Overthinking things?

LegacyUser

I have been with my (first) boyfriend for 2 years. When I got with him first he didn’t have a car, and so I would collect him from work most of the time and we would usually do something afterwards. We would nearly always meet up if we were off too. His hours at work got changed to nearly all evenings a few months ago but I still collected him and we would often go for food or stay at his house after work.

Recently he got his own car. Obviously I don’t collect him from work anymore. I have found that since he got the car, we don’t see each other as often. He is more inclined to go and meet his friends after work (late at night) but saying that we would still see each maybe 3/4 days a week (compared to everyday before), and would most likely meet up when he is off.

When I was talking to my friend I just said in passing that I hadn’t seen him since 2 days ago. She made a joke saying, that’s unusual for ye and he must have been using you all along for your car. I just laughed but then I thought maybe she’s right?

After I said to him that I hadn’t seen much of him lately, He said to me that it’s normal at this stage in our relationship that he will be meeting up more often with his friends and stuff. But is he just saying that to fob me off? This is my first relationship, but surely this is just normal? He would meet up with friends before he got the car too, but it just seems way more now.

I realise reading this back that I sound very clingy, or even controlling. It’s just that I don’t much of him because he works so late, whereas I work early.

I would often meet up with my own friends but most of them are away for the summer and working in other counties so I don’t see them that often. I also had a big falling out with a good friend a few months ago.

Maybe I have been spending too much time alone lately and am overthinking it? Or does it sound like he isn’t as interested since he got the car?

wirelessdude01

Sounds like without realising it you were monopolising your boyfriend's time by always collecting him. He had no option but to go with you. Now he has a little time for himself and wants to reconnect with his friends a little more. Nothing wrong with that. Just relax or else you'll end up scaring him away with the clingy nature of your post.

gwalk

If he is still seeing you 3/4 times a week then i don't see what the problem is? its not like he just bailed on you as soon as he got a car

you dont ahve to spend every day with a person you are in a relationship with, infact it actually makes things easier if people have days to themselves and thier own space

I wouldnt be worrying about it too much.

LegacyUser

Thank you both for replying. You’re definitely right, I’m being just being ridiculous.

ManOfMystery

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Sounds like without realising it you were monopolising your boyfriend's time by always collecting him. He had no option but to go with you. Now he has a little time for himself and wants to reconnect with his friends a little more. Nothing wrong with that. Just relax or else you'll end up scaring him away with the clingy nature of your post.

This hits the nail on the head OP.

I assume you're both youngish - at 2yrs in, 3-4 times a week is a healthy amount to be seeing each other. I don't think your boyfriend was using you at all, the circumstances were just that you ended up seeing each other a lot and now those circumstances have changed slightly. Life is all about healthy balances and at the moment it sounds like your bf has got the balance right - he has friends, work, a relationship, and doesn't sacrifice any one for any other - as it should be.

On the plus side, this should free up some of your time as 'taxi driver' to pursue time with your own friends, hobbies, etc. Be careful that you don't spend that time alone and pining (I hate that word, but you get my meaning!) for your boyfriend as that often leads down a road which ends in insecurity and possessiveness.

ILoveYourVibes

I am going to be honest with you. having a car does give someone more independence

He was just overly dependent on you before. Which since he is a grown man is not a good thing.