I don't understand your post at all.

daveyeh

guestb12345 wrote: »

I know a woman who is cheating on her husband. I can't get over how such a seemingly nice person can be doing something so horrible to the man.

Are you bad for not telling him?

professore wrote: »

How do men cheat more? Do they cheat with other men? If you think about this for a second, if more men are cheating than women, then the women who are cheating must be at it a lot to make up for the women who don't cheat. And don't say it's women who didn't know he was married. Bullcrap. It happens the other way round too, women who pretend to be single.

The women they cheat with are single, for example.

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