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  • 10-03-2008 3:25pm
    #1
    ElDiego
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭


    Hello,
    I am a regulary poster byt need to go unreg.
    Basically in a nutshell, I was in a long relatioship 5yrs and it ended..... about 3 months later, I started going out with somebody else, everything going great then all of a sudden (yesterday) its over (only lasted 3 months). Not looking for reasons why it ended. Just how to move on, I now know I went into this relationship too soon and I am totally screwed up now in the head.
    Whats next? how do I move on with my life? I have virtually lost all hope in any decent relationship as I feel if I let down my barriers I will get a swift kick in my nuts. I am now going through life aimlessly without a purpose. Feeling like getting sick and dont care about anything anymore. I have a good job, great frineds trying to pick up my spirits, alot are single same age(30/31) I am avoiding drink for a while, its just the loneliness of it all and the loss of hope. Just feeling what the hell do I have to do.
    any thoughts\advice?


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    #2
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    ElDiego wrote: »
    I now know I went into this relationship too soon and I am totally screwed up now in the head.

    You were on the rebound. The person probably never suited you and you were not in a position to see that yet.
    It's time to stop looking for someone and concentrate on yourself.
    Spend the next 6 months or so just entertaining yourself, time with friends and stop actively looking. Work out what it is you do and don't want.
    Spending this time on yourself will help you get your head straight again.


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    #3
    barbiegirl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,846 ✭✭✭barbiegirl


    Beruthiel wrote: »
    You were on the rebound. The person probably never suited you and you were not in a position to see that yet.
    It's time to stop looking for someone and concentrate on yourself.
    Spend the next 6 months or so just entertaining yourself, time with friends and stop actively looking. Work out what it is you do and don't want.
    Spending this time on yourself will help you get your head straight again.

    +1. Look after yourself and eventually when you're ready the next relationship will happen along. Chin up.


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hiya,

    just want to say that I've been there, very recently too I might add. I had a pretty intense relationship end suddenly at the end of November, and I really don't think Christmas could have been much more depressing. Anyhow, from having other relationships end in the past (a 5 year one, a few months one and so on), the only thing I can say is that you need to grieve a bit for what you've lost, and then bit by bit find yourself and move on. It doesn't make the being-in-the-thick of the depressing bit any easier, but be self-indulgent! Hang out with mates, spoil yourself with new clothes or music or whatever you like, and keep active and out there. It does feel like you're forcing the effort for a bit, but eventually you get into the swing of things.

    I've just gotten back to what feels like myself about a month ago, and I'm having fun and enjoying being single and playing the field a bit. Or at least being open to opportunities!

    Mind yourself!


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    #5
    King of Kings
    Registered Users Posts: 1,695 ✭✭✭King of Kings


    been there and done that for the last 2 years.
    The important thing is to look after yourself and try new things. It' a new beginning rather than an end.
    I wouldn't see the need to lay off the drink (unless it's making you down) - i'd say let loose and have a good time. Go on a holiday , do silly things.

    Don't worry about relationships they'll come and probably go too.


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    #6
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Spend some time grieving for your relationships. It sounds to me like you rushed into a new relationship to fill the void left by the long one. That put any healing on hold until the new relationship ended. Now it has, you have been hit by all the pain & grief you avoided.

    You need to spend some time on your own, get your head sorted & you need to go through the process of grieving & get over the break-up properly. It's small wonder you've had your fill of relationships at the moment. Why not try filling the time you would have spent with a partner learning something new, starting up a sport or joining a club? It will help you to meet new people, stop you brooding & the sense of doing something positive & good fun will help stave off depression.

    You will be ready to start dipping a toe in the relationship pool again, promise.


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    #7
    jdivision
    Registered Users Posts: 4,260 ✭✭✭jdivision


    Are you afraid of being on your own? To be honest sounds like you'd be better off being single for a while and getting to know yourself. I know lots of people who go from one relationship to another, never spending any real time single. Lack of self esteem is usually a major part of it. Many say they're not even sure if they like the person and they could have been going out for months. Bizarre behaviour imo


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    #8
    ElDiego
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭ElDiego


    I am not afraid to be on my own at all., i was slow to go into the relationship in case of being not ready. But she did all the chasing and I said what the hell......live and learn but I ended a bit early.

    Suppose ye are right I put the grieving on hold when I got into this relationship now its snowballed


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