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Shamed for being Frugal

enoughalready

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this? My friend today shamed me by stating I was so stingy in front of another friend because of my money saving, frugal habits. I was so annoyed that I shot back that at least I'm not in credit card debt and so on. It got me thinking that now in future I have to 'hide' my fugal way off living because if I speak about it people will call me cheap or stingy. Its a horrible feeling not being able to live the lifestyle you want without being judged. Has anyone else had a similar experience and how they combated it?

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mansize

Stheno wrote: »

My OH doesn't drink, so if we go out and split a bill equally we always get the short end of the stick.

I generally don't mind, the chance to be out socially and enjoy peoples company makes up for the few extra euro that's involved tbh.

im a bill splitter but if Ive had more Ill trow in more. I always go for what I had plus 10-20%

appfry

I used to get this from my sister all the time.
I wouldnt say im mad frugal by any means, but I would always shop around for car insurance, holidays etc. I object to paying over the odds for things. It just brings the price up for us all.

Anyway my sister for many years was calling me stingy and mean because at the end of every year i would lob any spare money into pension or other investments. I never went without. I would just do things like keep my car for 10 years when she would change hers every 2 years for a new one. Or I would not travel during the summer as the price is double or 3 times the price in june or september for holidays. She did. I would go on 3 normal holidays a year and she would go to the Bahamas on one big f Off holiday, and say to me that I should "Live a little".
But I just let it slide. She does it with the rest of the family too and ....

So now she is 43, im mid 40s and im retired. We spend most of the year living in our house in Spain, travel a lot and also live for the summer in our house in Dublin. And she still slags me for being tight because I dont let her have the house in Spain when im not there. I have it rented making money during the summer and she expects me to just give it to her for those months.

So last month she rings me crying and saying that she is in debt up to her eyeballs and cant afford Christmas and can I lend her some money. I gave her €1000 that I know from previous loans i'll never see again and she then complained to my other sister how tight I was that I only gave her €1000. I hear she is going to the Canaries for Christmas with her mates now. Hopefully that fact I told her that she could pay me back everything i lent her by next year will stop her now ever attempting to ask for more. It will be worth not getting it back, just for the fact she will never bring up money with me again. ITs just the way she is, but the rest of the family are paying for her and she doesnt realise it at all. I even told my mother not to be falling for her sob stories years ago, but she cant help it and leaves herself short because of it.

The funny thing is that she had a much higher paying job then me until she lost it last year and cant get another one.

The lesson is that people who frugal shame you will probably pay for their lack of money sense in years to come. Ignore them.

Ursus Horribilis

I can't stand gloating at either end of the scale. That's the problem I have. That, or judging people because they change their car every two years or drive a 20 year old Micra. They're two sides of the same coin.

jimd2

appfry wrote: »

I used to get this from my sister all the time.
I wouldnt say im mad frugal by any means, but I would always shop around for car insurance, holidays etc. I object to paying over the odds for things. It just brings the price up for us all.

Anyway my sister for many years was calling me stingy and mean because at the end of every year i would lob any spare money into pension or other investments. I never went without. I would just do things like keep my car for 10 years when she would change hers every 2 years for a new one. Or I would not travel during the summer as the price is double or 3 times the price in june or september for holidays. She did. I would go on 3 normal holidays a year and she would go to the Bahamas on one big f Off holiday, and say to me that I should "Live a little".
But I just let it slide. She does it with the rest of the family too and ....

So now she is 43, im mid 40s and im retired. We spend most of the year living in our house in Spain, travel a lot and also live for the summer in our house in Dublin. And she still slags me for being tight because I dont let her have the house in Spain when im not there. I have it rented making money during the summer and she expects me to just give it to her for those months.

So last month she rings me crying and saying that she is in debt up to her eyeballs and cant afford Christmas and can I lend her some money. I gave her €1000 that I know from previous loans i'll never see again and she then complained to my other sister how tight I was that I only gave her €1000. I hear she is going to the Canaries for Christmas with her mates now. Hopefully that fact I told her that she could pay me back everything i lent her by next year will stop her now ever attempting to ask for more. It will be worth not getting it back, just for the fact she will never bring up money with me again. ITs just the way she is, but the rest of the family are paying for her and she doesnt realise it at all. I even told my mother not to be falling for her sob stories years ago, but she cant help it and leaves herself short because of it.

The funny thing is that she had a much higher paying job then me until she lost it last year and cant get another one.

The lesson is that people who frugal shame you will probably pay for their lack of money sense in years to come. Ignore them.

The stink of gloating in this post is overwhelming.

You really do dislike your sister. You have an apartment that you dont allow her to go to. I am sure she is not looking for it for the "summer months" but I think an offer of a week or two even every couple of years would be what I would be doing for a sibling.

If this gloating attitude is reflected in your interaction with your sister then I am sure that your relationship is awful or non existant.

