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Shamed for being Frugal

enoughalready

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this? My friend today shamed me by stating I was so stingy in front of another friend because of my money saving, frugal habits. I was so annoyed that I shot back that at least I'm not in credit card debt and so on. It got me thinking that now in future I have to 'hide' my fugal way off living because if I speak about it people will call me cheap or stingy. Its a horrible feeling not being able to live the lifestyle you want without being judged. Has anyone else had a similar experience and how they combated it?

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intheclouds

Sam Kade wrote: »

It took someone years to figure it out? Urban myth I'd say. Where pooling money is involved people suddenly become great at maths.

You think?

Ive been arranging and doing the bill split for an xmas meal of a particular group for 20+ years. Not once has anyone else asked to even look at the bill. I could easily pull the trick of having mine paid for - not that I would.

Its not the same person sitting next to me each year, or indeed the same people in attendance - some people cant make it sometimes, different partners have come and gone etc...

MayoSalmon

Life is too short to be a tight arse..not meeting up with friends because of a 30 euro meal is depressing but hey whatever makes you happy. The most valuable thing you will have in old age will be your memories and if creating tem costs a little bit then so be.

Sam Kade

intheclouds wrote: »

This is true.

I heard a story once (urban myth?) about a group of people who met each year to have a dinner, one person always took it upon themselves to receive and split the bill, calculate a tip etc...

One year the person next to her realised that she split it based on the numbers minus herself - everyone had been paying for her dinner without realising for years!

It took someone years to figure it out? Urban myth I'd say. Where pooling money is involved people suddenly become great at maths.

lawred2

intheclouds wrote: »

This is true.

I heard a story once (urban myth?) about a group of people who met each year to have a dinner, one person always took it upon themselves to receive and split the bill, calculate a tip etc...

One year the person next to her realised that she split it based on the numbers minus herself - everyone had been paying for her dinner without realising for years!

Might be a myth. But at the same time very believable.

intheclouds

lawred2 wrote: »

It only takes one ignoramus to ruin it for everyone.

This is true.

I heard a story once (urban myth?) about a group of people who met each year to have a dinner, one person always took it upon themselves to receive and split the bill, calculate a tip etc...

One year the person next to her realised that she split it based on the numbers minus herself - everyone had been paying for her dinner without realising for years!

lawred2

intheclouds wrote: »

I dunno.

Theres nights out for dinner where I drive and dont drink, where I dont drive and do drink, where I am really hungry and get every course including dessert, where I am not hungry and just get a salad etc...

But at a group meal everyone has the same night out regardless of how much you specifically consume.

I go along with people who want to check the menu prices but I inwardly groan. Even if Id only a starter Id never ever bring it up so I could pay less.

Its swings and roundabouts. Sometimes I end up paying more than i have consumed, sometimes less. But the night out is not just what i consume - its the venue, the company etc...

I would in the main be like yourself but I remember one particular occasion where there was a meal for someone leaving my wife's work.. Partners were invited.

It was a grand night in general. Nice company... About 14 or so people but there was one lad at the table who fancied himself as a billy big shot - kept ordering very expensive bottles of wine off the menu (like 3 - 4 times the cost of the house wines)... He ended up taking it upon himself to order about 6 in total. Most of it consumed down at his end. Not even a courtesy query towards the rest of the table whether they were on board with his selections..

He got himself mightily pissed and headed off before desert.. Threw down enough to cover his food with an extra tenner or so for 'his share' of the drinks bill.

Rest of us got stung big time for his 'refined' palette.

I was not impressed. But there was little I could say or do other than pony up.

It only takes one ignoramus to ruin it for everyone.

lawred2

enoughalready wrote: »

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this? My friend today shamed me by stating I was so stingy in front of another friend because of my money saving, frugal habits. I was so annoyed that I shot back that at least I'm not in credit card debt and so on. It got me thinking that now in future I have to 'hide' my fugal way off living because if I speak about it people will call me cheap or stingy. Its a horrible feeling not being able to live the lifestyle you want without being judged. Has anyone else had a similar experience and how they combated it?

Frugality is a good thing as long as it doesn't tend towards meanness in group situations..

