I don't have a diamond... and I'm quite happy with that!

Broken Strings · 17-09-2014 05:01PM #1

I recently got engaged in NYC.

Hubby to be didn't have a ring for me (he proposed using one of my own which he grabbed before we left for the airport) as he didn't know my ring size and didn't want to get me something that I wouldn't like.

We were going to wait until we got home to get the ring, but New York was so special that we decided to go ring shopping there and then and came across a beautiful little Jeweler near Times Square.

The girl behind the counter went to bring me straight to the diamonds section and I explained that I wanted something much more reasonable. She showed me a different set of rings and there was one which stood out immediately. It was a sterling silver ring with a triple split shank and a White Sapphire stone. It was the most amazing ring I've ever seen, and to me it's perfect.

I didn't want an expensive ring for a couple of reasons:

1. I don't think I could enjoy wearing my ring if it was worth a few grand. Constantly terrified that i'd lose it (I'm pretty clumsy sometimes and misplace stuff) or that it would be stolen.

2. I'd much prefer myself and hubby-to-be start saving for the wedding itself, we also have a house and i'd like to continue to put money into that

3. I think when the ring becomes more important than the proposal itself, then you've already lost the meaning of what getting married is all about. To me the commitment part is much more important.

Anywhoo, I kinda operate an each to their own kind of attitude and I also know a lot of people who have expensive rings which they adore and have no regrets about getting. I can also totally understand this as it will be a ring you wear for the rest of your life so I can understand why people would like to invest the money in it if they have it.

What I don't appreciate is one person in particular who kind of dismissed my ring when they found out it wasn't a diamond. They got a ring for their fiancée in a very expensive Jewelers and were very vocal about boasting about price. This makes me uncomfortable and a little angry because my ring is so special to me and to have someone look down on it is disheartening and i'm not sure how to deal with it.

Any thoughts on this? Have any of you been in a similar situation?

I know that I wouldn't change my ring for the world and I'm so excited about getting married, but it would be nice to see if there has been anyone else in the same boat when it comes to people being rude :P

coats · 17-09-2014 05:18PM

I picked my ring out myself. It cost £65 in punts. Like yourself I wouldn't be happy wearing something expensive, its I think 9ct gold with 3 zirconia stones but I adore it. Its now 14 years old and still looks as beautiful as the day it was bought

Sala · 17-09-2014 05:20PM

I know lot of people who don't have a diamond. If you love a ring it doesn't matter what stone or material it is, or how much it cost in my opinion. I have traditional solitaire - I love it because it was given to me and it was a big surprise and I feel like it's MY ring, the symbolism and memory attached to it more important than what it looks like.

Mine was a surprise as as I said so I didn't have to go looking, but it must be very difficult to go shopping for a ring knowing how much money is in your bank account, but also knowing every €100 or €1000 extra you spend is taken away from your house budget!

Nobody should look down on your ring for any reason. Thy are probably just feeling bad they dropped a load of cash on a ring and no one can tell the difference between it and an argos one lol

eviltwin · 17-09-2014 05:29PM

I don't have either an engagement or wedding ring and my hubby has been labelled stingy, uncommitted and lots of other mean spirited things. I just don't like jewellery and we had other things to spend the money on. I always think the types who obsess about money are more into the wedding more than the marriage or just very insecure. Once you are happy screw everyone else.

fits · 17-09-2014 05:49PM

Your ring sounds gorgeous OP. We picked out mine together. I feel like I got sucked in and we spent more than originally intended, but I absolutely love what we got, it is genuinely beautiful and unusual, I mean that. Never seen another like it anywhere..
I did look into other stones but didn't find anything that I felt suited. A white sapphire sounds very nice. I have a silver moonstone ring on my other hand.

Suiting yourself can be tough at times, what people say and think can get to you and everyone seems to have an opinion on how this engagement and wedding business should be done unfortunately.

Faith · 17-09-2014 05:52PM

My ring is a 100-year old family heirloom with a pearl. I love it but it's so old and fragile that I'm terrified wearing it everyday. We're going to buy a new ring when we can afford it and put this one away for safekeeping. The new ring will have an amethyst stone and will probably cost in the region of €500-€1000. I think diamonds look gorgeous, but there's nothing at all wrong with not having one!

fits · 17-09-2014 05:55PM

Faith wrote: »

My ring is a 100-year old family heirloom with a pearl. I love it but it's so old and fragile that I'm terrified wearing it everyday. We're going to buy a new ring when we can afford it and put this one away for safekeeping. The new ring will have an amethyst stone and will probably cost in the region of €500-€1000. I think diamonds look gorgeous, but there's nothing at all wrong with not having one!

That was the reason I didn't look at antique rings. The one I have is a very robust design. Friend of mine got an antique diamond and the stone fell out a couple of days later!

