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Miscarriage...is this the right place to ask about it?

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  • 30-11-2010 1:56pm
    #1
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭


    I had a miscarriage last week and I still feel pretty crappy. It's like everyone else is moving on and I'm left behind.

    I appreciate it's like asking how long is a piece of string, but is it normal to feel so crappy after a week? What's the norm on getting up and over it?

    Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask, but I can't find anywhere else on boards to post it.


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    #2
    Ayla
    Registered Users Posts: 1,508 ✭✭✭Ayla


    HS - so sorry to hear this news...

    I can't respond from personal experience as I was lucky enough not to have a miscarriage. However, I know a number of women who have, and I can say that everyone deals with it in their own way. It completely depends on your own personal situation (ie: how far along the preg was, how "bonded" you were to bump, and how you deal with life in general).

    I would say that you will deal with this in your own way, and in your own time. To me - if I were in your shoes - I don't think a week is "too long." In fact, I can't imagine just picking up & moving on (but that could just be me).

    You've lost something that - for however long - was precious to you in some way. Don't hurry the healing, it will come in its own time.


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    #3
    xzanti
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 10,436 Mod ✭✭✭✭xzanti


    Sorry to hear of your loss OP :( .. You may find this thread useful..

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055729357


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    #4
    crazy cat lady
    Registered Users Posts: 1,196 ✭✭✭crazy cat lady


    I've had 2 miscarriages and believe me, a week is nothing. You're only coming to terms with your loss and you will never truly get over it. Give yourself time to grieve and heal and in time you will be able to move on and look forward to a bright future. Its perfectly normal to feel like nobody understands, and they probably don't!

    I'm really sorry for your loss and I hope you find some comfort and hope soon


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    #5
    CathyMoran
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,458 Mod ✭✭✭✭CathyMoran


    I had 6 miscarriages (though only 2 were past 8 weeks) before having my son. Being honest I will never forget them but you learn to live with it with time. I still get upset over them now though. OP, I am sorry for your loss.


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    #6
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    Thank you so much for the replies, and for the link. Reading that thread and the replies here makes me feel a little less lost.


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    #7
    dublinlady
    Registered Users Posts: 1,992 ✭✭✭dublinlady


    Im so sorry for ur loss, i had one in august and it was devastating. I personally dont think i even really dealt wit it fully for about 2 months, i was sad all the time and could think of nothing else, i had serious anger and mood swings, it was a dark time. Im on month 4 post m/c now and feel alot better, im still sad it happened but now accept it and think i can move on, with my life and with ttc. very sorry.


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    #8
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    Thank you Dublin Lady. I'm beginning to feel less like a freak for feeling sad and a bit more...I dunno...normal I guess. I can't see me ever getting over it tbh. No heartbeat, were the last words I ever expected to hear. When she turned off the monitor it broke my heart. I was still nervous even taking the tablets, just in case they got it wrong, like those stories from Drogheda earlier in the year. But I'm glad it's nothing that I'm doing wrong that it's not me wallowing in it or any.

    I can't thank you all enough for the help and I'm so sorry to read about your own experiences xxx


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    #9
    How Strange
    Registered Users Posts: 6,339 ✭✭✭How Strange


    Op so sorry for your loss. I'm one of the lucky ones but it's a case of 'but for the grace of god'. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve.


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    #10
    CathyMoran
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,458 Mod ✭✭✭✭CathyMoran


    We got a baloon with the name of the baby that we lost in January 2009 and let it go free, was very emotional but very special. OP again, am sorry for your loss.


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    #11
    crazy cat lady
    Registered Users Posts: 1,196 ✭✭✭crazy cat lady


    dublinlady wrote: »
    Im so sorry for ur loss, i had one in august and it was devastating. I personally dont think i even really dealt wit it fully for about 2 months, i was sad all the time and could think of nothing else, i had serious anger and mood swings, it was a dark time. Im on month 4 post m/c now and feel alot better, im still sad it happened but now accept it and think i can move on, with my life and with ttc. very sorry.


    I was the same. Just overwhelming sadness consumed me for about 2 months. Hope you get lucky again soon :)


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    #12
    Quins5
    Registered Users Posts: 135 ✭✭Quins5


    Hi Hannibal smith and others out there in the same position
    Im going through a mc since tuesday and Im absolutely devastated. :(

    Had some pink spotting monday evening but woke up tuesday morning to bright red blood. I nearly died. Straight to the hospital where they told me I was starting to miscarry. :(

    I have to wait til tuesday to hav another scan to see if it is all gone.

