bee06 wrote: » Personally, I would run. Any addiction is something I wouldn't want to be dealing with. Add in the fact that he smokes when his son is staying with him, I would be running very fast. That's beyond irresponsible for many reasons.
bee06 wrote: » I wouldn't date someone who drinks every day either. Fait point about people drinking when their children are in the house but at the end of the day alcohol isn't illegal. Also, does the mother of the child know he's smoking marijuana when the child is with him? Is he potentially putting access to his child at risk by his behaviour?
Dr Crayfish wrote: » It's harmless in my opinion. Some of the nicest guys I know are great family men and smoke regularly. Just because your government tells you it's illegal doesn't mean it's bad. They also don't allow abortion and women weren't able to vote in the past. Anyway leave him if it's affecting you or you don't like the way he is when he's high but if you're worrying about the morality of it all maybe join a convent?
diograis wrote: » Just for the record, taking any drug every night is an addiction. Weed is harmless yes, but not if you smoke it every single day. It's a major psychoactive substance, and just because it's relatively harmless compared to tobacco or cigarettes doesn't mean his usage isn't worrying. If I were you op I'd need to have a serious chat with him, how he sees his weed habit etc. Maybe he'd be willing to cut down? Talk to someone? I wouldn't want to be with someone who smoked 7 nights a week, and I don't think you would either. Good luck with it
ellie1 wrote: » Yes, I have experience. At first they seem so chilled , relaxed and good fun before I realized he was most likely stoned all the time. Then he would be smoking before work and he was a mental health nurse. Then at a wedding he was rolling a joint at 4.00am in the bedroom asking if I had a problem, I went to sleep. Then when supplies were short he was like a different person moody and draining. He constantly would defend his position even though I wasn't even saying anything other than if you are smoking tonight lets hang out another night. He told all his friends I had major issues with drug taking as a whole. Once when discussing the idea of moving into together at some time in the future, his biggest concern was where he was going to smoke weed. I am not against weed. I would even smoke a bit at a festival maybe or a party. But I would be high after a few puffs. I hang around with people who take drugs regularly and I feel it's like they judge you because you choose not to rather than the other way around. It obviously didn't work out. All his mates who smoked regularly were all working, good jobs etc but to be honest there was a big disconnection with growing up.I felt like I didn't really know him at all. This man was late 30s. I totally support the use of weed for medicinal purposes and think it's an area that needs exploration. I would also support the decriminalization of drugs to some extent in order to address our drug and crime culture. However, I would see myself as great craic, love a few pints, no issue with others taking drugs but would never ever be in a relationship with someone who takes drugs (including alcohol) on a regular basis. Take some time to think about what you want.
Tiguan Joe wrote: » If its just 1 joint every evening i wouldnt be to worried or even 1 or 2 drinks every evening (although alcohol is a lot more dangerous) I would be more worried about someone who goes out and gets absolutely hammered drunk every weekend.
shouldirun? wrote: » Does anyone have personal experience of being in a relationship with someone with similar habits?
kateyallen1979 wrote: » hi there, i was in your situation 2 years ago. i went out with a guy for 9 months and he smoked it every single day like they were cigarettes and he held down a 9-5 job. he used to tell me it was harmless and just relaxes him. i used to hate when we would go away for a weekend or out for the evening, he would spark up a joint outside a hotel or pub no bother to him. as the months went on he got more parnanoid and controlling with me, I wasnt allowed to wear certain clothes, wasnt allowed wear makeup, curl my hair, wasnt allowed to speak to certain people and even tried to turn me against my family and friends. he wanted me with him constantly, i was staying over in his house nearly 5 nights a week. he just turned into a horrible monster, it got to the stage i lost my identity and self esteem, my confidence hit rock bottom. I wasnt allowed on any social media sites and if i wasnt with him he'd constantly text or phone me wanting to know where I was. I finally managed to get away from him and i havent looked back. I'm not saying that your BF will turn out like that, but that's just my personal experience of being with someone that smokes this drug on a daily basis. If i met another guy and he told me he smokes this, i would wave bye bye.
