No-bonersville. Population Tallaght01. My bravest post ever :P

tallaght01 · 08-07-2009 1:55pm #1

So, here we are with the shiny new men's health forum. Trying to get guys to discuss their health in an open and frank way.

We've talked about balls, pus, crabs and HIV. But one thing men suffer from a LOT, and really struggle to talk openly about is something that happens to nearly every bloke at some point in their life....the inability to get a stalker.

So, I figured I should get the ball rolling here. I'm going to relate my one (and so far only) episode of "non bonerism" (known as impotence, or erectile dysfunction to people far more eloquent than me).

I'm hoping people will post their experiences as well (remember unregistered posting is allowed). The reason I wanted to do this was because one of the commonest things you hear guys talking about when they have this problem is how they feel like it's happening to no-one else. When in reality it's probably happened to half their mates. But they just haven't told them.

So, cast your mind back to 1995. The Tallaght wilderness. A youthful and inexperienced Tallaght01 is wooing a fair young lady, with a combination of his wry charm, good lucks, and some strong liqueur.

Louise was a stunner, and had let me slide a hand up her blouse the previous time we met. She'd told me today was going to be the day that the Barry White CD was getting busted out of it's shiny wrapper, and some smooth hollywood style move-busting was gonna happen in the bedroom.

I'd thought about it since then. I hope I'm as good at this as that other bloke who nailed her last summer in Santa Ponsa. But tales of his enormous phallus, and co-ordinated nipple tweaking/ear licking had me feeling worried and inadequate.

I was quite nervous at the time, but didn't show it. In reality, I should have been more nervous, as I had no idea about how bad I would actually be at this kind of thing.

Her folks were up in B+Q sorting out a new plastic patio, and we fumbled on the couch. Not in a good way. Bra straps, belts, poxy hairbands. They all confused me, as my anxiety levels rose. Eventually she undid them herself, after I ended up with a fistful of pubes while trying to remove her belt.

Fast forward 10 minutes. Both of us lying in the nip on her single bed. Some feckin teddy bear eyeing me up. "Take me, tallaght01" she says. Not a ****ing hint of forepley, mind. Just basically a "lob it in there, boss" nod to her nether regions.

I stood there, like a deer in the headlights. A big flaccid, confused dear who's wondering how to shag your car.

So, up I climbed onto her.

"Just give us a minute there, love".

"Eh, ok, worever".

"It'll happen anytime now".

"What's wrong with it?"

"I dunno. Do you think there's something wrong with it?"

"yea, it must be broken".

"What?? Jesus H Christ. Me knob doesn't work!!!!".

Sweet mother of god, this isn't how tonight was supposed to go. I thought I was gonna be all Don Juan, but I was nothing more than flaccido domingo.

"There's no point in doing this if it doesn't work", she says.

"****. I can NOT believe my knob doesn't work. Bollocks".

So, off I go home, completely genuinely thinking me knob "doesn't work" lol. I was gutted.

We split because she needed a man who's penis works. Fair enough. But at the time I remember thinking this is the end of the world. Now I laugh my ass off at it.

Next time around with someone else it wasn't planned, and we hadn't spent time worrying about it. And it just happened.

Now, I'm accused of getting too many of them :P

I think I would have liked to read a post like this when I was a teenager who's knob didn't work.

Is anyone else willing to post their tales of woe in the bedroom. They don't even have to be boner stories. They can just be tales of how you messed up. I think it would help the younger guys out there, who often think everyone is an exppert except them.

Or am i gonna be the only poster here? Forever known at "The no-boner guy".

kaimera · 08-07-2009 2:43pm

happened not long ago; no drink involved nor anything of the like.

more a psychological thing; lot on the mind at the time which was quite important to us and i didn't think it was affecting me that much.

I was wrong

fail. bit of a savage blow to the old confidence (no pun intended like) but ffs! brain and bellend shouldn't be connected!

Dr Galen · 08-07-2009 6:06pm

credit where its due T01 that was brave.