Fair play on being able to retire in your mid forties, you must have made some pretty clever investments or had a high paying job as we are pretty frugal in the senses often mentioned here but a long way from retirement with college going kids etc.

You can be happy with you lot in life but lay off the gloating is my advice. It really isnt a nice trait.

infogiver

If your frugal and disapprove of your friends fiscal incontinence or if your a spendthrift and think your frugal friend needs to lighten up, and it's causing tension between you, then either make a joke out of it, or just totally avoid the subject (if possible) or maybe consider that you need to see less of this friend and more of friends who you don't irritate/irritate you.
Loaning/borrowing money from close family is only for emergencies
An emergency is rain pouring through the roof, not "I can't afford Christmas "
Littlewoods let you pay for Christmas month to month and the Credt Union are tied into an arrangement with SW to loan SW recipients manageable amounts

infogiver

jimd2 wrote: »

The stink of gloating in this post is overwhelming.

You really do dislike your sister. You have an apartment that you dont allow her to go to. I am sure she is not looking for it for the "summer months" but I think an offer of a week or two even every couple of years would be what I would be doing for a sibling.

If this gloating attitude is reflected in your interaction with your sister then I am sure that your relationship is awful or non existant.

Fair play on being able to retire in your mid forties, you must have made some pretty clever investments or had a high paying job as we are pretty frugal in the senses often mentioned here but a long way from retirement with college going kids etc.

You can be happy with you lot in life but lay off the gloating is my advice. It really isnt a nice trait.

You seem to have ignored the years of goading the retired sister endured over her perceived meanness from the sister who has now conned her into handing over €1000 so that she can go to the Canaries. That's being a "bum". Nobody minds helping out a family member in an emergency. Unless you think Christmas in the Canaries is an emergency. Maybe you do.
If she wants to let her apartment in Spain to paying customers when she's not there then what business is that of her sisters? I wouldn't let my apartment to my brother and he wouldn't ask me because his small kids would wreck it and our relationship too.
Getting your sisters apartment for a cheap family holiday is not an emergency either.
Jealousy resentment bitterness greed self pity and begrudgery are terrible traits.
This sister was careful and wise, the other was not so much so.
She should just suck it up now and stop whining

dev100

jimd2 wrote:

The stink of gloating in this post is overwhelming.

jimd2 wrote:

You really do dislike your sister. You have an apartment that you dont allow her to go to. I am sure she is not looking for it for the "summer months" but I think an offer of a week or two even every couple of years would be what I would be doing for a sibling.

I don't think it sounds like gloating. No one minds giving family money when genuinely stuck but that doesn't mean someone going off enjoying themselves during the year and then tapping you up towards end of the year because they over extended themselves.

If I had a property in Spain and was had a mortgage on it I'd be renting it out during the peak season at full rates . During off seasons if I was there or family wanted to use it I'd say go ahead and leave it the way you found it.

intheclouds

Went to NI yesterday and bought 230 pounds sterling of booze.

Priced it in Dublin off licence and same lot would have been 450 euro.

anewme

enoughalready wrote: »

I was saying that I was annoyed at having to pay a €20 administration charge from my GP who printed out a few pages I requested ...

Just as an aside, how much do you think should be charged for the work?

You do realise that its a bit more than just printing off a few pages, if that was all it was, why did you not print them yourself?

the GP paid a fortune to go to medical school, pays his staff, overheads, rates, training, an absolute fortune in professional insurance as he has to stand over what was printed on those pages, plus as someone else has said, deal with any follow up calls etc.

Like the MasterCard ad from a few years ago....

Printing a few pages - ink 40c, paper 2.00
Knowing what to print and being qualified to print what's in this few oages- priceless.

Sorry Op, not having a go at you personally, there are too many people who belittle what others do and bitch about paying for services.

See it in all businesses, not just medical, building, painting etc- all he did was paint a few walls? , well he had the dust covers, the equipment the ladders, the van, the helper, the insurance and so on.

If you are constantky bemoaning stuff like this, I don't blame your friend getting short over it.

mansize

anewme wrote: »

Just as an aside, how much do you think should be charged for the work?

You do realise that its a bit more than just printing off a few pages, if that was all it was, why did you not print them yourself?

the GP paid a fortune to go to medical school, pays his staff, overheads, rates, training, an absolute fortune in professional insurance as he has to stand over what was printed on those pages, plus as someone else has said, deal with any follow up calls etc.

Like the MasterCard ad from a few years ago....

Printing a few pages - ink 40c, paper 2.00
Knowing what to print and being qualified to print what's in this few oages- priceless.

Sorry Op, not having a go at you personally, there are too many people who belittle what others do and bitch about paying for services.

