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16-07-2013, 00:44   #1
maria34
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bf cancelled our date because his ex is coming over to talk

thanks for advice.

Last edited by maria34; 17-07-2013 at 11:58.
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16-07-2013, 00:53   #2
Esoteric_
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So, his ex, who he dumped right before seeing you, came over to his house, he cancelled on you to see her, and according to him, she still wants him.

You'd be a fool if you trusted him that nothing happened.

I don't have an issue with a boyfriend being friends with exes, but to cancel a date with his girlfriend to see a lady who apparently still wants him is completely out of line.
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16-07-2013, 01:02   #3
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16-07-2013, 01:05   #4
EoghanIRL
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Originally Posted by maria34 View Post
he dumped her around the same time we met yes. i know im fool. dont know why he even told me.

i told him to choose losing me or meeting his sick (well seriously sick) ex, then he chose her and said he understands if i tell him to get lost.

he asked me many times during our conversation, what i will do decide before he met her. obviously to find out if i say no go feck off, then he will have another one on the go straight away.
You should tell him to get lost . It's clear that he has some feelings for her if he's going to meet with her . He should be focused on you not her .
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16-07-2013, 01:10   #5
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16-07-2013, 01:11   #6
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It's sad that she's sick, truly it is. I don't wish illness on anybody.

But YOU should be his priority, not her.

You gave him an ultimatum (not something I generally agree with, but hey ho), and he chose her. Her. Not you.

He chose her. You know where his feelings lie.
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16-07-2013, 01:14   #7
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16-07-2013, 01:17   #8
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I don't know. He could just lie you that he has to work. I don't know how serious sickness is but I hope I wouldn't just send somebody who is in serious trouble away because of a date with someone else. It sounds hard but sometimes we give priority to people who are not the closest to us if they need us more. Or he could be just playing with you. If you like him then you should have serious conversation with him in person about the situation. If you are not that fussed about him then spare yourself the drama.

It's very hard to judge from what you wrote. For me it would very much depend on the seriousness of the illness. It's perfectly ok in my book to cancel date because of someone who has cancer but not because of some runny nose. I'm using extremes to make a point that it all depends on circumstances. In any case I'd ask him straight if he still has feelings for her. Just as a side note. People sometimes have nobody to turn to and maybe your bf is one of the few people she can talk to. There is too little info in your post to judge if he is being disrespectful to you or just decent towards another human being.

Edit: I didn't see the subsequent posts. I still stand by my opinion.

Last edited by meeeeh; 16-07-2013 at 01:21.
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16-07-2013, 01:23   #9
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16-07-2013, 01:38   #10
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yes that illness is really really serious, not a runny nose.
I dont mean this to sound harsh, but if that is the case I think you'd be extremely selfish and childish in holding this against him in any way.

If anything I'd think far far worse of someone that would turn away a seriously ill person who showed up on their doorstep for support because they wanted to keep a date with me.

Jesus... why would anyone want to be with someone that would contemplate doing something like that?

Last edited by strobe; 16-07-2013 at 01:42.
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16-07-2013, 01:39   #11
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yes my bf is somebody like this alright. he has told me many times how ppl have turned to him. once a lady who was beaten up by her husband rang him when we were together and at first he didnt take her call. he explained me who and what and i told him to talk to her as that woman was abused in her marriage.

yes that illness is really really serious, not a runny nose.
I wouldn't do anything hasty then. But I think that people who help everybody can be just as hard to be with as cheaters. There is always another worthwhile cause around the corner and it can be very lonely in relationship with someone who helps everybody.
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16-07-2013, 01:45   #12
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If I was given an ultimatum by someone I was seeing for two months, to choose them over someone with a terminal illness who asked for my help, I would have absolutely no problem in choosing the latter as it would indicate to me what kind of a person they may be.
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16-07-2013, 01:51   #13
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If I was given an ultimatum by someone I was seeing for two months, to choose them over someone with a terminal illness who asked for my help, I would have absolutely no problem in choosing the latter as it would indicate to me what kind of a person they may be.
Not to disagree with your point at all (because we all have differing opinions, of course ), but the poster never said anything about the lady's illness being terminal. She just said 'serious.'
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16-07-2013, 01:52   #14
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Not to disagree with your point at all (because we all have differing opinions, of course ), but the poster never said anything about the lady's illness being terminal. She just said 'serious.'
She mentions she doesn't have long left.
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16-07-2013, 01:53   #15
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She mentions she doesn't have long left.
My apologies, I obviously missed that.
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