I'm going to have a think. There have been plenty of such incidences, so I'll come up with the best one to share

sam34 · 08-07-2009 9:47pm

as a female, i have been on the receiving end (or should that be the non-receiving end?:D) of this a few times.

drink can be a huge factor, the renowned "brewers droop". another problem that sometimes arises (no pun intended) with drink is when theres no issue getting a hard-on but he has difficulty finishing off, basically.

high-pressure situations, such as that described by tallaght, often lead to non-performance too.

the key things to remember are:

this is common
this happens most (if not all) guys at some stage
this is not the end of the world

i think its worth mentioning though that if this is happening you in the absence of alcohol/high expectations etc, and it is an issue most or all of the time, there are a few medical things that could be going on - depression, high blood pressure, to name just two.

a trip to the gp, while daunting, would be a good idea in this scenario. while it would be an awkward thing to discuss, remember the gp will have heard to hundreds of times before and if male, will prob have experienced it himself at some stage, and if female, will prob have come across (definitely no pun intended!) a guy with it.

tallaght01 · 08-07-2009 11:21pm

Very true, sam. If it's something that's happening regularly, get it checked out. Most of the causes listed above (and I'd add diabetes in there too) can be controled by your doc.

challengemaster · 09-07-2009 3:12am

Well tallaght, you may not have a foreskin but you certainly have balls :pac::D:D

Who's awesome? You are!

(yes, this means I won't be posting >_> <_< )

JC 2K3 · 09-07-2009 11:49am

I never understood what the big deal was.

Presuming no amount of foreplay will give you an erection, all that this means is you won't get to have penetrative sex that night - SHOCK HORROR!!

I know of a guy who thought he was gay and spoke to his dad about it when it happened to him.

Is macho bullshít really so prevalent that guys think they're lesser men or whatever if they can't get it up sometimes?

It saddens me that my gender contains so many who buy into this crap.

tallaght01 · 09-07-2009 12:30pm

JC 2K3 wrote: »

I never understood what the big deal was.

Presuming no amount of foreplay will give you an erection, all that this means is you won't get to have penetrative sex that night - SHOCK HORROR!!

I know of a guy who thought he was gay and spoke to his dad about it when it happened to him.

Is macho bullshít really so prevalent that guys think they're lesser men or whatever if they can't get it up sometimes?

It saddens me that my gender contains so many who buy into this crap.

The above is pretty easy to say, I guess.

ChewChew · 09-07-2009 8:16pm

sam34 wrote: »

as a female, i have been on the receiving end (or should that be the non-receiving end?:D) of this a few times.

Sooo true!

But, the other side of being the female on the receiving end of this blunder is the question ''oh crap. He has just seen me nekkid for the first time and now he cant get it up. morto. he must not be into me. ah crap'' so it can be an issue for both which is mad because the individuals involved probably would not speak about it, and just ignore it! Gah! Dam you boys and yore broken knobs! :P

Dr Galen · 09-07-2009 8:29pm

and this is why women posting here is a good thing. nice to get a girls point of view. thats the morto part for most men.

"she must think I'm a right sap"
"she's gonna tell all her mates now and next time they see me they'll know and they'll be thinking about my useless knob"
"she's laughing on the inside..........bitch"
"crap......she gonna think I don't fancy her, whats wrong with you man, look how hot she is. Pull yourself together. Oh no......more pressure"

when as you put it well CHewChew, the girl can be as self consious, if not more about it.

Odysseus · 09-07-2009 8:42pm

A very common experience in my opinion and one that can have a significant psychological impact on people. I see a lot of this in my work, often stress related or due to the effects of various drugs. The old Macbeth line "it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance".

Its happened to me a couple of times during my life, and to be honest I have being luckly enough not to allow it to have a big impact on me. To to fair it would have effected me on the night, but I have seen it become a bit of a sel-fulfilling prophesy for some people, meaning that they get so anxious about it happening on one occassion, that it becomes a big issue on further occassions.

Its sad to see someone who feels less of a man because this happens, because I would be guessing here, however, I would guess that everyman will experience this at some stage in their life. Even if its just alcohol related, I think there is such a stigma associated with it, that people are afraid to acknowledge it.