But not buying into mindless consumerism is not something to be ashamed of.

intheclouds

pilly wrote: »

Leads to a lonely life sometimes.

Oh yeah, I was redundant for a period of time and I had to seriously curtail my social life as a result.

I remember turning down a wedding invite because it would have cost me about 1k to attend between location, hotel for 2 nights, travel, gift, outfit, spending money. She was shocked - but I didnt have 1k to spend on a party!

pilly

intheclouds wrote: »

I do get you.

I wouldn't go to a group meal if I was tight on money.

Leads to a lonely life sometimes.

pilly

rubadub wrote: »

It helps as she might realise how unreasonable she is being and in future think twice before shouting her mouth off. It is not like that poster was shouting her mouth off in advance, it was a response, a sensible and logical counter argument. The type of response I guessed you might have actually approved of...

No, not really. Responses like this just beget more of the same. Personally I would keep quiet.

So what do you suggest is said? as the poster obviously is very much effected by her sisters seemingly reckless spending.

How is she effected by the reckless spending. Someone who's reckless asks you for a loan, you say no. Doesn't have any effect!

If you started ordering 10euro bottles of water from icebergs or some nonsense then those seemingly oblivious people might suddenly pay attention. Not that I suggest squandering money like that, but they are possibly aware that you are paying more than you should.

Yeah they probably are aware but just don't think it's a problem I suppose.

rubadub

pilly wrote: »

So you're throwing judgement right back at her, how does that help?

It helps as she might realise how unreasonable she is being and in future think twice before shouting her mouth off. It is not like that poster was shouting her mouth off in advance, it was a response, a sensible and logical counter argument. The type of response I guessed you might have actually approved of...

pilly wrote: »

No need to say anything unless you are effected either way by someone's spending or lack thereof.

So what do you suggest is said? as the poster obviously is very much effected by her sisters seemingly reckless spending.

pilly wrote: »

Whilst I might have a meal that cost 20 euro and water I might end up paying 40 euro.

If you started ordering 10euro bottles of water from icebergs or some nonsense then those seemingly oblivious people might suddenly pay attention. Not that I suggest squandering money like that, but they are possibly aware that you are paying more than you should.

intheclouds

pilly wrote: »

Yeah, I agree in most cases. But what I'm talking about is when you're really short of money but would like to go. I'll give you an example, I was unemployed for 6 months last year and invited out with a group of friends for a meal. Now if I knew it would only cost 20-25 quid I could go, but I didn't because I would be too embarrassed to bring it up beforehand so didn't go. Do you get me?

I do get you.

I wouldn't go to a group meal if I was tight on money.

pilly

intheclouds wrote: »

I dunno.

Theres nights out for dinner where I drive and dont drink, where I dont drive and do drink, where I am really hungry and get every course including dessert, where I am not hungry and just get a salad etc...

But at a group meal everyone has the same night out regardless of how much you specifically consume.

I go along with people who want to check the menu prices but I inwardly groan. Even if Id only a starter Id never ever bring it up so I could pay less.

Its swings and roundabouts. Sometimes I end up paying more than i have consumed, sometimes less. But the night out is not just what i consume - its the venue, the company etc...

Yeah, I agree in most cases. But what I'm talking about is when you're really short of money but would like to go. I'll give you an example, I was unemployed for 6 months last year and invited out with a group of friends for a meal. Now if I knew it would only cost 20-25 quid I could go, but I didn't because I would be too embarrassed to bring it up beforehand so didn't go. Do you get me?

intheclouds

pilly wrote: »

I get stung by this all the time as a non drinker who's single. I don't mind it so much when I have money but there have been occasions when I haven't had enough money to go in case the bill ended up being too high for what I had left in my purse so people need to take that into consideration. Whilst I might have a meal that cost 20 euro and water I might end up paying 40 euro. Fine if I have it, not fine if I don't.

I dunno.

Theres nights out for dinner where I drive and dont drink, where I dont drive and do drink, where I am really hungry and get every course including dessert, where I am not hungry and just get a salad etc...

But at a group meal everyone has the same night out regardless of how much you specifically consume.

I go along with people who want to check the menu prices but I inwardly groan. Even if Id only a starter Id never ever bring it up so I could pay less.

