savemefrom wrote: » Mouse, Thanks, I have read a lot on here over the years, and decided to take the plunge and join in. 7 pm onwards is often the worst. My brain forgets the morning pain. I watch the clock tick on to 10pm, will I won't I give myself a "treat" ? just one more before I give it up? Last night I resisted..another day done and sitting with a cup of tea and clear head this morning.
savemefrom wrote: » Last night I resisted..another day done and sitting with a cup of tea and clear head this morning.
aabarnes1 wrote: » Hi savemefrom I do hope you are in a slightly better place today. I can tell you how I coped in the early days of stopping drinking. I had tried, unsuccessfully, many times to quit, limit or change my drinking as it was causing me more and more trouble.Every time I drank, my condition progressively got worse and worse If I am truthful, the drink actually stopped working for me. I was drinking about 10 to 14 pints and a bottle and a half of vodka a day, from 7 in the morning until I collapsed at some point early in the evening. The black hole in my head and the 'washing machine effect' of crazy thoughts just escalated and had me in a place I felt I could not escape from unless I had a drink, but the drink didn't work. yes, I did consider alternatives, but tbh, I am too selfish.As my behaviour worsened and my drinking blackouts more frequent I felt I was nearing the end. I was broken, beaten, done. With the help of a friend and my wife, we decided to go to my doctor, he already new I was a problem drinker but had never seen me in this state. He gave my wife a weeks supply of Librium to wean me off and help me cope with the withdrawals of alcohol and suggested rehab and AA. As I had already tried every conceivable method to drink like a normal person, I had to admit to my self that I was beaten, I had to accept that I was powerless over alcohol in all it's form and guises. So after a week I attended an AA meeting in Dublin, there was a mix of ages of men and women who shared a common problem. I listened to what they shared and could identify with almost all of them in the room. One particular guy shared a story that was almost a carbon copy of my life, I thought I was unique!!, I thought nobody would understand me, nobody would feel the way I do, no body had the problems I had. But they did. Nearly all of them had exactly the same way of mad thinking as me, especially when it came to justifying the first drink or feeling sorry for myself. I went on then to Sr Concillios in Athenry for 3 months in to rehab. Although I felt a void, like a hole in a doughnut inside me initially after stopping drinking, I took up swimming again and cooking at home, to fill some of the time. I changed my job at 49, easily I might add. But most importantly I kept going back to AA, and still do obviously, and my life, my thinking and my health (mental,spiritual and physical) has improved beyond my dreams. I feel part of something now, I don't feel different anymore. My self esteem which was once lower than a snakes belly, has shot through the roof and all the irrational fear I used to suffer has basically gone. My life is not perfect, but it is manageable on a daily basis, thanks to AA. It took me a couple of times to eventually quit and get to where I am now, in fact I really struggled in the beginning. But I had nowhere else to go, except insane or dead, so it wasn't a hard decision for me in the end. My journey is exactly that, it's mine. But I only achieved it by listening to people like me and others who had suffered, who were willing to share their experience, hope and strength. There is a wonderful sober life waiting for you friend, I hope you find it soon. God bless you.
savemefrom wrote: » Thanks for all the replies. I will respond to them all shortly. Just a quick update . Clear head and another day done. Aabarnes, i didnt reach that extreme but realised i could. My new worst habit was when choosing the wine, i wasnt looking at the quality but turning the bottle around to check it was 13.5 percent at least[/QUOTE That made me shudder....I could have typed those words myself. After a while I was buying 2 of those because I bottle just wasn't enough. My last bottle of wine, I drank it like normal people drink Tea. I was convinced the 13.5 % was a mislabel. Thank god I found AA
savemefrom wrote: » So, how have I ended up here? the "here" being drinking too much, as opposed to Boards. Not sure which came first, the low self-esteem or the drinking. While I have moments of strong self belief, more often than not, I dwell on the things that have gone wrong, beating myself up over the one thing that maybe went wrong and forgetting all the good. The down feeling after a night's drinking always made things worse, but will abstaining alone, be the solution. Suspect I need to grow in other ways. But one step at a time. Another day minus drink thankfully. I declared I was giving it a break until Christmas, but feel I really want to make this a permanent choice. I know going visiting at xmas, people will push the xmas "cheer" my way, but one day at a time, that's a battle for down the road. Posting here has definitely helped me stay strong so far. Going forward, not sure if I should keep on posting in this thread or post my daily updates in the "haven't touched a drop in" thread. Maybe a Mod could advise.
