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First Date.. Not feeling it?

  • 13-12-2014 10:30pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey guys,

    I suppose I'm just looking for a bit of reassurance on something that might not even be necessary.

    I tried online dating there a few days ago. Met a guy (I'm gay) and went for a drink. I'm a few years older than him but we're both in our earlyish 20s. I have a responsible enough job and have a good few things on in terms of hobbies, family etc. I love going out on the tear two-three times a month (more if there's an occasion!).. I'm not dry but I definitely am not interested in going mad on weekend nights and such.

    Anyway, after having spoken to this person for awhile now I am beginning to think he has a drinking problem. He showed up to his work late because of it. After our first date he went off with friends to Coppers on a Wednesday night. Yesterday I texted him at 5 and he had just drank a bottle of wine...

    Now I'm all for enjoying alcohol responsibly and irresponsibly when you can but alarm bells are ringing a bit but I'm just wondering if I'm a) dry b) finding reasons to not see him c) getting old or d) should give him another chance and sure tis the season...

    :( what do ye think?


Comments

  • #2
    Kade Early U-boat
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Kade Early U-boat


    Sounds a bit much to me. Tbh after a first date if you're not feeling it, that's all there is to it - say goodbye and move on again


  • #3
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,655 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    It's been one date and already your gut instinct is telling you that you are both incompatible. That's pretty much the point of first dates. Move on, and find someone more in tune with you, and he will do the same.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey guys,

    OP here. Thanks for advice, decided to message him and say that I am busy with work etc and not able to date right now! Think he got the hint :D

    Thanks guys!!!


  • #5
    Chucky the tree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    It sounds fairly standard behaviour for a early 20's guy, especially given the time of year tbh. But if you're not feeling it then no point continuing it. Maybe aim for older guys in future.


  • #6
    ShaShaBear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,528 ✭✭✭ShaShaBear


    Definitely give it a miss, I had the same problem when dating younger men (I'm female, not that it matters :P ) and even men my own age and only found I could see myself compatible with older guys who were past the heavy drinking and partying stuff.
    Good on you for admitting to it and setting him straight though!


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  • #7
    Chemical Byrne
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,311 ✭✭✭Chemical Byrne


    As you say, you are a bit older and he is in his early twenties. Going a bit mad on drink is par for the course in that age group and is to be expected really. However what is worrying is that the drink has begun to affect his work. That would indicate that his relationship with alcohol has gone beyond "mad nights out" and he actually may have or be developing a drink problem.

    On that basis, you are probably best to not enter a relationship or if you want to advise him of your concerns and offer to help address them. OTOH you might be well rid and not want to get involved if you are not that into him.

    Lastly, perhaps you and him are just at different life stages - he is still into living it large with mad nights out and you may have simply passed that stage and are more settled.


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