Waterford whispers news

Chris P. Bacon · 25-09-2010 11:40am #1

Dont know if anybody knows of this website,here it is for those who dont,but its great always gives me a laugh and fairplay to whoever comes up with the stories

Waterford whispers news

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mike65 · 25-09-2010 11:55am

Potential libel here http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/article.php?id=193 :eek:

Wonder what Joe Cashin thinks of his pic being tweaked like this.

abouttobebanned · 25-09-2010 12:09pm

That's simply genius.

Chris P. Bacon · 25-09-2010 1:16pm

Just one of the many funny Waterford stories

THE world’s smallest space shuttle, designed to emit 70% less carbon emissions than a standard NASA space shuttle, blasted off on a test flight from the city centre early this morning.

The 6-metre long shuttle, Deisecovery I, lifted off at 04:30am GMT from the lower quay area beside Reginalds tower after high winds and thunderstorms caused the Waterford Space Agency (WSA) to postpone the launch yesterday afternoon.

The one man space shuttle is intended to help scientists understand the capabilities of a smaller, more robust spacecraft. More importantly, it will also help examine the effects of weightlessness on a person with dwarfism.

Midget astronaut Charlie Bat, now the worlds first ever 'small person' to fly into space, is said to be 'over the moon' at the launch and was orbiting over the east coast of Africa at the time of writing.

Bat, the love child of the infamous Waterford character Eddie Bat, spent several grueling months in intensive training for yesterdays shuttle run.

In an interview earlier this week, Charlie said: "I can't believe the day is finally here. If only me father could see me now. God rest his soul. He would have been so proud."

The van-sized space craft powered into the blue sky over Waterford city on a column of flame and smoke. Thousands of spectators lined the opposite side of the river to witness the event.

The main booster deployed parachutes after separating about 20km above the Earth’s surface from the space shuttle and landed somewhere in Johns Park where it will be later spray painted and left for young children to climb on.

"That was just unbelievable, t'was like somethin you'd see in the movies or somethin boy. Some craic tho. Delighted now so I am that I got up early to see it. Sure the young fella hasn't stopped talkin about it since. He can't wait to go back to school to tell his friends boy." said local shop owner Teddy Keane.

Deisecovery I is part of the WSA's 'less is more' project, which aims to prove that sending smaller shuttles and astronauts into orbit is much more cost effective and fuel efficient than using NASA's standard fuel guzzlers.

The shuttle is due to land back to earth early next Monday morning in Waterford airport. A ticker-tape parade will be held on O'Connell street at 3pm. Tea and sandwiches will be served in the Granville hotel there after.

Typhoon. · 25-09-2010 1:38pm

looks class... cant wait to have a read of a few of them

thanks op:D

mike65 · 25-09-2010 1:49pm

Some good stuff in this, how come their profile has been so low?

http://www.waterfordwhispersnews.com/article.php?id=105

I note the lack of any contact information.

Chris P. Bacon · 25-09-2010 2:47pm

mike65 wrote: »

Some good stuff in this, how come their profile has been so low?

http://www.waterfordwhispersnews.com/article.php?id=105

I note the lack of any contact information.

They have been on facebook for a while and have around 3000 fans now,and they can be contacted through facebook id say

This has to be one of the best ones

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/article.php?id=194

MitchKoobski · 25-09-2010 5:49pm

Think the author got banned from boards at one stage for posting an edited pic that wasnt deemed suitable to the thread, so I would assume he doesn't promote on boards anymore.

wellboy76 · 26-09-2010 10:52am

MitchKoobski wrote: »

Think the author got banned from boards at one stage for posting an edited pic that wasnt deemed suitable to the thread, so I would assume he doesn't promote on boards anymore.

Him along with almost everyone else at one stage for saying boo!:D

Chris P. Bacon · 26-09-2010 12:07pm

wellboy76 wrote: »

Him along with almost everyone else at one stage for saying boo!:D

Ha ha he probably made a picture insulting Kilkenny or something,which we all know is forbidden,mods are a joke here anyway.