    My heart is breaking everyday and i just feel soooo sad. This is the longest week of my life.

    I just wanted to say thank you to all the lovely people on boards for their kind words, thoughts and hugs. I really helps to be able to talk to others :(

    x


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    #13
    How Strange
    Registered Users Posts: 6,339 ✭✭✭How Strange


    Quins5 so sorry to hear your bad news. Take care of yourself. It's so cruel to have the hope and excitement of early pregnancy taken from you. I don't have personal experience but I had that fear at the back of my
    mind up to 12 weeks.


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    #14
    Quins5
    Registered Users Posts: 135 ✭✭Quins5


    tks HS

    I was 7weeks and could see d heartbeat on the scan :(


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    #15
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    Aww Quins5, that's absolutely awful! It's bad enough when there's no heartbeat, but to be in your position, that's just heartbreaking.

    I hope things move a long quickly for you, I don't mean to sound heartless by wishing that, but I'm sure you're all over the place at the mo.

    I went for a scan yesterday and still have some 'tissue' (as they call it) left, but not enough for a D & C so I got antibiotics...and get this...I have to do a pregnancy test in two weeks. If it's negative everything's okay, if it's positive I've to go back in. I will absolutely die if it comes up positive.


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    #16
    How Strange
    Registered Users Posts: 6,339 ✭✭✭How Strange


    Quins5 that's just heartbreaking. Hannibal Smith it's just terrible isn't it. I was around 6 weeks when the scandal about misdiagnosed miscarriages broke and I was totally terrified when I went for my early private scan.


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    #17
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    How Strange wrote: »
    Quins5 that's just heartbreaking. Hannibal Smith it's just terrible isn't it. I was around 6 weeks when the scandal about misdiagnosed miscarriages broke and I was totally terrified when I went for my early private scan.

    I bet you were! Imagine the effects of that on you! I must have asked about a million times, if they were absolutely sure there was no chance they missed anything. Imagine finding out afterwards the hosp may have made a mistake :eek:


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    #18
    Quins5
    Registered Users Posts: 135 ✭✭Quins5


    Tks Hannibal it all just sucks. :(
    Glad to hear u dont need a D&C huge relief id say.
    Does it mean if u get a neg test then everything is gone? Does that mean u can start trying again?

    My Appointment is tuesday so il keep u posted. :(
    I havent had that much bleeding at all....and no real pain aside from feeling like having my period for 1/2 days.... really duno how to feel or think.

    x


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    #19
    crazy cat lady
    Registered Users Posts: 1,196 ✭✭✭crazy cat lady


    Hannibal Smith wrote: »

    I went for a scan yesterday and still have some 'tissue' (as they call it) left, but not enough for a D & C so I got antibiotics...and get this...I have to do a pregnancy test in two weeks. If it's negative everything's okay, if it's positive I've to go back in. I will absolutely die if it comes up positive.

    Its ironic isn't it? You spend so long waiting for the positive and then suddenly you're dying for a negative.

    I also had some retained tissue after my first miscarriage, but again not enough for a D&C. Ended up back in hospital after 2 weeks for nearly a week with heavy bleeding and being generally unwell from it all. Ended up passing everything myself and having to go back to the hospital every week for 6 weeks for blood tests. Nobody can really understand how traumatic it all is until they go through it themselves.

    I realy do sympathise with those of you who are having to go through such awful experiences. Trust me when I say you will come out the other side. The pain doesn't last forever and please god everything will go well for you the next time :)


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    #20
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    Quins5 wrote: »
    Tks Hannibal it all just sucks. :(
    Glad to hear u dont need a D&C huge relief id say.
    Does it mean if u get a neg test then everything is gone? Does that mean u can start trying again?

    My Appointment is tuesday so il keep u posted. :(
    I havent had that much bleeding at all....and no real pain aside from feeling like having my period for 1/2 days.... really duno how to feel or think.

    x
    Yeah if it's negative it's all gone. It is a relief not having to have a D & C, but to be honest I'd prefer if they did a blood test or something. The thoughts of having to buy a pregnancy test and if it comes up positive, it just seems unnecessarily cruel to me. But maybe I'm a bit over sensitive at the mo.