LimeFruitGum · 09-07-2009 8:47pm

Mystik Monkey wrote: »

and this is why women posting here is a good thing. nice to get a girls point of view. thats the morto part for most men.

when as you put it well CHewChew, the girl can be as self consious, if not more about it.

exactly - I'd automatically think it must be my fault and then panic that he thinks I'm not sexy enough or whatever to make love to.

If it doesn't happen, just have a kiss and cuddle, go for a nap and try again later.

ChewChew · 09-07-2009 8:47pm

Mystik Monkey wrote: »

and this is why women posting here is a good thing. nice to get a girls point of view. thats the morto part for most men.

"she must think I'm a right sap"
"she's gonna tell all her mates now and next time they see me they'll know and they'll be thinking about my useless knob"
"she's laughing on the inside..........bitch"
"crap......she gonna think I don't fancy her, whats wrong with you man, look how hot she is. Pull yourself together. Oh no......more pressure"

when as you put it well CHewChew, the girl can be as self consious, if not more about it.

Totally agree.

So when it comes to it, both partis are probably thinking the same thing! When realistically, it could possibly be all down to the nerves of it being their first time. But I would say girls would be worse about it because as lovely as we are we look.FAR.TOO.DEEP.INTO.THINGS.we really do.

sam34 · 09-07-2009 9:32pm

Mystik Monkey wrote: »

and this is why women posting here is a good thing. nice to get a girls point of view. thats the morto part for most men.

"she must think I'm a right sap"
"she's gonna tell all her mates now and next time they see me they'll know and they'll be thinking about my useless knob"
"she's laughing on the inside..........bitch"
"crap......she gonna think I don't fancy her, whats wrong with you man, look how hot she is. Pull yourself together. Oh no......more pressure"

when as you put it well CHewChew, the girl can be as self consious, if not more about it.

in my experience, and even knowing the objective stuff that i know, if it happens there is always a niggling bit of me that always thinks "he doesnt fancy me enough". i certainly wouldnt be telling my mates about it!

the best option would be for both to acknowledge it and talk about it,but that doesnt always happen.

ChewChew · 09-07-2009 9:34pm

sam34 wrote: »

in my experience, and even knowing the objective stuff that i know, if it happens there is always a niggling bit of me that always thinks "he doesnt fancy me enough". i certainly wouldnt be telling my mates about it!

the best option would be for both to acknowledge it and talk about it,but that doesnt always happen.

We always tell our mates too that yeah we had a great night

:eek:

JC 2K3 · 09-07-2009 10:52pm

tallaght01 wrote: »

The above is pretty easy to say, I guess.

What do you mean by that?

It's normal - as you said, every guy will probably experience it. I don't understand why the reaction is one of mortification or why guys seem to think it happens to no one else (2 seconds of googling will prove this hypothesis firmly wrong), why not just shrug it off and engage in oral sex or some other activity?

tallaght01 · 10-07-2009 10:10am

IN my opinion, that's pretty short sighted. It's ok if it happens with a long term trusted partner. But guys worry about this kind of thing leaking out, which is fair enough. We all know what people can be like if they find out something personal and vaguely amusing about someone else.

It can also affect non penetrative sexual acts, too. It's not accurate to say that you can just get a blowjob instead.
Then there's the worry about whether it's going to happen again.

You can talk about reassurance on google. But google will also tell you lots about the medical conditions that cause stiffy failure. You're also assuming people just run to google with issues like that. I have close friends who don't use the net at all, or just have it in work. The world outside boards is quite diverse.

But at the end of the day it does worry people. And it's just not helpful to tell them to wise up.

Just like when your sister breaks up with her boyfriend, and she's upset even though you all knew he was a tool. You give her sympathy. You don't just brush it aside.

Because something doesn't seem rational to us means nothing. In the middle of an embarrassing experience, when you're worried about what the girl is thinking, and worrying about what people will say if it gets out (not to mention stressing because you think your dick is broken!) you may not be thinking rationally.

But, regardless of what we think of the problem, at least we're discussing it

tallaght01 · 10-07-2009 10:17am

sam34 wrote: »

as a female, i have been on the receiving end (or should that be the non-receiving end?:D) of this a few times.

.

ChewChew wrote: »

Sooo true!

