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Poem: The ambiotic complex

  • 02-08-2004 07:06PM
    #1
    nobodythere
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,349 ✭✭✭


    Do not read if you don't like profanities

    Note:
    If you're one of these people who replies to posts bitching about alliteration and how much better this poem could be, **** off! I don't want your advice, this poem is perfect to me and when you disect it you kill it. I really hate people who know everything about poetry except how to enjoy it.


    Night fell, and I remember sitting, staring,
    looking for the moon or the stars, or even the sun,
    to come and build me a tunnel,
    or drop down its golden cord,
    so I could climb into the light and look down on the earth again.

    I walked along the beachstones barefoot,
    to the ends and back,
    the ends and back,
    again and again, until I knew each pebble and rock,
    you begged me stop, but it was already too late.

    I lay on the sand, and talked until it was my best friend,
    you squinched and turned away but held from temptation,
    you begged me to stop though you already knew,
    It was too late, you did all you could do.

    I gave you that look
    and inched into the sea,
    I drank from the water
    and let it fulfill me,
    conceded you let down your long golden cord
    so I could watch over sanity until you get bored again.


Comments

  • #2
    nobodythere
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,349 ✭✭✭nobodythere


    Things best left unsaid
    can't be written,
    Now you've died and
    at your funeral service,
    as I read the eulogy,
    they tore you to pieces and
    then they took you away.

    I couldn't finish the last few words,
    I wanted them to understand how great
    you were without letting them take a look inside you.
    I just stood there in awe,
    at what they were doing,
    with tears dripping onto the ground,
    like drops of water in a heart-shaped desert,
    echoing as they fell.

    The crowd of mourners,
    the priests repeating,
    the same tone running round in my head.
    They laid you to rest where the ink runs away
    and drove back to their suburban ****ing homes to die for themselves.


  • #3
    AngryBadger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    That's really really good emotive stuff.


  • #4
    nobodythere
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,349 ✭✭✭nobodythere


    Thanks :)

    (Don't read if you don't want to know what they're about, I'm gonna keep it brief out of fear of overanalysing).

    The second poem relates to the warning that I put at the start of the first post about people ruining the mystery of things by disecting and overanalysing them.

    The ambiotic complex is about viewing things objectively, how situations can be so hard to figure out when you're in them but look so simple from the outside. It's a good bit more complex though, it has to do with making God jealous. I had better stop here :)

    Thanks for reading (and hopefully enjoying) the poems.


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