MitchKoobski · 26-09-2010 12:38pm

Rottweiler Mauled to Death by Lisduggan Toddler
The owner of a purebred Rottweiler screamed in absolute horror as the neighbours 19 month old son mauled her beloved family pet in a vicious and frenzied attack.
Oscar was resting in the hot summer sun with its owner when the toddler ran in from next door and pounced on the unsuspecting animal.
Several neighbours managed to rescue the dog from the child's jaws, but it died soon afterwards in a local veterinary surgery.
Detective Superintendent James Fennel, leading the investigation, said: 'I have to pay tribute to the bravery of the neighbours as they struggled with the child and eventually bet him off the savaged Rottweiler.
'One neighbour then rang 999. They did their best to recover Oscar from the child, but unfortunately that was in vain. He was a 20 kilo Lisduggan toddler. Clearly we're talking about one crazy little bastard. The dog hadn't a chance.'
Oscars owner, who has been living next door to the toddlers family for 15 years, was later treated for shock in Ardkeen hospital.
Gardai scaled a 9ft fence around the yard to attend to Oscar after the attack on Tuesday. The dog had suffered severe head and neck injuries and died later in City Vets veterinary Clinic.
Det Supt Fennel said that the toddler, which the family had brought up since birth, had not behaved aggressively before. The parents spanked the toddler and put him in the corner immediately after the attack.
'Clearly the untimely death of any dog is a tragedy - in these circumstances it is even more of a tragedy.' he said.
Neighbours Josie and Bernard Dunphy said that they often saw the toddler snarling through the letter box when ever they passed the house.
"I am not surprised that this happened. That kid is crazy, just like the rest of them around here." said Josie.

Personal favourite

beazee · 28-09-2010 3:56pm

mike65 wrote: »

I note the lack of any contact information.

It;s the same contact as here: http://www.pluggedin.ie/

There's also a contact on Facebook: Colm@waterfordwhispersnews.com

Appleblossom42 · 28-09-2010 7:18pm

Jesus that's soo funny, this one cracked me up!

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/askdoris.php?id=8

Asmodean · 29-09-2010 10:14am

He's a legend! Been following the site for a few months now, always puts a smile on my face the shi.t he comes up with

Chris P. Bacon · 14-10-2010 4:55pm

This has to be one of the funniest things I've read in a long time

Hello Doris,

I contact you with a particularly annoying issue i have concerning some of my land. I am a gentle man in his latter years to put it mildly, and thought my very successful career i have developed many areas and acquired vast amounts of property and land. The land in question lies just south of the kilkenny boarder, in Waterford.

I have issues with trespassers over the years on my land particularly south kilkenny youths, although in the past few weeks their visits have become more and more regular. You see i enjoy Waterford hurling very much and love to show my support for my team. To do this i paint the cliff face on this land white and blue, as it looks down over the city i love and live for. As i have become older i have acquired the help of some of my nephews and grandchildren to help me with the painting, although every year some south kilkenny thugs break in to my property and vandalise my artwork with their vile black and amber paintings. I see they have recently done the same to the once prestigious ard ri hotel which now is an eye soar to the city. You may have noticed this year how my beloved cliff face has been vandalised by these mindless youths every second night some weeks, which means i have to drag my lads up here more and more to restore my pride and joy.

Please Dorris, help me put an end to this carry on as i do not have many years left. You know Dorris, the view is quiet amazing up there, maybe you should join me up there some evening and we can watch the world pass us by without a care in the world.

Hope to hear from you soon

Watty

Proud Irish man.

The Answer:

Dear Watty boy!

Thank you for your email.

Being a die hard Waterford supporter myself, I do feel your pain, but you have to remember, these blatant attacks on our soil have been going on for many a year. Even before I was born.

The first recorded instance dates back to 1896 when Mossey Ferry, originally from O'Connell street, Waterford, scaled the cliff face in search of a rare heather flower for his darling wife Marie.

The story goes that Mr.Ferry forgot his wife's birthday and wanted desperately to make it up to her. He knew she loved yellow heather flowers so he took it upon himself to find her the biggest bunch he could get. He made his way across the toll bridge and began climbing the steep incline which was rich in the mountain bush.

Mossey, who was 44 at the time, realised that the higher he climbed the better the quality of the heather. Barefoot and drunk on hoffmans, it took him several hours to reach the infamous rock face that we all know of today. He suddenly became very tired and sick. Realising he was stuck, and now very sober, Mossey decided to write an SOS on the large flat rock. Mossey knew that if he wrote the letters big enough it would be easily seen across the water.

Cleverly, he reached into his rucksack and pulled out Marie's heather flower which he picked on the way up the cliff. He rubbed it on the rock, but the rock itself was also very pale and yellow and it was hard to see. He thought for a while and came up with an ingenious idea. He gathered some dark mud, which he located just a few feet away from the ledge, and then smeared it all over the rock face until it was almost black. Then with the yellow heather flower he wrote the letters H.E.L.P.

Chuffed with himself, he sat down and waited. Mossey fell unconscious and slept through the night. He was awoken the next day by the early morning rain. He opened his eyes and could hear people shouting at him. His plan had worked!!

He started waving at the crowd below. Mossey couldn't believe the amount of people that came to his rescue, but he wondered why they were carrying pitch forks and large blackthorn sticks. He strained to hear their screams. Were they shouting in anger?- he thought.

