His parents want to meet mine....

Awtippp · 30-10-2014 10:28pm #1

Hi all,
Just looking for a bit of good advice....I'm with my boyfriend for 2 years,he is a farmer and his parents are farming full time too...they are looking to meet my parents who are city slickers and wouldn't know the first thing about country life or farming,I'm a primary teacher and since meeting my boyfriend I have learned a bit but not a whole lot,I'm real nervous for when they meet that they mighnt have a thing in common!!!any advice?

CaraMay · 30-10-2014 11:27pm

Why do they want to meet?

strobe · 30-10-2014 11:59pm

Unless your bf's parents talk about nothing but farming and your parents talk about nothing but rush hour gridlock and Starbucks, I can't see from anything you say that they'd struggle to have something in common or something to talk about...

They are a reasonably similar age, having grown up in the same tiny tiny country, having lived through the same experiences and their kids are ****ing each other. I'm sure they'll be able to chat about the weather or the water charges or where they met each other or something. You're worrying about nothing at all. You and your boyfriend are from the same differing backgrounds and you're in a relationship with each other. You're being silly. Stop being silly.

Big Bag of Chips · 31-10-2014 12:07am

OP, are you always so worried about everything? Am I right in thinking this is not your first (or second) post about your relationship? You really should stop over thinking things. So what if your parents have nothing in common (which I find very hard to believe)? If they have nothing in common does that mean you will have to break up with your bf? Are you expecting your parents to move in with you and your bf's parents and all live in stony silence as nobody has anything to talk about?

I know I'm being a bit facetious, but really OP you need to stop worrying so much about every little thing. My parents have very little in common with my in-laws. And you know what - it doesn't matter. Me and my husband are together 14 years. Our parents have all been together in the same room probably 6 times in that time - and they always manage to find something to talk about.

Your parents don't need to be buddies with each other. They just need to be polite whenever they meet.

ManOfMystery · 31-10-2014 10:48am

Awtippp wrote: »

Hi all,
Just looking for a bit of good advice....I'm with my boyfriend for 2 years,he is a farmer and his parents are farming full time too...they are looking to meet my parents who are city slickers and wouldn't know the first thing about country life or farming,I'm a primary teacher and since meeting my boyfriend I have learned a bit but not a whole lot,I'm real nervous for when they meet that they mighnt have a thing in common!!!any advice?

Worst case scenario? Some stifled and awkward conversation for a couple of hours. We've all been in that situation, and it's just a matter of sitting through it.

In all likelihood though, I'm sure as mature adults they'll find something to converse about. My parents and my in-laws have absolutely nothing in common (different careers and interests totally), but get on great. Sometimes people with little in common actually find it interesting to learn about each other.

Stop worrying

Stavro Mueller · 31-10-2014 11:27am

Are you the same person who was anxious about how little money you'd saved? Why is it that such relatively minor are making you so anxious? Have you always been like this or do you feel you're "on trial" with this relationship?

You are doing both sets of parents an injustice. Unless either set of them are socially inept, they'll manage just fine. I think if I was one of those parents and I saw this post, I'd feel patronised. You're not giving them much of a vote of confidence, are you?

skallywag · 31-10-2014 2:00pm

Jeez OP, I think you are being very unfair to both sets of parents here, do you really underestimate them so much? It's the differences can make for great discussion. I think that you should give both sets of parents more credit.

Magicmatilda · 31-10-2014 3:06pm

ARe all your friends primary schools teachers? or do you have any friends who aren't?

I have friends who work in all sorts of different areas, law, finance, teaching, youth work, social services, TV, catering. I get on with them all. I don't only talk about the job I do, in fact I rarely talk about it outside the place. I can't see why your parents would be any different at all.

I am a "city slicker" and I recently met a farmer and we got on great. I loved learning about farming.

try not to worry and sure even if they hate each, what matter, they don;t have to see each other often.

I will say I find it weird that his parent have requested a meeting, why do they want to meet your?

I've never had a boyfriends parents request a meeting and wouldn't expect a meeting until after an engagement or a pregnancy.

