Is this ok?

LegacyUser · 10-03-2008 1:45am #1

I'm 18 and if been talking to this girl for the past while. Been getting on really well with here and we're going out again next week. Only this time it could be awkward.

She lied to me about her age, she told me she was 18, when as a matter of fact, she's only been 16 for a month or two! She told me last night that the reason she lied was because she thought i might be against going out with a 16 year old, but now that she knew we had got on so well together she decided to tell me her true age. Not surprisingly it was quite a shock to say the least.

Two questions really. Firstly, am I right not to be too annoyed with her? Like I said we've only known each other a few weeks and im glad she came out and told me now rather than a few months down the line. But theres a small part of me saying that if she can lie about this will she continue to lie to me if it ever happened to become anything serious?

Secondly, do you think its still alright, a 18 yo male and a 16 yo female. The one or two that i've texted weren't entirely happy with the idea and in fairness i'll be 19 for a good while before she turns 17. Ive never gone out with anyone that much younger than me and i really dont know what to think.

Any opinions please?

togster · 10-03-2008 9:51am

if you like her then fcuk it. age is a number

challengemaster · 10-03-2008 9:54am

Just be wary of legal issues, until she's 17, it's considered rape.

Apart from legal issues, if you like her, then I don't see any reason why you can't have a relationship with her..

MarkR · 10-03-2008 9:58am

Depends on how you envision your relationship over the next year or two really. I think the age of consent is 17 in Ireland (maybe I'm jumping the gun here, but has to be said I suppose). Also if you socialise in pubs / clubs etc will you be leaving her at home?

Marksie · 10-03-2008 10:00am

Well it was a bit underhand not to be honest about age. But understandable i guess.

Question is ok seh has told you now...but what does your gut tell you? Would you be prepared to wait a year for things to get seriously sexual between the two of you? if they go that far?

She has come clean as it were and now you are beginning to get to know her, but your are realtively close in age, but what about maturity level?

In the end if you are happy in each others company, can talk and enjoy being with each other, then it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks

Curvy Vixen · 10-03-2008 10:21am

I think that if you're already questioning it then it'll be an issue between you and do you want to go into anything having doubts before it's begun?

16 and 18 isn't that far apart in number terms but as has already been pointed out, there *could* be an issue if the relationship turns sexual and you'll have to put more thought into the alcohol-free dates!

I know that when I was a 16 year old girl, going out with an 18 year old guy was a big thing ~ almost made you feel like you were an adult yourself. But mentally she's still 16....

Redpunto · 10-03-2008 7:02pm

I think you shouldnt be angry at her for lying to you but at that age a year or two can make a huge difference. I assume your out of school and she would only be in 4th/5th year? If shes mature for her age and you like her then ok but at that age you can pretend to be able for stuff when youre not really mature yet, even though you might think you do. Just take it slowly, see how things go.

Overheal · 10-03-2008 9:39pm

You never lied about your age cos you were nervous before? I remember being younger anyway.

Put it down to that and carry on. Youre young yet. Less paranoia son: go out there; take chances; make mistakes and get messy. And enjoy.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 10-03-2008 10:00pm

I'd be disappointing in your position, rather than angry.

Feel free to go out with her (whatever happened to that 2-year idea: as in, if both were over 16 and within 2 years of each other it wasn't considered statutory rape?) but I'd leave the sex out for the time being.

Ickle Magoo · 10-03-2008 10:10pm

Mr.Unreg'd wrote: »

Firstly, am I right not to be too annoyed with her? Like I said we've only known each other a few weeks and im glad she came out and told me now rather than a few months down the line. But theres a small part of me saying that if she can lie about this will she continue to lie to me if it ever happened to become anything serious?

I'd feel duped to be sure but it's not about me, it's about you. You are obviously riled about being lied to & it has made you question her general integrity if she was prepared to lie to land you, as it were - what will she do in the future to get what she wants? I see your point & it would certainly make me a little wary but if I liked the person enough, I'd let things carry on. It may well be just a 16yr old acting 16.