Princess Peach · 17-09-2014 05:56PM

My main stone is a ruby, my ring has small diamonds in it also though.

I love jewellery and wanted a good ring, something I will wear everyday forever, so I was happy to get a hard wearing stone and metal, and good quality settings.

I'm always staring at it

I also wanted an antique ring, but my fiancé had concerns about the longevity. So we got one made in a sort of antique style.

17-09-2014 06:04PM

I too have a solitaire. The stone fell out once and luckily I saw it immediately and got it reset. 10 years ago, I had to get both rings cut off. I got the stone set in an identical setting and got the remaining gold made into a bigger wedding band. So, in one form or another, I've been wearing my engagement and wedding rings every day for over 30 years. That's what they are for! Would hate to have a delicate one, as I'd never wear it and the money would have been wasted.
Congratulations, OP. May you have a long and happy life together.

biddywiddy · 17-09-2014 06:20PM

I have an antique ring. Platinum band with diamonds, from the 1930s. I adore it, and love that someone else has worn it before me, all the history. It's also special to me as we live overseas and bought it here. We won't live here forever, so it's nice to have something from our time here.

In the last few months we popped into the same antique store any time we were passing, and we managed to find a wedding band for each of us. A plain band for my OH and a thin band with small diamonds that matches the detailing on my engagement ring really well. My band is engraved with a date in 1930.

I understand the thoughts about the longevity of an antique ring, but mine seems pretty sturdy, and holding up well for its age! I plan to get it checked over regularly in case anything starts coming loose.

When we were looking at rings initially, we went to 'regular' jewelers and also antique jewellery shops. I ended up with a ring that is quite different from what I thought I would like. It just suits my hand.

So many parts of getting engaged and planning a wedding seem to be open for discussion and criticism from others. OP, once you love your ring, that's all that matters. How crass of someone to comment on your gorgeous ring in that way.

If getting an expensive ring in an expensive jewelers is your thing, then fine. Go for it! And if that's not your thing, that's fine too. Nobody owes anyone an explanation.

A friend of mine didn't want an engagement ring (she has a simple wedding band) and, instead, her fiance bought her a piano to mark the engagement. A gorgeous idea.

fits · 17-09-2014 07:11PM

A piano, that's just lovely.

LynnGrace · 17-09-2014 07:15PM

Your ring sounds gorgeous. Take zero notice of what anyone else thinks. Congrats and very best wishes.

Sala · 17-09-2014 07:47PM

Mark zuckerbergs wife has a ruby! I remember reading an article about how "disappointing" her ring was for such a wealthy man and thought f**k you, I admire someone who picks the ring to suit themselves and their own tastes. They are known to be low key and casual, she'd probably feel ridiculous with a 10 carat conker hanging off her hand just coz they could afford it.

You love your ring and that's all that matters. In fact, I'd bet All your friends and family love your ring, because the main thing is that person wearing it is happy to be wearing it.

Barely There · 17-09-2014 08:12PM

Sala wrote: »

Mark zuckerbergs wife has a ruby! I remember reading an article about how "disappointing" her ring was for such a wealthy man and thought f**k you,

If you had a diamond and a ruby of the same cut, caret and clarity, the ruby would be worth more.

fits · 17-09-2014 08:17PM

Are rubies very hard? I had a good look at an old emerald ring there recently, and the stone was very chipped and damaged over the years. (I love emeralds but that put me off one as everyday jewellery)

on_my_oe · 17-09-2014 08:20PM

My now husband was nudging me to look in the window for two years, and I have to admit part of my reluctance was the fear of losing a couple of grand by being mugged. In the end I found a beautiful ring in Turkey which I adored, and was a more reasonable amount.. Then when we got back from holiday and I got it valued for insurance and it turns out we got an exceptional deal - it's worth three times what we paid! So I'm in the position I didn't want to be in, too afraid to wear it (not helped by the fact I did actually get mugged!) and it sits on my dresser looking pretty instead

fits · 17-09-2014 08:21PM

Wear it! Its of no value to anyone on the dresser! (insure it)

Faith · 17-09-2014 08:32PM

I've heard people say that some stones aren't suitable for everyday wear because they're quite soft (like amethyst). But I thought about it, and I'm okay with getting the stone replaced every few years if needs be, because the stones aren't actually expensive to replace.

Princess Peach · 17-09-2014 08:59PM

Our goldsmith was such a talker, loved to chat about his work, I feel I could write a pamphlet about ruby rings :pac:

Rubies are as hard diamonds and sapphires, apparently anything below that is classed semi - precious (I think)

And rubies are more expensive per carat than diamonds. Buuuuut for a diamond to look good it needs a good bit of depth you don't need that so much with coloured stones. So while my ruby is a good diameter its pretty shallow, so less carats than a similar diameter diamond and so better value.