Mossey then realised that something was very wrong. The people below seemed to be very angry. He wondered what it could be. With that he looked around. To his utter horror the he seen what had happened. The rain had ruined his cry for help. The water had reacted with the yellow heather flower and the mud. A perfect line of amber was covering the bottom half of the large rock and the top half was jet black with the wet mud.

Mossey knew he was in the ****s. He knew he could never get away with this. His days of living in Waterford town were numbered. He said goodbye to his wife in his head and made his way up the rest of the cliff as fast as he could.

It is said that Mossey built himself a small hut and stayed on the embankment for the rest of his life. He never set foot in Waterford town ever again.

Towns folk at the time named the area as Ferry-bank and over the years it became synonymous with outsiders, in-betweeners, people who didn't know whether they were coming or going and people who didn't know if they supported Waterford or Kilkenny.

To this day there is quiet allot of controversy over the ownership of the land. Is it Kilkenny or is it Waterford?

Did you know Watty, if you type in Waterford city into google maps it comes up as Waterford, Co.Kilkenny!!!! Try it. You see, that's the kind of **** we have to put up with here.

My answer to your problem is quiet simple. The next time you paint the rock blue and white you wait there. Bring a good hurl with you. Make sure its a Waterford made hurley. You know the ones with the spiky nails shtickin out of 'em boy? Gaurd that patch with your life. Take turns with your family minding it. This is your rock. And if you see any of them fecking Kilkenny ***** coming near it then just swipe the heads off them.

I don't normally support violence but this is an exception.

SHWIPE THE ****ING HEADS OFF EM WATTY BOY!!!

Kind Regards

Doris O'Reilly.

Have you a problem boy? askdorisoreilly@gmail.com

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/askdoris.php?id=13

Chris P. Bacon · 06-11-2010 1:18pm

Two more brilliant stories for anyone who needs a laugh on a Saturday

Ballybeg Residents Already Queueing For Cheese

Ballybeg Green Yesterday Afternoon
MORE than 1,000 Ballybeg residents have already started to queue on the main green to avail of free cheese as part of a government drive to feed the needy.

The roll out of 53 tonnes of fresh Irish cheddar will be distributed from the 15th November with collection centres in impoverished towns and council estates across the country.

The Minister for Agriculture, Fisheries and Food Mr Brendan Smith TD said the scheme was "an important means of feeding the poor in Ireland."

"People need to get in there early to avoid disappointment and avail of the Edam Christmas bonus. Soviet style cheese queues are to be expected right across the country."

By yesterday afternoon, 1,012 residents were already standing on the green in Ballybeg council estate in Waterford, while another 347 people were waiting for The Jeremy Kyle show to finish on TV3 before queueing.

Chairman of the Ballybeg residents association, Mossey Kennedy, said today: "This comes as no surprise to me at all. Most Ballybeggars are unemployed, so they're well used to queueing in dole offices, post offices and health boards for long periods of time. This is a piece of cake to them.....or you could say cheese" he said.

He added: "See what I did there?"

It is expected that 98pc of the council estate will avail of the governments 'Cheese for us too ' scheme.

Jacinta Connors and Josey Pike, from Clonard Park, have already queued for 26hrs on the green and expect to be there for at least another week and a half.

Ms Connors said: "Jaysis, I don't mind it at all. It'll be worth it at the end. I have me sister signin on for me so I'll be grand that way, ja know wha' I mean boi?

"We're like one big happy family out here. Everyone knows everyone else. Sure aren't I related to half the ***** you see queueing today.

When asked what kind of cheese she was hoping to get Ms. Connors replied: "I likes me easy singles cause ya don't have to cut it or nuthin. But if they don't have that i'll go for the grated stuff in the bag."

Health Minister Mary Harney praised the initiative.

"This is great for the poor. There's plenty of calcium in cheese and that's always good for bones and teeth. We can expect a huge drop in Osteoporosis cases and tooth decay in disadvantaged areas. This should reduce hospital waiting times by at least 0.004pc.

However, she insisted that allergy cases might go on the rise in the first few months of the scheme.

"We expect a few dairy allergy cases. Once these people fizzle out and drop off we hope everything will pan out."

The governments first load of cheese will be cut on the 15th of November in all good council estates

http://www.waterfordwhispersnews.com/article.php?id=243

Jobs Blow For Waterford as Brothel Closes

Unemployed and homeless Brassers, Charmayne, Devine and Monica.
WATERFORD was last night coming to terms with the closure of a well established brothel after 57 years in the business.

The closure of the family run gentleman's club on The Mall, which saw 27 prostitutes leave their work place for the final time, was described yesterday as one of the blackest days in the history of Ireland's oldest city.