Its swings and roundabouts. Sometimes I end up paying more than i have consumed, sometimes less. But the night out is not just what i consume - its the venue, the company etc...

manonboard

pilly wrote: »

So you're throwing judgement right back at her, how does that help?

There didn't to be any judgement in the posters tone.
They provided factual assertion. The sister is in debt. She is complaining about the money habits of someone who is not.

um7y1h83ge06nx

Being financially sensible is important allowing you some comfort from the stresses of debt but it's also important to enjoy yourself too.

A lot of neighbours and other people seem to think my wife and I are either loaded or crippled with debt from what I hear on the grapevine. The real answer is neither, we just save a lot and then when we want to buy something we get good deals.

pilly

Stheno wrote: »

My OH doesn't drink, so if we go out and split a bill equally we always get the short end of the stick.

I generally don't mind, the chance to be out socially and enjoy peoples company makes up for the few extra euro that's involved tbh.

I get stung by this all the time as a non drinker who's single. I don't mind it so much when I have money but there have been occasions when I haven't had enough money to go in case the bill ended up being too high for what I had left in my purse so people need to take that into consideration. Whilst I might have a meal that cost 20 euro and water I might end up paying 40 euro. Fine if I have it, not fine if I don't.

pilly

StillThinking wrote: »

I get it all the time from my sister, think she's jealous to be honest, we got married last year, only had a small one as didn't want to get in debt for 1 day, bought an older reliable car, careful with our money, have no debt and that's how we want to keep it. She's always saying how stingy and tight I am even though I buy her things, always treat her children and always pay my own way.
She's terrible with money so when she starts I always ask how much she owes now!

So you're throwing judgement right back at her, how does that help?

pilly

jive wrote: »

I'm frugal but the condescending attitude of some frugal people does my head in. If people want to live their life in the red then so what? Just because you live your life the way you do doesn't mean everyone has to have the same ideals. I like to save and do, no need to harp on about it; it's akin to people pushing religion on you. We get it.

I fully agree with the above, live and let live. On both sides people can be judgemental. The frugal people putting down the spenders and the spenders putting down the frugal.

I fall somewhere in between but it can start to grate on my nerves when someone moans all the time about the cost of things. On the other hand, it can grate when people tell you all about the expensive things they've bought.

Either way, my motto is try to keep the mouth shut and let people get on with it. No need to say anything unless you are effected either way by someone's spending or lack thereof.

cbreeze

mansize wrote: »

im a bill splitter but if Ive had more Ill trow in more. I always go for what I had plus 10-20%

Me too - I have heard of rows developing in parties where the person who has had the better wine and more expensive courses casually suggests 'Lets just split the bill'. [Get the menu back so you can check the prices] If I am the one with the expensive tastes I pay the difference. If we all tend to have the same amount give or take a few Euro then that would be ok to split. I have no shame in using the calculator on my phone because i can't add up after a few glasses of wine!

With regard to the OP, frugal is good. You can buy a decent bottle of wine to have with the food you can get cheaply in the special offer/use by tomorrow section in the supermarket! Giving money away is one thing, but throwing it away is a sin!!!

figgisp

intheclouds wrote: »

Its fantastic, I have reviewed it elsewhere on the site.

Tastes better than 25 quid a bottle.

That's super and Irish made too, great to support small Irish business. Not normally a gin drinker but might give it this one a shot!

looksee

I knew a retired couple who led a most complicated life - they had small properties in three different countries which they divided their time between in order to save on tax. They lived for cheap flights and money saving offers and lived very frugally in order to do this arrangement.

Ok, if that is how you want to live, go for it.

However they somehow expected to come back to Ireland (not their original home) each year and pick up their social life as if everyone was waiting for them to return. And when they did socialise they talked of little other than the complications of maintaining their various houses and the convolutions of avoiding tax in each country. Eventually I lost interest and drifted away. Nice enough people, but you can flog a topic to death.

keane2097

That Aldi gin is outstanding.

intheclouds

figgisp wrote: »

Sorry for being off topic but to the gin drinker I saw this advertised for Aldi last week, might be worth a try:

Its fantastic, I have reviewed it elsewhere on the site.

