I am the vaginal knitter . . .

gizmo555 · 17-12-2013 11:04am #1

In general, I like the Guardian newspaper and read articles from it online pretty much daily.

For a long time now, though I have been both impressed and amazed at the sheer fatuousness and self-importance on display in the headlines to many of the opinion pieces. You sometimes wonder if the subeditors who write the headlines are themselves having a dig at the contributors.

Anyway, I'd like to start a thread devoted to the best examples of this genre, and would welcome contributions from other Guardian readers - genuine headlines only please!

I'll kick off with this masterpiece from today's paper (17/12/13):

I am the vaginal knitter - and I want to defend my work

Over to you!

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 17-12-2013 11:09am

Casey Jenkins is a performance artist, craftivist and rabble-rouser. She co-founded and runs radical craft group Craft Cartel, which aims to subvert and honour art techniques often disparaged as 'women's work', has produced female-only biff-fest Femme Fight Club in Melbourne, Bristol and Berlin, co-hosts and produces a queer-feminist podcast, ***** In Space, and founded the Aussie branch of French satirical bearded feminist group La Barbe. She is an active street artist, most notably with her **** Fling-Up work (crafted female genitalia attached to shoes and flung over power-lines in the manner gangs fling shoes) with which she has adorned the streets of London, New York, Berlin, and Paris, from the Eiffel Tower to Vatican City's Basilica. She recently launched a travelling craftivist workshop project, femiNEST, which will tour around the country hosting hands-on events where feminists can meet, skill-share and multiply. Her website is here

uh....huh

keith16 · 17-12-2013 11:09am

Fatuousness: Is it a real word?

Can bees think?

kneemos · 17-12-2013 11:11am

keith16 wrote: »

Fatuousness: Is it a real word?

Can bees think?

If they think they can.

anncoates · 17-12-2013 11:12am

It's a little post-modern joke on the part of the editors: they run a satirical opinion piece and a real opinion 'piece' on alternating days but they're actually indistinguishable to the casual browser.

kneemos · 17-12-2013 11:17am

anncoates wrote: »

It's a little post-modern joke on the part of the editors: they run a satirical opinion piece and a real opinion 'piece' on alternating days but they're actually indistinguishable to the casual browser.

Oh the fun.

Hande hoche! · 17-12-2013 11:19am

I'm going to help myself to a glass of cava and describe how it's still better than the Daily Mail.

17-12-2013 11:31am

If she really could knit with her vagina I'd be extremely impressed.

I'm so disappointed she's just a nut.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 17-12-2013 11:31am

they should totally form a supergroup

--edit

I should say, video is NSFW in parts

SEPT 23 1989 · 17-12-2013 11:42am

another World War would thin out this type of nonsence

ruthloss · 17-12-2013 11:44am

Ah, the Guardian, the bastion of something or another.

Actually I only buy it for the Cryptic Crossword.

BMJD · 17-12-2013 11:45am

I buy it just to look normal in Starbucks.

EuropeanSon · 17-12-2013 11:50am

For a real-life Hunger Games, look no further than your local bank
The dystopian fantasy starring Jennifer Lawrence is a lot like real life – if you're a high-street bank employee

http://www.theguardian.com/business/2013/dec/16/high-street-banking-hunger-games-jennifer-lawrence

This type of exaggerated crap makes me feel ill.

jimgoose · 17-12-2013 12:33pm

EuropeanSon wrote: »

For a real-life Hunger Games, look no further than your local bank
The dystopian fantasy starring Jennifer Lawrence is a lot like real life – if you're a high-street bank employee

http://www.theguardian.com/business/2013/dec/16/high-street-banking-hunger-games-jennifer-lawrence

This type of exaggerated crap makes me feel ill.

I did notice something odd the last time I visited my local bank branch and was directed to a back-office lined with steel mesh, to see a very large gentleman with a leather mask and a chainsaw in each hand. I ran out to my V8 Interceptor and scarpered - furk that!! :pac:

jimgoose · 17-12-2013 12:36pm

gizmo555 wrote: »

In general, I like the Guardian newspaper and read articles from it online pretty much daily.

For a long time now, though I have been both impressed and amazed at the sheer fatuousness and self-importance on display in the headlines to many of the opinion pieces. You sometimes wonder if the subeditors who write the headlines are themselves having a dig at the contributors.

Anyway, I'd like to start a thread devoted to the best examples of this genre, and would welcome contributions from other Guardian readers - genuine headlines only please!

I'll kick off with this masterpiece from today's paper (17/12/13):

I am the vaginal knitter - and I want to defend my work

Over to you!

That's one Cupid Stunt...