But, the other side of being the female on the receiving end of this blunder is the question ''oh crap. He has just seen me nekkid for the first time and now he cant get it up. morto. he must not be into me. ah crap'' so it can be an issue for both which is mad because the individuals involved probably would not speak about it, and just ignore it! Gah! Dam you boys and yore broken knobs! :P

LimeFruitGum wrote: »

exactly - I'd automatically think it must be my fault and then panic that he thinks I'm not sexy enough or whatever to make love to.

sam34 wrote: »

in my experience, and even knowing the objective stuff that i know, if it happens there is always a niggling bit of me that always thinks "he doesnt fancy me enough". i certainly wouldnt be telling my mates about it!

.

ChewChew wrote: »

We always tell our mates too that yeah we had a great night :eek:

I think the above posts are really helpful, if anyone in the situation were to read this. Most guys, particularly when they're young, assume the girl is going to go away and laugh to their mates about the whole thing. The above is a good example of how that's not the case.

Fair play, burdz :P

sam34 · 10-07-2009 6:39pm

tallaght01 wrote: »

I think the above posts are really helpful, if anyone in the situation were to read this. Most guys, particularly when they're young, assume the girl is going to go away and laugh to their mates about the whole thing. The above is a good example of how that's not the case.

Fair play, burdz :P

no way would i ever tell my mates about this happening me!
it's happened me on more than one occasion, and ive never breathed a word.

probably because of the niggling bit of me that thinks it's my fault

ChewChew · 10-07-2009 7:25pm

sam34 wrote: »

no way would i ever tell my mates about this happening me!
it's happened me on more than one occasion, and ive never breathed a word.

probably because of the niggling bit of me that thinks it's my fault

+1

Nah, whats the point in going and telling people about it? It's one of those situations and when it does happen you just want to forget about. I can understand guys thinking that though and I'm sure guys do actually think we go laughin to our mates. but we really dont. or at least MOST of us dont.

Snowie · 11-07-2009 2:40pm

happened to me once, with a gf over a about 2 weeks.....

norrie rugger · 17-07-2009 12:01pm

I am lucky in that this has never happened to me but I don't think tha tI would let it get to me TBH. Old and wise enough to know the permutations, at this stage.
If it happened when I was younger, I think I would have been like tallaght01
Remember though lads, it is more common as you get older and if Pele can admit it and get treatment, then you should to.

Wait, I think that it did once. Girl put her hand down my pants in a disco hall and nothing happened. Bugger that, I had all my friends (Guys and Girls) watching and just wanted to go outside for some private hand shandy and not sitting in the corner of the hall!!

J.S. Pill · 18-07-2009 2:42pm

ChewChew wrote: »

Sooo true!

But, the other side of being the female on the receiving end of this blunder is the question ''oh crap. He has just seen me nekkid for the first time and now he cant get it up. morto. he must not be into me. ...

Happened to me last night with a girl I'd been seeing for a while. The girl went f**king balistic, started whining that I musn't be in to her etc etc etc. we were both totally hammered.

She was very apologetic this morning but I'm seriously considering giving her the boot over her less than graceful reaction.

ChewChew · 18-07-2009 11:51pm

J.S. Pill wrote: »

Happened to me last night with a girl I'd been seeing for a while. The girl went f**king balistic, started whining that I musn't be in to her etc etc etc. we were both totally hammered.

She was very apologetic this morning but I'm seriously considering giving her the boot over her less than graceful reaction.

We considering you were both drunk, why not speak to her when she is sober? tbh, lets all face it. Girls get a little frisky with drink on them just like guys do. Maybe she totally over reacted a bit. She didn't get what she wanted

speak to her and see what she really thinks now that you both have had time to think about it.

giddybootz · 19-07-2009 10:09am

Yeah this happened with a bloke I was seeing before when we had been out boozin for hours. I totally understood and what made it grand was that he reassured me that he thought I was hot and kissed and cuddled me before we went asleep. In the morning....well that was a differant story

As a girl you defo do get a moment of 'oh no he thinks I'm hideous' but it's just a silly insecurity...us wimmins will find any excuse to be critical of ourselves!!