Minderbinder · 31-10-2014 4:51pm

My parents are uneducated rural irish people. my wife is from a well-to-do, highly educated chinese family. my parents can't speak chinese and hers only a few words of english. my father can't have a meal without potatoes. her father can't have a meal without rice. her parents throw toilet paper in the rubbish bin. mine can't do the simplest task without an argument. hope that puts it in perspective for you.

looksee · 31-10-2014 5:04pm

Why don't the two of you take them all out for a meal in a nice neutral restaurant. They can nod and smile and eat and then never see each other again!

farmchoice · 31-10-2014 5:38pm

looksee wrote: »

Why don't the two of you take them all out for a meal in a nice neutral restaurant. They can nod and smile and eat and then never see each other again!

this, but here is a bit of advice, pay the bill yourself on the QT, because otherwise both fathers will insist on paying and neither will want to back down!!!

31-10-2014 7:42pm

If your relationship is going to get more serious and might actually end up in marriage, then both sides of parents will meet eventually. My mother is a country woman through and through and while my father claims to be a "townie", he isn't much different - my both my brother- and sister-in-law's parents are American/English city people, with the American ones being relatively well-to-do. Yet they all get along famously well any time they meet.

Stop overthinking, OP. It more seems like you're ashamed of your parents than anything else. Otherwise these "differences" wouldn't matter a damn.

Awtippp · 31-10-2014 8:13pm

Im surely not ashamed of my parents at all,definitely not.I havent posted on this before so you must have me confused with somebody else,yesterday was my first time. Thanks for the advice

CaraMay · 31-10-2014 9:51pm

Awtippp wrote: »

Im surely not ashamed of my parents at all,definitely not.I havent posted on this before so you must have me confused with somebody else,yesterday was my first time. Thanks for the advice

So what's the issue? Why do they want to meet?

dellas1979 · 31-10-2014 10:14pm

Awtippp wrote: »

Hi all,
Just looking for a bit of good advice....I'm with my boyfriend for 2 years,he is a farmer and his parents are farming full time too...they are looking to meet my parents who are city slickers and wouldn't know the first thing about country life or farming,I'm a primary teacher and since meeting my boyfriend I have learned a bit but not a whole lot,I'm real nervous for when they meet that they mighnt have a thing in common!!!any advice?

Do you think the country folk are going to ask the city slickers to milk a cow or something?

I dont really understand what the big deal is (is that its a view to marriage or something?)

Heckler · 01-11-2014 3:26am

CaraMay wrote: »

So what's the issue? Why do they want to meet?[/QUOT

Its a convention. A two year relationship is generally considered serious. People start moving in together a lot earlier. Part and parcel of a serious relationship is taking your other halfs family into consideration. Parents are interested in who their offspring are seeing. Do you expect them to meet for the first time at an engagement celebration or a wedding ?

DukeOfTheSharp · 01-11-2014 4:40am

Don't worry about it, honestly, you'll be fine. Parents meeting parents is an old-time tradition that's outdated, but people still want to do because, for some reason, family can't stay out of your business. Just find some common ground, someone suggested a restaurant, so that'd be good.

Look, at the end of the day, the absolute worst, most unlikely end of the spectrum is that they don't like each other that much and won't say a word...hell, my family hated my siblings in-laws and didn't say a word about it. They just want to get involved, it's an annoying side-effect of a long term relationship, but no matter how it turns out, everyone will keep their opinions to themselves for the sake of their kids, that's what parents do.

JTER · 04-11-2014 7:15pm

I'm having trouble applying City Slicker to anyone in Ireland... As all the others have said, relax. You are both your parents' reflection to some degree and you two get along right? You will be surprised how much both of your parents will too.

mikemac1 · 06-11-2014 9:49am

Awtippp wrote: »

his parents are farming full time too...they are looking to meet my parents who are city slickers

It's a small country OP, we're not talking about parents from the swamps of Louisiana going to Manhattan here.

Go back far enough and all townies came from rural families somewhere. They can talk about GAA or water charges protests or the price of the pint.

You're waaaaaaay overthinking this

jester77 · 06-11-2014 10:40am

Don't stress about it, they will find something to talk about. I had the same issue with the parents meeting, they don't even speak a common language. Yet somehow it worked out fine, albeit quite amusing.

His parents want to meet mine....

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