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Are people who have affairs/cheat bad people?

guestb12345

People who have affairs, are they bad people? I know a woman who is cheating on her husband. I can't get over how such a seemingly nice person can be doing something so horrible to the man. Are people who have affairs/cheat on their OH's, bad people?

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[Deleted User]

There's more than one reason why a person might cheat. A person who's in a loveless, perhaps bullying or abusive marriage who perhaps has been denied sex, love or respect for years, is a whole different dealio to a person who just fancies a shag with a stranger without a care or second thought of their OH.

Sometimes good people do bad things, but I'd despise cheating in general.

posturingpat

Yes.
If you're not going to stay faithful get out of the relationship. Simple as that.

johnayo

posturingpat wrote: »

Yes.
If you're not going to stay faithful get out of the relationship. Simple as that.

Unfortunately, in life, there is very little that is that black and white.
In an ideal world, of course you are right.

The Rape of Lucretia

It very positive for genetic variety, particularly if either or both parties can get away without it being noticed by the other partners. Cheating is a successful evolutionary development, and perfectly natural for those who engage in it. They are not bad people, simply differently-loyal, and should not be condemned for that. Embrace the variety of humanity, and allow them be true to their nature without criticism.

jca

Yes.

Marzipan85

The Rape of Lucretia wrote: »

It very positive for genetic variety, particularly if either or both parties can get away without it being noticed by the other partners. Cheating is a successful evolutionary development, and perfectly natural for those who engage in it. They are not bad people, simply differently-loyal, and should not be condemned for that. Embrace the variety of humanity, and allow them be true to their nature without criticism.

Right so! Break your girlfriend's/boyfriend's heart . No biggie. it's for the betterment of mankind for god's sake! :rolleyes:

posturingpat

johnayo wrote: »

Unfortunately, in life, there is very little that is that black and white.
In an ideal world, of course you are right.

As black and white as you make it. Cheating should never be done as far as I'm concerned, Ive ended relationships to get with someone rather than cheat on women in the past.

learn_more

What is a 'bad' person?

Is a 'bad' person someone who lived a perfectly moral life but did one bad thing?

There are always people out there who want to feel better about themselves by putting others down for their actions.

Nobody lives the same life or lives in the exact same circumstances as someone else as our lives are completely unique.

The OP is looking from afar, but did not live the life of the adulter. There are things the OP may not know. Maybe the husband is a total asshole, who knows...

I really don't like poking my nose into other peoples relationships. It's none of my business and I wouldn't assume anything, whether good or bad.

Chancer3001

Not bad people.

Just made bad choices.

If you do 99% right and 1% wrong are you bad??

midnight city

Its nasty and its cowardly. If the relationship is over get out.

johnayo

posturingpat wrote: »

As black and white as you make it. Cheating should never be done as far as I'm concerned, Ive ended relationships to get with someone rather than cheat on women in the past.

Good for you... Here's hoping you can maintain that clear cut path through your life.. Unfortunately not everyone can.

boobar

I'd say their spouses would say yes they're bad people.

posturingpat

johnayo wrote: »

Good for you... Here's hoping you can maintain that clear cut path through your life.. Unfortunately not everyone can.

I'm no saint, far from it but when it comes to purposely doing something that you know will hurt someone you care for or did care for people come up with far too many excuses.
Just don't do it.

The Rape of Lucretia

Marzipan85 wrote: »

Right so! Break your girlfriend's/boyfriend's heart . No biggie. it's for the betterment of mankind for god's sake! :rolleyes:

Not really for mankind. But for yourself. Reproductively, the cheaters are more successful. The non-cheater, in this sense is the 'bad', or less successful person.
Its a different strokes for different folks sort of thing.

tayto lover

A rogue of a mickey can get a good man into trouble.

GiantTcr

johnayo wrote: »

Good for you... Here's hoping you can maintain that clear cut path through your life.. Unfortunately not everyone can.

Then whats the point in being in a relationship with someone if you know you want to be with someone else? If you are a good person, it's cut and dry. You leave that person you are in the relationship with, in order to be with another person. Simple really.

twill

The Rape of Lucretia wrote: »

Not really for mankind. But for yourself. Reproductively, the cheaters are more successful. The non-cheater, in this sense is the 'bad', or less successful person.
Its a different strokes for different folks sort of thing.

If a person has that philosophy, they have the option of informing their intended partner that they do not intend to be faithful and letting them decide whether or not they find that acceptable. Cheating is objectively bad, because it is false and disloyal.

As to whether cheating makes a person bad, I imagine under the right circumstances anyone can be tempted and can do things they regret. Ideally, they will learn and not repeat their mistake. Bad people seek out opportunities to cheat and have no problem with doing it repeatedly.

wakka12

It depends how much you value relationships and loyalty I suppose. I don't think it makes somebody a bad person , though I would be upset if it happened to me but it wouldnt make me think my spouse was necessarily a bad person

mayobumblebee

guestb12345 wrote: »

People who have affairs, are they bad people? I know a woman who is cheating on her husband. I can't get over how such a seemingly nice person can be doing something so horrible to the man. Are people who have affairs/cheat on their OH's, bad people?

I also know a woman who is cheating on her poor husband she is completely uncaring and has lied to me and others about it. I pity her kids and husband. She also continues to do so many times I'm surprised it's not common knowledge at this point. I think it's bad if it's cheating if you want to have an open relationship then do that with like minded people I know she has split at least one relationship up. that's a bad person that doesn't care who they hurt

buried

GiantTcr wrote: »

Then whats the point in being in a relationship with someone if you know you want to be with someone else? If you are a good person, it's cut and dry. You leave that person you are in the relationship with, in order to be with another person. Simple really.