    I guess you're just in shock, you've no constructive answers to go on. Once you have the scan on Tues and they give you their advice at least you'll have a starting point, whatever the answer. It's such an awful time xxxx


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    #21
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    crazy cat lady wrote: »
    Its ironic isn't it? You spend so long waiting for the positive and then suddenly you're dying for a negative.

    I also had some retained tissue after my first miscarriage, but again not enough for a D&C. Ended up back in hospital after 2 weeks for nearly a week with heavy bleeding and being generally unwell from it all. Ended up passing everything myself and having to go back to the hospital every week for 6 weeks for blood tests. Nobody can really understand how traumatic it all is until they go through it themselves.

    I realy do sympathise with those of you who are having to go through such awful experiences. Trust me when I say you will come out the other side. The pain doesn't last forever and please god everything will go well for you the next time :)

    That's exactly it, the last time I had a positive pregnancy test I was ecstatic, this time I just hope it's negative.

    I always thought a miscarriage was more or less a one day affair, it all passes through you and that's that. I never had any idea that it carried on so long physically. I really had no idea about any of it really.


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    #22
    crazy cat lady
    Registered Users Posts: 1,196 ✭✭✭crazy cat lady


    I think its one of those things we try to stay blissfully unaware of in the hope that it will never happen to us.


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    #23
    Quins5
    Registered Users Posts: 135 ✭✭Quins5


    Well its official, Iv had a full miscarriage :(

    Had a scan today and they said I seem to have passed everything and dont need any further treatment. They said nothing about taking hpt's or anything...

    They handed me a leaflet on grief. That was it.

    The nurse was lovely but I was still heartbroken, I had a tiny bit of hope that the baby had survived seeing as I didnt bleed for longer than 1/2 days :(

    I feel both devastated and relieved. Relief that we'v got some closure and can try and move on.

    So i guess I'll just had to keep my fingers xd that AF arrives soon and hope for the best...

    Worse week of my life :(

    thank god its over
    x


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    #24
    xzanti
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 10,436 Mod ✭✭✭✭xzanti


    Quins5 wrote: »
    Well its official, Iv had a full miscarriage :(

    Had a scan today and they said I seem to have passed everything and dont need any further treatment. They said nothing about taking hpt's or anything...

    They handed me a leaflet on grief. That was it.

    The nurse was lovely but I was still heartbroken, I had a tiny bit of hope that the baby had survived seeing as I didnt bleed for longer than 1/2 days :(

    I feel both devastated and relieved. Relief that we'v got some closure and can try and move on.

    So i guess I'll just had to keep my fingers xd that AF arrives soon and hope for the best...

    Worse week of my life :(

    thank god its over
    x

    *Big hugs* sounds exactly like when I had my scan after MC, it's just awful, I got the little white book and the pitying looks aswel, I think I sobbed for about a week after it.. It will get easier with time, I promise X


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    #25
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    Quins5 wrote: »
    Well its official, Iv had a full miscarriage :(

    Had a scan today and they said I seem to have passed everything and dont need any further treatment. They said nothing about taking hpt's or anything...

    They handed me a leaflet on grief. That was it.

    The nurse was lovely but I was still heartbroken, I had a tiny bit of hope that the baby had survived seeing as I didnt bleed for longer than 1/2 days :(

    I feel both devastated and relieved. Relief that we'v got some closure and can try and move on.

    So i guess I'll just had to keep my fingers xd that AF arrives soon and hope for the best...

    Worse week of my life :(

    thank god its over
    x

    Aww Quins5, I'm so sorry *hugs* It's absolutely awful. You spend every last wish hoping it's good news. In one way at least it's over now, in another I'm sure you feel like it's all happened too fast.

    The only thing i can say is talk, talk, talk to your other half, or a friend, or even on here, just keep talking and once you know you have people who are supporting you it does make it an awful lot easier.

    If you read the other thread quoted at the start of this thread it might help. It was certainly a great help to me in at least finding a starting point on how to grieve.

    If you need a good blub, I recommend listening to Sarah McLaughlin's Angels, I heard it the day after I found out my news and it got the boohoo's going which is what I needed at the time.

    *hugs* xxx

    PS As for the book, I didn't take it, nor did I take the photo of the dead feotus they offered me :eek:


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