I just need somewhere to vent, as I cannot talk to anyone about this. It's too private and I hate people knowing my personal business. Plus, it's a hard thing to put into words in a conversation.
My husband is driving me insane for a very long time now, he is one of those people who just cannot take responsiblity for anything, he cannot put his hands up and say "yup, I was wrong it was me". It is always someone elses fault, never ever his. He brings out the worst in me temper wise and I feel I am not the person I used to be and I know my friends have picked up on my personality change. Simple things like something I would usually find funny, well I just don't laugh at it and I am gone so quiet aswell, terrible at conversation and I just feel so stressed out all the time. We have 2 fab children and I am expecting no.3 in the summer, so I really don't need his crap. He is not at all caring towards me being pregnant, he never does or says anything nice to me and I am sick of it. He just wants to act as if he is Mr. Know it all and does nothing wrong. He is a bully towards me alot aswell and tries to turn the tables on me then. I have to stand up for myself.
These are the main problems that have caused me so much trouble:
1. He owed thousands in unpaid taxes to the Revenue, the sheriff came to us for it but we had no money at the time and no property so he went after our parents with a warrant. I panicked, he didn't, came up with this thing that they cannot take a penny off our parents but I was terrified and I got the money to pay the Revenue off in a way I didn't want to but I didn't want either parents landed with that debt. He seemed happy enough to have the sheriff calling to their doors but I couldn't let it happen.
2. We fell behind in mortgage repayments, that was ALL MY FAULT aswell, not his. I should have been checking the bank, not him of course. For some reason the DD's were not being called and we didn't know. I didn't use internet banking then but I do now to track everything. Even when we got help from MABS he was blaming me in front of the money advisor. I knew about it before him, but I tried to sort it myself as he was going thru a very tough time and I didn't want him under stress. I had the money to clear it but it had to go elsewhere suddenly for another debt that could have landed me in jail to be honest.( I cannot go into that as of course that was not his fault either, he nearly ruined my life) I had to pay it off to protect my kids. We are now paying off the arrears and things are okay with that.
3.He spent a load of money there last week and is trying to blame me!. I have not used that account in ages and it's him and he is trying to find a way to point the finger at me. I used it for something last week the day before I got paid but that is all and I had told him about it.
4. He is lazy around the house and leaves stuff everywhere and denies it, the odd time he does quiet a bit and I have to listen to it for ages. I work my so hard everyday and keep things going the best I can, but I get so tired lately and fall behind in washing maybe and he throws that in my face.
5. He is always critisizing my parenting, granted I am softer on the kids but he can be so mean sometimes. He is stricter than me and to be honest when I do get annoyed with them I might let a rip out of me for a few seconds!!. But they really have to be testing me for that.
6. He always puts me down in front of people and I am sick of it. I am not stupid, have a fairly good job, adore my kids, look after the house and I am not that ugly either and he just loves putting me down.
Oh I don't know, I am just so unhappy and need someone to tell me it's me being a hormonal pain in the rearend or that he needs to cut me some slack.
I don't even know sometimes if I love him anymore, sometimes I do, otherdays I just feel so empty around him, surely that cannot be right.
Sorry for the rant, I need some advice/help here and I don't feel like talking to friends or anyone about it.