Due to the free access of pornography on the Internet and cheaper Eastern European brothels, the owner of the premises decided to call it a day late last week. The announcement came just days after an O'Connell street craic den closed due the lack of state funding.

Mother of seven Charmayne Price (24), a veteran in 'the game', said: "I'm absolutely devastated. I have worked here since I was 14 boy! This place is like home to me and the kids. What am I supposed to do now? Lay out on the street? Where am I supposed to send my children? School?"

Minister for Enterprise, Trade and Innovation, Batt O'Keeffe, pleaded with the Government to help attract more sex-tourists to the city.

"Irish Brothels have been hit hard over the last three years. The fact is that young wans from different countries are better looking, cleaner and much lighter to handle.

"The bottom line is - we all need jobs and good ones at that." he said.

In addition to the 27 job cuts, the owner of the brothel has also announced the closure of his steak house restaurant and part-time hotel, both of which are attached to the brothels main building.

http://www.waterfordwhispersnews.com/article.php?id=241

jayboi · 09-01-2011 12:24am

Ziedth im looking at you!!

I had everything. Then I blew it: Sacked Boards.ie Moderator Tells All

MODERATOR Cyril Ronan owned up to 'neglecting his job' after he failed to ban his target 20 members a day, but not without good reason he says.
Ronan was left feeling worthless after he was ironically banned from the site indefinitely for gross misconduct and failure to adhere to the moderation rules laid out by the Irish Internet giant.
"I know I didn't do my job properly but I just didn't see the point in banning people anymore." Power said.
"When I started the job eight months ago I was told to ban at least 20 members a day. They gave me a 734 page rule book and told me I was in charge of the 'Mustard' and 'Carlow south east' forums."
With this huge responsibility, Cyril Ronan soon felt he was on top of the world. However, the laws of nature were soon chomping at his motherboard and Ronan knew that eventually what goes up, must come down.
"At first I was quite nervous, I didn't know what I was doing. The whole thing was so surreal. After all, they hand picked me out of thousands of online members to do this job. I couldn't leave mustard, Carlow South East or myself down.
"In my first few weeks I just started moving peoples threads around. For example, some idiot would make a Ketchup or mayonnaise comment in the Mustard forum. I would warn them and ban them from boards.ie for a whole week.
"For the first time in my life I felt it - Power!"
In fact, Cyril surpassed his 20 member a day banning target and soon moved up the boards.ie ladder, prompting the company to declare him one of their toughest moderators to date.
"Things were just spiralling out of control. I was running some of the biggest forums on the website like the 'After Hours' forum and the whole 'Regions' forum. I was literally running the on-line version of the country" the 26-year-old said.
"Women were IMing me everyday looking for advice on everything from avatar pictures to font sizes. I was going through them like socks. I was knocking a case of Red Bull a week just to keep awake. I was peaking and I knew it.
"Unfortunately, too much of the high life just catches up with you eventually. I never wanted it to end."
On November 17th 2010 Cyril had a nervous breakdown and was admitted to St. James hospital in Dublin.
"It was probably the toughest time of my life. Knowing that someone else was now moderating my forums." the 2010 moderator of the year said.
"When I eventually left hospital after being gone for the whole afternoon, I realised what had happened. I looked around at my bedsit and it was littered with empty energy drinks and pizza boxes. It dawned on me I was slowly killing myself for nothing. I wasn't even getting paid for this ****! What was I doing?
"I decided not use the Internet for a while."
"It must have been at least two hours later when I logged back on to boards.ie. I found a private IM from the Communications Manager Darragh Boil. He said that I was slipping down a slippery slope and if I didn't get back into form soon I'd be demoted to moderating the 'Prison' forum (The prison forum deals with already banned members who want to appeal their case and get back into the prestigious website)"
Cyril soon got back on-line and started moderating again.
"After the IM, I was like: 'How can they treat me like this? I have devoted nearly eight months of my life to them. All for nothing!" the former No.1 said.
"I didn't feel like I wanted to ban people anymore. So I just let everyone have their say, even if they were in the wrong forum. Needless to say, the members had a field day."
Things got quite crazy on boards.ie and it wasn't long before Mr Ronan's IP address finally got banned. This came as no surprise to the once 'tough guy of boards'.
"I knew they'd oust me. It happens to all the greats. I'm kinda relieved in a way. My life is better now" he said.
"I'm going out side more now and I have made new friends online. I haven't looked back. However, I do have a peek at the Mustard forum now and again to see if the new guy is doing his job right. Its not easy you know. It takes a certain kind of someone to moderate."

http://www.waterfordwhispersnews.com/article.php?id=260