Tastes better than 25 quid a bottle.

figgisp

Sorry for being off topic but to the gin drinker I saw this advertised for Aldi last week, might be worth a try:

Boyle’s Gin is a premium small batch Irish gin which was awarded 'Best Irish Gin' by an expert judging panel at the Irish Whiskey Awards 2016, held in Co Offaly last week. The judges commented, “Every year we see more and more releases in the Irish craft gin sector. The quality of some of these products is outstanding, and it demonstrates the skills of the new breeds of distillers around Ireland. Made by Blackwater Distillery in Waterford, our judges were impressed by Boyle’s fruitiness and balance.”
The pretty slick-looking bottle is priced at a pretty slick, €24.99 – not to shabby for an artisan product that's just begging to be tasted.

intheclouds

I drink expensive gin. No interest in cheap gins.

I priced 10 bottles of good gin on Sainsburys website and compared against the price here in O Briens or other off licences.

On average a bottle costing 22-27 pounds sterling there was 49.99 euro here.

I bought 10 bottles of gin in Sainsburys, no special offers, giving me a saving of nearly 200 euro.

It's a combination of duty, and exchange rate. Probably bulk buy cost also, supermarkets here don't do a good range of small batch gins.

Just to add, I was in NI on other business and just went to Sainsburys because it was nearby.

However, given the savings I'll certainly be driving to Newry to do it again in 2017.

rubadub

L1011 wrote: »

The UK duty on beer is the same or higher (depending on ABV) than the Irish and much the same for still wine. Both were higher before Sterling collapsed.

Huge retail and wholesale margins are to blame for the price difference on those.

With booze savings I would ask people if it's what they usually buy, was it on offer in NI and not on offer here. I could buy heineken in supervalu at 1euro a can at the moment while it is 2.20 a can in the local offie, no need to go to NI to give examples of savings. There were some big savings on branded spirits alright, some own brand spirits here are grand and sold below cost, or just above it.

If people got genuine offers and making genuine comparisons then well done. Its just I have seen some people exaggerate the savings they made, to make their trip to have seemed more worthwhile. e.g. a lad in work got beer he would never ever drink usually, only bought it as it was on offer in NI, its a grand beer and was something like 2.60 per bottle here. But he did not really value it at 2.60 per bottle, he would have happily taken a 1 euro can of bavaria in its place. If you suggested buying it here for 2.60 here he would laugh at the idea, yet is more than willing to make the price comparison with a straight face.

Some might make a bit of a holiday out of it too though.

I posted this a while ago.

-There is an easy hypothetical test to see if its worth your own time & effort.

Say you plan on going up to get booze, you have it worked out that you will save €200.

The test is you imagine your neighbour called in and said "will you drive up north this weekend for me and get me 10 cases of beer, here's €200 for your trouble & petrol, tolls etc, the catch is you are not allowed buy anything for yourself".

This sort of forces you to put a true value on your free time & effort and factor in the real potential costs. Too many people fool themselves and overestimate the savings and value.

infogiver

appfry wrote: »

Well there we go.
Im now accused of gloating for telling my story.
Says more about the people thinking im gloating than anything else tbh.
But you guys do your thing and i'll do mine. And we can all live our very own lives and be happy.
And I never said I dislike my sister either. I thought I explained it. But read into it what you like. Im not her keeper.

One of the things the Irish do very well is begrudgery. Other things include entitlement and total lack of personal responsibility
The begrudgery is aoens old, the entitlement and "boohoo poor me it's not my fault and it's not fair boohoo" is new.

mansize

Irish Whiskey wasn't cheaper in UK before sterling collapsed

L1011

dev100 wrote: »

The government/ tax man can be blamed for this !!!it's like the price of fuel , good 2/3 or 3/4 is taxes and excise ?

I remember one year being in the states and it was cheaper to buy a bottle of Irish whiskey over there .

The UK duty on beer is the same or higher (depending on ABV) than the Irish and much the same for still wine. Both were higher before Sterling collapsed.

Huge retail and wholesale margins are to blame for the price difference on those.

Sparkling wines, cider and to a lesser extent spirits (the gap on these wasn't that huge, until Sterling collapsed though) do have higher duty here.