Any insight appreciated

So I recently had my first adult fling with a woman (I'm female) and even tho it wasn't meant to be it's left me with a lot of questions about myself. I've always had crushes on other girls since elementary school (on celebrities or friends) but hadn't really pursued anything besides first base type situations.
Now that it's over I'm heartbroken but I can't decide if it's because I just really liked this girl or because I was finally so close to being in a relationship with another woman (it was only for a month). I've always felt a twinge of jealousy when I see lesbian couples because I know it's something I secretly long for. I am attracted to men but I feel like I've clung to dating them because it's so much easier for the relationships to come about, and it's just an easier situation in general to deal with. I am more emotionally attracted to women which is one of the reasons I've avoided them out of fear if rejection or heart break. I consider myself straight as far as if I was asked by someone but mainly just based on past relationships/sexual experience, I feel like I am misleading them if I claim otherwise. I know this is something I need to figure out on my own but any comments or insight would be much appreciated. If you've ever found yourself in a similar situation