savemefrom wrote: » Another day without and it has not been on my mind. Stomach a bit off the last two days but i do suffer from food allergies. Pressure period in work and feeling tired and exhausted and subsequently a bit down. It will pass. Must tackle the work priorities i have been putting off.
The flying mouse wrote: » Being irritable and discontent is also part of the recovery, sure its only natural that your mind and body is fighting the massive changes going on in your everyday life, there screaming what the **** is happening here where's me beer. It will pass and things will get better.
aabarnes1 wrote: » When first stopping drinking, most residential rehab centres advise on drinking sugary drinks and having chocolate/biscuits close by as the sugar levels drop once we stop drinking alcohol and the subsequent low can give us a false sense of a 'need' for a drink. It was certainly the case with me. I would advise you concentrate on one thing at a time, don't try to fix everything at once. Give time.... time. Easy does it. Just ask for help in the morning, read some relevant literature and try to do something you wouldn't normally do.
The flying mouse wrote: » Hi Savemefrom, This is your thread where your putting your thoughts & progress or not here, You wont get to much traffic coming here, It great for reading back on in your push to move forward. What are you doing to help you stop ? Are you going to any of the fellowships around ? any plans in place for when situations like above happen again, as they sure will ?
aabarnes1 wrote: » Personally, I would try to avoid situations where people are consuming alcohol around me in the early days, not always possible I understand, but usually do-able. As mouse says, we have to take action, just putting down the drink will not KEEP us sober,we have to go further. I found it not too difficult to stop in the beginning, however I could never stay stopped. I din't look at the reasons WHY I drank or what triggered me, consequently I was lead back to the bottle. Thankfully that is not the case today, but I had to work at it.
savemefrom wrote: » I feel so feckin irritable tonight. I almost cracked. I'm thinking about something in work that I have to complete and anticipating a bad clash with the boss over it. Maybe, I was looking for wine tonight to escape this feeling, or, maybe it's part of the withdrawal, or a bit of both. Pass the hour of danger, will head off to bed now and hope I find the strength to tackle, rather that avoid my work fears tomorrow.
eamor wrote: » Try and get some sleep. Pray if you're into that. I had terrible trouble sleeping a few months back (work related stress ) so I used to listen to 'white noise' on my phone, under the pillow and it helped. (You tube).
savemefrom wrote: » Thanks Eamor. Finding it a struggle hanging on at the mo. Trying to tackle this on my own is probably making it harder, but that's how I deal with everything in life, from the little boy boy whose mother died and was told it was brave not to cry. Never being at ease to speak my mind, putting up a shield the whole time. So much has to change, but maybe smaller steps with a little help from friends, but pride and all that.....
savemefrom wrote: » Lately i feel i am of more worth to my family if i were to die. Mortgage cleared etc and they could have financial security. The recession brought me from boom to bust. Life holds little joy
aabarnes1 wrote: » Let me assure you my friend, you are worth way more to your family alive. You display very typical thoughts that we have all encountered, but if you think about them they are actually quite selfish. Boom to bust eh, sound to me like you never had the boom. Yes you might have had money, business success, a nice car and other possessions but were you happy, spiritually? Did you mistake the hunger to succeed for the inability to sit comfortably with yourself? Did you always think you needed more of everything rather than accepting you have what you need? You have a life and a family that have clearly supported and stood by you. You may well have provided for them financially but emotionally?? Time to take stock my friend, we need to address whats really going on. as mentioned before, we cannot do this alone, we need help. We MUSt swallow our false pride, take the bit between our teeth and ask.