Hande hoche! · 17-12-2013 12:37pm

jimgoose wrote: »

I did notice something odd the last time I visited my local bank branch and was directed to a back-office lined with steel mesh, to see a very large gentleman with a leather mask and a chainsaw in each hand. I ran out to my V8 Interceptor and scarpered - furk that!! :pac:

Say what you will but Lord Humongous is an effective branch manager.

gizmo555 · 17-12-2013 6:45pm

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar wrote: »

they should totally form a supergroup

--edit

I should say, video is NSFW in parts

I've never seen anyone make such heavy weather of operating a tin opener - maybe she should go for a ring-pull can for future "performances" . . .

kneemos · 17-12-2013 6:49pm

gizmo555 wrote: »

I've never seen anyone make such heavy weather of operating a tin opener - maybe she should go for a ring-pull can for future "performances" . . .

What was in the can?

catallus · 17-12-2013 6:54pm

The antics of modern so-called-journalists would have Lord Beaverbrook spinning in his grave.

For supposedly independent minded people who have gone through the training and discipline to become a journalist it must be irksome, to say the least, to see such muck being printed day-in day-out in a transparently facetious manner in the name of grabbing the eye of any reader at all so as to claim bragging rights about how many clicks or re-tweets their website got, while the important mandate of the press is left to beg pardon of pictures of the latest sleb.

PhlegmyMoses · 17-12-2013 7:08pm

catallus wrote: »

The antics of modern so-called-journalists would have Lord Beaverbrook spinning in his grave.

For supposedly independent minded people who have gone through the training and discipline to become a journalist it must be irksome, to say the least, to see such muck being printed day-in day-out in a transparently facetious manner in the name of grabbing the eye of any reader at all so as to claim bragging rights about how many clicks or re-tweets their website got, while the important mandate of the press is left to beg pardon of pictures of the latest sleb.

Er, have a read of Lord Beaverbrook's modus operandi. He arguably started this all. This is his legacy. Weird that you'd reference him as some kind of ideal relative to what's going on.

J_E · 17-12-2013 7:10pm

kneemos wrote: »

What was in the can?

Some sort of muck. The beans themselves - well, you can see where they came out of...

kneemos · 17-12-2013 7:15pm

Cydoniac wrote: »

Some sort of muck. The beans themselves - well, you can see where they came out of...

Where do you buy cans of muck and why would they put it in a can?

cml387 · 17-12-2013 7:51pm

I saw this today OP. I'm a regular Grauniad reader and it's an excellent newspaper (although I miss Charlie Brooker).

But that does article sum up why the paper is lampooned by some as a home journal for the sandal-wearing-lesbian-differently-abled-single-parent-ethnic-origined.

Nodin · 17-12-2013 7:54pm

...performance art...it's never going to end well, is it.

Muise... · 17-12-2013 8:49pm

I think they've been bleeding money since putting everything online, so rather than paying writers, or just people who can type, they use the pomo generator.

that's P-O-M-O, not 'porno'

.

RDM_83 again · 17-12-2013 9:17pm

Muise... wrote: »

I think they've been bleeding money since putting everything online, so rather than paying writers, or just people who can type, they use the pomo generator.
that's P-O-M-O, not 'porno'
.

Yeah the Guardian is supported by the Guardian group which makes its profits on things like Autotrader.

I like the Guardian and it actually reports real stories occasionally but god damn its irritating, everything is really London focused for a paper that used to be the Manchester Guardian, every article on technology has to pimp apple and for a serious news paper they have an annoying habit of doing one of articles on events that are neglected by other media but only running one story on them even though they are on going events.

In terms of the Website and the Comment is Free part of it which is where most of this PC craziness is I am not sure if its a viable long term strategy, the articles get pretty boring after a while and the comment section is a mess, the users are wise the slant that wants to be taken and how the system is both click bait and an echo chamber at the same time, a good example of this is the Staff Picks Comment for the article linked to, the immediate reply below it was
"Yep, a comment with Guardian Pick written all over it, to be sure."
and they were right (and they had way more recommendations than the staff pick).

GrumPy · 17-12-2013 9:17pm

keith16 wrote: »

Fatuousness: Is it a real word?

It's a perfectly cromulent word.

wil · 17-12-2013 9:23pm

I thought this was going to be about the demise of

hollywood, the brazilian and the undersmilie and a return of the merkin and hirsute

Muise... · 17-12-2013 9:34pm

wil wrote: »

I thought this was going to be about the demise of hollywood, the brazilian and the undersmilie and a return of the merkin and hirsute

I thought she might have spun some silk instead of scouring herself with wool. :eek:

sinead88 · 17-12-2013 10:53pm

I actually really like the Guardian, and read it most days, but I know what you mean. Has anyone else seen the Guardian comment generator? Very funny! http://www.tomforth.co.uk/guardiancomments/

kowloon · 17-12-2013 11:11pm

kneemos wrote: »

What was in the can?

Everything... and nothing.