I had always wanted a ruby though, before I knew all these self important facts :pac:

lazygal · 17-09-2014 09:14PM

I have a sapphire. Rubies used to be the traditional betrothal ring as they symbolize a virtuous woman. I was advised against an emerald as they were a softer stone but I see older women with them so I don't think they're that easily damaged. I love having something a bit different and never considered a diamond. I went for sapphires in my wedding ring too.

John Mason · 17-09-2014 09:23PM

i dont have a diamond either - mine is an amethyst which i choose.

i love it . it is so different to anything else i have seen. people are always commenting on it

Birdie086 · 17-09-2014 09:27PM

I do have a diamond, but it's a teeny tiny one, about 1/2 a carat.

My mam had given it to my step father on a tie-pin when they got engaged. He passed away a few years ago and she gave the diamond to me.

We got it set on a nice, plain solid 9ct gold band by a local jeweller.

Broken Strings · 17-09-2014 09:31PM

Thanks for all the responses ladies!

It's so nice to see that people have an array of different stones and that diamonds don't have to be the default.

I'm in love with my ring and even more in love with my fiancee and i'm just so happy that he proposed in NYC as it was our first time really travelling together (After nearly 7 years together!) It topped off what was already a trip of a lifetime in my eyes as we had travelled around North America and Canada for a few weeks before hand.

I'm sure you all have stunning rings!

fits · 17-09-2014 09:32PM

Birdie086 wrote: »

I do have a diamond, but it's a teeny tiny one, about 1/2 a carat.

My mam had given it to my step father on a tie-pin when they got engaged. He passed away a few years ago and she gave the diamond to me.

We got it set on a nice, plain solid 9ct gold band by a local jeweller.

half a carat isn't teeny tiny! Besides, I think the overall design is much more important than the size of the stone, and this one means something to you.

Seb_bixby · 17-09-2014 09:34PM

I just mentioned this thread to himself and he said that he always thought of the engagement ring as the same as the pebble that pengiuns give to each other!

Not having a clue what he meant, he told me that male penguins search beaches to find the perfect pebble to give to their female mate and when they find it and give it to them it means that they have mated for life and even if they are split up by storms or for long periods of time they will stay faithful to each other until they are together again.
I thought this was a lovely way to put into perspective the whole diamond/ not a diamond thing.

It all depends what is the perfect "pebble" for your mate.

(He surprises me everyday!:))

Milly33 · 17-09-2014 11:03PM

I do have a diamond!! ecckk but to be honest it would not bother me if it was plastic.. Himself went and picked it out before he proposed and the whole thought that he went and done this for me was much more than the diamond.. It wouldn't bother me what it was or

Liam McPoyle · 18-09-2014 07:35AM

Myself and o/h went to Antwerp to get her ring. She always said she didnt want a diamond so went with a sapphire as the main stone with small diamonds on the band. She too prefers the more vintage style and fell in love with it as soon as she saw it. That Im aware of nobody has ever said anything about it not having a main diamond and tbh, if someone did my arsehole detector would go into over drive.

Toots · 18-09-2014 01:53PM

I've seen loads of gorgeous engagement rings that aren't diamonds. My cousin had a really unusual one, I think it was called Tanzanite? I could have imagined that name, but whatever it was, it was amazing looking.

My own wedding ring and engagement ring are diamonds but my eternity ring is sapphires. It means the world to me, besides the occasion for giving the ring, sapphires are my son's birthstone.

An engagement ring could be an onion ring, all that really matters is the sentiment behind it.

OP remind your colleague of the colossal sapphire Kate Middleton wears and see does he approve of that, seeing as it probably cost 20 times what he paid for his ring!

Gatica · 19-09-2014 08:05AM

OP, it's very rude to not admire someone's engagement ring, whether it's in one's taste or not. That person was being very rude.
In any case, as many threads on Boards have shown, people have had all sorts of engagement rings, from a few euro to thousands, and in silver, palladium, etc... with different precious or semi-precious stones. The important thing is the couple is happy with it. Yours sounds beautiful, and if you're happy with it, don't worry what some classless twit thinks!

19-09-2014 08:48AM

It would be a very dull World if we all liked the same things! Had to look up Tanzanite. It's a beautiful stone. No matter what your engagement ring is made of, wear it with pride for what it signifies. LVE, LOVE LOVE.

Dorothy Roxy · 19-09-2014 02:11PM

I don't have an engagement ring because I proposed to him with a watch! Plenty have asked when I am getting an engagement ring and I tell them I'm not. To me getting engaged was about us committing to each other not about me getting a new piece of jewellery.

Some people have diamonds, some rubys and some, like my future hubbie, have a watch. As long as it makes you happy who cares what anyone else think you should have.

I don't have a diamond... and I'm quite happy with that!

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