Overthiniking Dry patch ??

I love Bacon

Not sure if I'm over thinking but myself and girlfriend are together 6 years haven't had sex in a few months we still get along and fool around , she isn't very confident in how her body looks even though she isn't on the heavy side but I love her body .

We went away me hoping we could get out of this dry patch but she was on her period and wasn't in mood. I found contraceptive patchs in her handbag and she is going away on a girls trip soon . Why would she get the patch and not tell me? 

Big Bag of Chips

The contraceptive patch isn't just contraception. It can be used to treat other issues like heavy menstrual bleeding, painful periods, intermenstral bleeding. All of which might lead to her being less interested in sex.

Why would she get the patch and not tell me?

It seems like communication between you isn't great. Do you know much about her menstrual cycle? How heavy it is, how frequent? If she suffers with pain and other complaints?

How about talking to her?

I love Bacon

I understand it is used for that aswell as I do know she has painful periods but she she doesn't use it all the time only used the patch once before which I found my mistake and asked her straight away as she was there when I found it she seemed to not want me to find it , which brings me be back to why she is using it again a good while since using it the first time.

Yes are communication isn't great about sex she never brings it up even though I try to .not sure how to bring it up.

Big Bag of Chips

Maybe if communication between you isn't great she doesn't feel comfortable talking about her menstrual cycle. Do you want to know about her menstrual cycle? The bloody details? How it affects her?

You seem to see her using the patch (for what is most likely medical reasons) as some sort of deception. The angle you seem to be going for is that because she is using this, and going away for the weekend she is planning on having sex with someone else. That's quite a leap, and most probably very very wide of the mark. There are many other, less obvious, contraception choices out there. If I was off to have a one night stand or an affair I'd pick something less obvious than a patch on my arm!

Talk to her. Not about sex.. But about her. How she's feeling. What she's going through. You also have the option of ending the relationship if you're no longer happy.

Big Bag of Chips

By the way, using the patch "once before" is unlikely to have any affect if it's being used for contraception, or treatment of heavy, painful periods. It would need to be used continuously. For at least 3-6 months to assess if it is beneficial for symptoms. And for contraceptive purposes would also need to be used continuously.

You asked are you over thinking, and I think you are. You seem very suspicious of why she would be using the patch. You don't even know the reason why she's using it, or for how long. You seem to be accusing her of something. This might be why she's not open to communicating with you more.

Goodigal

Don't leap to any conclusions just yet. More concerning is that you haven't had sex in months and neither of you have brought it up. Are you both happy to leave things like this? I don't think so, considering your post.

I used to hate when my ex husband thought going to a hotel was to solve problems that already existed. Like you're supposed to turn into a different person entirely when you check into a hotel?! Not going to happen if it's not happening at home!

You need to have a conversation about how you're feeling - there are two of you in this and it needs an honest chat. She might not be feeling confident about her body, but you love it. Make sure she knows that. Try to help her see how much you love her. Don't assume she's off doing anything with anyone else because you are wrecking your own head. Good luck.

seamus

Definitely don't leap to any conclusions here. Dry spells and poor communication can mess with your head and make you start filling in the blanks yourself with all sorts of theories. It sounds incredibly unlikely that she's playing away or even planning to. You have nothing to base it on - as others say women often use contraception to keep some semblance of control over their cycle. Many lesbians take contraception despite the obvious.

I'm curious to know how you "found" it? Why were you going through her handbag? If she left it out and you just saw into it and the patches were right there at the top, then you have nothing to worry about. If she asked you to fetch something from her handbag, you have nothing to worry about. If she doesn't feel like she needs to hide this from you, then she's not using it for nefarious reasons.

If you're going digging in her handbag looking for evidence of infidelity, then you need to deal with your own insecurity here.

Communication is key. You need to pull on the big boy pants now, brave the discomfort and come right out and tell her that you are worried about this dry spell and the lack of intimacy in your relationship. Don't accuse, or assume anything.

Don't approach it from a perspective of, "You are not giving me sex and I want to find out why". In these cases, there is always a balance to be reached; actions on both peoples' parts to make it work. Chances are there are some changes that you need to make, ways to help her feel more desired or respected.

I used to hate when my ex husband thought going to a hotel was to solve problems that already existed. Like you're supposed to turn into a different person entirely when you check into a hotel?! Not going to happen if it's not happening at home!

It's a popular trope in stories. But it's less to do with the change of scenery and more to do with the fact that when you're a parent, it's an evening or a weekend without the possibility of being disturbed in the act!

If you live together without children and have intimacy issues, then going away isn't going to suddenly put anyone in the mood.

woodchuck

She obviously has a medical reason for going on the patch. Maybe her periods effect her more than you realise (physically and/or emotionally) - it must have bothered her enough to talk to her doctor about it. Changing contraception can be a big adjustment too. If she's stressed about it and its affecting her hormones, that might be why she hasn't been in the mood for sex lately.

How is the communication in your relationship in general? If I'm having medical issues, I always let my husband know, as it affects the two of us, not just me. Maybe she's not comfortable bringing up the topic though? The next time she's on her period, maybe make an extra effort to ask how she's feeling, ask if there's anything you can do to help and do things without being asked (e.g. bring her a cup of tea, do a bit more of the cooking/cleaning than normal etc). Depending on how receptive she is talking about her period, you could mention that you came across the patch (assuming you weren't snooping) and ask if it's helping at all.

marilynrr

She could be using it to delay or skip her period for the girls trip. Not sure if that's possible with the patch but I skipped periods all the time with the pill and I would imagine it can be done with a patch too.

You say you haven't had sex in a few months, do you generally use condoms when you are having sex? Sometimes women use contraception for other reasons but don't want to have sex without a condom so they don't want their partners to know or else they'll complain about having to use a condom and put pressure on them.

YellowLead

Only thing you can do is talk to her about it - not necessarily that you were snooping and found the patches - but that you live noticed you haven’t had sex for a while and you miss it, find her really attractive and how does she feel about the drop in sex. If she backs away from the conversation then you need to decide if you want to spend your life with somebody who can’t communicate, and potentially is okay with limited sex.