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Walking home from the pub

The Backwards Man

What's that strangest thing you've encountered on this mammoth journey?

I'm about to undertake it for the first time in three weeks, and my phone is wonky, wish me luck!!

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The_Valeyard

Careful now, according to that ad on tv, when your not looking all the paths change and become dangerous jagged rocks trying to stab and trip you.

mzungu

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Careful now, according to that ad on tv, when your not looking all the paths change and become dangerous jagged rocks trying to stab and trip you.

RSA meets Hunter S. Thompson. Good times.

Fleawuss

I encountered a decorative piece of street furniture which, just as I leaped athletically over it, jumped up at me and tripped me in mid air. Extraordinary.

Gwynplaine

Stumbled across a young couple in the garden at home years ago. She was performing fellatio while he was also enjoying a cigarette. Was funny, they legged it, while he was trying to button himself up as he ran.

Stigura

The Backwards Man wrote: »

What's that strangest thing you've encountered on this mammoth journey?

The bloke on the bike .....

I'm a good five or six miles from the pub. Not a light in sight, all the way. This was a particularly dark night. It was like being blind. I was literally struggling to stay fixed on the subtle shift in darkness, between the road and the grass. Couldn't see my hand an inch from my face.

About an hour into this, I hear that distinctive sound of someone riding, hell for leather, on a push bike; Using their boot soles as breaks. I've spun round, in total blackness. Nothing. Jet black.

Then, this cheerful voice, close to me, greets me and asks me some bloody question that indicated they knew who I was. A brief conversation followed. Me staring into pitch blackness and responding to this voice. Then, he bid me a great night. And I heard the sizzle of his types, going away from me.

Who the hell it was? I've no idea. Doubt I'll ever find out. But, how the Fcuck did he Do that?! He was burning down the road. No lights. No breaks. Total blackness. Yet, he could not only make out that I was there. He could even see who I was!

Plenty fcuking strange enough for me. I stay home now. It's weird out there.

I said

Don't get caught pissing in the neighbours driveway

Pat Mustard

The Backwards Man wrote: »

What's that strangest thing you've encountered on this mammoth journey?

I'm about to undertake it for the first time in three weeks, and my phone is wonky, wish me luck!!

Encounters on the way back from the pub:

Comatose drunks, lying on the ground, sometimes vomiting or even injured.

Aggressive lunatics, all raised voices and ranting about nonsense. Best avoided.

Drunks who try to hug you on the street. In Ireland, these will be drunken sports fans. In other countries, they may be sober pickpockets.

Groups of youngfellas looking to beat the crap out somebody else, possibly you. Protip: don't be on your own when this happens.

The long arm of the law. Back when I was a student, they stopped me once or twice, wanting to know where I was going and what my father did for living. What an odd question.

I was followed home by stray dogs a couple of times.

KKkitty

My homeplace is beside a graveyard. I'd often take a shortcut home through the graveyard so make of that what you will.

sligojoek

I was walking to the pub a while ago and met a man walking backwards.

Noveight

Using a Willie O'Dea election poster as a makeshift table to eat a Subway.

The boom is well and truly back, folks.

Ruu

Someone asleep on a fertiliser bag in the ditch.

harry Bailey esq

I've said it before and ill say it again backwards man.Your from donegal.Should you not be driving home from the pub?

Esel

KKkitty wrote: »

My homeplace is beside a graveyard. I'd often take a shortcut home through the graveyard so make of that what you will.

Garda: What are you two doing in this graveyard at this time of night?

Us: We just dropped in to bury a stiff.

RedemptionZ

Pat Mustard wrote: »

Groups of youngfellas looking to beat the crap out somebody else, possibly you. Protip: don't be on your own when this happens

I actually think being on your own is actually a help here a lot of the time. If you're in a group of two or three you're much likely to get started on by say a group of five or six. Assuming you're not out to cause trouble, being on your own is safer in those situations. Again in my experience.

This is for lads looking for a fight, when you get people looking to rob you then yeah on your own isn't great, but normally I find young boyos to be more into a bit of violence than anything else

Big_Evil

During a walk home one evening, I stumbled across a rather elderly gentleman who clearly had a few too many sherrys.

He had purchased a burger to assuage the usual alcohol related hunger pangs, but in his drunken state, he was unable to handle the burger in a manner that would allow him to eat it without the burger disintegrating before reaching his mouth.

The burger was placed on top of a low wall, and the man then bent down to eat it, in the same manner as a calf would eat out of a bucket of nuts.

Story Bud?

Pat Mustard wrote: »

I was followed home by stray dogs a couple of times.

That's not a very nice way talk about your one night stands.

whiskeyman

Sober people

bmwguy

We were heading to a pub in our town a while ago and met my friends dad going the other way in the direction of his home, but he was still a mile or 2 away. He was well on with the beer but fine to walk home, we had a short conversation and went our separate ways..

We went to the pub we were intending to go to but it was empty and we heard the lads were in another pub, close to this mans home, so we jumped in a taxi and went there. We were at the bar ordering a pint when he walked in and spotted us, he said what are you doing here did I not just meet you going the other way about 15 minutes ago?

No, we said, winding him up, we weren't in that direction at all, you must have imagined it

He was absolutely baffled and you could see by him he was confused, he asked us again in about half an hour if we definitely didn't meet him, we again replied no.

He took a sip out of his beer and said, f**k this, I have had enough of this so and went home!

MeatTwoVeg

I once saw an alien spacecraft.