Enda Kenny's address to Ireland,if you were the scriptwriter what would you write?

hangon · 14-11-2011 2:41pm #1

There are so many funny eloquent posters here i would not even attempt it.
any takers(with the emphasis on humour)?
c'mon folks give us a much needed bit of fun and take the challenge!:)

John Doe1 · 14-11-2011 2:42pm

We are fcucked and lets institute slavery

Atilathehun · 14-11-2011 2:44pm

hangon wrote: »

There are so many funny eloquent posters here i would not even attempt it.
any takers(with the emphasis on humour)?
c'mon folks give us a much needed bit of fun and take the challenge!:)

Reverend fathers, ladies and gentlemen,
I come before you, to stand behind you,
To tell you something,
I know nothing about.

14-11-2011 2:47pm

I would throw something in about a comet is about to hit the earth for the craic.

John Doe1 · 14-11-2011 2:48pm

Edz87 wrote: »

I would throw something in about a comet is about to hit the earth for the craic.

Were you watching a certain movie at the weekend?

toxicity234 · 14-11-2011 2:48pm

I just don't know but it will probable end with "YES WE CAN"

FetchTheGin · 14-11-2011 2:49pm

5 point plan.

Phill Ewinn · 14-11-2011 2:52pm

Start off with 'poor people of Ireland' and finish with 'ha ha ha'.

Arawn · 14-11-2011 2:52pm

We have rounded up all the top bankers,politicians and developers that ruined this country. We shall be taking back all assets in their family names that were transferred from their names or bought by them. We will then execute each and every one of them by firing squad then charge their families for the bullet.

We as leaders of this country have failed you utterly, we are sorry and we will do better or the next lot ye vote in shall be required to execute us.

hangon · 14-11-2011 3:00pm

John Doe1 wrote: »

We are fcucked and lets institute slavery

News just in from FG HQ.
John Doe is a dead man who voted 300 times for Sinn Fein!:)

c_man · 14-11-2011 3:01pm

"I am setting the auto-destruct, all citizens have five minutes to evacuate the country. This is the only alert, this is a silent countdown"

Bondvillain · 14-11-2011 3:05pm

Phill Ewinn wrote: »

Start off with 'poor people of Ireland' and finish with 'ha ha ha'.

To ensure brevity, i'd just have him use those two lines as the complete speech, with a pause in the middle, and some pointing at the end.

Failing that, I'd just have him say whatever Barrack Obama said last week, substituting "Termonfeckin" for any mention of Arizona and "Ich bein ein Berliner" for every "Yes we can".

foxyboxer · 14-11-2011 3:05pm

I came into office this year but I did not come into power.
I for one welcome our new european overlords.

John Doe1 · 14-11-2011 3:05pm

hangon wrote: »

News just in from FG HQ.
John Doe is a dead man who voted 300 times for Sinn Fein!:)

Firstly my name is john doe1

Secondly that is all true yes

positron · 14-11-2011 3:05pm

DON'T PANIC

/panics

Stiffler2 · 14-11-2011 3:05pm

People of Ireland, "insert some Irish ****e here while waving hands around"

"We are living way beyond our means", as he reads Haughey's famous speech off his Ipad which is on his podium stand.

We will be bringing in everything we said we wouldn't pre-election.
Yes - we will be charging you for water
Yes - we will be charging you for tax on your own property
No - we won't burn senior bond holders.
Yes - we will bring in even more ridiculous drink driving limits
We will curve big infrastructure projects which we have already spent 200m on
No - we won't be creating jobs & are hoping to bring in the extra income tax in the 2013 budget instead.

People of Ireland, we are here, we are now. We must band together to get ourselves out of this crisis

(Pauses mid speech to accept brown envelope)

People of Ireland - YES WE CAN

Enda you to$$er, - no we can't
All politicians are scum BTW

John Doe1 · 14-11-2011 3:06pm

Whatever the speech is its sure to be plaigarised:cool:

hangon · 14-11-2011 3:08pm

c_man wrote: »

"I am setting the auto-destruct, all citizens have five minutes to evacuate the country. This is the only alert, this is a silent countdown"

He is always late,lets hope he does not say that as he would get to Heaven half an hour before the rest of us know We are dead!:)

phasers · 14-11-2011 3:08pm

"I don't like cats, they jump on the furniture and get hair everywhere"

hangon · 14-11-2011 3:16pm

Bondvillain wrote: »

"Ich bein ein Berliner

Ich bein ein Berliner translates as i am a doughnut(honest):)

Skullsri · 14-11-2011 3:28pm

How can the man make a speech when his head is so far up angela merkil's saggy bum..

Morlar · 14-11-2011 3:29pm

Enda's list of things to say :

Stay the course
rough seas
renewal
rebirth
renewed vigour
challenging times
european partners
job creation
low hanging fruit
exchequer returns

Enda's list of things to not say :

Size of social welfare bill
Size of healthcare bill
public sector to remain ringfenced
'I am going to tax all of your fcuking brains out'

ejmaztec · 14-11-2011 3:31pm

"I thought I was a good liar, but I'm not, so I quit, fuck you all!"

hangon · 14-11-2011 3:46pm

Skullsri wrote: »

How can the man make a speech when his head is so far up angela merkil's saggy bum..

:mad: This thread is about Kenny NOT Zarkozy!!!!

Freddie59 · 14-11-2011 4:16pm

Morlar wrote: »

Enda's list of things to not say :

Size of social welfare bill
Size of healthcare bill
public sector to remain ringfenced
'I am going to tax all of your fcuking brains out'

You forgot to mention:

Can't touch Public Service Pay - because of the Unions
Can't touch Civil Service Pensions - because of the Unions
Can't touch RTE - because of the unions and Labour lefties in RTE.
Can't touch the HSE - because of the Unions
Can't touch children's Allowance - political ramifications
Can't touch SW - political ramifications.
Can't touch the Seanad - because 0f my cronies.

Ah feck it, we'll just keep borrowing that €200Bn every ten years and everything will be grand.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otCpCn0l4Wo

Gunmonkey · 14-11-2011 4:57pm

probably something along the lines of:

"Hopeless cretins wallowing in your own filth, gaze up from your misery unto my glorious radiance........balh blah blah......turned a corner........blah blah blah.....moving forward.........blah blah blah.........a great bunch of lads..........blah blah blah.........I wish for an end to world hunger, for world peace...erm...and a puppy..........blah blah blah...........now avert your gaze as I ascend this crystal staircase to my castle in the sky"

Not sure about the middle parts.......

zero19 · 14-11-2011 5:02pm

Purple monkey dishwasher

johngalway · 14-11-2011 5:05pm

Well I can't say I know all of what should go into it but I do think putting these two links together should be an important pillar:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunking

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fianna_F%C3%A1il

Teclo · 14-11-2011 5:12pm

Skullsri wrote: »

How can the man make a speech when his head is so far up angela merkil's saggy bum..

This is promising, Germans pay good money for that.

Enda Kenny's address to Ireland,if you were the scriptwriter what would you write?

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