professore wrote: » Yeah I think it surprises a lot of guys who are raised that women are the "moral guardians" of society and men are amoral assholes, it certainly surprised me how many women have zero morals - often the same ones loudly criticising other women for the same actions - and I've been surprised in the opposite direction with men - some of them do have strong morals. I'd say it's about 50 / 50.
sbsquarepants wrote: » Narcissists are out there - and they will do whatever the hell suits them at the time. You are both better off without him to be honest. There just is no happy ever after with somebody like that. A lot of people simply can't leave. For men in particular, you break up with the missus - she gets the house + the kids and you get to pay for both and see the kids on the weekend. If you are say 50 years old, what are you going to do? A bank wont give you a mortgage unless you earn a kings ransom, so you're options are basically stay put or go couch surfing. It's not as simple as come clean and face the consequences - it's that simple when you're twenty and living at home, not when times against you and you've kids and a mortgage.
Potatoeman wrote: » Any survey I've seen has it at with slightly more men cheating. Men also seem more likely to keep it quite if they were cheated on rather than tell everyone. They also seem to get caught for some very dumb mistakes.
MeatTwoVeg wrote: » I always find Boards to be a hilariously moralistic place at times. I generally put it down to the age profile or lack of life experience. Away from the black and white world of internet discussion forums, real life is a lot more complicated and messy. It's why I'd never presume to judge what goes on in other people's relationships. It's none of my business basically.
MeatTwoVeg wrote: » It's why I'd never presume to judge what goes on in other people's relationships. It's none of my business basically.
sbsquarepants wrote: » A lot of people simply can't leave. For men in particular, you break up with the missus - she gets the house + the kids and you get to pay for both and see the kids on the weekend. If you are say 50 years old, what are you going to do? A bank wont give you a mortgage unless you earn a kings ransom, so you're options are basically stay put or go couch surfing. It's not as simple as come clean and face the consequences - it's that simple when you're twenty and living at home, not when times against you and you've kids and a mortgage.
professore wrote: » I'm not far off that profile. I'd still leave, and build a life for myself.
professore wrote: » You really believe "surveys" like that? Asking people who are doing something dishonest to be honest on a survey. Doesn't work. Men keeping it quiet? You don't know what some women are like my friend - they are the masters of manipulation. You will learn when it's too late.
bucketybuck wrote: » You try to make it sound as if cheating is just something some couples do, as if its a choice they make and so who are we to judge. But the fact is that when it happens it happens with one person in that relationship not knowing about it at all, its completely non-consensual for that one person. And like anything non-consensual that makes it a lowlife thing to do to somebody.
Walter H Price wrote: » Exactly i think allot of men can end up trapped in that rock and a hard place situation where the spark is gone or they've fallen out of love with their partner but breaking up would mean losing their entire lifestyle , their home , earnings , in some cases access to their kids ... Effectivly if you leave you are left homeless and broke so for many simply leaving is not the most obvious option. Sure its the more noble thing to do or whatever but , im sure by the time your in that position stuck in a failing marriage with the alternative being effectivly a 50% pay cut and homelessness im sure for many all notions of nobilty and morality fly out the window, and in all honesty gien the circumstances men find themselves in when a marriage breaks down its hard to blame them. They say its easier to find a job when you have a job , maybe the same is true of relationships , I'm sure its infinitly easier to find a potential partner whil in a failing marriage but still with your own how and finances then it is living back with your parents with half your salery going to your ex.
Walter H Price wrote: » Sure its the more noble thing to do or whatever but , im sure by the time your in that position stuck in a failing marriage with the alternative being effectivly a 50% pay cut and homelessness im sure for many all notions of nobilty and morality fly out the window, and in all honesty gien the circumstances men find themselves in when a marriage breaks down its hard to blame them.
Potatoeman wrote: » You would be surprised what people admit in surveys. It was only slightly more men, not a huge difference. When I say men keep it quite I mean when cheated on. They don't usually broadcast it.
MeatTwoVeg wrote: » Stop foaming at the mouth in your rush to pass judgement. It's none of your business. None at all.
sbsquarepants wrote: » As you get older and more cynical you realise that morals come with a price - sometimes they simply aren't affordable. The moral high ground is populated largely by the naive, the immature and the liars.
professore wrote: » Yes it's none of my business either unless it's my wife or me - or possibly close family - but that doesn't mean I can't have an opinion. People judge other people all the time. It's what humans do.
Walter H Price wrote: » Exactly i think allot of men can end up trapped in that rock and a hard place situation where the spark is gone or they've fallen out of love with their partner but breaking up would mean losing their entire lifestyle , their home , earnings , in some cases access to their kids ... Effectivly if you leave you are left homeless and broke so for many simply leaving is not the most obvious option.
Sure its the more noble thing to do or whatever but , im sure by the time your in that position stuck in a failing marriage with the alternative being effectivly a 50% pay cut and homelessness im sure for many all notions of nobilty and morality fly out the window, and in all honesty gien the circumstances men find themselves in when a marriage breaks down its hard to blame them.
They say its easier to find a job when you have a job , maybe the same is true of relationships , I'm sure its infinitly easier to find a potential partner whil in a failing marriage but still with your own how and finances then it is living back with your parents with half your salery going to your ex.
MeatTwoVeg wrote: » It's what the judgemental, curtain-twitching humans do. Not the entire species.
Estrellita wrote: » I've heard it all now. Perhaps these kids might wish their mother ended the marriage to find someone who makes her happy. No kid wishes a parent would cheat. That's codswallop, and you know it.
professore wrote: » Yeah I'm around a long time, mid 40s, and cheating is still black and white for me. If you see the utter destruction it causes, suicides, mental illness, and often children end up hating one of their parents, even if you leave morals out of it, it's one of the worst things someone can do, up there with domestic violence. But it's all a "bit of fun" and "finding yourself". FFS.
professore wrote: » Wow. You don't judge. What about Josef Fritzl? You don't judge it to be something of a risk for allowing your daughter to have a sleepover at his house? No? Or someone who you have lent money to several times and they never pay it back? Do you lend to them again? Fair play to you. Any chance of a few quid for christmas?
HensVassal wrote: » Well I know of more than one friend whose mother was completely underappreciated. The 2 sons didn't get along that well with the father who was always in his own little tv room, at work, or out elsewhere. No time for family. When the lads reached late teenage years and started going to college, the mother started "seeing" a "gentleman companion". The sons found out but kept it to themselves and essentially told her that she had their support if she wanted it. They were going to be moving out at some stage and if she wanted then to consider a separation then that was her prerogative. "Codswallop"? "Heard it all now"? Do you think you have a monopoly on the mechanics of human relationships?
HensVassal wrote: » You're equating infidelity with violence?
Widdershins wrote: » Being in a bad relationship..or being bad at relationships. I suspect the latter is the case more often than people admit. I wonder why some people never really work on a relationship and instead give up on it wit the excuse ''the spark is gone'' or similar tripe.