Mr.Unreg'd wrote: »

Secondly, do you think its still alright, a 18 yo male and a 16 yo female. The one or two that i've texted weren't entirely happy with the idea and in fairness i'll be 19 for a good while before she turns 17. Ive never gone out with anyone that much younger than me and i really dont know what to think.

This is about what you want. It's not about what we want or what your pals want. If you like her & want to see how things progress, then do it. There is nothing to say you have to marry the girl, just go on a few dates & I'm pretty sure things will pan out themselves & you will have an answer one way or another depending on how your dates go.

It's an awkward one because on one hand a few yrs isn't a lot when you are in your 20's but it is a big age gap in your teens. Depends on your & her maturity, really.

LegacyUser · 10-03-2008 10:13pm

Thanks for the help guys.

I definitely she's mature enough for her age. Sure she had me thinking she was an 18 year old for a few weeks after all. No alcohol I can live with since I barely have the odd one or two when I go out, and even at that thats only sometimes.

Can't say I know her friends very well, but I understand that it could be a bit awkward, along with going out the odd nights.

And now since my first post i've asked a few more and the general consensus is wait a year or two before I even go out with her again!

Overheal · 10-03-2008 11:14pm

Why

shes still going to be 2 years younger. You're letting sex and alcohol be your driving objective here. Don't. Is it not perfectly acceptable to have a sex-alcohol-free relationship for the 2 years?

matt-dublin · 10-03-2008 11:23pm

i think the age issue might become more prominant in the future, if she's only 16 and your nearly 19, for you sex is going to come into the equation quite quickly. there's both moral and legal implecations too.

i had a girl i was 'dating' lie about her age, i was 25 and she told me she was 24, i found out a couple of weeks later she was 29 and she told me later that week but she didn't know i knew. it annoyed me to the point where i had to end it because i didnt feel comfortable about someone who felt they had to lie about their age to be with me.

LegacyUser · 10-03-2008 11:41pm

Oh god no do I think alcohol and sex are the most important items on the agenda here! Far from it, some of you guys had just mentioned about that in the future and I just explained that neither is a big issue for me. Its not even an issue at all

I think I'll continue on as normal. Been texting her for a good while again tonight and I really have been getting on well with her, so I think I can live with a bit of age difference.

Thanks for everyones help

the_syco · 11-03-2008 12:38am

If she lied about her age... what else did she lie about.

Oh, and dumping her won't be easy. All she has to say is that you f**ked her, and you get done for rape, as she's 16, and you're 18. Get out of there.

Shellie13 · 11-03-2008 3:03am

Well firstly if you like someone age shouldn't usually come into it.

The lie is understandable but personally I'd be fuming at someone who had done that. however she did come clean (was this out of willingness to be honest or was she scared you'd find out elsewhere)

Age of consent for girls and boys in Ireland is 17. So if you have sex technically you could be done for statutory rape (even touching/oral is illegal under this). In reality two teenagers in a relationship are rarely prosecuted but it HAS happend (even against the younger girls wishes and that of her family!) and you would still be breaking the law.

So if you like her and don't mind waiting until she turns 17-go for it- otherwise too dodgy!

RedXIV · 11-03-2008 5:24am

ever hear of the "half your age and add 7 rule"?

if you want to know if it's socially acceptable to go out with someone, you half your age and add 7. if your other half is younger than this, it's wrong.

ie. i'm 21, half my age is 10.5 and add 7, 17.5. round it up (this is my personal touch) so 18 is the youngest i can date.

you're 18, half that is 9, add 7, is 16 so you're set

Krsnik87 · 11-03-2008 1:14pm

My cousin went through the same thing, he was 19 and she was 16, he got as bit of stick from his mates but he ended up marrying her, seems like it was worth it doesn't it?

Is this ok?

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