Difficulty having sex with new girlfriend

LegacyUser · 16-12-2014 3:15pm #1

Hi folks,

I've been hoping I can get some help or guidance here on a problem I have been having.

I'm a 25 yr old male and I've recently started going out with a new girlfriend whomb I've just gotten to know in the past two months.

I have been a virgin up until the time of meeting her but she has not been. She had one or two previous partners before me, but this does not bother me. The issue is, the past 3/4 times we have tried to have sex, it had been a failed attempt. Everything is working "physically" fine with me and foreplay is great but wen it comes time for intercourse, I find I am unable to physically penetrate her. I see two reasons for this and ill try keep this as PG as I can but due to my inexperience, I am finding it difficult to find exactly where to enter her and also, I am finding that her lady parts are quiet a bit smaller and tighter than other girls I have had foreplay with in the past as she is quiet petit. I have asked her to guide me in with her hand but she refuses and says that she doesn't like to. I may add that i have no difficulty finding where to enter her with my hand during foreplay but only when it comes time for intercourse.

I hope the content of the post isn't too much but this is a genuine problem me and my girlfriend are having. I am becoming increasingly more frustrated with not being able to be fully intimate with her and Id imagine she feeling the same.

What can I do to attempt to fix this problem?

Tasden · 16-12-2014 6:47pm

I'm assuming you've tried guiding it in with your own hand?
Tbh it's a bit odd that she won't. Have you asked her to elaborate on why she won't help you out?

strobe · 16-12-2014 9:21pm

Sexually Inexperienced wrote: »

I may add that i have no difficulty finding where to enter her with my hand during foreplay

Tasden wrote: »

I'm assuming you've tried guiding it in with your own hand?

That'd seem to be the most straight forward solution here. You wanna sort of wrap your little and ring finger and thumb round your penis, as if you were gonna masturbate, but keep your ring and index finger straight running along your penis, far enough up so that the tips of them extend just past the tip of your penis, then use your fingertips as a guide to kind of feel the way.

Johngoose · 16-12-2014 9:25pm

I would buy lubricant if she's tight down there and if you want to make the whole process easier.Also not being smart,but having the light on and being able to see everything might help.

osarusan · 17-12-2014 12:56pm

This sounds strange.

What happens after you can't manage to find your way? How does she react? Does the romance just fade away?

Even if she doesn't like to guide you, I would have thought that doing it would be preferable to just stopping/giving up.

Have you explained your...ah..'geographical uncertainty' (or the reason behind it) or tried to keep it a secret?

Chemical Byrne · 17-12-2014 1:06pm

Hey OP, it's a pity you're having this trouble. It must be frustrating for you both.
Is she not lubricating, ie getting wet enough for you to penetrate her? Or is it that you just cannot find the target so to speak?

The above advice re using your fingers as a guide seems the way to go.

However, if she is very tight and you cannot get in there without applying a lot of pressure you should not force it. She might be suffering from vaginismus, basically spasming up.

LegacyUser · 23-12-2014 1:26am

OP here again folks, apologies for the long delay writing back.

I have of course tried guiding it in with my own hand but have been unsuccessful in penetration. I have noticed on all but one occasion that she has possibly not been lubricating fully, and everything down there can have a bit of unwanted friction. I haven't suggested durex lube as yet due to trying to save the embarassment of the conversation for both of us but maybe it is time to suggest it..

I was also having uncertainty about what position is best or should i say the easiest for penetration to happen..eg: Her on top or me??

She will be staying over at mine tommoro for the first nite since the original post so im hoping things can go smoothly for us. I have been afraid to talk about the problem with her as I don't want to highlight it as an issue for fear she would think it is "my problem" yano.

Not too sure what else to really say for the moment. Ill keep the thread posted.

Big Bag of Chips · 23-12-2014 10:21am

OP, just be aware, you are under no obligation to keep the thread updated. Your life isn't here for the amusement of others. If you resolve your issue, that is great. But you don't need to update.

Saipanne · 23-12-2014 10:26am

Are you sure she is sufficiently aroused, as in sufficiently self lubricated?

If not, maybe spend more time with foreplay? Also communication is very important. Simply asking "do you like that?" and encouraging her to correct your technique is really the only way to find out what she really wants.