anon_poster wrote: » Hi OP, Just some experience from my past relationship whereby I was the non-smoker. Down the line, if you move in together/start building a life together, how much is he spending on weed per week? Ask him outright. I found out how much my ex was spending on it and I was appalled. Over the period of a year we could have easily gone on two holidays for the amount of he was smoking. It could be one joint a night but it could be more some nights, he needs to be honest regarding his usage. Again down the line, if you ever decided to have a family, would you still be ok with him smoking on a day-to-basis? Another aspect that I wasnt aware of, if your partner smokes week, there is a tendency to share/buy/sell between friends. My ex was also starting to deal to his friends, I found out code words in text messages from his friends about buying weed, then he was hauled in for police questioning. All this behaviour was hidden from me until the truth came out, I was devastated. You say he holds down a successful job, which is great but when life gets tough, the attitude can be just to 'light up'. Having gone through a very tough patch, his attitude was just to keep on smoking. As a result, I will never go out with a stoner ever again. People think weed isn't as harmful as alcohol addition but in truth it can be just as bad. Take time to think about what you are and aren't comfortable with.
shouldirun? wrote: » Thanks for sharing. The financial aspect has concerned me (this is my first time dating a man with a child so a lot has been considered). I asked him a few months ago and if it's what he says it is, per month he would spend less than a good night out in town. He would not be a big drinker so actually saw this as positive. As I stated in previous post, he did confide that he did grew/sold in the past to his friends (v small amounts) and hoping this is behind him now. Did your ex offer to cut down at any stage?
anon_poster wrote: » He did offer to cut back but never to give up. He hung around the friends who did smoke so invariably the smoking never stopped (nor the dealing). Initially the smoking was cut back to weekends but then crept back into daily use. People say its harmless and defend it but there are serious repercussions in life that users just don't see. It affected his personality, lifestyle, relationships, work, the cover up/lies of how much was smoked or sold, how the world revolved around getting it. Every time I smell it now it makes me nauseous, will never ever go out with a stoner again. Your bf's smoking more than likely will continue and it will be you that will feel the repercussions of it. Its whether you choose to accept it. Good luck.
marriedtoweedsmoker wrote: » Hi there op. I have a lot of insight into this. I am married to a man who smokes weed every day (varies from 2-6 joints a day) and has done since I met him 16 years ago. We have three children together, a house, cats and all that comes with domestication! He holds down a good job, doesn't shy away from hard work, is a great father, a loving husband and a good son. He has few friends but he likes it that way. He trains twice a week and is great around the house (cooking, cleaning etc). HOWEVER...... It can be difficult. When we go on holidays, he tracks it down. Don't ask me how but he always ends up getting 'a bit'. It has gone ok so far but I worry a lot that he will get caught and where the hell would that leave us all??? He can be a bit emotionally numb at times...he doesn't like confrontation and when we hit a bad patch in our marriage, he couldn't really handle it. Now, whether that's just him or whether the weed had something to do with it, I cannot say. He spends between 30-50 euro a week on weed which we can afford some weeks and others we can't. On the weeks that we can't afford it, he doesn't buy it but will scab bits here and there from friends until he can repay them. I will agree with other posters....there is a culture out there of sharing among friends but I think that's better than dealing with 'heavies' or dealers you don't know (thats why the holiday thing scares the sh*t out of me). I love my husband very much and people will probably judge me for having children with a weed smoker etc etc but I don't really care what people think. I know he's a good man. I see him with his kids and he's great. They love him. It's really up to you OP. I am not going to lie and say it never bothers me that he smokes weed because of course it does but I'm not going to leave him because of it. The positives in our relationship and his relationship with his kids outweigh his addiction to weed. Just my few cents worth.
blueb wrote: » christ.. weed makes him more affectionate!!! my god it must be total poison : p people see weed differently and i dont get it! Lets go out and get so pissed drunk we can hardly stand are are sick all the next day.. but thats grand caus its legal Lets have a smoke and relax .. be fine in an hour or so and not get a hangover.... no no no thats the devils work! Ofcourse if someone is smoking all day then they have a problem. Just like if someone is drinking all day. Most ppl dont give a ****e about someone having 1 can a night after work but having one small smoke is a major problem. obviously it can be abused like anything else so it should be kept in check just like boozin. Its not heroin people!!
