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Not good looking

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  • 04-02-2016 8:22am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    As the title suggest I'm not the prettiest I know it and I've come to terms with it. My question is there hope for me in meeting someone or am I doomed to be alone ?

    Anytime I've shown interest in women I've been knocked back and beginning to think that I'll never meet anyone, that no women would ever find me attractive enough to give me the time a day let alone anything else.


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    #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Good looks attract initially but a good personality far trumps good looks. I find that when a person isn't a nice person that their looks seem to fade the more I get to know them. And vice versa, a person I didn't find that attractive in the beginning and saw as a friend seemed to get better and better looking as I got to know them too. Go out and make friends and if you're a nice person it will happen naturally.


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    #3
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    I've known gorgeous people who were downright ugly once I got to know them. And I've known people who wouldn't be conventionally good looking but have engaging and lovely personalities and always have romantic opportunities.

    Working the clubbing circuit is based on looks, first attractions and the superficial. It would be far better to widen your social circle in general through a hobby or an interest because you make friends. Friends have flatmates, other friends, siblings to chat to on occasion and that's where you'll meet potential partners in a more relaxed setting away from the chat-up and pull format.


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    #4
    Shrap
    Registered Users Posts: 3,163 ✭✭✭Shrap


    If it's any help to you OP, I have fallen head over heels for a downright ugly looking bloke before now. Didn't work out with him, but the looks weren't the reason at all. His personality was lovely and as far as I was concerned, he had a sex appeal that totally transcended his (very unorthodox) looks. It was getting to know him over a year or so that did it.


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    #5
    silverharp
    Registered Users Posts: 17,848 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    What age are you op? I think you will find that as you get older say mid to late 20's that your options will open up. Basically work on yourself hit the gym and all that good stuff, get some fashion advice if you need to and work on your career.
    If bars and clubs are not working for you expand your social circle and get involved in activities you like or think you'd like and meet girls in a situations which are a bit more natural.

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



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    #6
    SarahMollie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,843 ✭✭✭SarahMollie


    OP, honestly in real life (as opposed to niteclubs) I think most women are very forgiving of looks.

    Sure everyone will have their head turned if they see someone who is exceptional looking but thats not the norm. I'd suggest putting yourself in situations where you might get to know a person a bit first before making a move.

    The one thing that will repel women is a lack of confidence/lack of self belief. If you don't at a minimum believe that you're worthy of being with a woman, then that will show through, and she won't believe it either.

    Thinking to yourself that you're too ugly for love will only become a self fulfilling prophesy if you let it.


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Everyone has made sound points, but SarahMollie's in particular is one you should take to heart. A case in point was something that happened to me not long ago when I met someone who I think was insecure in himself due to his looks. I came to fancy him like mad when I happened to see him interact with others, but with me he was so guarded I only sensed extreme ambivalence or even dislike - not the case, as I have realised, but I'd have had to have been much more confident than I am to have done anything with that in the short time I had. That is self-sabotage - and yet, like you, he probably felt that he was the rejected one since he didn't take the chance to meet me again. I feel it was an opportunity lost.

    Not that looks are irrelevant, but if you're past your twenties it is less so, and the importance decreases further as you let people get to know you.


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    #8
    silverbolt
    Registered Users Posts: 362 ✭✭silverbolt


    uglyblokehere wrote: »
    As the title suggest I'm not the prettiest I know it and I've come to terms with it. My question is there hope for me in meeting someone or am I doomed to be alone ?

    Anytime I've shown interest in women I've been knocked back and beginning to think that I'll never meet anyone, that no women would ever find me attractive enough to give me the time a day let alone anything else.

    go watch jeremy kyle.

    If that lot can get partners, then anyone can. Dont give up hope, go out, enjoy life ad see how it goes. You never know.


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    #9
    tcif
    Registered Users Posts: 302 ✭✭tcif


    SarahMollie wrote: »
    OP, honestly in real life (as opposed to niteclubs) I think most women are very forgiving of looks.

    The one thing that will repel women is a lack of confidence/lack of self belief.

    +1 for both of these.

    Also grooming goes a long way. I'm not talking about designer gear or anything OTT, just nice clothes that suit you, a haircut that works for you..the obvious that a lot of men seem to overlook. Even if you're not the best looking guy in the world, if you're well turned out and confident and a decent guy you'll find plenty of women who'll give you a first and a second look and then take it from there.


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    #10
    Potatoeman
    Registered Users Posts: 4,240 ✭✭✭Potatoeman


    It really depends on the type you are going for. The more attractive they are the more you are going to need to attract them. Most people end up with someone that's about the same looks wise. Are you only going for women more attractive than you?


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    #11
    LuckyLloyd
    Registered Users Posts: 36,157 ✭✭✭✭LuckyLloyd


    You can be naturally 'unattractive' yet keep yourself physically fit and healthy and be engaged with the world around you. My personal experience is that looks mattered more when I was younger, as I get older having a confident way about you and being passionate about things and able to articulate that passion seems an ever greater part of the equation.

    So exercise, eat better, dress as well as you can, do a little grooming, treat people with respect and engage with friends and hobbies, etc. It's never too early or too late to start working on those things. In that context I reckon there's someone for everyone. Good luck.


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    #12
    Katgurl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,143 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I was always generally regarded as goodlooking / attractive so never massively short of attention and I never went for the standard looking handsome man. It's not that I was making any attempt to down-date I just have different tastes. It's become a running joke between my friends, I'll be raving about a new boyfriend who is so hot and out of my league and they're like "ok do we need to have the sick bucket on hand before you show us his photograph?".

    Basically different strokes for different folks and particularly with men, sex appeal is not about how pretty you are, it's about how attractive you THINK you are.


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    #13
    Katgurl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,143 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I was always generally regarded as goodlooking / attractive so never massively short of attention and I never went for the standard looking handsome man. It's not that I was making any attempt to down-date I just have different tastes. It's become a running joke between my friends, I'll be raving about a new boyfriend who is so hot and out of my league and they're like "ok do we need to have the sick bucket on hand before you show us his photograph?".

    Basically different strokes for different folks and particularly with men, sex appeal is not about how pretty you are, it's about how attractive you THINK you are.


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    #14
    Sunny Disposition
    Registered Users Posts: 2,714 ✭✭✭Sunny Disposition


    Confidence more attractive than looks, that's for sure.
    Really are you sure you're not underconfident rather than unattractive? I think if anyone keeps themselves in reasonably trim condition they won't be that awfully unattractive. If you think of the women you know, are there any of them who have reasonably well maintained figures who are unusually unattractive? I doubt it.


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    #15
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Mod Note
    Sunny - welcome to PI/RI.
    Please take 5 minutes now to read our charter before you post here again.

    Generalisations are not welcome and posters are asked only to post if they have constructive advice and can give it in a civil manner. Your post, while being your opinion is both a gross generalisation and insulting and were you not a new member here would have immediately earned you a card.

    Again, please read our charter and take care in how you post here going forwards. Due to the nature of the issues here we have a close to zero tolerance approach.


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    #16
    Roselm
    Registered Users Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Roselm


    Sunny Disposition wrote: »
    Confidence more attractive than looks, that's for sure.
    Really are you sure you're not underconfident rather than unattractive? .

    I agree wholeheartedly!


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    #17
    Rachiee
    Registered Users Posts: 880 ✭✭✭Rachiee


    I wouldn't worry too much about the looks the bigger concern would be confidence. If you feel You're not attractive enough for a partner you won't come across as confident and will give off very closed off vibes. Confidence is sexy work on your confidence fake it til you make it if you have to.


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