See it in all businesses, not just medical, building, painting etc- all he did was paint a few walls? , well he had the dust covers, the equipment the ladders, the van, the helper, the insurance and so on.

If you are constantky bemoaning stuff like this, I don't blame your friend getting short over it.

I agree completely with the above.

Professional services cost money. If it was just a bit of paper you could print it yourself

dev100

intheclouds wrote:

Went to NI yesterday and bought 230 pounds sterling of booze.Priced it in Dublin off licence and same lot would have been 450 euro.

The government/ tax man can be blamed for this !!!it's like the price of fuel , good 2/3 or 3/4 is taxes and excise ?

I remember one year being in the states and it was cheaper to buy a bottle of Irish whiskey over there .

infogiver

mansize wrote: »

I agree completely with the above.

Professional services cost money. If it was just a bit of paper you could print it yourself

GPs have had to start charging €100+ for each of the endless medical reports needed for insurance claims

appfry

Well there we go.
Im now accused of gloating for telling my story.
Says more about the people thinking im gloating than anything else tbh.
But you guys do your thing and i'll do mine. And we can all live our very own lives and be happy.
And I never said I dislike my sister either. I thought I explained it. But read into it what you like. Im not her keeper.

Sam Kade

appfry wrote: »

Well there we go.
Im now accused of gloating for telling my story.
Says more about the people thinking im gloating than anything else tbh.
But you guys do your thing and i'll do mine. And we can all live our very own lives and be happy.
And I never said I dislike my sister either. I thought I explained it. But read into it what you like. Im not her keeper.

You could accuse them for judging people which they mentioned about, pot kettle

mansize

appfry wrote: »

Well there we go.
Im now accused of gloating for telling my story.
Says more about the people thinking im gloating than anything else tbh.
But you guys do your thing and i'll do mine. And we can all live our very own lives and be happy.
And I never said I dislike my sister either. I thought I explained it. But read into it what you like. Im not her keeper.

We wear the 🎭

appfry

Sam Kade wrote: »

You could accuse them for judging people which they mentioned about, pot kettle

Ive been Frugal shamed.

dev100

appfry wrote:

Well there we go. Im now accused of gloating for telling my story. Says more about the people thinking im gloating than anything else tbh. But you guys do your thing and i'll do mine. And we can all live our very own lives and be happy. And I never said I dislike my sister either. I thought I explained it. But read into it what you like. Im not her keeper.

Some people believe they should spend all their own money on enjoying themselves and look to others for help afterwards and believe to you should subsidize their lifestyle . It's amazing in this circumstance that people will think you are mean ....

It's called a good old case of Irish begrudgery

L1011

dev100 wrote: »

The government/ tax man can be blamed for this !!!it's like the price of fuel , good 2/3 or 3/4 is taxes and excise ?

I remember one year being in the states and it was cheaper to buy a bottle of Irish whiskey over there .

The UK duty on beer is the same or higher (depending on ABV) than the Irish and much the same for still wine. Both were higher before Sterling collapsed.

Huge retail and wholesale margins are to blame for the price difference on those.

Sparkling wines, cider and to a lesser extent spirits (the gap on these wasn't that huge, until Sterling collapsed though) do have higher duty here.

mansize

Irish Whiskey wasn't cheaper in UK before sterling collapsed

infogiver

appfry wrote: »

Well there we go.
Im now accused of gloating for telling my story.
Says more about the people thinking im gloating than anything else tbh.
But you guys do your thing and i'll do mine. And we can all live our very own lives and be happy.
And I never said I dislike my sister either. I thought I explained it. But read into it what you like. Im not her keeper.

One of the things the Irish do very well is begrudgery. Other things include entitlement and total lack of personal responsibility
The begrudgery is aoens old, the entitlement and "boohoo poor me it's not my fault and it's not fair boohoo" is new.

rubadub

L1011 wrote: »

The UK duty on beer is the same or higher (depending on ABV) than the Irish and much the same for still wine. Both were higher before Sterling collapsed.

Huge retail and wholesale margins are to blame for the price difference on those.

With booze savings I would ask people if it's what they usually buy, was it on offer in NI and not on offer here. I could buy heineken in supervalu at 1euro a can at the moment while it is 2.20 a can in the local offie, no need to go to NI to give examples of savings. There were some big savings on branded spirits alright, some own brand spirits here are grand and sold below cost, or just above it.

If people got genuine offers and making genuine comparisons then well done. Its just I have seen some people exaggerate the savings they made, to make their trip to have seemed more worthwhile. e.g. a lad in work got beer he would never ever drink usually, only bought it as it was on offer in NI, its a grand beer and was something like 2.60 per bottle here. But he did not really value it at 2.60 per bottle, he would have happily taken a 1 euro can of bavaria in its place. If you suggested buying it here for 2.60 here he would laugh at the idea, yet is more than willing to make the price comparison with a straight face.