Good luck!

Tasden · 23-12-2014 12:34pm

Also no shame whatsoever introducing lube. Seriously, just pick up one of the fancy massage tingle type ones durex do and just say to her saw this today, it looks interesting, fancy trying it? no awkward discussion needed. If it helps then just say that obviously that did the trick so we should use lube again next time too. Or if you'd rather then just say you think it might be needed.

daisybelle2008 · 23-12-2014 12:59pm

OP are you certain you are hard enough when trying to enter her?
Definitely try the lube. Shouldn't be any need to discuss it, clearly there is a problem.
I can't quite get my head around her not wanting to guide you in though. Does she not want to touch your penis at all? Is she generally uptight about sex? She might have a condition called vaginismus. Have you asked her what she thinks the problem is? I mean she says she has had sex before, she should have a better idea than you. Maybe she is actually a virgin too and just wanted to save face.

MileyReilly · 23-12-2014 1:44pm

Thanks for the update. Please keep it updated. I don't find it amusing. That's what boards is about

Tokyo · 23-12-2014 2:10pm

MileyReilly - you have been asked in the past to make yourself aware of the Personal Issues forum charter before posting - asking the OP to provide updates is strictly against the charter, and there's already been one in-thread warning as such. Any further breaches of the charter will incur an infraction and/or ban.

Regards,
Mike

strobe · 24-12-2014 12:59pm

Sexually Inexperienced wrote: »

I was also having uncertainty about what position is best or should i say the easiest for penetration to happen..eg: Her on top or me??

Two schools of thought there. On her back, legs fully spread, knees bent, would mean you can have a clear view of things and she would be as 'open' as she can be. But alternatively, her on top would mean she was the one in control of the angle of entry etc and would be able to take charge in terms of what feels most conducive.

Mint Aero · 25-12-2014 6:59pm

T'is always down a bit from where you think to enter, just aim down 2 degrees or so of an angle and slot it in

LegacyUser · 27-12-2014 11:14pm

Thanks everyone for yere underanding on the issue. Unfortunately, she was unable to call to mine the last night and we haven't yet had the chance to be intimate since yet.

On the subject of her not wanting to guide me in for penetration, i am as confused as others on this issue. I may add that she does touch me (down there) during foreplay so there shouldn't be any reason why she would not want to guide me in. I am starting to think that she may possibly be a virgin as well like someone mentioned and is just trying to save face by not telling. I certainly have not told her i am a virgin as this was always an issue that caused me anxiety over the last few years as i felt old to be a virgin...but this is besides the point i think really, as I get fully arounsed wen with her and feel comfortable being intimate with her anyway.

For the next time being intimate i will certainly try more extended foreplay to ensure she is fully lubricated and possibly introduce durex lubrication as well.

I think my main issue with penetration is not necessarily my uncertainty of where to enter as of course i can tell where her vagina is but more...our positioning on top of one another that I am finding difficult to get correct. EG- with me on top, should i get my legs together and trust hips forward or should i keep my legs apart as wide as hers to ensure my balance ect.... Very embarassing really not knowing this at my age.

daisybelle2008 · 30-12-2014 9:01pm

Hi OP, I'm not sure about the legs positioning from guys perspective. I tend not to be taken much notice of that :eek:. I would say lube up your fingers and finger her a bit to help get your bearings down there. Take it gently but try get a couple of fingers in and guide yourself in so to speak. Keep the lights on a raise her legs so you can see your destination. Best of luck. I think it might be a good idea to tell her, it might break the ice and help a bit of mutual understanding. But only if you are comfortable. I know it wouldn't bother me. Apparently Chris Martin from Coldplay was older than you losing his and he has done great with the ladies.

Chancer3001 · 03-01-2015 1:46am

Are you comfortable enough to perform oral sex on her??

This will solve the problem 100% as there will be much more lubricant down there afterwards.

LegacyUser · 03-01-2015 7:43am

As others said, use some lube and I'd also suggest having her being on top. That way she can guide you in as well as control it depending on if it's hurting her or not until she's relaxed. Once she's used to it change to whichever positions you want. I know you're nervous and inexperienced but you'll have to talk about stuff like this if you're going to be in a relationship so do your best and take control.

Difficulty having sex with new girlfriend

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