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Separation after 2 months marriage

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  • 02-03-2015 3:55am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hello there,

    Just looking for some help please. 2 weeks ago I found out my wife of 2 months has been seeing somebody else for at least 6 months.

    After careful consideration there is definitely no future for us together and I'm just wondering where to go from here to legally separate as quickly and as cheaply as possible.

    We have no money left having spent everything on the wedding and I have a credit union loan (to pay for the wedding) of €15,000 in my name which we had intended paying back together. At this moment she has agreed to pay half but I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't.

    We do not own any property and we have no children.

    I must admit I'm still in shock but I need some guidance. I really can't afford to consult solicitors. We are being very amicable with each other.

    Is it possible to get an annulment? I understand that these grounds may not be enough even though I would never have married her had I known the truth beforehand.

    We were together 6 years.
    Thanks for the help


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    #2
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    worriedfear wrote: »
    Hello there,

    Just looking for some help please. 2 weeks ago I found out my wife of 2 months has been seeing somebody else for at least 6 months.

    After careful consideration there is definitely no future for us together and I'm just wondering where to go from here to legally separate as quickly and as cheaply as possible.

    We have no money left having spent everything on the wedding and I have a credit union loan (to pay for the wedding) of €15,000 in my name which we had intended paying back together. At this moment she has agreed to pay half but I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't.

    We do not own any property and we have no children.

    I must admit I'm still in shock but I need some guidance. I really can't afford to consult solicitors. We are being very amicable with each other.

    Is it possible to get an annulment? I understand that these grounds may not be enough even though I would never have married her had I known the truth beforehand.

    We were together 6 years.
    Thanks for the help

    As you are in debt it may be better for you to avoid annulment as that would make the debt totally your own. Also annulment is long and expensive process I understand. Overall you need legal advice asap my friend.

    The only consolation I can give you is things would be much messier if you found out after two kids, five years of marraige and three years into a 30yr mortgage.


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    #3
    Henry Ford III
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 17,620 Mod ✭✭✭✭Henry Ford III


    Split the loan, shake hands, and then move on.


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    #4
    Magenta
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,957 ✭✭✭Magenta


    Henry Ford III wrote: »
    Split the loan, shake hands, and then move on.

    Are you aware of what a marriage is?


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    #5
    jimmycrackcorm
    Registered Users Posts: 14,329 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    Magenta wrote: »
    Are you aware of what a marriage is?

    If he can get her to go halves on the loan then I don't know what your point is. With no mortgage, no kids, It's only a piece of paper followed by a divorce in a few years.


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    #6
    Magenta
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,957 ✭✭✭Magenta


    jimmycrackcorm wrote: »
    If he can get her to go halves on the loan then I don't know what your point is. With no mortgage, no kids, It's only a piece of paper followed by a divorce in a few years.

    If you actually read the first post, he wants to know how he can end this "quickly and cheaply". 4 years of separation is not quick, solicitors are not cheap and he says he cannot afford them. Hope this clears things up for you.


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    #7
    HelgaWard
    Registered Users Posts: 568 ✭✭✭HelgaWard


    This link should provide some useful information:

    http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/civil_annulment/nullity_of_marriage.html


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    #8
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    Magenta wrote: »
    If you actually read the first post, he wants to know how he can end this "quickly and cheaply". 4 years of separation is not quick, solicitors are not cheap and he says he cannot afford them. Hope this clears things up for you.

    Annulment is not quick or cheap so defacto separation or separation by Deed of Separation is the only game in town till divorce. It's not quick but it's cheap.

    The Family Meditation service offer a free service so couples can mediate an agreement and get solicitors to make it official. It's only a few hundred if both sides agree.


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    #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi there,

    OP here. Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. It is genuinely appreciated. It seems that annulment is not an option so.

    Ideally, we will split the loan and go our separate ways. That's the best case scenario from this horrible situation. I will definitely contact the Family Meditation services and try make a formal agreement with her. (Thank you for that suggestion)

    At the moment she has said that she will pay half the loan in installments as she does not have the money and cannot get a loan. Ideally I don't want that option because I feel it is dragging things out but I have no other choice. To be honest I don't believe she will end up paying her full share and that after a while she could just stop making payments towards the loan and I would just have to accept that. The loan is in my name only.