Some might make a bit of a holiday out of it too though.

I posted this a while ago.

-There is an easy hypothetical test to see if its worth your own time & effort.

Say you plan on going up to get booze, you have it worked out that you will save €200.

The test is you imagine your neighbour called in and said "will you drive up north this weekend for me and get me 10 cases of beer, here's €200 for your trouble & petrol, tolls etc, the catch is you are not allowed buy anything for yourself".

This sort of forces you to put a true value on your free time & effort and factor in the real potential costs. Too many people fool themselves and overestimate the savings and value.

intheclouds

I drink expensive gin. No interest in cheap gins.

I priced 10 bottles of good gin on Sainsburys website and compared against the price here in O Briens or other off licences.

On average a bottle costing 22-27 pounds sterling there was 49.99 euro here.

I bought 10 bottles of gin in Sainsburys, no special offers, giving me a saving of nearly 200 euro.

It's a combination of duty, and exchange rate. Probably bulk buy cost also, supermarkets here don't do a good range of small batch gins.

Just to add, I was in NI on other business and just went to Sainsburys because it was nearby.

However, given the savings I'll certainly be driving to Newry to do it again in 2017.

figgisp

Sorry for being off topic but to the gin drinker I saw this advertised for Aldi last week, might be worth a try:

Boyle’s Gin is a premium small batch Irish gin which was awarded 'Best Irish Gin' by an expert judging panel at the Irish Whiskey Awards 2016, held in Co Offaly last week. The judges commented, “Every year we see more and more releases in the Irish craft gin sector. The quality of some of these products is outstanding, and it demonstrates the skills of the new breeds of distillers around Ireland. Made by Blackwater Distillery in Waterford, our judges were impressed by Boyle’s fruitiness and balance.”
The pretty slick-looking bottle is priced at a pretty slick, €24.99 – not to shabby for an artisan product that's just begging to be tasted.

intheclouds

figgisp wrote: »

Sorry for being off topic but to the gin drinker I saw this advertised for Aldi last week, might be worth a try:

Its fantastic, I have reviewed it elsewhere on the site.

Tastes better than 25 quid a bottle.

keane2097

That Aldi gin is outstanding.

looksee

I knew a retired couple who led a most complicated life - they had small properties in three different countries which they divided their time between in order to save on tax. They lived for cheap flights and money saving offers and lived very frugally in order to do this arrangement.

Ok, if that is how you want to live, go for it.

However they somehow expected to come back to Ireland (not their original home) each year and pick up their social life as if everyone was waiting for them to return. And when they did socialise they talked of little other than the complications of maintaining their various houses and the convolutions of avoiding tax in each country. Eventually I lost interest and drifted away. Nice enough people, but you can flog a topic to death.

figgisp

intheclouds wrote: »

Its fantastic, I have reviewed it elsewhere on the site.

Tastes better than 25 quid a bottle.

That's super and Irish made too, great to support small Irish business. Not normally a gin drinker but might give it this one a shot!

cbreeze

mansize wrote: »

im a bill splitter but if Ive had more Ill trow in more. I always go for what I had plus 10-20%

Me too - I have heard of rows developing in parties where the person who has had the better wine and more expensive courses casually suggests 'Lets just split the bill'. [Get the menu back so you can check the prices] If I am the one with the expensive tastes I pay the difference. If we all tend to have the same amount give or take a few Euro then that would be ok to split. I have no shame in using the calculator on my phone because i can't add up after a few glasses of wine!

With regard to the OP, frugal is good. You can buy a decent bottle of wine to have with the food you can get cheaply in the special offer/use by tomorrow section in the supermarket! Giving money away is one thing, but throwing it away is a sin!!!

pilly

jive wrote: »

I'm frugal but the condescending attitude of some frugal people does my head in. If people want to live their life in the red then so what? Just because you live your life the way you do doesn't mean everyone has to have the same ideals. I like to save and do, no need to harp on about it; it's akin to people pushing religion on you. We get it.

I fully agree with the above, live and let live. On both sides people can be judgemental. The frugal people putting down the spenders and the spenders putting down the frugal.

I fall somewhere in between but it can start to grate on my nerves when someone moans all the time about the cost of things. On the other hand, it can grate when people tell you all about the expensive things they've bought.

Either way, my motto is try to keep the mouth shut and let people get on with it. No need to say anything unless you are effected either way by someone's spending or lack thereof.

pilly

StillThinking wrote: »

I get it all the time from my sister, think she's jealous to be honest, we got married last year, only had a small one as didn't want to get in debt for 1 day, bought an older reliable car, careful with our money, have no debt and that's how we want to keep it. She's always saying how stingy and tight I am even though I buy her things, always treat her children and always pay my own way.
She's terrible with money so when she starts I always ask how much she owes now!

So you're throwing judgement right back at her, how does that help?