I think it happens and its just one of those things....sometimes the mind is willing but the body is weak!

Don't panic...we never tell!

tallaght01 · 19-07-2009 12:20pm

I think the female perspective is the best, and most reassuring, thing to come out of this thread!

minidazzler · 13-09-2009 2:39am

Tallaght, Thank you for your story, it is quite literally the EXACT same experience as I had back in December last year!!!! And I mean down to the girls name being Louise and everything!!!

I can't believe how exactly like my own it is really, saying similar things as well like, "It'll be up in a minute" No foreplay. It is my story!!!

Except it happened me a second time with the same girl, she had me too nervous and I was too inexperienced!!!

tallaght01 · 13-09-2009 3:14am

minidazzler wrote: »

it is quite literally the EXACT same experience as I had back in December last year!!!! And I mean down to the girls name being Louise and everything!!!

So, you're saying you were shagging my bird?? :mad:

:P

Otis Driftwood · 13-09-2009 11:02am

Something like this happened to me a few months ago actually.I had been seeing a girl for a few weeks and we arranged that I would head to hers and we would spend the weekend together.Obviously sex was on the agenda as we hadnt slept together up to that point.We spent a lovely day together,went for dinner,few drinks,all very rosemantic and went back to hers.That night,everything went swimmingly and an enjoyable night was had by both.
The problem cropped up the next morning.Lying in bed teasing and tickling eachother (ya know how it is,early morning semi hung over horniness) things started to get hot and heavy.Just as I was putting the condom on,the unthinkable happened.Himself pulled a disappearing act.
Hmmm.Whats going on here.She was very good about it and tried her best to get things moving again but to no avail.
After about 10 minutes with my embarassment now at super-nova levels I said leave it and we can try again later.So we are lying there,her in my arms and I had probably the biggest facepalm moment of my life.

Her : Ah dont worry,we had a long night last night so you are probably just tired or something.
Me : Aye,you are probably right.Im just a bit surprised because it never happened with any other woman.
Her : (10 second delay) Thanks a fookin lot.
Me : (10 second delay) Bollocks.

All ended well however as we slept for a couple of hours and thankfully there were no problems after that and everything went off without a hitch.

I can laugh about it now but at the time I just wanted the ground to swallow me up because I had never had it happen to me before so inside I was reeling.

It does happen and its nice to get the ladies thoughts on this too as it is not a pleasent experience at all.

Kudos to ye for being so understanding!

tallaght01 · 13-09-2009 11:21am

nedtheshed wrote: »

Me : Aye,you are probably right.Im just a bit surprised because it never happened with any other woman.
Her : (10 second delay) Thanks a fookin lot.
Me : (10 second delay) Bollocks.

:pac::pac: brilliant :pac:

Wibbs · 13-09-2009 11:38am

Yep it's happened to me a few times in the past. Brewers droop, not so much funny enough. Usually nerves or tiredness(though if I'm completely knackered I could cut glass

).

Condoms defo make it worse for me, but not wearing same with someone who isn't my long term partner would make me far more nervous, so no win situation.:) I think condoms kill it for me because they interrupt the process and then point a big latex finger at mr happy, shouting "You're ready to go and have sex!!".

Yes you can do other things, but there is a part of the male psyche that says, you have to have "proper" sex or you're not doing enough for her. And a lot of women are the same in my experience, especially if that revs their engine. Plus the more you do other stuff the bigger the elephant in the room can get. Though that's a bad comparison....;):D

Different responses from women. Mostly cool I have to say, though I suspect a lot of them like the ladies hereabouts wrote assumed it was their fault. It most certainly wasn't.

I agree 100% with tallaght01 and sam34 re going to your doctor if it's happening consistently. I knew a guy who was a very fit man(runner, triathalons etc) and he started to lose his erections. Unusually enough for guys he went to his GP and got checked out. Serious heart probs that luckily got caught in time and he's fine last time I checked. I suppose it stands to reason. Any vascular problems are likely to show there, same with nerve damage or hormonal issues. The willy is a good indicator of male emotional, mental and physical health I reckon. Another reason, if any were needed to love it.:)

No-bonersville. Population Tallaght01. My bravest post ever :P

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