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Man charged with riding bicycle

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  • 28-06-2007 4:51am
    #1
    Ruu_Old
    Closed Accounts Posts: 36,634 ✭✭✭✭


    From here.
    On yer bike now!:eek:
    In an inventive new entry to the field of unusual crimes, a Scottish man has been charged with having simulated sex with a bicycle.

    Robert Stewart, from Ayr, allegedly was naked from the waist down in a hostel room when two cleaners walked in. They say they were shocked to find him mock-copulating with a bicycle – and that he continued to do so as they looked on, the Sunday Mail reports.

    He has been charged with conducting himself in a disorderly manner. His solicitor, Gerry Tierney, said: 'My client denies the allegations and intends to defend the charge vigorously.'

    Stewarts says that the incident was all a misunderstanding, partly due to the fact that he'd had too much to drink.

    When asked about the alleged bicycle-sexing, the Sunday mail reports that Stewart replied: 'You'll need to ask the cleaners why they would say that. It's a lot of rubbish, a lot of rubbish.'


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Comments

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    #2
    Scrotum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 139 ✭✭Scrotum


    He just wanted a ride.

    Don't judge him.


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    #3
    peasant
    Registered Users Posts: 17,819 ✭✭✭✭peasant


    Mr Steward wouldn't be a policeman by any chance?

    One of three maybe ?

    :D:D:D


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    #4
    DarkJager
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,960 ✭✭✭DarkJager


    Dangerous practice....did he not consider saddle burn, or the fact an encounter with the chain of the bike might lead to a free circumsiscion?


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    #5
    petes
    Registered Users Posts: 8,382 ✭✭✭petes


    Bicycle-sexing. :D


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    #6
    DarkJager
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,960 ✭✭✭DarkJager


    I hope he wore a helmet :D


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    #7
    Wossack
    Registered Users Posts: 7,004 ✭✭✭Wossack


    how was the bike afterwards? did he ring its bell?


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    #8
    _blank_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41,926 ✭✭✭✭_blank_


    It was probably yore ma, she's the village bike.


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    #9
    bandit*baby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 126 ✭✭bandit*baby


    mock copulating with a bicycle :D

    what has the world come to????


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    #10
    bandit*baby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 126 ✭✭bandit*baby


    :D:D:D
    seansouth wrote:
    It was probably yore ma, she's the village bike.


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    #11
    Tar.Aldarion
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,091 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tar.Aldarion


    Shouldn't the cleaners have knocked?


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    #12
    judas101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,581 ✭✭✭judas101


    DarkJager wrote:
    I hope he wore a helmet :D


    HIIEYYOOOOOOOO!!


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    #13
    bandit*baby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 126 ✭✭bandit*baby


    Tar.Aldarion wrote:
    Shouldn't the cleaners have knocked?

    or he might have asked them to join him in a tandum


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    #14
    Kiith
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators Posts: 23,120 Mod ✭✭✭✭Kiith


    Why was he arrested? He wasnt in public. Was the bycicle underage or something? Did it not consent?


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    #15
    Acid_Violet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,295 ✭✭✭Acid_Violet


    Bicycles can't say no.


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    #16
    Dun laoire
    Registered Users Posts: 1,687 ✭✭✭Dun laoire


    and i taught Freddy Mercury was the only sick fecker that wanted to ride a bicycle. Altough if you wrapped a few slices of honey roast ham around the spokes of a BMX 20 it might just work.


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    #17
    It BeeMee
    Registered Users Posts: 748 ✭✭✭It BeeMee


    Hmmmm. I always wanted a mounting bike.....


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    #18
    _blank_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41,926 ✭✭✭✭_blank_


    Maybe he was bi-cyxual


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    #19
    AlmightyCushion
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,062 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    Dun laoire wrote:
    and i taught Freddy Mercury was the only sick fecker that wanted to ride a bicycle. Altough if you wrapped a few slices of honey roast ham around the spokes of a BMX 20 it might just work.

    Ya bet me too it :(


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    #20
    Dun laoire
    Registered Users Posts: 1,687 ✭✭✭Dun laoire


    AlmightyCushion wrote:
    Ya bet me too it :(


    Early bird kid.;)


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    #21
    DarkJager
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,960 ✭✭✭DarkJager


    You'll be happy to know that the bicycles father later took revenge :)


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    #22
    Steve_o
    Registered Users Posts: 3,432 ✭✭✭Steve_o


    DarkJager wrote:
    You'll be happy to know that the bicycles father later took revenge :)

    lol....I always thought the cleaners had to knock! Oh well, its a lesson learned for yer man!


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    #23
    kelle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭kelle


    wrote:
    Robert Stewart, from Ayr, allegedly was naked from the waist down in a hostel room when two cleaners walked in. They say they were shocked to find him mock-copulating with a bicycle – and that he continued to do so as they looked on, the Sunday Mail reports
    Sunday Mail??? Surely it was from the Sunday Sport?

    If the cleaners didn't like what they saw, why did they continue to look on?


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    #24
    DarkJager
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,960 ✭✭✭DarkJager


    Its called voyeurism Kelle :)


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    #25
    kelle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭kelle


    DarkJager wrote:
    Its called voyeurism Kelle :)
    Well, if he can be prosecuted for copulating with a bicycle (I'm trying to visualise exactly how he carried out this act:eek: ), could the cleaners not be prosecuted too - well, isn't voyeurism an offence?


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    #26
    Sir Digby Chicken Caesar
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 23,556 ✭✭✭✭Sir Digby Chicken Caesar


    yeah, I don't understand this.. if he was in the room he had payed for, and they barged in.. what the **** is he being charged for?

    it's not like the bicycle was under age or anything


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    #27
    DarkJager
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,960 ✭✭✭DarkJager


    I wouldn't try to visualise how he was actually doing it too much. I've been trying all morning and my head is wrecked.. (Trying to visualise how he did it that is, not trying to recreate it myself) :D


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    #28
    _blank_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41,926 ✭✭✭✭_blank_


    If you pull the rubber tips off the handlebars, the bar is actually hollow. Bit thin, but maybe he wasn't the girthiest fella, hence the need to use the bike.

    Maybe he had the saddle off and had the bar up his hole.


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    #29
    Slow Motion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,831 ✭✭✭Slow Motion


    I hope at least it was a ladies bike :D


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    #30
    DarkJager
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,960 ✭✭✭DarkJager


    Maybe he has a dick so small he could **** a cheerio and it wouldn't break?


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    #31
    Voodu Child
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,706 ✭✭✭Voodu Child


    Just goes to show you have to be careful with those mentrual cycles, or you can end up looking a right bloody eejit...


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