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Relationship question!

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  • 22-01-2017 7:12pm
    #1
    Tina1620
    Registered Users Posts: 7 ✭


    My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks back! I'm still missing him a lot! It was a long distance relationship (we lived in different countries) but still got to see each other every second weekend! He broke up with me as he said he couldn't do the long distance! I really want to talk to him and try give it another go, but don't know how to approach it! I don't want to look desperate! We are still friends on all forms of social media and he alsways opens my snapchat stories (I don't know if that is really revelent or not!?) any advice?


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    #2
    punisher5112
    Registered Users Posts: 24,647 ✭✭✭✭punisher5112


    Tina1620 wrote: »
    My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks back! I'm still missing him a lot! It was a long distance relationship (we lived in different countries) but still got to see each other every second weekend! He broke up with me as he said he couldn't do the long distance! I really want to talk to him and try give it another go, but don't know how to approach it! I don't want to look desperate! We are still friends on all forms of social media and he alsways opens my snapchat stories (I don't know if that is really revelent or not!?) any advice?

    Move on. Its hard but its only way.


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    #3
    tricky D
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,700 ✭✭✭tricky D


    Moved to Relationship Issues for better feedback. Relationship Issues charter now applies.


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    #4
    mada82
    Registered Users Posts: 577 ✭✭✭mada82


    It's sounds harsh but move on is the correct advice. You will feel better in time


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    #5
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Did ye ever sit down and come up with a concrete plan so that one of you would move to the other's country? Long distance relationships are tough but if there's an end goal in sight it changes a lot. If you've been spending so much time and money shuttling backwards and forwards between your two countries, there can come a time when you start asking yourself what's it all about? Maybe he feels it's going nowhere and he's wasting time on this rather than trying to meet someone living nearer to him.


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    #6
    punisher5112
    Registered Users Posts: 24,647 ✭✭✭✭punisher5112


    Quite possible he has already someone else.
    Could be many reasons but op don't lower yourself chasing the one that let you go.

    Move on find someone better there always is.


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    #7
    Tina1620
    Registered Users Posts: 7 ✭Tina1620


    Ursus Horribilis wrote: »
    Did ye ever sit down and come up with a concrete plan so that one of you would move to the other's country? Long distance relationships are tough but if there's an end goal in sight it changes a lot. If you've been spending so much time and money shuttling backwards and forwards between your two countries, there can come a time when you start asking yourself what's it all about? Maybe he feels it's going nowhere and he's wasting time on this rather than trying to meet someone living nearer to him.


    Yes we did talk about it, and the plan was for me to move over! We had been friends for a few years before we got together too!


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    #8
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,855 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I think you have to take him at his word. He ended the relationship, citing long distance as the reason. It's probably not the full reason but he had to say something and it's better than "I just don't want to be with you anymore". If he really wanted a relationship with you he would have started a conversation about how not to be long distance anymore instead of a breakup conversation.

    This has come out of the blue for you and taken you a bit by surprise. He'll have been thinking about it, and putting it off, for months. He'll have tried to ignore it the last few times he's seen you, maybe trying to convince himself that the relationship would work, that he still wanted to be with you and that he could make it work. But obviously now he has decided it's just not happening for him anymore. It's unfortunate but it happens. You can't convince him to get back with you. Not long distance anyway, and you certainly cannot move now to try make a relationship work that has already ended.


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    #9
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    It's for the best that he said something before you moved...

    It doesn't look like there is anything to save here. None of us knows why he ended the relationship. The long distance thing may have been a convenient excuse. The thought crossed my mind that he had met someone else. Or it could be something as simple as his feelings changed. We are entering into the realm of speculation though. He has told you it's over.

    What's worth bearing in mind is that by the time someone opens their mouth to break the bad news, they will have been tossing this around in their mind for quite a while. So while you're only a few weeks into this break-up, mentally he's in a very different place. Because you want to get back with him, you're going to be reading too much into things such as him opening your snapchats. it doesn't actually matter.


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    #10
    Eimee90
    Registered Users Posts: 301 ✭✭Eimee90


    Im sorry for your loss, Op, it can be so hard. To be honest, Id say there is more to it. My bf and I did the long distance thing and came out the other side. It was hard but we were always happy. We are now back in the same city for good.

    You need to stop focusing on his reasons for ending it and instead accept his decision. Also opening your snaps means nothing but nosiness.

    You sound like a nice person. You will meet the right guy. Just dont waste time pining over the wrong one.


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    #11
    Tina1620
    Registered Users Posts: 7 ✭Tina1620


    elsa21 wrote: »
    Im sorry for your loss, Op, it can be so hard. To be honest, Id say there is more to it. My bf and I did the long distance thing and came out the other side. It was hard but we were always happy. We are now back in the same city for good.

    You need to stop focusing on his reasons for ending it and instead accept his decision. Also opening your snaps
    means nothing but nosiness.

    You sound like a nice person. You will meet the right guy. Just dont waste time pining over the wrong one.

    There was a lot more! I guess I'm just really missing him! As I said we were friends before all this which sucks! He told me he still loves me but just can't do the distance which is heartbreaking


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    #12
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Tina1620 wrote: »
    There was a lot more! I guess I'm just really missing him! As I said we were friends before all this which sucks! He told me he still loves me but just can't do the distance which is heartbreaking

    Often people say things like this to soften the blow. And you know, it'd be better for everyone if they didn't. All it does is gives false hope. I hate to say this but if he wanted you enough, he'd have put up with the distance until you moved over.


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    #13
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,855 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I have to 100% agree. I think he's trying to be 'nice' when in fact he's prolonging your hurt. If he loved you, really loved you, he'd make it work. He'd work towards getting you over to him. He'd have given you the option rather than just ending it.

    I think for your own sake, for a while, you're going to have to cut contact with him. Delete him from social media, ask him not to contact you. He's telling you he loves you and it's giving you false hope. What happens if he starts seeing someone new? He clearly wants a relationship with someone closer to him so ending his long distance relationship will now allow him that freedom. It'a over between you, and keeping in contact is just allowing that chink of light in for you. He had emotionally moved on from this relationship before ending it. He had prepared himself for the end. He knew it was coming. So he's in a position to check in on you without wanting anymore than to be curious as to what you're getting up to.

    You're not there yet. And you need to give yourself that space and time to get there.


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