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Online dating while dating me

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  • 26-01-2015 10:35am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    So I've been seeing this wonderful guy for the past few months everything is going great and I really care for him. He is in his mid 30s and I'm in my mid 20s,
    Lately he has suffered from extreme depression and I've been with him once or twice and he has really opened up about his feelings. He says that he doesn't deserve a person like me and can't understand why I'm into him. He says that he has been broken before and it is hard for him to connect with people which I get. He has admitted that he feels like he doesn't deserve to be happy and is always ready for the crushing end.

    He has planned various outings in the future including a summer holiday in August so there is a future I think. He is great with my family and I really enjoy his.
    He has stated he hates cheating considering his previous background... so here is the problem
    I've been at his house twice and twice when he has opened his computer to put on a movie his browser is open to a dating website where he is sending messages. He quickly turns it off and I think nothing of it. I spend every weekend with him (from Friday to Sunday night) and he works nights so I don't understand what is going on.
    I'm a little bit thinky about it and I've talked to my friends who have said he is probably just waiting for him to finish with him and making sure he has a backup.

    What do you think? Should I bring it up ? I'm obviously afraid to because of my feelings for him

    Thanks


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    #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I should point out I've been at his house more than twice. He has shown that he cares by sending me a text every morning and picking things out for me. Has called me when I am down and has shown that he genuinely loves me infront of friends and family


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    #3
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    My first impression is that he's simply not in the right mental state at the moment to be in a relationship with anyone at the moment, if he's constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I'd be concerned that rather than working through that with you, he's compensating for it by amassing more 'friends' online in order to feel wanted. You've seen his computer and he knows you have - so I think it's something you should definitely talk to him about and find out why he's on dating sites and what is going on. But bear in mind he may be in a place right now where he needs to work on himself first, rather than focusing on a relationship with someone else.


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    #4
    skallywag
    Registered Users Posts: 2,987 ✭✭✭skallywag


    very_confused wrote: »
    So I've been seeing this wonderful guy for the past few months...

    Have ye discussed not seeing other people? If not he may be just keeping his options open under the assumption that you are doing the same.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Maybe I'm way off here OP , but I would run a mile. Sounds to me like a complete emotional manipulator. Anyone who says that they don't feel like they deserve you, doesn't. You overcompensate and soon they have you exactly where they want you, with you feeling sorry for them and letting them walk all over you. If someone has a dating site open on their computer, it's because their intention is to meet others. Period.
    I wish you luck, and hope I've not been too harsh on you.
    When you are in the right relationship , things are easy.
    You deserve that.
    Good luck.


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    #6
    Keane2baMused
    Registered Users Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    He sounds like my ex..

    Ugh. All I can say is get out while you can!


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    #7
    Sparkles78
    Registered Users Posts: 97 ✭✭Sparkles78


    Unreghtygrde wrote: »
    Maybe I'm way off here OP , but I would run a mile. Sounds to me like a complete emotional manipulator. Anyone who says that they don't feel like they deserve you, doesn't. You overcompensate and soon they have you exactly where they want you, with you feeling sorry for them and letting them walk all over you. If someone has a dating site open on their computer, it's because their intention is to meet others. Period.
    I wish you luck, and hope I've not been too harsh on you.
    When you are in the right relationship , things are easy.
    You deserve that.
    Good luck.

    Defo agree with the above! I've just gotten away from an ex like this & my god was it hell, they're so clever, know how to play you, lift you up when you're feeling down & then pull you back down just as quick. Go with your gut it's never wrong x


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    #8
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Unreghtygrde wrote: »
    Maybe I'm way off here OP , but I would run a mile. Sounds to me like a complete emotional manipulator. Anyone who says that they don't feel like they deserve you, doesn't. You overcompensate and soon they have you exactly where they want you, with you feeling sorry for them and letting them walk all over you. If someone has a dating site open on their computer, it's because their intention is to meet others. Period.
    I wish you luck, and hope I've not been too harsh on you.
    When you are in the right relationship , things are easy.
    You deserve that.
    Good luck.

    I agree with this 100%! It was the first thing that entered my head when I read your post, so I'm glad somebody else said it. This is so much like my ex it's scary. Get out now before you let yourself get too drawn in by his manipulations.


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    #9
    R.D. aka MR.D
    Registered Users Posts: 2,643 ✭✭✭R.D. aka MR.D


    oh my god, i can't believe how many people are saying 'just like my ex' because it sounds just like my ex!!!

    Get away from him now. he has no respect for you.


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    #10
    ...__...
    Registered Users Posts: 507 ✭✭✭...__...


    Just out of something similar so relieved all the lies and stories that didnt add up are now a thing of the past!!!
    Get out and work on your self op it gets much better!!


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    #11
    missjm
    Registered Users Posts: 268 ✭✭missjm


    Our 'ex' sure got around a lot guys! Sounds like I was with him too!

    OP - get out now before you waste anymore time with this guy and get dragged down by him. You sound like a great person and why you would want to have this weight of doom and gloom hanging off you I don't understand. He's not emotionally stable and if he's on dating sites, he's not emotionally committed to you. If you're only in it for a bit of fun then fair enough but are you actually having fun? If you're hoping for a future, get out now and find somebody who will commit 100% to you.


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