Its not that cut and dry though. People who are involved with other people, be it through a relationship, be it through a family, be it through a friendship, they can hurt each other all the time.
Its probably the most frequent thing that happens in any relationship in those close knit social areas. Doesn't mean any party involved is necessarily 'bad' or 'malevolent'. People p!ss each other off all the time.
Fair enough, ignoring the fact someone may be p!ssing you off and not addressing that fact and situation to the other person isn't fair either, but some folk may not want to address that situation out into the open, they may not want to for whatever reason they have themselves. They could be scared, they could be frightened to do so, they may feel they have been betrayed themselves, countless social mind pressures like that, god only knows. Doesn't make them 'bad'. That's too simplistic

B.A._Baracus

Not really an easy question to answer. People can be described as having a grey area. An overall decent person can still be a complete a$shole in a situation. On the flip side a complete a$shole can be alright to their partner etc. Grey area.

But one thing that annoys me is when people try to justify their cheating. Oh I was in a loveless relationship, I wasn't getting any sex, they're not treating me right, yadda yadda. For every one genuine case as to why someone cheated there is 50 who'll use that as an excuse.

guestb12345

The guy she's having the affair with is married as well. Does a "good" person do this? I feel sorry for her husband.

osarusan

I don't thing cheating always means they are a bad person, but I do think it is always a bad thing to do. I don't think it is ever really justifiable.

mayobumblebee

Well the one I know Is a horrid woman whoever crosses her path she will jump on its the attention she craves. So many people know about her. but what do you do. Some are not horrible people like genuine once off truly sorry
I'd guess almost all long term or repeat cheaters just apologise and continue the lies and games.

darkpagandeath

Are we talking F*cking or Kissing ?

Shergar6

Obviously it's a ****ty thing to do but there's different levels of cheating. Is a college student a bad person because they snogged someone while plastered who isn't their girlfriend/boyfriend on a night out? Nah. You hopefully learn from stuff like that when you're young. When it comes to serious grown up relationships and marriage and all i think it's incredibly heartless. I don't even know how people carry on long term affairs and have wives and kids. It doesn't sound 'exciting' to me at all. Will never forget when Ronan Keating was caught cheating on the wife for over a year when she found his second phone - and he was always banging on about how he adored his Mrs and she saved him after his ma dying etc and in an interview a week before that he gets really jealous of Yvonne when she goes out without him?? Then when they split (more like she turfed him out) he acts like she's the one who caused it and how he's never felt loved and happy until he met his current wife. Someone like that is an out and out scumbag and deserves all the judgement in the world.

In fairness i have never been cheated on or cheated and i kind of feel you don't know how you'd react unless you're in that position.

tomwaterford

No...it deosnt make them bad (deosnt make them good either)

The majority of people I've meet/known long term cheated at one stage or another...

I know more couples where both have cheated than where both haven't. .....Obviously their OH don't know.....

but it deos go on a fair bit more than most people are willing to acknowledge

Deosnt make them bad and I'd not judge them for it....who am I to judge/know what geos on behind closed doors???

But I do tell anyone that's pissed off/heartbroken after finding their partner having an affair to walk away as itll happen again

voz es

guestb12345 wrote: »

People who have affairs, are they bad people? I know a woman who is cheating on her husband. I can't get over how such a seemingly nice person can be doing something so horrible to the man. Are people who have affairs/cheat on their OH's, bad people?

A better question is would an act make a person either bad or good. We all have the potential to do both very good and very bad things.

People will always end up hurting people for one thing or another.

If a person dose a lot of what are considered 'bad things' and they are remorseful would that make them a good person..... But what if they were not remorseful but had a traumatic upbringing and the coping mechanisms that they cut out a lot of empathy from their relational style.

What if a person never acts out badly of dose physical bad thing but in their heads are bitter and spiteful, elitist and wishes negativity to most they meat. getting jealous of others successes are they a good person?

The argument's are endless..... Might I suggest do the best you can with your own life in line with your morals and don't waste time wondering about the judgement of others.

[Deleted User]

The Rape of Lucretia wrote: »

It very positive for genetic variety, particularly if either or both parties can get away without it being noticed by the other partners. Cheating is a successful evolutionary development, and perfectly natural for those who engage in it. They are not bad people, simply differently-loyal, and should not be condemned for that. Embrace the variety of humanity, and allow them be true to their nature without criticism.

maybe if both are cut from the same cloth, perhaps.. but if one party is out working hard, taking care of kids and still being loving and caring in the bedroom and all those things... then you think as for the other half, "ah sure that's just john/jane being themselves so it is".. it's a cop out. like I said, if both parties are swingers and fine with it, then ok, nobodys getting hurt here.

But if one is skulking off round to the local little chef motel "on business"?? or off to Westport every other weekend?? then NOPE! scumbag thing to do.

fullstop

The Rape of Lucretia wrote: »

It very positive for genetic variety, particularly if either or both parties can get away without it being noticed by the other partners. Cheating is a successful evolutionary development, and perfectly natural for those who engage in it. They are not bad people, simply differently-loyal, and should not be condemned for that. Embrace the variety of humanity, and allow them be true to their nature without criticism.

Oh TRoL, you're not even trying anymore. Just yesterday you posted this on another thread about having sex on the first date. It seems your moral compass is being interfered with :rolleyes::rolleyes:

The Rape of Lucretia wrote: »

It would be highly immoral if it were indeed to take place. The only moral sexual act is natural marital relations.
To be moral, each and every knowingly chosen sexual act must have three good fonts of morality : the intention must be good, the moral object must be good, and the good consequences must outweigh any bad consequences.
In order to have a good moral object, each and every sexual act must be marital and unitive and procreative.
All non-marital sexual acts are intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral. As such, 'doing it' on a first date probably never happens in Ireland despite some of the claims above. Irish people are better than that.