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I feel like crap after sex...

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  • 26-11-2015 10:54am
    #1
    Kirby42
    Registered Users Posts: 84 ✭✭


    This might sound weird but I feel like crap after sex... My GF is a lot more experienced than me and I always worry about whether or not she enjoys it or if she likes me.

    I'm also absolutely terrified and slightly paranoid about her getting pregnant. We use condoms, but she's not on the pill. The thought of having a kid right now is scary for me, neither of us are ready for that and I'm not sure where this relationship is going. I always worry like hell the next morning.

    I'm quite an anxious person by nature I guess, but now I feel as though I've made a mistake or something. I don't want to talk to her about this in case she thinks that I don't liker her - because I do.

    What can I do? What's wrong with me?


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    #2
    R.D. aka MR.D
    Registered Users Posts: 2,643 ✭✭✭R.D. aka MR.D


    First of all, if you are worried about her enjoying herself then ask her. Frame it as 'Is there anything you would like me to do differently?' or 'Do you like it when I xxxxx?'

    To be honest, I wouldn't be having sex with her again until you were 100% happy with the contraception. My OH used tell me that his policy was that he wouldn't have sex with anyone that he wasn't 100% sure he could have a child with because you never know what happens (two of his siblings had children in less than ideal circumstances).

    If you don't want to have a baby with this women then you need to discuss contraception. Condoms have a failure rate as do other methods and you need to weigh up what risks you are willing to take.

    If you are old enough to be in a sexual relationship, you should be mature enough to discuss these things openly. If she reacts to a mature discussion about contraception by saying you don't like her then that's her problem.


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    #3
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    I think your anxiety is the problem here. You're over-thinking everything.

    On the first issue - ask her for feedback. In a sexy way. When you're in the moment. Whisper "what do you like?" or "do you like it when I XYZ" or "does this feel good babe".

    Watch her physical cues - what makes her writhe in pleasure? What makes her arch her back / breathe heavily / bite her lip / moan / all that good stuff? Calm down, take it slow and be adventurous. Stop thinking of sex as some test you need to pass. It's not. It's a fun, exciting activity where you get to be playful with your partner for each other's mutual benefit.

    On the second one - have an open discussion about contraception. Without putting any pressure on her to take the pill. Some women react badly to it or don't feel comfortable ingesting synthetic hormones and it's not fair to guilt-trip her. People can under-estimate the effectiveness of condoms (98%) and overestimate the ease with which someone can get pregnant a lot of the time. But there are plenty of other options if you both decide it's the right thing for you. A simple "so have you always relied on condoms for contraception?" should open the conversation.


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    #4
    Kirby42
    Registered Users Posts: 84 ✭✭Kirby42


    We were safe... the condom didn't break or anything... I'm just terrified of it happening because it's something that neither of us are ready for. She seems totally nonchalant about the whole thing... Loads of couples are using condoms as their sole method of contraception right? I guess I'm just overreacting?


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    There are only a pretty small number of days per month where it is actually possible to get pregnant. If the pill is not an option (after discussing it with her), then continue using condoms but ask her to track her cycle so she knows her fertile days that she is most likely to get pregnant. For extra precaution add a couple of days before and after that small window of days in case of irregular cycle or sperm surviving for up to 3 days etc. Once you know what days fall into the risky for pregnancy period, then you could just refrain from full intercourse for that week and have fun doing other stuff whilst continuing to use condoms the rest of the month for any full intercourse.

    It's perhaps not ideal but might be an option if hormonal contraceptives are not happening, and you could still do other sexual activities that don't involve full intercourse on the "risky" days.

    I think Beks gave good advice regarding your other concern too.


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    #6
    Nervous Wreck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,115 ✭✭✭✭Nervous Wreck


    Kirby42 wrote: »
    We were safe... the condom didn't break or anything... I'm just terrified of it happening because it's something that neither of us are ready for. She seems totally nonchalant about the whole thing... Loads of couples are using condoms as their sole method of contraception right? I guess I'm just overreacting?

    Yes and yes. If a couple is using 2 forms, more power to them. But being in a state of panic over using 1 is overreacting. If you want to be 100% safe, your only option is abstinence.


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    #7
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,416 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    Kirby42 wrote:
    We were safe... the condom didn't break or anything...

    Have you only had sex once?

    I'm asking because, tbh, if this is your level of anxiety after what sounds like a single sexual encounter so far then you're going to drive yourself around the twist if you don't have a very open and honest conversation with your girlfriend about your issues soon.


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    #8
    magneticimpulse
    Registered Users Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    I would be concerned she is not on the pill. I exist because only condoms were used!


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