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Living with my ex

  • 29-10-2014 3:45pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I have a problem.

    My ex and I broke up around two months ago and we lived together. We both live away from our home towns so we don't know many people bar friends from work etc.

    He has said he would be the one to move as it is easier for him to go home less responsibility here etc as I have a job and he doesn't....That was over a month ago, and it has been hell ever since. We were ok at the start of the breakup, we wanted to stay amicable but now we are stuck together all the time so we have started just hating each other. I am getting on with things a lot better than him.

    He refuses to go because of various reasons, I offered the leave but then he cannot afford to stay here so he won't allow that either.

    It is getting to the point I have no life and it is destroying me

    I just want opinions from people if you were in this situation and what did you do


Comments

  • #2
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,655 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    It sounds that in his head at least, as long as you are under the same roof, then you are still 'together' in some way, hence him refusing to leave, and refusing to allow you to leave either. It also seems that you still feel somewhat under his control - he doesn't get to 'allow' you not to leave - that's entirely up to you.

    My own thoughts on this are that I think you should sit down with him this evening, and let him know that as per your arrangement, he has until the weekend to move out, either to stay with a friend, or go back to his family - he can make arrangements for his belongings afterwards if necessary. If not, you'll be moving out at the weekend, and have arranged with a friend to stay with them temporarily - and be prepared to follow through on it if you have to. It's the only way you'll be able to put all of this behind you.


  • #3
    Dixie Chick
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,062 ✭✭✭Dixie Chick


    Is this just a rented house and not one ye own together? If its just rented, then leave. Its as simple as you make it and living with an ex will be nothing but awkwardness and uneeded stress


  • #4
    ManOfMystery
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    I lived with an ex for a number of months after a supposedly amicable breakup. Anytime I tried to discuss moving out or sorting new living arrangements, she would put her fingers in her ears - literally. In the end I gave up ...... just came into the room one night, told her I'd found a new place, was moving out in 2 weeks and she would be solely responsible for the rent and everything else then. Once I said it, I walked out. She had ample opportunity to discuss things with me so she could budget and prepare.

    I suspect the reason was the same as what Mike_IE posted above. In her head, as long as we were still under the one roof, there was some chance of reconciliation. Moving out brought a finality to the situation. I suspect as she was also a very 'image conscious' person that she would have been worried what other people thought, and there was thus a certain pretence to us still living together.

    If your ex is behaving in a similarly non-helpful manner, you have to be direct and straight to the point. It's time for him to either sh*t or get off the pot. If he refuses to play ball, then you need to reconsider your own options and make a decision about what you want to do. In the meantime, I'm not suggesting you should be the one to vacate the house every night but for the sake of your own sanity - go to the gymn, go walking, see friends, etc - reduce the amount of time you have to spend in each other's company. Perhaps suggest the same to him, if he'll even consider it.


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