Foxhound38 · 17-12-2013 11:39pm

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar wrote: »

they should totally form a supergroup

--edit

I should say, video is NSFW in parts

After reading the OP I was immediately going to go look for that to post up!

Re the OP: what a self-indulgent person. If the lady wants to jam a ball of wool up her vadg that's not my cupán tae but to each their own - just don't write an article about how great you are as a result of it. I'm sure "vaginal knitting" isn't a particularly difficult or heroic thing to do (for a woman possessing the required ladybits who knows how to knit like), it's just a really odd and gross thing to do...

If this starts a trend of equally annoying hipster lads shoving balls of wool up their arses to knit stuff with and subsequently writing self-congratulatory articles in the Guardian about it, I'll be taking my readership elsewhere!

awec · 17-12-2013 11:46pm

kneemos wrote: »

What was in the can?

Out of date spaghetti hoops I read somewhere.

Foxhound38 · 18-12-2013 12:03am

sinead88 wrote: »

I actually really like the Guardian, and read it most days, but I know what you mean. Has anyone else seen the Guardian comment generator? Very funny! http://www.tomforth.co.uk/guardiancomments/

That's class!

Lovely Bloke · 18-12-2013 12:26am

Their football coverage is second to none

Ace Attorney · 18-12-2013 12:34am

gizmo555 wrote: »

In general, I like the Guardian newspaper and read articles from it online pretty much daily.

For a long time now, though I have been both impressed and amazed at the sheer fatuousness and self-importance on display in the headlines to many of the opinion pieces. You sometimes wonder if the subeditors who write the headlines are themselves having a dig at the contributors.

Anyway, I'd like to start a thread devoted to the best examples of this genre, and would welcome contributions from other Guardian readers - genuine headlines only please!

I'll kick off with this masterpiece from today's paper (17/12/13):

I am the vaginal knitter - and I want to defend my work

Over to you!

aw here, i nearly barfed when they showed the period scarf

ivytwine · 18-12-2013 12:33pm

Foxhound38 wrote: »

After reading the OP I was immediately going to go look for that to post up!

Re the OP: what a self-indulgent person. If the lady wants to jam a ball of wool up her vadg that's not my cupán tae but to each their own - just don't write an article about how great you are as a result of it. I'm sure "vaginal knitting" isn't a particularly difficult or heroic thing to do (for a woman possessing the required ladybits who knows how to knit like), it's just a really odd and gross thing to do...

If this starts a trend of equally annoying hipster lads shoving balls of wool up their arses to knit stuff with and subsequently writing self-congratulatory articles in the Guardian about it, I'll be taking my readership elsewhere!

I just keep thinking about the risk of infection, and how scratchy the wool is... No. Just no.

*Puke*

ABC101 · 18-12-2013 12:55pm

So Casey Jenkins is an Airplane Blonde!!!

Who would have thought!!!

DMR1861 · 18-12-2013 9:46pm

What in the name of Jesus was that about? She's a 'craftavist'? So she shoves wool up her nasty vag, takes it out and knits it? Why? Why is the Guardian giving her publicity?

The worst thing is she's probably getting funding from some art council somewhere, while people with talent toil in obscurity.

Damn, I should smear shit all over myself and stand in an art gallery. I could call it 'guerrilla art' and say it's an act of aggression against the patriarchy. Probably make a fortune.

http://www.lolhome.com/img_big/art-then-and-now.jpg

ivytwine · 18-12-2013 9:53pm

DMR1861 wrote: »

What in the name of Jesus was that about? She's a 'craftavist'? So she shoves wool up her nasty vag, takes it out and knits it? Why? Why is the Guardian giving her publicity?

The worst thing is she's probably getting funding from some art council somewhere, while people with talent toil in obscurity.

Damn, I should smear shit all over myself and stand in an art gallery. I could call it 'guerrilla art' and say it's an act of aggression against the patriarchy. Probably make a fortune.

http://www.lolhome.com/img_big/art-then-and-now.jpg

I actually think someone has already done this. Smear **** and call it art I mean.

ash23 · 18-12-2013 10:44pm

I'm going to hang used tampons on a Christmas tree and say it represents the unrealistic expectations placed on women at Christmas to create the perfect holiday.

I shall make millions

Muise... · 18-12-2013 10:47pm

Appropriately, ash23, The Red Flag is sung to the tune of O Tannenbaum.

gizmo555 · 02-01-2014 3:21pm

It's been a couple of weeks and there hasn't been anything quite up to the standard of Casey Jenkins - I fear there may never be!

In the meantime, from the Department of Mindbogglingly Trivial Space Filler, Stuart Heritage (Is that his real name? Does he actually get paid to do this?) "liveblogs" a Channel 4 broadcast of a crap 1980 scifi film:

Flash Gordon: watch along with us from 11:35 GMT

I am the vaginal knitter . . .

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