No Friends

LegacyUser · 10-03-2008 7:38pm #1

I guess the title tells it all.

25 years old now and have no friends. People I used to be friends with etc.
have gone their seperate ways and stuff like that. I guess I have gone a seperate way to them
as well. But the old group has dispersed all over the place. Now I find myself alone, sitting in every night
and doing nothing. I have a good job, well paid etc, get on well with all the people at work but socialising there is limited.
This is how its been for the last year or two. I do meet up with some of my old friends now and again but its hard when we all live so far apart.
I'm not a good talker so making friends isnt easy for me. I suppose Im just being a coward and should join a club etc. Its hard to join a club though when yuo dont know anyone there..

alantc · 10-03-2008 8:35pm

You should try joining some clubs.

Shelllz · 10-03-2008 8:40pm

Take the plunge and join a club and get yourself out there! What interests you?

CinammonGirl · 10-03-2008 8:43pm

Hi OP

I agree, I think it would be hard to join a club without knowing anyone there. I would definitely recommend doing some kind of voluntary work. You meet some very sound people and if it is the type of work that suits you (and there is something out there for everyone!), you will get much more out of it than you put in.
It sounds like you get on with people but find it hard to make the first move. Re the work situation, how about suggesting some kind of group night out (film, play or something) or getting together with some people to set up a social committee?
Good luck!

Ickle Magoo · 10-03-2008 9:32pm

It does take some guts to join a new club or class on your own but if the alternative is sitting at home thinking you have no friends then I'd say you have a pretty strong motivation to do it.

The only way to make new friends is to put yourself out there & meet new people, develop friendships. Choose something you enjoy so you're not attending solely for the sake of making friends. Best of luck.

Overheal · 10-03-2008 9:36pm

OP

Ive moved around my fair share of times and anytime you go through it you of course have no friends. But what will always happen is people will come around eventually. Just keep being yourself, doing what feels right, and stop worrying about it. I went through my whole first year of college getting well and truly fit in: it can take time, but it does happen.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 10-03-2008 9:57pm

I'm guessing you are a good talker (well, better) once you get to know people. Like you said - you have friends you don't see very often, so the proof is there that you can make them.

Find out what you enjoy doing and share it with other people. With an evening course or club you will gradually get to know people and more at ease in their company - no-one's expecting you to fit and be Mr/Ms charisma from day one. Take it at your own pace.

CH5 · 10-03-2008 10:47pm

i feel the same , grew up with good friends but seem to of drifted, its hard but thinking of new hobbys and that only way to meet new people

dirtydress · 10-03-2008 11:08pm

OP, I was in a similar situation - my boyfriend and I broke up after a long relationship and our friends pretty much went with him because most of them were old school friends of his as I was new to dublin so didnt have my own base here. I pretty much had to start from scratch.

I know everyone is saying to join a club but Im not sure thats necessarily the best way, I knew that i had no real group of friends but a few friends that are not connected and after weeks of working hard on building relationships with people who I was only casually friends with before I have a much better relationships with them and things are much better. The best advice I can give you is to just work hard at your existing relationships...no matter how small and you could be surprised and what good friends you could have. Its hard, and there were quite a few moments of sadness for me but definitely keep trying. Good luck, things will turn around for you eventually.

jdivision · 10-03-2008 11:18pm

dirtydress wrote: »

I know everyone is saying to join a club but Im not sure thats necessarily the best way,.

If you're male it probably is to be honest. Guys on sports teams tend to spend a lot of time together be it training, having a few pints etc.

geminilady · 10-03-2008 11:22pm

Most things are scary at first....but it will be worth it, if u join a club! i met loads of new and lovely people when i started uni..but it will still take time even if u join so you might till be in the same predicament but it will help in time.
Dont be hard on yourself, i bet u there is alot more people at work for example or some of your other friends who feel the exact same way.
Try building up on your self esteem, as you said you're quite shy. Hope it works out! and im nearly sure ya'll not feel like this in a few months time! take risks enjoy meeting new friends and be urself ! : )

RedXIV · 11-03-2008 5:55am

man, where are ya?

surely someone on boards is near enough to ya to take ya out for a pint with a few people or introduce you to a club? i'm in carlow but can send ya towards people in dublin and wexford if you're there?

RedXIV · 11-03-2008 5:57am

man, where are ya?

surely someone on boards is near enough to ya to take ya out for a pint with a few people or introduce you to a club? i'm in carlow but can send ya towards people in dublin and wexford if you're there?

fasty · 11-03-2008 11:13am

This happens a lot. I'm 28 and most of my older friends have paired off, moved away or I've just lost contact with them. It's depressing as hell but you can either make an effort to keep in touch with old mates, make new ones, or both.

Lux23 · 11-03-2008 11:53am

Do you live at home with your parents OP? I used to have the same problem in my very early 20s. After school and college I lost contact with everyone and I only had a handful of friends who weren't really 'good' friends. So i decided after getting a job in town that I would find a houseshare closer to work. That is nearly three years ago and I haven't looked back, i made four very good friends from living in that house alone aswell as all the acquantainces you make along the way. I have made friends from a couple of other places now and I now have a fairly hectic social life and no longer have any problems with shyness. None of this would have happened if I hadn't moved away from my folks and my old life.

No Friends

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