    With regards to Deed of Separation and ultimately divorce could anyone explain how we go about this? I understand we will have to wait 4 years from now to divorce.

    Thanks again for all the replies. It's tough and unprecedented for me.


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    #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    worriedfear wrote: »
    Hi there,

    OP here. Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. It is genuinely appreciated. It seems that annulment is not an option so.

    Ideally, we will split the loan and go our separate ways. That's the best case scenario from this horrible situation. I will definitely contact the Family Meditation services and try make a formal agreement with her. (Thank you for that suggestion)

    At the moment she has said that she will pay half the loan in installments as she does not have the money and cannot get a loan. Ideally I don't want that option because I feel it is dragging things out but I have no other choice. To be honest I don't believe she will end up paying her full share and that after a while she could just stop making payments towards the loan and I would just have to accept that. The loan is in my name only.

    With regards to Deed of Separation and ultimately divorce could anyone explain how we go about this? I understand we will have to wait 4 years from now to divorce.

    Thanks again for all the replies. It's tough and unprecedented for me.

    Op, I'm in the same situation as you, almost exactly. Except I'm female.

    Got married and found out 6 months later that I was married to a lying cheating cocaine addict. I also have a loan for our wedding and he walked away and left me to pay it. He also put our joint account into overdraft and left me to pay that off too.

    I also took legal advice on an annulment and the solicitor said the following : if you had €10,000 would you put it on a horse at 10-1? .....in order to get an annulment It would be necessary to prove that one or both of you lacked the mental capacity to enter into a marriage. Very difficult to prove and requires pschyological assessments etc. There are other grounds but I'm assuming you did consummate your marriage etc.

    I tried marriage counsrlling and he stood me up, I tried mediation and he walked out before before we even got into the room with the mediator. He did his level best to make any interaction I had with him as difficult as it could be.

    I have a little piece of bad news for you also.... You don't only have 4 years for a separation. You and your spouse can't apply for a divorce until your 5 year wedding anniversary. The requirement is that you must be living apart for four of the last 5 years. So you have to be married for 5 years! This was advice from my solicitor so I know it's correct.

    In the end no matter what I did he just would not engage with me and made sure I didn't get a penny of my money back, we split over Christmas and he left me penniless to the extent that I had to borrow money to get by - a situation that I had never been in before in my life..

    I had to get a separation agreement and pay for it myself. In the end he stood me up to sign it so I brought the solicitor to his house to sign it!....One of my parents has a terminal illness and I could not take a chance on him having any succession rights in the event of a death or even in the event of my own death. I own the house we lived in and paid every mortgage myself I am praying a judge will be fair and not grant him any payment that would plunge me into further debt and poverty.

    Contact the family mediation service if it's amicable. Enter into a separation agreement and on the fifth anniversary apply for a divorce. Good luck ... I could have written your story myself!


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    #11
    Kelly06
    Closed Accounts Posts: 509 ✭✭✭Kelly06


    Hey op, I could have written your story myself! Short marriage, infidelity, loan solely in my name etc.

    You can't get a divorce untill your married for 5 years. You can get a separation agreement though. Contact the family mediation service. If it's amicable you can make an agreement that will be used for the separation agreement. I paid a solicitor 700 for the deed to be drawn up.


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    #12
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,007 ✭ [Deleted User]


    worriedfear wrote: »
    At the moment she has said that she will pay half the loan in installments as she does not have the money and cannot get a loan. Ideally I don't want that option because I feel it is dragging things out but I have no other choice. To be honest I don't believe she will end up paying her full share and that after a while she could just stop making payments towards the loan and I would just have to accept that. The loan is in my name only.

    Contact the credit union and ask them is it possible for her to co-sign/guarantee the loan retroactively. That way at least she'll share the legal responsibility for it.


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    #13
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    Request a meeting with the credit union. Go in and chat about the situation with them. (Both of you). See what solutions they come up with. If your spouse is reluctant, it just confirms your fears that she will default on payments, unfortunately.


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